Thursday, October 25, 2007

Tripping through Reality

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have safely returned from my trip to The Big Apple. I feel a wee bit awful about this but I was very pleased when Leggs was unable to join me. I don't know if word has reached you yet but Leggs' father, Thranduil, had a bit of an accident last Thursday. Apparently, he was holding forth on how his ungrateful son has been shacked up for years with that lowly human, of all things and while doing so he was know how he gets. He was in full tirade and therefore not paying attention to his surroundings, and you know those giant spiders in Mirkwood? Well there is a guild of Elves whose job it is to make sure all the walkways are clear of their webs, but somebody missed a spot. Thranduil got all tangled up and his continued ranting and thrashing drew the attention of one of these spiders. The ensuing battle left the spider dead and Thranduil with a broken hip.

The riders were sent to the settlement to fetch the ungrateful son to his father's side. He is still there, still hopeful that the idea of a retirement home in the West will eventually appeal to the old elf. I think it unlikely, but here's hopin'.

I went ahead with my trip, since my pressence in Mirkwood would have ended in one human joining the spider and Thranduil having two broken hips. I had a wonderful time. It was very nice to not have to worry how Leggs would react spending an entire weekend with the Loud One. But it would have been nice to have him with me for the plane trips, especially the one to NYC....dear lord it was a long delay. But in the end it was all worth it.

So, like I said I am back and I expect Leggs back in time for Samhain, but I forgot to add him to the RSVP, so please add him.

How were things at the Great Elf Extravaganza 2007?

Your affectionate friend,

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Worlds Colliding and Other News

My Dearest Kendrah,

I just wanted to dash off a short note before we leave (at Twilight, of course!!!) for the Elf-Fest 2007 (or whatever).

On the plus side, Viggo dropped by for a quick birthday drink and Aragorn convinced him to come along to Lothlorien with us. I can think of lots of other things to do on my birthday other than paying a visit to the Lothlorien, but Viggo seems really excited about it. I can tell he and Aragorn are itching to get into another poetry slam! I'm sure they'll have a blast! (and maybe Gladders will be so distracted by 21st century Man Poetry that Celeborn and I can slip off to enjoy our scotch and lamenting earlier than I had hoped!)

We got a Rider from Rohan today and it turned out to be Eomer. He's very concerned by reports that Karl Urban will be playing Dr. "Bones" McCoy in the upcoming Star Trek movie. He's not even sure what a movie IS, but he thinks "Bones " has an ominous ring to it. (But then again, what doesn't sound ominous to the Rohirrim?) I assured him that it had nothing whatever to do with the Paths of the Dead, and that I would be happy to show him re-runs when I return. He's not sure what a re-run is either, but he seemed comforted. We were unable to convince him to join our little party in the Golden Woods. He made up some excuse about over-seeing the fodder harvest for Winter and rode off muttering some charm to protect him from the Elf Witch. He's still so superstitious!

In other news that rocks our worlds, it seems Dumbledore is gay. JK announced at some reading or something. No word from Dumbleodre yet about he feels upon being outed. I hope he's ok with it. You know how cranky wizards can get when things don't go the way they planned. Mithrandir seems completely unsurprised by the revelation and, in fact, is looking more smug than usual and humming merry tunes under his breath. I wonder if he's been spending time with Sir Ian again?

Well, I hear a horn sounding, so that means the forces are gathering and I must get to my horse! I must say I look smashing in my new black and silver riding habit! I hope you are enjoying your weekend with the Loud One and I look forward to hearing about your adventures (If I make it back alive:-)

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Woman's Problems

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been a long time since I was so amused by something that I read that I snorted food out of my nose, but the visual of the King trying to deal with what he thinks of as woman's problems did the trick. I am glad that you got as much enjoyment out of the kinslaying bitch's letter as I did. The war for the ring has been over for three years by reality's reckoning and she had to give up her ring of power, so I ask you, just who does she think she is.
I know who she is....she's the one that held on to that ring with all her might until she had no choice but to give it up. She's the one who stood around doing nothing to stop the kinslaying. And I know that Frodo swears she turned down his offer of the One Ring immediately, but Leggs said he saw the event and she got all green and glowy and really really wanted that ring....and then claimed she was going into the West. Go already! Claiming she had forgotten a valuable family heirloom while the boat took the others away....I'm just not buying what she's selling.
Anyway, I am sorry there was no way to get you out of "Elf-Fest 2007". I guess the life of a queen, present or future is never easy. But I am so glad that the King is enjoying his time with Buford. I wonder if they ever run into Robinson while they are out and about.
I hope all went well with the mathing. I know how you dislike it. All is well here. Leggs is still not looking forward to the upcoming trip, but that is to be expected.
Best to the King,
Your affectionate friend,

Friday, October 05, 2007

Oh Dear!

My Dearest Kendrah,

Officially, I am shocked and appalled by your disparaging remarks concerning the Lady of the Galadhrim. It ill befits a lady of your breeding and position.

Unofficially, I giggle uncontrollably every time I think of it! The king thinks I'm having a "woman's problem" because of my unexpected and often inappropriate fits of mirth. At least he's being VERY nice to me. I guess he's afraid the mirth will fade and the violent outbreaks will begin. I need him to stop watching Lifetime! I know I will not be able to make eye contact with Gladders without wetting myself! I try not to make eye contact anyway. It's harder for her to read your mind if you don't look directly at her and those creepy, starry pupils freak me out!

Poor Celeborn! Just a footnote in her Noldor-snobby letter. I hope that Legolas will see this as a reason to step up and defend your love! Most Grey Elves hate it when she gets all uppity and superior, and I assume he is no different.

To distract myself from the terror of the upcoming Elf-Fest, I've started planning the Samhain Party. Invitations have been issued, and I'm working on the menu. Not much else is going on. The king is helping me out with Buford as an excuse to avoid Faramir and the yearly harvest tax reports. (apparently Buford chased a squirrel while I was at work) There he goes again, my king enjoying himself with the pets while I slave away selling tickets to Chekhov!

Well, I should probably run some reports or something! Math is hard!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Monday, October 01, 2007


My Dearest Corwynne,

Please except my most sincere condolence on this your day of sorrow. OK, today isn't the day of sorrow, the day you got the invitation and the days you actually have to be there, get the idea. The nerve of that woman referring to the king and the future queen as "Elessar and Guest" All I can say is I am amazed that she can keep the nice line of her gowns with big manly balls like that!

I am happy to report that we seemed to have dodged the invitation bullet. But don't think that I didn't get some Gladders slights of my own. The day after you got your invite a rider came to the settlement. I was devestated thinking we would have to come up with a really good excuse. But it was not an invitation, it was, like this, a letter of condolence for Leggs. I snuck it into reality and made a photocopy so that you can enjoy what that kinslaying bitch has to say for yourself. Enjoy. It is enclosed.

In other news, Leggs is bucking up well under the pressure of the forthcoming trip to the city of the Loud One. He only mentions it 20 or 30 times a day with the sad eyes....yes this is an improvement. When he isn't writing his laments things seem pretty much like they were pre36. I think it will all be fine in the end.

I hope all is well in the White City and that you find many drinking companions during you trip.

Your affectionate friend,



To our beloved Prince of Mirkwood,
late of Mirkwood,
Currently of the Unnamed Settlement near Gondor,
renowned hero in the war for the ring,

Word of your recent hardships have reached our Elven ears in Lothlorien. We lament with you at the human behavior of she whom you have to attach yourself.

It is with hope in our hearts that we write to you to expess our concerns for your plight and our hopes for you human free future.

Know that a place for you will always be prepared in our wood.

We extend an invitation to you to the Autumn festival, but are certain you understand that your "lady" is not extended the same curtesy and therefore, in your time of lamenting we will, of course, understand if you are not in attendence.

May the blessing of the Valar be upon you,
Galadriel of the House of Finarfin
known in other times as
Lady of Lórien
Lady of the Wood
Lady of Light
White Lady
The Lady of the Galadhrim

and Celeborn son of Galadhon, Lord of Lórien