Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Do you want me to put the food out on the tub?

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear that the King is taking the wait and see approach to this PJ business. Not because I think it will work, but because the holidays are already so very busy that it is nice not to have to worry about hobbit-lord kidnapping and the like.

I knew that you would be away during the holidays and sent Leggs to the white city to keep an eye on Eowyn. He has always felt that her motivations for marrying the Steward were a bit suss. He has reported that she did try some flirting with the king, he was too wassailing to take notice.

I spent some time with my own family this past week. We had a nice gathering at my parent's house which included dinner and many pressies. It also included a interesting moment for Leggs. He was having difficulty dealing with so many children gathered in one place when my father called out to my mother saying "Do you want me to put the food out on the tub?" Leggs' eyes widened, then he squinted, shook his head in dismay and then he was gone. In the long run, it was probably for the best that he left before we brought out the Christmas wheelchair. He did not return to my parent's house that night and the next day would only say that the settlement had many things needing his attention, so would I mind attending my remaining "jesusmas" festivities alone. Well, at least he tried...

Your affectionate friend,

Logan and the Christmas Wheelchair

Sunday, December 24, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

Well. That certainly explains a great deal. I think we need to cut off Leggs's "Law and Order:Criminal Intent" viewing. I KNOW elves are cunning and all, but this is starting to get a teensy bit scary!

The king is still playing te wait and see game with the studios, but he is confident all will work out for the best in the end. I reminded him that sitting around waiting to see what happened may not have been the best course of action while dealing with the Necromancer, but he just sighed at me and went back to reading. That's the trouble with people with a a "Destiny"...they think it will always work out for the best. But sometimes the best for Middle Earth is NOT what one would desire for himself (or for PJ). Just ask Frodo! In any case, we are in a holding pattern until further notice.

All is going well for our Yule preparations. We begin our Twelve Nights on the solstice, rather than on Christmas (Our world being much less allegorical than say NARNIA!) And it helps to incorporate The Rohirrim tradtions as well. We've put Eowyn in charge of the Yule Log and so far she's doing a bang-up job. Since I'm spending tonight and tomorrow with my brothers and won't be available for drinking and singing in the Great Hall of the White City, I wanted to make sure the Steward's Wife had something to keep her busy. Sometimes, if I'm gone for too long, she starts putting the moves on the king again! Honestly! After all these years you'd think she'd get the point.

Well, I need to run and bake bread for dinner at my brothers and get a fesh batch of wassail in the pot for Aragorn's shindig. Hope all is well with you and the Sons. Enjoy your holiday!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, December 15, 2006

The Return of....

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have had a very productive few weeks since I last wrote and I think I have everything figured out. In between Christmas shopping and taking care of the sons, I have spent as much time in the settlement as possible playing detective. I would set up my loom, for making replacement trim and listen to all the conversations around me. Once I had a good idea what had happened I confronted Leggs to get confirmation and to have him fill in the details. Once he saw that I had figured everything out, he was quite forthcoming.

So what ha-happened was this. A small group of elders got together and concocted this plan. I like to call them the elder-elders (along the line of Mrs. Mrs. Cooper, but I digress). In short, their plan was to kidnap the short of the Ians and make the switch with Bilbo. They sent word to Bilbo and set the plan in motion. Leggs decided that there shouldn’t be an obvious settlement hand in this, so he contacted someone from reality to do the deed. It is the Return of the King, no that not it, the Return of the Jedi? Nope. The Return of Billindalt! Remember him? Apparently, the E-E (not to be confused with the EE or the ESSF) felt that he was perfect for the job. 1. He is now 17 and has a car. 2. He is still very interested in securing a place for himself in the settlement. And 3. He is young enough that he can be manipulated and if caught might escape adult punishment from the legal establishment.

Leggs struck a deal with our boy Billy. If he were to kidnap Sir Ian and hold him until the switch could be made with Bilbo, he could accompany Sir Ian to the settlement. Once there he would be given the position of Younger Elder. In this position he would replace the first Elder to die on the counsel. (Obviously, Billy boy doesn’t know much about the life span of an elf.) He accepted and put his own plan into action.

His plan was simple and as most simple plans it worked. Mostly. He managed to sneak onto his property and into his home. Apparently his home is not overly guarded. He got in quietly while Ian was sleeping and just rolled him up in a carpet, just like a three stooge’s movie and hauled him back to his mother’s house. This is where things went wrong for Billindalt. His mother is a fastidious woman who would tidy his room each day while he was at school. So on the Monday following the kidnapping she discovered a tiny British man in his closet.

Sir Ian, in spite of his ordeal, was an understanding man. He explained that he had actually been expecting something of this sort to happen to himself or another member of the cast. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. In return for his promise not press charges against her son, Mrs. Dalton released the hobbit like man. And so far he has kept his promise.

As for Billindalt, Leggs has explained that the deal that they had was only good on completion of the task and that Billy is still not welcome in the settlement. Little does he know that even if he had not failed, the plan was doomed to fail. Leggs received word from Bilbo, refusing his request to take part in this scheme. He said that the tale of this tale must be told in it’s own way….

So, there you have it. The E-E’s failed plan. They now think that perhaps this should be handled through official channels and await word from the King. Ahhh, elves.

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I'm Still Alive

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am FINALLY catching up on all of my correspondance and realize I have been quite tardy in replying to you latest letter.

Let's see...what's been going on...

Aragorn is becoming quite concerned Legg's response to the Hobbit situation. Now the king is trying to concoct a counterplot to whatever plot Legg's and Co. may or may not have contrived to resolve the issue. If we're lucky, they'll just brood at each other and leave the rest of us out of it!

I was so happy to see Mithtrandir when he finally arrived. Fortunately, he still has Faramir's ear, together the counseled patience to the king. This seems to be where we stand now. Aragorn has assured the varous delegations that he would personally speak with PJ and send delegations to New Line and MGM. I worry that there isn't whimsy or imagination left in Hollywood, and that the film execs will be unable to see our invisible ambassadors, but at least the Dwarves seem satisfied that the Crown is taking steps to defend their interests (and profit shares) in any upcoming film. And I am pleased to say that the Dwarven delegates (all those who weren't passed out drunk with Gimli, anyway)have returned to their various caves and mountains to await word. Thranduil is still a bit of an issue and is threatening to take some sort of legal action, but I don't think the claims of an Elven king have much of chance in a court of Men. And now we wait and see what happens.

In real-world news, my week of hell has ended and work is eerily quiet. I plan to take off next week. Will you and the Sons be able to join us over the holidays? Faramir is trying to get the king's appointment calendar arranged and keeps bugging me about our plans. Tom and Bill will be around the week after Christmas, so maybe we can coordinate visits.

I put my tree up over the weekend and got ornaments up last night. We'll see how many are still on the tree when I get home. I caught Leo with a stuffed Santa in his mouth when I got up this morning. I'm going to babysit Buford this weekend while Kathryn and Andrew are out of town. I think we'll have fun. I don't have "Fight Club on DVD, so I hope he's ok with watching "A Christmas Carol" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" after our naps on the couch.

Well, I have to dash. I still have a pile of Yule cards to get out to the Shire and Rohan. Hope all is well with you!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, December 01, 2006

Uh-Oh is right!

My Dearest Corwynne,

It seems that since my little "vacation" from the settlement, the elves have gotten out of the habbit of keeping me informed of their plans. When I recieved you latest letter I contacted Leggs immediately to let him know that their plan had been stolen. All he did was smirk and say "No, it hasn't." And then he popped away. I am afraid it might have been them.

Since many websites don't allow access to certain pages forever, I decided to copy the evidence and forward it on to you. I figure we might need it to mount some sort of defense if they are caught. Thank goodness no one reads our letters, or else the secret might get out.

Your affectionate friend,


My Dearest Kendrah,

Apparently someone was thinking along the same lines as Leggs and Company!


Perhaps they should consider a rescue mission instead! Poor old Bilbo!

In any case, I have to meet a Hobbit delegation in a few minutes. Who would have guessed that Merry would be the ringleader of the Hobbit protests. OK, I suppose book Merry is a more likely ringleader than movie Merry. Drat! Once again I was seduced by the carefree, not-so-bright Movie Merry and underestimated the formidable Brandybuck line!

I'm starting to think Movie Merry was a deliberate plot initiated by old Saradoc (and possibly PJ) to lure us into thinking Merry was a simple provincial dolt. He's cute, funny, mostly harmless and then BAM! Book Merry makes an appearance, cunning plans are revealed and Gondor is caught with its pants down!

At least Pippin is still under contract with the Tower Guard so we have a Took in our corner!

Ugh...Faramir is knocking on door, apparently the Halflings have arrived. Wish me luck. More later...

Your Affectionate Friend,

Monday, November 27, 2006

Chenille Musings

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear that you enjoyed your holiday, even with the controversy over the Hobbit. Leggs has organized a committee to try and work out solutions to the problem. Sadly, as always, the "solutions" being discussed are not quite what we are looking for. The current favorite is that we send the stealthiest warriors to Hollywood to kidnap the stars of the film and replace them with the "real" elf, hobbit, dwarf, or what have you. When they have successfully taken over their lives they will simply refuse to participate in the film until PJ is back in the fold. The other scenario is just kidnapping and ransom them for PJ. I have tried to explain that this would be a terrorist action and that the people they would be dealing with would frown on that, but they are busy naming the operation and trying to get me to get them walky talkys.

In other news, my holiday was uneventful. I spent it at a friends house. I ate well and did not have to do any of the cleaning. Now that is what I call a holiday.

Yesterday, my mother stopped by. We were in the yard discussing the pros and cons of chenille socks. Pro: soft and comfy. Con: obscenely slippery. Right after this conversation I saw a squirrel fall out of the neighbors really tall tree. Leggs saw it fall too, and his response was to simply say that the squirrel must have been wearing chenille socks. This image, burned into my brain, had me laughing for hours.

Your affectionate friend,

Friday, November 24, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

I hope your Thanksgiving was pleasant and relatively stress free. I'm reporting in from Raleigh NC. where the beer count has come in at about 5.33 bottles of beer per day per person, not counting five litres of some German beer that came in a big can and a bottle of wine. My brothers caught occasional glimpses of Aragorn, but he was in and out a lot the past few days. Apparently the PJ-Hobbit-New Line news is causing quite an uproar in Middle Earth and when there's trouble in ME, there's trouble in the White City.

I'm not sure how much Leggs has told you (or for that matter how much he knows) but apparently PJ and New Line are not seeing eye to eye and it looks like the studio now plans to make the Hobbit without PJ. I don't want to go into details, but pop on over to theonering.net and read the letter from PJ and Fran as well as some of the fan reaction. Needless to say there is a great deal of concern. Representatives from the Middle Earth Travel and Tourism board are camped out in our Great Hall demanding that the king "take steps." Apparently there is some concern that a new director may not accurately represent the culture and peoples of the various kingdoms (Borat syndrome!).

Someone must have slipped Thranduil a bootleg copy of the old Rankin and Bass cartoon and he is far from pleased. Riders from Mirkwood are arriving almost hourly. Let's hope he doesn't plan to make the trip himself! And Durin's Folk! There are dwarves everywhere trying to get a royal audience! So far Faramir's been able to keep them in line, but you know how stubborn dwarves can be. I've asked Gimli to come over to try to keep the situation under control. I've no doubt that representatives of the Shire will be arriving any day now. (Note to self--air out the Hobbit-sized beds!)

Honestly, I don't think there is much we can do from Middle Earth to influence PJ or the studio. Aragorn is putting together a committee to study the issue, but we don't have enough information yet to know what "steps" to take. For the moment the Crown is urging patience. I wish Gandalf would pop in. I'd love to get his reaction, since this affects him directly. Perhaps we'll have news of him soon.

Well, I should finish my last beer and get to bed. It's been stressful dealing with the holiday and "The Hobbit" issue. I will contact you and representatives from the settlement as soon as I have more information.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Settling for a Mess

My Dearest Corwynne,
I find my self looking back fondly on my self imposed exile from the settlement. Since my return I have spent my time cleaning up bits of the trim of nightmares and trying to come up with a pattern for the new trim. This use of my time has Leggs in a lather again. He thought that we would just go on picnics or something. I suppose this would have been possible if he had made sure that the settlement stayed tidy in my absence. Considering how fastidious they all are about there personal appearances you would think that they might have picked up after themselves every once in a while, but alas they did not.
Leggs is also upset that I spend time with other people in the real world. I guess that he didn't notice when I was visiting the settlement, but when I was not there he began to ask what I was doing with my time. He found out that I went to Maryland for a wedding and that there were men there, and he was not amused. His jealous streak is really starting to wear me out. I have had to agree to spending most of Thanksgiving in the settlement to get him to stop annoying me. I would hate to have to return to the time of the hearth, but he might just push me there.
In other news, a friend of mine has a friend who writes LOTR fanfic.(Imagine spending all that time writing about things that aren't real.) Anyway, she has some great icons and this is one that I knew you and the king would enjoy.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Trim Terror

My Dearest Kendrah,

I admit that the memory of the Orc-woven trim has haunted me this past week. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined it! (and I have have some pretty odd dreams!) It was bit like "The Emperor's New Clothes". We could all see the horror, but none of us could say it out loud! Including the models! Even the King managed to hold his tongue while we were there. I noticed he drank an awful lot of black lager when we got back to the Samhain party though. Alas, drowning the memory in beer worked better for him than it did for me.

I've spent all weekend here trying to clean my house. What started out as a simple "redding up" turned into a cleaning frenzy that is still not complete... one of those nightmare projects where I suddenly started rearranging rooms, spending hours filing paperwork and dusting my little guys. (By the way, I moved them into a cabinet with glass doors so they won't get so dusty in the future. They seem pleased with the arrangement.) I hauled FOUR BAGS of trash out of the basement! Once again the king made himself scarce when it came time to move furniture! But he brought me a chicken to cook up for dinner tonight (already plucked even!), so it's not all bad. I just have to get the place into some kind of order before Friday when my brother gets here.

We're going to North Carolina again for Thanksgiving. I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off so we can leave next Saturday and spend the week. It should be fun. Aragorn is planning to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I wonder how much beer my brothers will have to drink before they can see him. They always look askance when I set an "extra" place at the table.

Well, I should go get the chicken out of the oven. I hope all is well with you. Keep me updated on the trim progress!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Samhain/Fashion Show Extravaganza

My Dearest Corwynne,
It was so wonderful to see you and the King at the party. The beer, the gifts, and the company was all lovely. I absolutely adore my new pot holders and napkins. The kids love them too.
I'm glad that we didn't miss much when we left for the disastrous fashion show. I can't believe that they thought using orc designed trim was a good idea. The work that the orcs put into it was amazing and quite accurate, but I don't think epic bloody battle scenes is a good theme for an outfit, or twenty outfits. And I am certain that the fabric blood droplets that were left on the runway were just wrong.
In short I think I will have to give in and do some sewing work in the settlement. I will have to break out the loom and make some replacement trim. I think the elves will be disappointed that the only patterns I know how to do are Viking in nature, but really it can't be worse. I don't know if I will be able to do anything about the awful colors that they chose to dye the silks. Road construction orange on pasty elves....Not pleasing to the eye. And the idea of 40 elves milling around the settlement in those colors is the making of nightmares.
Leggs will be pleased when I tell him that I will be spending the more time in the settlement. He is concerned about all the time I have been spending elsewhere with other people. He has even been hinting about the whole dwelling thing again. That way he would be more comfortable with my time elsewhere. I think the next few months will be trying....Sewing and the dwell with me chant. What joy.

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Halloween Festivities

My Dearest Kendrah,

Congratulations on your newest discovery concerning the complexities of reality jumping. As I think back, I tend to pop directly to the White City and move out from there. When questioned, Aragorn admits he ususally jumps to my place then wanders off on his real world adventures. It appears neither of us have tried to jump to another location, or wondered if it were possible. Your experience makes us rethink once again the nature of fantasy. The king thinks we should create some some of controlled experiment to see exactly how this works. I've asked him to wait until January, as the Gondorian Academy plans to open up aditional funding after Yule. I'm afraid this fundng is being secretly provided by the military as a way to track possible entry points of enemy combatants. Rumours of the havoc the White Witch is wreaking in Narnia surface every year around Christmas and those pesky pirates from Neverland are always a threat...though the according to the latest treaty, they're Umbar's poblem now, not Gondor's...

Anyway, the king and I have been quite occupied the past few weeks with Halloween fun. Two weeks ago, we spent the weekend with the Druids honoring our Ancestors. He enjoyed the pot luck where we all brough are traditional family food to share. He roasted a haunch of venison for the occasion. Last weekend, we went to Deana and Eric's Halloween party. Aragorn had a blast! He dressed as Saruman and I must say his costume looked great! I went as a faculty member from Hogwarts (Special Guest Lecturer-Muggle Studies) After numerous drinks, many of the guests were actually able to see him! (But since we were together, quite a few of them mistook him for Dumbledore!) All in all, it was a lovely time. On Sunday we went to Sarina's where I won second place in a pumpkin carving contest. I opted to go with something non-traditional - dragons. Unfortunately, Aragorn left early to watch the Steeler game, so he missed the carving part. I brought him some roasted pumpkin seeds and he seemed content.

We are really looking forward to this weekend-Samhain and and the fashion show. He's hoping to drink a lot of beer with Amron and Michael. And he's relieved that he can just wear his regular clothes and not have to get all gussied up in a costume. I did ask that he wear something nice...something casual from his Court collection rather than the smelly old Ranger gear...since we had to put in an appearance at the fashion show. He might even wear a crown, jut to look official!

Well, I must be off. Lots of things to get done today! We'll see you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Reality Bites!

My Dearest Corwynne,
I haven't written in a while, because I have very little to say. As I said in my last letter, I have decided to stay clear of the settlement until the sewing is over. This has left me with very little to focus my thoughts on...or at least very little that is fun.
I thought I would take you advise and visit Minas Tirith, but sadly that didn't quite work out. I had never tried to jump directly to the White City before. In the past I always started in the settlement and took a more conventional method of transport from there. It turns out that I can't just jump anywhere else, or things aren't right. It was a lot like a Salvador Dali painting. So I jumped back. Luckily, that didn't seem to be a problem.
So it looks like I am stuck in reality until November. It is my bed. I made it. I will lie in it. Sigh

Your affectionate friend,

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Catching up

My Dearest Kendrah,

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written! Apparently time flies just as quickly when you’re NOT having fun! Our first show closed last Saturday, and just as I thought things would settle down a bit at work, tragedy struck in the form of a particular insidious virus that forces my work computer to provide me with pop-ups every five minutes or so. We’ve been trying to solve this issue for three days now. I am happy to say we are getting close, but, alas, we may need to resort to a total mind sweep to alleviate the problem. At least we should be able to rescue all my files. I don’t understand it! I practice safe computing! I don’t click when it says “Click here to win a free IPod”! I report spoof email to eBay! I don’t download the file that claims it will save my marriage and career by erasing the all the adult sites I visit! It’s not fair!!! Granted it could be worse. My favorite uncle (Joe, not Dick) never left me a magic ring that sent me on a quest to save the World That Is while he sat smoking pipeweed in Dwarf-town, but all the same, it’s quite frustrating!

Almost as frustrating as Rick Santorum and his Mordor quote. My mailbox has been flooded for days with folks filling me in. Today I even got an email from RS’s opponent, Bob Casey. I suspect it wasn’t from Bob personally, but it was still pretty amusing. As my brother says, we should rejoice at any mention of LotR in the media. He’s probably right. And I truly enjoyed Stephen Colbert’s attempt to explain the situation using his little guys. Check it out on YouTube if you get a chance.

Speaking of Aragorn, today is Viggo’s birth and Aragorn decided we should pop in for a surprise visit. Viggo took it all in stride. We sat around for a bit, drank some beer and he and Aragorn exchanged war stories. It was fairly entertaining, a peaceful laid-back couple of hours with old friends. They promised each other they would each take some time to get back to writing poetry, sang a few songs in Sindarin, and Aragorn and I went on our way. He even helped me carry in my groceries! (Aragorn, that is). He offered to help me make cheese cake and chop vegetables for the dinner I’m going to on Sunday. I think he can tell I’ve been stressed out recently so he being extra attentive. And I just got X-Men 3 from Netflix and if he sticks around long enough he’ll get a chance to watch it…if Faramir doesn’t have some crisis that requires the royal presence in the White City.

At least you’re exile from the Settlement will be ending in couple of weeks. If you’re bored at home, feel free to pop over to Minis Tirith. You can check out the new Easterling exhibit in the museum. It’s fascinating!

Well, I think I’m off to bed, or to watch X-Men….I’ll see what kind of mood the king is in. Hope all is well and you haven’t flooded out! Take care!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Bored to Tears

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am currently only receiving reports from Leggs about the bustle of activity in the settlement. You see, the other day, the elves realized that I know how to sew and tried to convince me to join them. I high tailed it back to reality in a millisecond.
A few days later they sent Leggs to try and convince me that I would enjoy the social atmosphere that is created when many beings get together and sew. He even tried to compare their sewing group to the belly kitchen. After that I booted him back to the settlement and told him that if he ever dared to besmirch the belly kitchen this way again we would have a problem.
I think he may finally understand that I would rather be flayed slowly while giving birth than put another needle to cloth again.
Of course, now I can't go back to the settlement until the night of the show. This has left me with nothing of interest to do, cleaning and taking care of children have left me quite bored, but it is a small price to pay. And at least the house will be very clean for the foreseeable future.

Your affectionate friend,

Friday, October 06, 2006

Busy, Busy, Busy...

My Dearest Kendrah,

It seems that the Settlement is bustling with activity in the aftermath of the flooding. I'm so pleased we were able to overcome this crisis as it bodes well for our futures in fantasy.

Our first main show of the season opened tonight and it does not seem to be an audience favorite. When you lose a fifth to a quarter of your audience after act one, something must be going wrong. Oh well, at least the lines at box office aren't too long! Last night was quite an adventure, suffice it to say I was overjoyed to find a bottle of wine waiting for me when I got home. I found out at noon that we were adding 11 seats to the theater for a show that previewed that night at 8 pm. It took me until after 8 to figure out how to make the computer accept this turn of events...support was not being very supportive. But I figured it out all by myself! Look how smart I am.

Then, about 4:30, we discovered the center page of the program was stapled backards so we spent the next several hours unstapling, flipping the page and re-stapling. "What did you do in college? I stapled programs!" Anyway, the students were good sports about it and I've promised them pizza tomorrow. Saturdays are pizza days here in the box office! it's a time-honored tradition dating back to last January. It's a fairly reasonable substitution for "Box Office Movie Fridays",

At least the king realized that I was having a no good, terrible, very bad day and surprised me with the thoughful gift of alcohol. He even stuck around to watch the last episode of Battlestar Galactica, season two, with me. He's not a huge Sci-Fi fan, but he doesn't mind an occasional BG episode. I think he has a TV crush on Starbuck, but it seems to be fleeting and not very serious. I don't I need to worry about any reality jumping to New Caprica in the near future.

I will be happy to pop over to the fashion show with you, but I'm wondering if we'll be able to drag the king away from the party to attend with us. I suppose I could tell him it's an official sort of thing...or get him drunk early. But I don't suppose the Elves would react well to a drunken Man heckling their new garb. I guess we'll play it by ear.

Well, the show is about to let out, so I should go before the audience comes flying out of the theater. Hope all is well.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Orc Sewing

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been a while since I last wrote. What with all the flood clean up and now the flurry of sewing that is being undertaken, the settlement is bustling with activity.

There is no stranger sight in all of Middle Earth than an elf standing upon a chair calmly having his inseam measured by an orc. Orcs and sewing. They seem to go together like elephants and ice skating, but they do seem to be catching on. I think once they have finished all the clothes that the settlement has ordered they might have the hang of it. It probably would have been wise to have them practice on something before we gave them the silks, but elves and their clothes, you know.

The planned fashion show is still in the works, despite the fact that many of the outfits my leave their wearer's nude before they reach the end of the run way, or maybe that is why the plans have become more elaborate in the past few days. At the current rate of production, we are expecting to hold the show on the same weekend as the Samhain party. I figure we can skip over to it together. The invitations are being printed now, a bit late, and you should receive yours soon.

With all the sewing, everyone seems to have forgotten their woes about the floods and the settlement has become as pleasant as it gets.

I am glad you finally found the time to take our camping trip. It is good that I was right about your having a good time, all that build up over the years and all.

In closing I would just like you to take a moment and imagine Orcs draped in silks while trying to hand sew leggings. It is the most amusing sight!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Hard Times Come Again No More

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am delighted that the crisis has been averted! I was sure that some fancy over-priced imports would placate the masses and now all is once again right with the world. Let me know how the orc tailors work out. I may have a job for them come Pennsic!

The seemed King enjoyed his weeks slumming in the ranks, and has been awfully cranky these past few dealing with all the paper work that accumulated during his adventure. When he's not being grumpy, he;s wandering around reciting bits f poetry to himself. I'm afraid he's trying to compose an epic about the flooded settlement:

Hems were muddied. Harried heroes
In sodden shoes sought dry refuge
'midst thunder's peal and storm's thoughtless
Destruction of dearly bought garments...

He stopped reciting when I snickered. I mean really! It's not the fall of Numenor we're talking about here! At least he's taking a more Rohirric approach to composition. I shudder to think what it would sound like in one of those complex Elven rhyme schemes! Still, I hate to mock his creative impulses. Writing poetry is surely a safer hobby than huntng orc!

Well, I must be off. I still need to print tickets for tonight's show.

Your Affectionate Friend,

PS-You were right! I DID have a lovely time on my camping trip!

Friday, September 22, 2006


My Dearest Corwynne,

Your latest letter was greeted with more jubilation than the one announcing the royal wedding. The elves celebrated by smiling, and I am certain I heard someone laugh, but it might have been Gimli. We have been informed that our first shipment of silks should arrive in the next few days and the elves are busy getting the Ork workers into sewing shape. They have had to spend more time than they expected teaching them to thread a needle, but after that it seems to be going well.
Also, plans are now under way for a fashion show. You and the King will be receiving your invitations soon. The elves wanted to get them out by next week, but the MEEMA people were setting up in the building we use to house the printing press, so it will take a while to get that set up again. Speaking of MEEMA. It is such a good thing that we didn't really have an emergency here, because there offerings of second hand clothes and bottled water were taken as an insult and almost caused a completely different riot. Luckily your letter arrived before it could start and the MEEMA people took that as permission to pack up and leave.
All in all, the settlement has suddenly become an almost pleasent place to be. It is nice to take a moment and enjoy the lack of problems on the horizon.

Moment over, time to cook dinner for the boys.
Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Emergency Response

My Dearest Kendrah,

I apologize for not writing sooner but events of recent weeks have kept me busier than a hungry huorn at an orc convention!

First, I am pleased to report that, thanks to our efforts at the Middle Earth Peace Conference, trade routes are again opening to the East and South. (As long as I can keep Celeborn from quoting that 7000 year old dead Elf emperor’s line about how the East brings things only “evil and inelven” we should be fine.)

I regret that MEEMA’s actions during your current crisis were less than could be desired. I hope you and others in the settlement can take comfort in knowing, that although many in the King’s Council felt he did a heck of a job, Amrothos has resigned as MEEMA director. That’s the last time we give a cushy government appointment to Imrahil’s youngest son! He can wander off in errantry like youngest sons did in the good old days and make his own way without government support. (Though I suspect the prince of Dol Amroth has a trust fund set up for the kids somewhere.) While we are currently searching for a suitable replacement, the King has taken matters into his own hands and is managing Settlement relief himself. If you want something done right, get a dunadan to do it! I think he’s enjoying the chance to get his nails dirty and argue with snooty Elves again!

Please assure your residents that silk is on the way! I know that nothing makes an elf grumpier than a sodden hem or a ragged seam! Give them the pep talk about how much the Crown appreciates the work they do, their (fairly) peaceful collaborations with Dwarves and Men, they will not be forgotten, blah, blah, blah...the usual.

Now, I must go sell tickets to our graduate-directed one acts. As soon as that show starts, I plan to take my newly acquired silk thread and tapestry needles and FINALLY go on that camping trip we took almost a year ago. I think I deserve the break, and as you have assured me I will have a good time, I am looking forward to it!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Floods and Riots

My Dearest Corwynne,

It seems that it falls to me to tell you and the King of the recent occurrences here in the settlement. One of the elder elves had wanted to be the one to tell you of our "woes" but I thought that he might over dramatize the situation because he is one of those who is the most upset.

I will try to start at the beginning. It actually starts back in July. You know that in July my real town flooded and a bit of the excess rain waters seeped into the settlement. I figured, what the heck, it's been dry in Middle Earth this year. Well, two days ago it started raining again, (that would be in the real world again) and I let a bit more seep into Middle Earth. Well, I haven't been sleeping well and I guess I got distracted and sort of let the settlement flood.

Ok, flood might be a bit strong a word for it. But it has turned it to a bit of a bog. Kind of like the bog was that one year at War Practice. Anyway, it isn't a problem except for the clothes. I wrote to you recently about the lack of silks with which to make new clothes and now the hems and tights are getting muddy and the elves are loosing their minds. The insist that the King call in the Middle Earth Emergency Management Agency (MEEMA). I tried to explain that any problems that we have could only be multiplied by their involvement if they are anything like their real world sister agency, but they have insisted that it is either MEEMA, new silks or a full scale elven riot at the mithril gates of the White City.

I think if we could promise silks within a fortnight, they would calm down and neither the riots or MEEMA involvement would be necessary. In fact, I over heard two key members of the leadership here thanking the Valar for sending the floods if it will get them new clothes....They are all so very vain.

So, if you could get some sort of word on the trade negotiations to us soon, I sure it would go a long way to elevating some of the tension.

Your affectionate friend,

P.S. The plus side to all of this is that with all the excitement Leggs has stopped mumbling about his expedition to someplace to do something important. There is always something to be greatful for.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A Much Needed Expedition

My Dearest Corwynne,

Who would ever have guessed that our guys were so aware of their surroundings. Everytime I see them when we are out in public they always seem to have an unbelieving glaze over their eyes. As if this is just a dream and soon they will wake up in Middle Earth and everything will be normal again. I never would have guess that that is what they look like when they are concentrating. It is really fascinating.

Anyway, the actual reason I am writing is that we have been hearing rumors in the settlement that the Middle Earth Peace Summit is reaping positive results. I have warned those here who are hoping for silks from the Easterlings, waters from Fangorn and "spices" from Hobbiton, not to get their hopes up, but you know how elves can be when they have gone a long time without new clothes. They have petitioned me to write to you to ascertain if these rumors are true. I hope that they are cause I think they might riot. Of course they don't know that it would take me very little effort to re-imagine the settlement pre-riot, cause what would be the fun in that.
So if you could let us now how the trade negotiations are going it would be very helpful.

Leggs is getting a bit antsy. It seems that two and a half weeks of post pennsic blues are taking their toll and he thinks that he should mount an expedition. He hasn't really been terribly clear on what the expedition would be for or where it might be, just that it needs to be done. You may want to intercept the King's mail from Leggs for a while, just in case he wants him to join him on some fool's errand.

I hope your post pennsic plague is improving. We need you health so that the plans for the royal wedding can begin.

Your affectionate friend,

Monday, September 04, 2006

Notes II

My Dearest Kendrah,

It sounds like your golf experience was quite an adventure. There is probably some lesson about patience involved…there’s usually a lesson about something!

I am pleased to report that I have located another set Aragorn’s Pennsic notes. This latest discovery illustrates my assertion that no one is safe…we are all Blog Fodder! The content of the note is found below.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend. We’ll chat soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Note #2 (found rolled up in the bottom of a small pipeweed pouch)

I have noticed over the past several years that a fair amount of lore is shared among the folk of Estmar/Siver Phoenix. Below I have listed a number of seemingly meaningful and/or important stories, questions, reminiscences etc that are oft repeated…actually, repeated every year for as long as I (or the ladies) can remember. I mean to ask Corwynne for explanations of some of this lore, if I can find a way to do it without raising suspicion. I’d hate for her and K to discover what close attention we pay to their “vacation”. We should encourage our folk to write these stories down. Poor Bilbo had to learn the hard way that there is no end of trouble once people start forgetting their stories…

1.”Remember that bag piper at Pennsic III? He was standing on the knoll with the mist rising…?” (repeated by everyone who attended Pennsic III)

2. “What do we do with the camp fund beside buy firewood? We should really talk about it this year" (Keeli)

3. “Those firewood people make their living off of Pennsic…Fair prices though…?” (Lord Amron)

4. “We’ve got eight, maybe nine more tents to get in here…”( Everybody!!)

5. ”Your not just a mother, you’re a MOM!” (C. to K in memory of the creepy sqatting man who was fascinated by Brennan in a Basket)

6. “Let’s watch for falling stars and make fun of Maggie for not seeing them!” (Everyone around the fire)

7. “It’s going to be tight…how many more tents do we need to get in here?” (Everybody)

8. I swear, next year, we taking all our land!” (Lord Michael)

9. “When is Robyn getting in?” (Everybody at some point. Must ascertain just who this 'Robyn' is)

10. "Kate is 18, but this is her 19th Pennsic!"

11."Does that PortaJohn smell like grape Hubba Bubba juice?" (This statement made Elder turn an interesting shade of green. Must research further)

12. “You know, this used to be the archery field”

13. “We’ve got six, maybe seven more tents to fit in here”

14. "Remember when the tornado came and picked up the tent full of beer and my mom and Gregor almost got crushed to death when the pavilion collapsed?” (Kendrah)

15. “There weren’t enough potatoes in that song!” (Torin)

16. “Good morning to YOU!!!”

17. "This is a stupid hobby"

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Anyone Wanna Play Golf?

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so pleased that you found some of the writings of Leggs and the King. I was starting to think they might have managed to keep them hidden from us. I know it is highly unlikely, but sometimes I worry needlessly. Who knew they actually paid attention to the things we say. I suppose we may need to be more careful in the future.

In other news, today was the longest day of my life. I believe it lasted 67.4 years. My father and I marshaled a local golf tournament, complete with all the edge of your seat standing and holding of the "quiet please" signs. It was a rollercoaster ride of excitement. I say this sarcastically, of course. However things did get interesting around the fourth hour of standing when who should arrive but Leggs. He watched quietly for a while, but after some time I began to notice he had that look on his face that he used to get when my ex-husband held fighter practice at our house. I am sure you know the one I mean. The cross between confusion and exasperation.

Well, after a while he decided that even though the players where performing poorly that the game was too easy and that it was up to him to add a bit of difficultly to it. He climbed a nearby tree (of course) with his bow in hand. For the next several hours whenever anyone was about to land a putt, he deftly shot an arrow at it causing the ball to miss by the narrowest of margins. I think his enjoyment of his addition to the sport was greatly heightened by the fact that professional golfers are big babies when ever they miss an easy shot. They threw balls, clubs and insults. This made my enjoyment of the day skyrocket also. So I guess all was well in the end.

The only thing that would have made my day even better would have been if I could have been forced to do some sewing at the same time. Cause you know how much I love to sew.

Anyway, hope all is well in the White City. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

I was delighted to have a letter waiting for me when I returned home on Sunday. All in all, it was a lovely weekend, though I stayed up far too late on both Friday and Saturday nights singing. And, alas, I still have the post-Pennsic plague!

I finally got to some of the laundry and as usual, the king left me with all his dirty garb. My, he once again left all his Pennsic notes tucked away in his belongings. I think he was trying to be a bit more tricksey this year. Rather than a formal journal, I located several pages of notes hidden in various locations. I will transcribe the notes as best I can. I am interested in any insight you might be able to provide.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Note #1 (found in a pair of blue wool socks with a hole in the toe)

It is an event like Pennsic that illustrates how our backgrounds in different realities have influenced our thought patterns. Things that the ladies find “disturbing” seem perfecting ordinary to me, whereas they seem unconcerned by numerous outlandish activities and events that make me question the sanity of these lesser men. I have keeping a list of these activities, events etc, in hopes that Legolas, our ladies and I will have an opportunity to discuss them at a future date. I hope our notes on various subjects will be useful to others attempting the sort of reality jumping to we are quite accustomed.

Things the Ladies claim happen at Pennsic, but no where else in their reality.

1. You can carry on a conversation with a gentle who has his eyes closed, and not bother to ask that person if he is “OK”. (Maybe it’s my Ranger training and rather dangerous but romantic past, but it seems perfectly logical to take rest where you can get it. And it’s far less creepy than that disturbing Elf habit of sleeping with their eyes open! )

2. It is appropriate to be disappointed when you do NOT achieve a desired alcohol black out. (What’s so inappropriate about a good alcohol blackout? (a GOOD one mind you, not the kind where you wake up in the morning next to an Uruk!) Eru knows I’ve dragged Merry and Pippin to bed often enough after one of their binges...)

3. Hearing the quote “I’m very good at thrown weapons.”

I hesitate to include the following observations, as they seem too crude to attribute to our ladies and not something for polite company, but for the sake of future reality jumpers:

4. It is appropriate to walk into a little booth on the side of the road and “drop the kids off at the pool”, “release the hounds”, “give Mr. John his due” (add your own euphemism here), all the while continuing your conversation with friends who are standing right outside waiting for you to finish. (Some modern folk are so squeamish about bodily functions! Of course, where I come from we don’t talk about that sort of thing...ever...)

5. Apparently, Pennsic is the only place in the world where they have to constantly remember to roll up they’re sleeves when “wiping”. (Wiping???)

Friday, August 25, 2006

Journal Jangles

My Dearest Corwynne,

I know that you will not receive this for several day since you are on yet another camping trip, but I figured it would be nice for you to have a letter waiting for you when you got home.

Mostly I just wanted to let you know that I have finished unpacking all of Leggs' things both here and in the settlement and there was no sign of the journal. I think the King must have kept it. I hope you can take a peak, because I am very curious as to their observations.

Even though I did not find the journal, I found an alarming amount of jangles from various belly dancing costumes. I realize that I should be worried that he has had numerous affairs with many belly dancers, but I am actually more concerned that they are his. Oh well.

Your affectionate friend,

Sunday, August 20, 2006


My Dearest Corwynne,

Another Pennsic ends, and for the first time in more years than I care to count, I no longer feel that this is a stupid hobby. I had more fun this year than any person who is supposed to be a responsible parent should be allowed. And after a few instances of sleeping while the kids snuck out of the tent and almost loosing the baby to the flesh eating trees you fear so, I think that I am a forerunner for the World's Worst Mother award. I should recieve notification soon.

The TV-Boyfriend situation took an interesting turn during Pennsic. You and I both knew this was a temporary thing but TV-B is another fan of eternity. I thought of breaking it off before Pennsic, but he was so looking forward to going that I didn't have the heart. An event where everyone(well almost everyone) stays up very late was very appealing to him. Things were going fine until TV-B asked me why Leggs had said that he was sorry to hear about our break-up. I decided to bite the bullet and tell him that I had intended to end things once we got home, but since he knew now we might as well end it. He took it pretty well. He cried a bit, but then asked for some Scotch, pulled himself together and went off to find the belly dancer he had seen a few nights earlier that he said he thought looked "yummy". It looks like we even might be able to hang out from time to time.

I am upset with Leggs and his manipulation of the situation, but since he is upset because I was always going out with "the loud one and the Hound Dog singer" I figure I can let it slide. He even said that he and the king kept a journal together this year which chronicled their observation and conversations that they heard. I will try and ferret it out if Leggs brought it here and I was hoping you might do the same. I think it would be an interesting read.

Well the bag of Laundry just sprouted legs and is asking to be washed, so I must go see if I can still work one of those new fangled washing machines.

Your affectionate friend,

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Pennsic Here We Come!

My Dearest Kendrah,

Just a quick not to let you know that all is on schedule for our vacation. PreCollege is over at last! We almost had a trauma yesterday when the ice cream for our farewell ice cream social got delayed due to a storm in Vermont and we had to start 45 minutes late. Fortunately, the students used the time constructively, crying and taking pictures of each other.

Your son's evaluation forms from my other summer program are in the mail, and they will not disappoint! As I suspected, both Aragron and Mithrandir were most impressed. Mithrandir says he plans to keep an eye...two eyes when he can spare them...on your son. I wanted to warn you, since little folk G. has his eye on tend to wind up going on "adventures". Just in case, your son may want to start keeping a well-supplied backpack handy!!

I'm busy with last minute cooking and packing. Aragorn says I worry too much. I got the "I made it half way to Mount Doom with nothing but the clothes on my back and my trusty bow" speech. Sure things turned out ok in the end, but the road to Mordor would have been much more comfortable with a five-day cooler, a propane stove and a case of Anchor Steam (the forbidden beer!) And we all know how disappointed my king would be if he showed up to Pennsic and there were no pierogies or morning coffee!

Well, I must be off. Time to put the laundry in the dryer and stir the spaghetti sauce. I will see you on the morrow! Until then, namarie!

Your Affectionate Friend,

PS...listened to Screwtape again while doing last-minute mending. He's still as fascinating (and tempting!) as ever!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Birthday Galas and Pennsic plans

My Dearest Corwynne,

Things have been so busy these past few weeks. I never realized how hard it would be to get into the swing of things. But I am sure I will figure it out eventually. Yesterday's birthday party was a success, in spite of the rains and the flooding of the yard. The tent held it's own against the torrents and the kids seemed to enjoy themselves whether wet or dry.

The most annoying aspect of the party was TV-Boyfriend. Since the sun didn't come out, he thought it would be fun to join in the party. His idea of fun with children consists of standing behind them and pretending that he is going to eat them. This has it's humorous moments but after four hours it is just tedious. I believe that his time with us is becoming more limited day by day.

The Birthday boy is packing his bags for the summer program in the White City. He has some battle plans he would like to discuss with the King and plans to bring his new chemistry set to see if he and Mithrandir can come up with anything new they can use. While he is away Leggs and I will be trying to prepare for Pennsic. Leggs will be attending this year. There was a bit of a debate, he didn't want to come if TV-B was coming, so he was pleased that I have not invited him.

Leggs is so excited. He keeps going on about all the things he wants to do and the trees he wants to sleep in. He also seems to be very excited about spending time with Melanie. He is hoping that she will let him braid her hair. I wonder how she will feel about that. I guess we shall see.

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Kids Today

My Dearest Kendrah,

Congratulations on passing your test! And on the first try too! Aragorn was delighted as well, once I explained the intricacies of modern licensing laws. Sadly, the explanation didn't do me much good. It just set him off another rant about how no one trusts each other any more and why can't people just agree and shake hands and make their word their bond? I managed to forstall more ranting by reminding him he had a hunting date with Leggs and the gang and he'd better get a move on before they were all so drunk they couldn't shoot straight.(Elves excepted of course)FYI, it appears Celeborn is staying on in Mirkwood for the rest of the summer. He gave some flimsy excuse about wanting to renegotiate territorial rights on some of the property reclaimed from Mordor, but I suspect he's avoiding you know who. July humidity in Lothlorien can wreak havoc on perfectly coiffed blonde ringlets and no one wants to be around for that fit of rage!

PreCollege is going...I won't say well...but it's going. Actually, aside from one particularly inept student assistant, the administration is going fine. It's the kids that are a mess. We've only just started our third week and so far I've lost two to homesickness. (I tried administering a nice athelas tea, but to no avail.) One is a cutter (in therapy), several eating disorders, one or two nervous breakdowns caused by traunatic memories of childhood issues triggered by something that happened in class, all on top of the usual issues that come with being sixteen and away from home for the first time. We have a great support network though, so I'm hoping everyone gets the care they need. Teenagers are so very YOUNG.

I am hoping the summer program we're running in the White City has less drama involved. I'm still annoyed that I let Aragorn talk me into it, but it's a good way for the youth of Gondor to get valuable hands-on experience while spending three weeks in the royal household. I'm thrilled that Leggs agreed to teach archery and I'm hoping you are available to lead the tour when we take our overnight field trip to the Settlement. Eowyn has worked up a wonderful martial program for the girls. Eomer has sent some folks to run the riding section as well as some horses for us to use. Alas, most of the horses we have we have in the City are trained for war and not suitable for a beginning rider. I can't wait for your eldest son to get here! We've enrolled him in the Siege Warfare and Field Tactics track. Aragorn swears your kid is a siege warfare savant and can't wait to chat with him! Mithrandir is looking forwarding to working with him as well. He claims he hasn't had a decent pupil since Faramir got his commission! Unfortunately, I'll be spending all this week brushing up on Gondorian Ettiqette. Seems the I'm charge of the Domestic Page option. I tried to point out that there might be more qualified leaders for this track, but tradition has it it must be the queen (or the Steward's wife)and Eowyn already has a full schedule it's up to me. I just hope the track isn't full of giggling adolescent girls who think this might be their best way to get close to the King (My boyfriend, after all, is sooo dreamy!)

Well, I have rambled on long enough and I still have to go to the library to collect a rather ponderous tome on the proper way to serve various cuts of venison, so I should be going. I hope is well with you!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, June 30, 2006


My Dearest Corwynne,

I am happy to report that today I passed my licensing exam. This was truly a miracle considering the obstacles that were put in my way. I had a an early meeting for planning a summit seminar for next year, cause you know we don't have a full year to plan and must do this now. My test was scheduled for noon so I had to scurry. Once I was at the testing center, settled in to take the test Leggs popped in, because we needed to spend quality time together. I tried to quietly explain that the test was something that I need to do alone and that our talking was disturbing the others. Finally, he understood and said that he would just sit quietly nearby.

The silence was broken by his terror filled yelp. He saw my photo popped up on the computer screen and his rant began. "The evil one has taken my beloved's face!" "This cannot be!" "He has besmirched her image." I try to explain that it is a security measure to have my picture on my palantir box. This caused the mumbling about the good old days and that a few woodland elves with stout bows had equaled security. He was not pleased when I mentioned that is how they lost Gollum. With an annoyed look (a slight squint of the eyes) he left and I got to take the rest of the test in peace. I am sure he will be fine given time. It will help that the men of the summit will be talking hunting and orc hunting all night. That always lifts his spirits.

Luckily TV-boyfriend understand computer and testing, plus it was daytime, so he did not make an appearance. He is hoping that we can celebrate with whisky and an onion blossom some time this weekend, but I have several summit seminars to attend so I don't know if I will have time.

Hope all is well in the White City and that you are enjoying the Summit as much as I am.....

Your affectionate friend,

Saturday, June 24, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

I hope my letter finds you well. I, as you know am deeply embroiled in the Middle Earth Peace Summit as well as the opening weekend of PreCollege. I am pleased to report that both seem to be going smoothly.

Last night’s opening ceremonies went very well. Mithrandir can always be counted on to awe the “Lesser Men” with his fireworks. Thanks to the Gondor Veterans’ Rehabilitation Project, we were able to provide beautiful chairs that met the seating requirements of our smaller-stature guests. I must remember to send Gimli a thank you gift for reminding me of the special needs of our shorter kindred.

This morning’s opening presentation by folks from the Settlement was well received. Apparently your spin doctors were able cover-up that attempted lynching. I had to pop over to run my pre college faculty meeting but made it back in time to catch most of Mayor Gamgee’s update on the Habitat for Hobbits program. Several Southron ambassadors hope to start a similar project in their homeland. Then I was back to Pgh for student orientation meetings. When I leave tonight, I’ll be hosting a dinner for the wives, consorts, etc. of the ambassadors. I suspect the men are retiring to Elessar’s study to smoke pipeweed, sip ale and eat imported pizzas. Fine with me. I’m just thrilled Gladders decided to sit this summit out and let Celeborn come by himself. He’s so much amusing when he’s unattached. I’m stuck with Eowyn, but she’s promised to be on her best behavior.

Well, I need to finish the dance placement audition sheets so I can make it back to the White City in time to change for dinner. I may be out of touch for the next week or so until I can get the summit and my teenagers all straightened out. Say a prayer to Elbereth for me!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Monday, June 12, 2006

Long Time

My Dearest Corwynne,

I just realized how long it has been since I have written. There has been so much going on, what with work and getting ready for the Middle Earth Peace Summit, I have hardly had a free moment.

THe plans for the seminar which will be lead by the senior memebers of the settlement are finally coming together. The biggest debate was what to call it. I thought that "Hey, can't we all get along" was the best choice since it seems to be the phrase of choice in these parts. However I was out voted and the title is "How to Live in Peace and Harmony with Beings of Other Races"

I think that attendees will be disappointed since those giving the seminar have yet to achieve their lofty goal. Especially since they nearly lynched TV-Boyfriend when he came for a visit. We weren't surprised or anything, you know...evil, but to try to lynch someone and then talk about teaching others to be tolerant two days late just seemed like too much.

Still they talk a good game and I am sure we will suss out a way to make it work. Speaking of work, it is time for me to get there.

Hope all is well in the White City.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Wacky Weekends

My Dearest Kendrah,

I have been having quite the busy fortnight!

I think the never ending supply of comfort food helped make War Practice quite an enjoyable event, even with the rain. I'm glad the king and TV-B got along. It must be difficult for TV-B to accep that he is the "other" "man", but our little side fantasies need to know where they stand in the great scheme of things. TV boyfriends come and go, book and movie boyfriends are forever (and they don't come with commercial breaks!)I'm sure in time, TV-B will come to accept his role. Or he'll fade as many have before. (not FADE fade, like old Elves, just fade from our affections)

I apologize for telling you I would be out of town this weekend. I was in a Day/Nyquil stupor most of the week trying to defeat the symptoms of my post War Practice chest cold while packing for my adventure of last weekend. Fortunately we had much better weather for Wellspring than War Practice and I made it through without incurring another illness! And it was fun.

Not much is happening. I hate PreCollege AND subscriptions simultaneously, which is pretty interesting because usually the hatreds alternate. Aragorn is concerned because he heard somewhere that hate can lead to the Dark Side, but I promised not to convert no matter how bitter I become and he seemed ok with that.

Well, I've finished my hummus and now must get back to my angry Blue Hairs.

You're Affectionate Friend,

Monday, May 22, 2006

War Practice

My Dearest Corwynne,

It was so good to see you and your betrothed at War Practice this weekend. It turned out to be more fun than I expected and I would have been hungry, cold and more wet had you and your belongings not attended.

As much fun as it was, it was a trying weekend. Both Leggs and TV boyfriend decided to go but neither of them knew that. I thought it would be fine. Leggs is a day person and would prefer his sleep during the hours of darkness.....TV boyfriend, as you know is a creature of darkness in both body and spirit. The biggest problem was the weather....When the sun was not out TV boyfriend decided to spend a few hours under the pavilion during the day. He and Leggs were not best pleased.

So TV-B decided that we "needed to talk". He had heard of a place that he though would be lovely for a picnic, because it is always dark there. I had to tell Leggs that I had a "pinched nerve" in my leg and need to stay in camp so that he would go shopping up top without me so that we could go on the picnic. Imagine my surprise when I discovered our picnic sight was in Mirkwood! But really, I should have known.

Anyway, the talk was difficult. TV-B feels that it is understandable that I see other people from time to time, but this thing with Leggs is getting a bit too serious for his taste. I was trying to explain that, he, TV-b was the other man, not Leggs but it wasn't going over very well. I lucked out when the King arrived.

I know, the King was shopping with you at the time, but I seem to have stumbled upon one of those future echoes like the time I saw Robinson. Anyway, he was on that Middle Earth Peace Summit next month, but he stopped to chat. He drew me aside saying that he remembered that you had mentioned him running into us on are picnic and what conversation we were having and that with his future knowledge he said that every thing would be fine. Then he asked TV-B for the tailor's name. So everyone seemed happy in the end. TV-B seemed to loose his train of thought with the King's arrival and we had a nice lunch and headed back to War Practice just in time for me to act as though I had been taking a nap the entire time everyone was shopping.

I am pretty sure this phase will have to end soon, if for no other reason than it is exhausting.

Looking forward to hearing from you again
Your affectionate friend,

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Definitely Not Cheating

My Dearest Kendrah,

All I can say is that the king is definitely NOT amused by your choice of TV boyfrind. Legolas' letter arrived just the other day and I was able to intercept it before the Aragorn had a chance to read it, so I was able to break the news to him gently. He seems to take that kind of news from me fairly well, having dealt with my fleeting infatuations with Lt. Sharpe, Samson and that inexplicable crush I had on Ken Jennings, "Jeopardy" Champion. I must say, as gentle as I was, he is still quite distressed. You know what a hard-ass he is when it comes to Creatures of Darkness! It was a hour of ranting about the rising Shadow blah, blah, blah...

I finally showed him a picture and he grudging admits he can understand the attraction. (I'm trying not to be concerned by that!) He also approved of your fling's choice of outerwear and asked if maybe you could get the address of his tailor. BUT, he still doesn't think it's a good idea to get too involved. Like we'd take relationship advice from him after the way he handled the whole Arwen situation!

After talking it over though, he has agreed to take any silly heroic steps to come between you and your latest infatuation or try and save the world again. He will not however, assure the safety of TV boyfriend should he set foot in the Realm. Those Southern Rangers can be awfully trigger happy at times. He plans to ask Leggs out for a guys weekend where he will try to explain to your Elf that like the Shadow, this is a passing thing, and how they most must indulge out little fantasies once in a while. After all, where would THEY be without our little fantasies???

I do hope that the situation can resolve itself in a reasonable manner and Leggs will learn to see reason. Alas, the Eldar are not known for displaying much common sense when it comes to affairs of the heart!

Otherwise, all is well. The semester is over and I hope to have more free time, at least until PreCollege starts! Hope all is well with you and yours! Happy Mother's Day!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Not Cheating!

My Dearest Corwynne,

Please do not fret over the cross reality slang, I just didn't want us to lose our transreality license suspended with your wedding approaching. I would certainly make things difficult...You stuck in reality with the King stuck in Gondor. The vows would be very hard to hear. Luckily the TRL board does not seem to upset. They say that with writing such as ours they would have expected weekly mishaps, and this is our first(recorded) violation in almost two years. I think we should get an award.

I am sure that the King will be receiving a letter from Leggs any moment now. It will probably be in the way of begging His Royal Highness to pressure you to pressure me into ditching the TV boyfriend. Now, I am sure you understand that having the TV boyfriend (who will remain unnamed and yes it is who you think it is) is not cheating. I mean really, he doesn't even exist in the same reality. Plus, I have never taken advantage of the "I was simply comforting a comrade." as some have. You are not the only one to have used this excuse, Corwynne. And I was slightly sickened by who some elves might choose to comfort, but I let it slide. I think he should so the same.

I have tried to explain that it is a passing infatuation, but he won't listen. He has even threatened to return to the time of the hearth if I don't give him up. I am half tempted to let him, but I don't think our letters back and forth about the King and the TV boyfriend would be easily understood.

Anyway, I just wanted you to be forewarned about the letter from Leggs. And if the King wants you to pressure me, feel free, it could be fun.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

First I must offer my apologies. You were correct. I had not received the proper clearance from Transreality Licensing Board before I began blending multiple realities. Let me assure you that from now on, the proper paperwork will be filed and approved before I attempt another such merging. You know how I love my paperwork!

You are indeed quite good at determining who actually exists. It was your mother who was uncertain of Deana’s existence. And my brother’s as well, if I recall. Can I help it if my kin use words like “smallclothes” in their everyday speech?

I’ve been sitting here at the office waiting for the show to end. I’ve decided Aragorn does NOT need to see “Equus”. Sure it’s a modern classic, but he gets so uptight around nudity! He’s popping in this weekend so I’m sending him to see “As You Like It” instead. Shakespeare is more up his alley and I think he’ll enjoy it. I have to keep him occupied somehow while I’m working. I was hoping he would head out to the back yard and plant my tomatoes for me, but he was less than enthusiastic...kept muttering about his unfamiliarity with the real Pittsburgh growing season. Frankly, I think the Pittsburgh growing season is pretty unreal anyway. I had to bring seven pots of pansies in the house last night because it was approaching freezing! For Eru’s sake, it’s almost May!

Well, I just heard applause, which means the show is ending. I’m off to pick up program litter and head on home. Huzzah!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Realities Collide.

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am looking forward to planning the wedding with Deana. Actually, I have never doubted her realness. As a matter of fact, I believe that I have been correct each time I have been pressed to determine if someone is real or not. I don't mean to brag, it is just a natural talent.

The lateness of your response is completely understandable. This is a very busy and important time in your life. Preparing for a wedding, be it real or imaginary, can be an emotionally draining experience. However, what it does not excuse is the use of slang from two completely unrelated universe in the same sentence. I think that we have become lax in following proper procedure for reality jumping and we don't want to get careless. Saying "gorram"* and "smeghead"* in the same sentence will most likely have no effect on the fabric of space and time but it is just a small jump from that to having Lister captain Serenity while Mal takes a vacation on the Enterprise. I just think we must be careful or we will have our reality license suspended, and that would put a damper on the wedding.

Well, there is nothing much to report here. Let me know as soon as I can be of use in the planning department.

Your affectionate friend,

*These words are being used with the permission of the transreality licensing board.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I'm Alive!

Dearest Kendrah,

First, on behalf of Aragorn and myself, I heartily thank you for the long-ago congratulatory note. I’m certain the lack of response from my other reality friends and acquaintances is merely their fear of encouraging me to bestow upon them lavish gifts. Obviously, now that it’s official, they fear their notes of congratulations could be misconstrued as poor attempts to curry favor. Aragorn and I both appreciate your offer of assistance with the wedding and reception plans. Deana, who you may or may not believe is real, has offered to assist you in anyway necessary. I will be certain to pass along her phone and email information.

Secondly, I must apologize for the lateness of my response. I could blame inter-dimensional paths washed away by spring storms, or the disruption of my schedule caused by escorting hordes of Gondorian school children on tours of the White Tower during spring break season, or the numerous engagements parties I’ve been forced to attend…but I won’t. I suppose I could blame the smeg-heads of Red Dwarf for being so gorram funny I can’t pull myself away from the DVDs, but I won’t do that either. I will simply say that reality work is hell, and the sooner I’m Queen and won’t have to walk anymore, the better.

Moving on, other than work, things seem to moving along well. Spring is here, the birds are singing and I’ve trimmed my rosebush. (No, that is not a metaphor for something naughty!) I’ve been trying to get the house in some sort of order, but I’m feeling pretty lazy about it. I’ve tried to enlist the aid of a few royal retainers, but none of them seem interested in cleaning my basement, digging my garden or washing my sheets. Personally, I think most of them are just afraid of electricity! The next two weeks are going to be mad busy at work…two shows opening next week and one the week after. At least it will all be over May 7! Of course, pre-college is just around the corner, but I don’t want to worry about that quite yet.

Aragorn is really looking forward to War Practice this year. He’s already filled out his registration form!! He was thinking of bringing Eomer along. He asked Faramir, but all he got from him was a lecture of how important it is to have a figure of authority in Minis Tirith when the king goes off gallivanting, so the steward is staying home.

Well, it’s time to take the curtains out of the drier. I might even pick up in the bedroom a bit, if I’m still feeling ambitious. But I do have two unwatched episodes of Red Dwarf…

Take care!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Letter of Congratulation

My Dearest Corwynne,

I know it has taken me a long time to reply to your engagement. But it is not entirely my fault. First I had to recover from all the New Year's celebrations. They do take their toll. Then Leggs insisted that the letter of congratulations must be "of an official nature". So that letter, the one for the archives is enclosed. But for my part, I would like to unofficially say that it is about frickin' time and that I hope the ring is something you get to keep instead of have kept for you with the other royal jewels.

Hope you enjoy the official letter.

Your affectionate friend,

To His Royal Majesty, King of Gondor, Friend to the West
To Her Future Royal Majesty, Queen of Gondor, Friend to Reality,

We would like to offer the official congratulation of the Elvish Settlement and all its inhabitants. We have waited long for this glorious day to arrive. We have known the trial and tribulations that have, at times, made it seem that this day would not come. And you cannot underestimate our joy at the news that all has been overcome and the event is now a certainty. Know that we will remain you loyal and faithful servants.

Yours in service,
Legolas, Prince of the Woodland Elves
Kendrah, Prince's Consort
and your servants in the Settlement.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

It's official!

My Dearest Kendrah,

I'm sending a messenger to your roonm with this note so you would be among the first to know.

My suspicions proved founded after all. Shortly before dawn, Aragorn made his official bid for my hand which I immediately accepted. It was a touching moment-- until Pippin tried to get the rest of the guard to join him in a rousing chorus of "For they're a jolly good couple!" I thought it was pretty funny myself! Eowyn was sooooo not amused! Poor Faramir! Maybe she'll be more attentive to him since the king is now offcially off the market. We haven't yet set a date...the needlework alone could take years! And we still have to get through tonight's festivities.

Speaking of which, I need to dress for dinner. I'll see you there and you can see my ring! We'll have a great deal of planning to do in the upcoming months, but we'll leave that for tomorrow. Tonight, we celebrate our freedom from Shadow!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Vigil

My Dearest Corwynne,

I only have time for a quick note to you while I am packing for our trip to the White City for the New Year's festivities. I know that tonight is the vigil and I wanted to wish you good luck and I hope it is not as taxing as you expect. I have heard that Pippin is a member of the Honor Guard which should prove to be interesting. We expect to arriave first thing in the morning, I hope you are up for visitors after your long night.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Current Age

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am so glad we had an opportunity to share in GBS's best night ever. The respite from the rigors of planning our national New Year's celebration was much needed.

I am also pleased that you and Leggs have been able to spend so much time with us over the past week. I look forward to seeing you again for the New Year's Day festivities. (PS...if you haven't picked up a birthday gift yet, Aragorn could use some new hiking socks.

Poor Aragorn! He's in a bit of a funk. The days leading up to March 25 always make him a bit sad and contemplative. Not that I blame him. Just a few short years ago he was having no fun at all on March 22.

"And from that evening onward the Nazg├╗l came and followed every move of the army. They still flew high and out of sight of all save Legolas, and yet their presence could be felt, as a deepening of shadow and a dimming of the sun; and though the Ringwraiths did not yet stoop low upon their foes and were silent, uttering no cry, the dread of them could not be shaken off." (RoTK)

When I got home from work last night he was hiding out in my apartment, trying to avoid being seen. But I always know he's there and when he's in a bad mood. So instead of asking him to help clean up a bit I suggested we watch "A History of Violence". I know he was interested in seeing Viggo in a film that didn't involve horses, dirt and a bad haircut. Unfortunately it just made matters worse. “Your Age is far to complicated!” he complained. “Am I supposed to like Viggo’s character? He’s all complex with hidden agendas and I don’t know if he’s a good guy or bad guy. How do you know who the real enemy is? In my day it was easy, they all wore black and/or hissed! And everybody lies! In my day, only servants of Shadow spoke untruths...”

I see now we have entered dangerous rant territory. Once the “In my day” talk starts, I just don’t know what to say! Mostly because I agree with him! Things were much simpler in the early ages. I finally suggested that we forget all about the Current Age and pop over to Pippin’s room. I heard he and Merry brought in fresh supply of pipeweed. The visit seemed to cheer him up a bit. Pippin has the effect.

Well, not a very cheerful post, I’m afraid. I suppose we’ll just have to stick it out. Hope you and Leggs return soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sold Out Saturday

My Dearest Corwynne,

It was so nice to have you here for the concert this past weekend. I wish we had thought of how much Landa would have enjoyed it in time to invite her, but perhaps next time we can get things a bit more organized....You know with like seats and stuff. But it was still a great show.

I am also pleased to hear that the King is finally going to make a proposal, and about time too. I was wondering if you thought we could transport Great Big Sea into fantasy world so that they could play at your engagement party, or better yet, the big day itself. I know the fishing songs aren't really wedding themed but perhaps they could alter a song or two.

All is quite in the settlement. Leggs and the rest have made some headway in the building, with the resent nice weather they were able to start a bit early. So every one is cheerful and looking forward to the spring and summer and hope to complete all the building on schedule.

I drove past a house which had an amish construction crew working on it today, I wonder how well they would reality jump, hmmmmmm.

Hope all is well in the White City and that you have completely recovered from the scruvyhead plague.

Your affectionate friend.

Sunday, March 05, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

Please accept my humblest apologies for the tardiness of my reply to your last letter. I can only plead ill health and the demands of working in live theater, and hope you can forgive me. I believe my visit to the doctor was helpful and his suggestion to "throw antibiotics" at the stubborn sinus and ear infections seems to have worked. Unfortunately, just as I was regaining my strength, I was hit with a 24 hour stomach virus which I shall not discuss here in detail, but will say that I have never been so grateful for indoor plumbing.

In response to your other question, I believe the king is making progress toward his eventual proposal. He's been quite nervous recently and engaging in some rather suspicious behavior. For example, the other night, he asked me to help him sort through a small casket of heirloom jewelry, and kept asking my opinion of the various rings we came across. Do I prefer gold or silver or mithril, emerald or adamant, etc. Even more suspiciously, he kept asking me to try them on. He claims it was just a test to determine if any were "magic" or perhaps held some sort curse that I, reality born and bred, would have a better chance of resisting than a Numenorian, but I think there was more to it than that.

He also mentioned that it might be nice if I joined him for the the New Year's Eve vigil at the White Tree, just the two of us. Well, just the two of us, assorted members of the King's High Council and the obligatory Honor Guard. I suspect, with the cutbacks in the New Year festivities this year, he might be planning to announce a royal engagement on New Year's Day to give the folk a little boost.

We are still planning quite a few events for the holiday aside from the vigil including the 2nd Annual Pellenor Fields Memorial Picnic and a formal feast. Mithtrandir has promised another fireworks display and I am looking forward to that! I do hope you and Leggs will be attending. I honestly have not yet had a chance to review the RSVPs. Eowyn has been making herself quite useful attending to paperwork during my extended absence from Minis Tirith. I only hope this isn't some passive-aggressive attempt to make Aragorn think he can get by without me.

Well, I must be off! I will see you this weekend at the concert. I will keep you updated on the king's latest ring issue.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Still not the King....I mean Queen

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad that you are finding your being a King's concubine manual useful. But I must admit that many in the settlement, including myself, had hoped that you would have been able to move onto the "I'm the Queen So Shut Up and Do It" guide by now. We don't want to pressure you or the king, but it just seems like enough already. So I decided to take one for the settlement and just ask.....Do you have a date yet? I won't say anything else about it.

Leggs has been thinking of jumping into Narnia as well, he thought it would be an ideal spot for a hunting trip. Then he found out that most of his quarry would be talking to him and he changed his mind. All for the best really. I would hate to have him hear those rumors about Narnia's weapons of mass destruction and start another great quest. It's just not a good time, with Gondorian New Year looming.

I hope that the doctor's appointment went well and that you are feeling better.
Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


My Dearest Kendrah,

It certainly sounds like you had your hands full! Leggs has had a bit more experience with death since the whole Hero's Journey thing, but I would imagine a death in a reality not his own could be traumatic. Luckily you were there to help hime through a difficult time. Fortunately for me, Aragorn has not been as adventurous in reality jumping, tending to stay between this world and ME. OK, there is the occasional foray into Narnia, but that seems to be mostly intelligence gathering missions...he can't quite figure out why Aslan would leave four underage children in charge of a world so recently ruled by a evil, raging dictator and recovering from war. I shudder to think about their bookkeeping! Look how long it's taken me to get Gondor's treasury back in order!!!

I started reading the "Sex With Kings" book Kathryn got me for Christmas. It's really quite fascinating, and in a way, it is a bit of a "how to" manual. Not on the sex itself, but how to manage one's financial and social affairs when you are the King's favorite but not (yet!) his queen. I found the chapters on dealing rivals (particularly those of "better blood) to be quite
enlightening. Truly inspirational. I don't think I'll lend this one to Aragorn. No sense giving him any ideas. He can stick to Sharpe.

Speaking of Sharpe, I just order the next two books so I will soon be able to update the spreadsheet of his conquests. Aragorn just started the fourth book and seems to be enjoying them. He has expressed intereste in seeing the series, but I worry about trying to explain why Sharpe looks so much like Boromir, who, if you recall, we don't discuss. Anyway, he can stick to books. I did tell him we would watch "Goblet of Fire" together when it comes out on DVD. I've assure him there are no Dementors in this one, but he's still not keen on watching it alone.

BTW, I got a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, but unfortunately Dr. V. wasn't free so I'm seeing one of the others. We'll see how it turns out. My neck is still puffy, but oddly enough...nothing hurts. I'll let you know how it goes. Well, I have a pizza in the oven, laundry in the drier and a king looking for his slippers, so I really must be going! Have a good evening!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Spies of...Star Wars

My Dearest Corwynne,

I greatly enjoyed your telling of the Super Bowl party at your house. It sounds like it must have been great fun. I wish I could have come, but it is always so busy here and in the end, the next few days turned out to be quite trying, so it was good that I got so much done while Leggs was away.

You see, Leggs has been experimenting with cross reality jumping. He comes to reality and will watch a movie and if there is someone he thinks he might like to get to know in it, he will wait until the scene is about to change and he will pop on in and hang out with whoever isn't in the scene that is playing at the time. He found Star Wars was excellent for this since it has obvious scene transitions. It also piqued his interest when Sir Ian mentioned the spies of Star Wars while filming Fellowship.

Anyway, Leggs was watching Star Wars and felt an immediate kinship with Uncle Owen. He will pop in just after Luke whines about Tashie Station and the power converters and then he and Owen hang out until it is time for his next scene. Then Leggs comes home and rewinds the tape to go back at the same point. You see, he has never gotten to the part where Owen dies. He doesn't know.

Well, this might have gone on forever and Leggs may have never found out. But on February 9th Phil Brown died. And I didn't know what to do. Does the off scene character in a movie's personality change once the actor playing him dies? Will the character still be able to hang out with Leggs or is he essentially dead as well. I didn't know and I knew that Leggs would find out eventually and I had to figure a way to warn him. He has been so emotional since the time of the hearth, that I didn't know how he would react.

In the end I just flat out told him when he returned from the party. He took it like a Ranger. And after a short adjustment time he decided to see what had happened to the Owen he knew.

He says that there is a change and that, not only is Owen aware that his character dies in his next scene but he also knows that Phil Brown is dead as well. As it turns out, this incident just gives them more to talk about.

As you once said, "All's well that ends moderately ok."

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Go Stillers!

My Dearest Kendrah,

I had hoped to write sooner, but adoring throngs of fans here in the capitol of Steeler Nation are are causing as many traffic tie-ups on the Trans-Realities Highway as they are on the Ohio Turnpike.

Sunday was quite a day. As you know I was off engaging in heathen ritual Saturday night, so it was up to Aragorn to tidy the apartment. If he wanted to have a Superbowl Party, he had to be responsible for pre-game organizing and post-game clean-up. I was out late Saturday and he was gone when I came home, but the house was respectable. I had to get up early Sunday, and by the time I got out of bed at 7:30, Aragorn and the Sons had coffee made and a cheesy hash-brown thing baking. E & E are the true die-hard football fans and they wanted access to a TV early so they could catch all the pre-game. (Which in Steel City started sometime before dawn!)

I went off to my craft meeting where I practiced doing double crochet and copied out some Old English vocabulary. When I got home about 4:00, the party was in full swig....uh...swing. Elladon had figured out how to work the tap on the keg of ice cold Iron City shortly after I left and the modern mechanics of beer storage were fascinating to all! Gimli had the crockpot out and was making hot wild boar sausages (as expected, they're a bit gamier than the regular Italian kind). Elrohir was frying pierogie and Celeborn was artistically arranging a variety of cheeses on a platter, clutching my bottle of scotch!. Eomer snuck in half a keg of that Rohan ale that makes Leggs's fingers tingle. I think Leggs enjoyed himself, but I suspect all the shouting and Terrible Towel waving got on his nerves after a while.

In fact, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, even though it wasn't a great game. I had to explain "yinz" to Celeborn (subjective pronoun, 2nd person plural). Let me tell you, there are few things more disturbing than a tipsy, silver-haired Elf Lord belting out a chorus of "Here we Go Stillers" or asking the Sons "Yinz ok to drive?" This goes in the therapy journal.

Well, it's Tuesday morning and almost time for the Steeler's welcome home parade. I suspect I have a house full of Dunedain and Elves eating leftovers and watching the live coverage from the Point. Wonder if I can find a webcast here at work...

Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Party Party Party.

My Dearest Corwynne,

It was so very nice to see you this afternoon. I know that you enjoyed the party, but I know you don't know how it came about, which of course is yet another strange story. Elijah obviously knew that his birthday was today and wanted a laid back affair, preferably a garden party. He said that he always wanted to have an outdoor birthday party but being born in January usually put a damper on it. So he asked that he might have the party in the settlement.

Normally this would not have been a problem but with the recent party unpleasantness the elders wanted some assurances. This required us to call Frodo in. He found it to be an interesting challenge to come back from the west so that he could go on one last adventure. He is still at Elijah's reality birthday party, which was set up just so Orlie would not come to the settlement, while our party, as you know, ended several hours ago. Elijah and Samwise have gone off drinking with Billy, Merry and Pippin. Dom and his new fiance are listening to Leggs' speech on the trees at Pennsic, (shouldn't have stopped drinking, eh Dom?)

We expect Frodo back around dawn with quiet wild stories for the sequel to There and Back again: Into the West and on the West Coast. It should prove to be interesting. Much shorter, he only expects it to be 47 chapters. I will be sure to send you a copy.

It was so nice that this time the party was planned in a way that allowed people to be invited. Perhaps Orlie's party would not have been so bad if he had not decorated the dining hall and then just waited for our arrival to yell...."Oh you shouldn't have!!!!" when we assembled for our evening meal. Really quite tacky.

Anyway, it was great to see you again and I hope your trip back to the White City was uneventful.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Kid's today

My Dearest Kendrah,

It was delightful to see you, even if your visit was prompted by the unpleasantness in the Settlement. You would have thought Orlie would have been more considerate after all the trouble he's caused in the past, but what can you expect of movie stars.

To make matters worse, Aragorn has been poutinging because WE weren't invited! He claims he's only annoyed because the party took place in our world and not in reality and that it was only common courtesy to invite the king. He claims he wouldn't have gone anyway, that it's the lack of invitation that galls him, but I think he's a little hurt. Like when Frodo made that crack about Strider not looking "fair" enough to be a servant of the Enemy. Funny how the slightest little comment can stick with you for years.

I hope you found the Settlement in one piece when you returned. I've heard stories about wild Hollywood parties and trashed hotel rooms...and Orlie has been making those films with Johnny Depp. And if Leggs' fingers got to tingling, who knows what might have happened. One minute he's a snooty Elf lord, the next he's tap dancing on an Eldamar antique table and singing "The Man on the Moon Came Down too Soon!" Wait...never mind...that was Celeborn at Faramir's last poker night.

Do take care and keep us updated. Aragorn likes to know when folks from reality are in the world. I think he's doing some research for travel and tourism prospects.

Your Affectionate Friend,