Friday, December 15, 2006

The Return of....

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have had a very productive few weeks since I last wrote and I think I have everything figured out. In between Christmas shopping and taking care of the sons, I have spent as much time in the settlement as possible playing detective. I would set up my loom, for making replacement trim and listen to all the conversations around me. Once I had a good idea what had happened I confronted Leggs to get confirmation and to have him fill in the details. Once he saw that I had figured everything out, he was quite forthcoming.

So what ha-happened was this. A small group of elders got together and concocted this plan. I like to call them the elder-elders (along the line of Mrs. Mrs. Cooper, but I digress). In short, their plan was to kidnap the short of the Ians and make the switch with Bilbo. They sent word to Bilbo and set the plan in motion. Leggs decided that there shouldn’t be an obvious settlement hand in this, so he contacted someone from reality to do the deed. It is the Return of the King, no that not it, the Return of the Jedi? Nope. The Return of Billindalt! Remember him? Apparently, the E-E (not to be confused with the EE or the ESSF) felt that he was perfect for the job. 1. He is now 17 and has a car. 2. He is still very interested in securing a place for himself in the settlement. And 3. He is young enough that he can be manipulated and if caught might escape adult punishment from the legal establishment.

Leggs struck a deal with our boy Billy. If he were to kidnap Sir Ian and hold him until the switch could be made with Bilbo, he could accompany Sir Ian to the settlement. Once there he would be given the position of Younger Elder. In this position he would replace the first Elder to die on the counsel. (Obviously, Billy boy doesn’t know much about the life span of an elf.) He accepted and put his own plan into action.

His plan was simple and as most simple plans it worked. Mostly. He managed to sneak onto his property and into his home. Apparently his home is not overly guarded. He got in quietly while Ian was sleeping and just rolled him up in a carpet, just like a three stooge’s movie and hauled him back to his mother’s house. This is where things went wrong for Billindalt. His mother is a fastidious woman who would tidy his room each day while he was at school. So on the Monday following the kidnapping she discovered a tiny British man in his closet.

Sir Ian, in spite of his ordeal, was an understanding man. He explained that he had actually been expecting something of this sort to happen to himself or another member of the cast. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. In return for his promise not press charges against her son, Mrs. Dalton released the hobbit like man. And so far he has kept his promise.

As for Billindalt, Leggs has explained that the deal that they had was only good on completion of the task and that Billy is still not welcome in the settlement. Little does he know that even if he had not failed, the plan was doomed to fail. Leggs received word from Bilbo, refusing his request to take part in this scheme. He said that the tale of this tale must be told in it’s own way….

So, there you have it. The E-E’s failed plan. They now think that perhaps this should be handled through official channels and await word from the King. Ahhh, elves.

Your affectionate friend,

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