Tuesday, November 23, 2004

The Small Clothes Incident

Dear Corwynne,

I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written, but we have both real world and fantasy world issues crop up. I will of course stick to the fantasy world stuff, because real world is boring.

When you sent me the ebay auction link I found it amusing. Orli must be getting desperate to be selling his underwear on ebay, what could have possessed him? I showed it to Leggs expecting a sad shake of the head, which for him is astonished amusement. But that was not his response. His first response was confusion, which is becoming a common first response for Leggs....anyway he didn't understand why this bizarrely shaped fabric was signed by Orli and up for sale in the palantir box(which is what he calls the computer now). I had to explain that it wasn't just fabic, it was underwear. "Underwear?" Then I remembered your brother's name for it. "Small clothes." I said. Instant understanding from Leggs and even more rare...Rage. Rage on Leggs manifests itself as a slight downturn of the corners of his mouth.. I don't think I have ever seen so much emotion on his face.

This took place several fantasy days ago and much has happend since. An Elven council has been formed to see what, if anything, they can do about this. Orli is not really an Elf, so is he subject to an Elven sense of decorum or is he, as a man, free to do as he pleases. In the end it was decided that as a man he is free to do as he pleases, but that if he expects a warm welcome in the settlemnet, or any Elvish community again, he had better think before pulling out his small clothes again.

Well, that is what has been going on here. I have to finish getting ready for our Thanksgiving travels. Talk to you soon,
Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Robinson the Clever II

My Dearest Kendrah,

I agree he was most clever! I think I learned just how creative he was when I discovered that his fantasy life often didn't include me.

I'd get up in the morning, let him out, feed him (because Aragorn likes to sleep in a bit when he has access to a real bed) and head off to work.

While I was gone, the boys hosted all sorts of interesting guests. Turns out Robinson was a big fan of afternoon tea. He and Aragorn would sit around with Bilbo drinking tea, discussing poetry and debating the agility of Shire squirrels. Robinson particularly enjoyed when "the nice old man with the grey beard" stopped by. He always had special treats secreted away in his robe and let Robinson curl up on his cloak while slipping him little bits of buttered toast and providing the oh-so-important ear scratching. I'm not sure which he enjoyed more...Gandalf's toast or Geoffy's pizza crusts.

By the time I'd get home from from work all that was left of the fantasy were a few scone crumbs and tea cups in the sink. At least could amuse himself!

I think I need to run next door for another cup of coffee. We had a wine tasting last night and I found two that I think Gladders would enjoy. Perhaps I'll send over a few bottles just to make nice. . .

Off for that coffee!!!
Your Affectionate Friend,

Monday, November 15, 2004

Robinson the Clever

My Dearest Corwynne,

Robinson is the cleverest dog ever. Not only did he manage to create a healthy fantasy life for himself he was very smart about it. Did you know that some of it was set in his future. I saw him just yesterday as he an Aragorn ran through the forrest outside the settlement. Brilliant!!!!

Your affectionate friend,

Friday, November 12, 2004


My Dearest Kendrah,

I'm so glad Legolas was able to come! And he managed to get the boys to go out hunting and camping for a few days, so we can really get some work done.

Aragorn and I were reminiscing about Robinson the other day. He was thinking he should write a ballad about their adventures together so I'm pulling together some info.

As you may remember, Robinson was was my sad little dacshund/beagle mix that came from that terrible rescue on the East End where the lady had 63 dogs living in the house. He was just about my speed. Sweet, quiet and really just wanted to sit on the couch, cuddle and watch TV.

He needed a fantasy life!

He fell in love with Aragorn the first time they met. Aragorn had that way about him...all the animals love him! I think it's the way he murmurs soothingly in Elvish and scratches them behind the ears in that perfect spot. Robinson loved it when Aragorn came over. We'd all sit on the couch and he'd snuggle in the middle. Aragorn was teaching us both Sindarin (I'm pleased to say I progressed beyond Sit! Down! and Play dead!). We'd drink shiraz, I'd work on my cross-stitch (I swear someday I'l get into banner making!) and Aragorn would read us poetry (in Elvish, of course!)

Remember when Aragorn made Robinson a little Lothlorien cloak so he could blend into the landscape and the two of them snuck into the zoo after it closed to see the "oliphaunts"? Robinson loved the oliphaunts! And the giraffes, though they made Aragorn a bit nervous. I haven't mentioned the new big reptile exhibit...not sure how Aragorn would react to a Komodo Dragon. Robinson showed Aragorn all around Highland Park and warned him against playing with the raccoons. We have a rabies issue here, you see.

Not that the frolicking was limited to the park! When I was working a show and coming in late, Aragorn and Robinson would pop over to Arda and they'd spend weeks patrolling and tracking and routing out orcs. Robinson became quite a favorite among the Dunedain! Robinson also loved the forests around Rivendell...all the Elf maidens doted on him because he had those big sad hound eyes. He became a huge fan of the Hall of Fire, curled up on a pillow while Elrond scratched his ears and laments were sung..he so loved laments!

I need to run do an internet sales check...I'll pick up Robinson's story later.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Good News

My Dearest Corwynne,

Legolas has decided to come with me for the cleaning trip. He was very understanding of you need for him and agrees that if he had to sit through those two alone his head would explode. He does not understand the need for all this talk. You are king, be king...don't talk about being king. In this regard, he has done just that. He is a Prince and the founder of the settlement, so he has informed the others that he is taking a trip. He has also told them that the laws they want will not be inacted before, during or after his absence. And speaking of his absence....Gimli will be in charge during that. They don't seem to be to happy about that.

Perhaps they will all get so mad that they will leave. A settlement of three would suit me just fine at this point. But they are stubborn and none of them want to see Gladders more than they don't want to live with Gimli, me and random hobbits so there is little hope of that.

Anyway, we shall be there to see you shortly and look forward to it greatly.

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Troublesome Elves

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am sorry you seem to be experiencing so much unrest in the settlement. It may be time for Aragorn to give them a talking to. I know our dream was to create a settlement where all races could live together and learn from each other and he will be saddened to know the Elves are are being difficult. I was a bit concerned when Legolas brought in all his Mirkwood drinking buddies. They're what, 3000-4000 years old? At that age are they really capable of planning a community? I'm hoping a few of the older Elves from Imladris move in for a few years before they get on the boat. It might halp settle things a bit.

As far as the visitors from Hobbiton, there is no excuse for rudeness! Nothing makes Aragorn angrier than people harassing Halflings! Oh yes, the king will have to make his position very clear on that! And poor Gimli! He has such lovely braids, you'd think they could appreciate that!

From what I gather, Aragron ran into some problems like that in his younger days in Imladris. Even with the whole "Heir of Isildur" going for him. And Arwen was always making stories about him sneaking kisses n the bridge! I know that didn't go over so well with some of the Elf hotties who had their Elf-eys set on Elrond's daugter! At least he had the Sons to watch his back. Those boys would have kicked butt if they caught anyone messing with their favorite Man. Aragorn's advice...just ignore them. Suck it up, brood quietly in a corner, smoke a pipe, write a tear-jerking lament about how alone you are, and if necessary, hit them on the head with your father's sword to smack some sense into them.

Please try to convince Legolas to come by, even for a few days. If I leave Aragorn and Eomer alone together all they do is get sloppy drunk and lament about how difficult it is to be king! Legolas can usually cheer them up. At least he can make them get out of the castle and go hunting or something macho like that.

I must be off, no rest for the wicked or the weary as they say! I had to get up early to take the kittens in for surgery.

See you soon!
Your Affectionate Friend,

Monday, November 08, 2004

The White City

My dearest Corwynne,

I have checked my calendar and I will be with you in the White City two days hence. I do not know if Legolas will be able to accompany me for he has much Elvish settlement business to tend to. I say Elvish settlement for this is the business which occupies much of Leggs' time. The Elvish population is having issue with the fact that there are two non-Elves living among them. Valar forbid they should have there perfect views muddied by the sight of a woman and a dwarf in their midst. "We were promised and ELvish settlement outside of Minas Tirith, and we are given this mutt." I wonder if Aragorn ran into similar problems while living in Rivendell back when he was Estel. Perhaps he could advise me. They have even got a problem with the number of visitors arriving from Hobbiton and think there should be a maximum number allowed per year. Snobs....I am surrounded by snobs!

I am looking forward to this trip very much. I cannot wait to see you all again. I am even looking forward to the cleaning. I think we will come across many things that will be interesting in the towers of Denathor. That I can leave my recent foot injury in the real world and be productive once again. This elevating the foot sure ruins one's daily plans let me tell you.

Well, I must begin my travel preparations. See you soon.
Your affectionate friend,

Friday, November 05, 2004


My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, Aragorn has a really good grasp on the whole republic/democracy thing, but he's still a big fan of divine right monarchy. I pointed out that it didn't work so well for folks on Numenor when when their king went all crazy, started making offerings to a Dark Lord and burning anyone who disagreed with him to death on Sauron's altars. Aragorn then asked what was to stop the president from burning his rivals to death in a religious fervor, and sadly, I didn't have an answer.

I think the two President Bushes so close together confuse the monarchists...Aragorn has taken to calling Bill Clinton "the steward." And he says it with that smirk Mithrandir used on Denethor. Then he chuckles and pats me on head and says not to worry. . . if necessary, we'll move up the wedding so I can become an official citizen of Gondor and get the heck out before the worst happens. I was hoping to have running water installed before I made the move permanent, but I may not have the luxury. I expect we'll be getting a lot of refugees from the "real world" in the next year or so.

If you're free next week, can you come spend a few days in Minas Tirith? I need to get Denethor's old rooms cleaned and I could use the help. His weird collection of artifacts is starting to freak out the maids. I can't get anybody to go up to that tower anymore! They claim the knick-knacks are watching them! I told them...if you look at it...and it looks back...just leave it alone and call Mithrandir immediately...but they aren't convinced it's safe up there. I thought we could spend some time tidying up the place and redecorating a bit. If Gregor hasn't gotten a new movie, maybe he can give us a hand. I'd love to have him redo all the residential areas. it's all so stark! Faramir and Eowyn plan to winter with us since Ithilian is still almost uninhabitable. Faramir is (understandably!) a bit leery of taking over his dad's old place, but there aren't a lot of towers suitable for use by the Steward and his family. I'm sure Gregor could do something nice for them.

I promised Aragorn I'd spend most of next week with him in MT since I was so wrapped up here all week. Check you calendar and let me know if you're free for a cleaning spree. Bring Legolas along if you like. Eomer will be in for a few days and it might be nice for the boys to get together.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


My dearest Corwynne,

It is fine that you didn't write yesterday. I wasn't here much. I spent most of the day at the settlement. I couldn't take the tension that the election was causing.

Leggs was confused by this "election thing". "He was born into your royal family, wasn't he?" he asked me. I tried to explain the system but he began laughing. Ok so he wasn't laughing, but he was smiling which for Leggs is the same as rolling on the ground, unable to breathe and wetting himself.

When I asked what he thought was so funny, it took him some time to be able to answer. He final reminded me of the time he came over while my husband was having fighter practice. When he arrived they had moved from combat to archery. "They practice archery? Do your men also need to practice breathing? It is so simple, your enemy approaches and you shoot them, then they die. Practice?" He wandered off muttering to himself.

He was reminded of this last night because he claims that this just proves that this world can do nothing right. I am beginning to agree.

Your affectionate(and slightly depressed) friend,

Work, Work, Work!

My dearest Kendrah,

Sorry I didn't have a chance to write yesterday. I got stuck in some crazy web marketing committee meeting and spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what "name branding conflicts" "metrics" and "design must support the informational platforms" meant! Still unsure...further research required.

Too bad Legolas and Orlie aren't getting along again. I really thought they were making progress. I think the age difference is coming between them. I'm glad Aragorn and Viggo hit it off so well. It makes arranging the seating at royal dinner parties so much simpler! Now that I know they're on the outs, I'll adjust my guest book accordingly. I never thought the hostessing aspects of this fantasy would be so trying!

Aragorn made it back Sunday in time for Trick or Treating. I was busy sewing my Samhain gift so I had him answer the door. The kids thought he was in costume! It was so cute! There was one scary moment when a group in really cool monster costumes came by. You know how jumpy Aragorn gets...Suddenly he's yelling that the porch is swarming with orcs and to get his sword. (I make him keep it under the bed, instead of wearing it around the house...it seems safer that way!) Fortunately, the kids thought he was playing along, so they just laughed! I asked them to take off their masks to prove they were indeed human and he seemed rather embarrassed by the whole thing, but was pretty impressed by their "trick". He even gave them each an extra candy bar! I think spending all that time with Pippin has improved his sense of humor.

I don't he'll make it to the party this weekend either. Says he should spend the weekend catching up on paperwork. Personally, I think he wants hang out at home and spend the weekend drinking with Gimli. Ugh! which reminds me, I have a meeting with those gate contractors this afternoon. Apparently they have some new improved designs...which I'm certain will cost much more than I want to spend. I'll keep you updated.

For now, I need to run off to a precollege debriefing meeting. I figured out that last summer we taught 183 classes a week, plus 282.5 hours of private voice and had 127 students! No wonder I'm always so crazy in July! I'll let you know how THAT meeting goes too!

Until then,
Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Valar save us!

Dearest Corwynne,
Now that the settlement is almost finished we decided to have a little gathering. I was sorry you were unable to attend but I know those mithril stealing dwarves are keeping you busy. Anyway, the party. I explained to Leggs about halloween and he thought that the costume party would be fun, so we went with it. I came as a married mother of two. Leggs came as a hobbit....which was very amusing. He walked around on his knees all night long. He had pillows stuffed in his dubblet to give the "I've been drinking ale non stop since my tweens" look. All was going well.
Then.....Well, we invited Orlando Bloom because Orli and Leggs have been trying to get along, but Orli has yet again screwed the warg, as it were. So he shows up dressed as....You guessed....Legolas. Now, Leggs understands that he has been a popular figure for the past few halloweens, but one of the main problems that he has with Orli is that he feels that Orli does not portray Leggs with the proper respect due to a Prince of Mirkwood....he gets drunk, slaps girls on the butts and generally makes an ass of himself. Then the next day Leggs has to try and convince those Orli offended that it was not him. It is beginning to sound unconvincing and people are treating Leggs differently.
It may be time to go back to not speaking to Orli, if only to save Leggs' reputation in the Settlement.

Your affectionate friend,

Monday, November 01, 2004

Thatching and Halloween

I'm so glad the boys got involved in that Habitat for Mankind organization, even if it is a rip-off of Sam Gamgee's Habitat for Hobbits project. Every once in a while, that Samwise comes up with a pretty clever notion! With winter coming we need to get roofs over the heads of the peasants, especially in Rohan! After Saruman's "Rick, Cot and Tree" burning escapade, things have been rough on the sward. And I think Aragorn misses his anonymous mingling with the unwashed masses. It's too bad he missed Deana's Halloween party, though. I think he might have enjoyed the buckets of margueritas. He's a big fan of all things frozen. If I ever get electricity installed in the White City, I won't be able to keep him out of the refrigerator! Fortunately he doesn't share Legolas' superstitious and irrational fear of DipnDots and other tasty frozen treats.

Since I needed to help Deana with party arranging, I left Imrahil in charge of the city for the weekend. Poor guy, my costume scared the heck out him! There I was, in full Gladder's drag, golden blonde curls and all, when he bumped into me on the turret stair. He looked like he'd ghost! I suppose encountering Galadriel on the staircase, even if you are (supposedly!) descended from Lothlorien Elves, would be a bit of a shock to any man. I explained to him about Halloween and costumes how we consider it a form of flattery (yeah, right) to imitate our "betters". And I think my officially licensed though not at all magical Nenya, Ring of Power freaked him out. I found the whole thing rather amusing, but he wandered off mumbling something about "lesser men putting on airs". Those knights of Dol Amroth are so touchy soemtimes! I brought him back half a bucket of frozen strawberry daquiris and that seemed to placate him.

All right, back to work. Talk to you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,