Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ridiculous Facilitation

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so glad that you and the King got to spend some quality time together. I am a bit surprised by what movies he did and did not like, but they do say you can never really know someone. And I guess that is the case here.

News from this part of the world (middle earth and reality) is not terribly exciting. The most interesting thing happened in reality(at least I think it was in reality, but after you see how it went, you will understand my hesitation in commenting to that fully).

This evening I attended parent teacher conferences for the eldest of the sons. Nothing out of the ordinary with his school work, just as I expected. As I was about to leave however, one of his teachers said that there was a issue that they wanted to mention. I said okay and waited, expecting something like "He tends to yell "pickles" a lot." (Cause he does.) The two teachers look to each other and braced themselves and the one said, "We would like to discuss your ridiculous facilitation of his unicorn fantasies."

I figured this issue would come up eventually, but I didn't expect it right then. If I had know it was coming I never would have let Leggs tag along. I was distracted for a moment, because Leggs immediately stood up straighter, as sure sign of elf agitation. Since I was distracted, all I managed was "what about it?" And can I just say right now that this was not the right response, because it opened up a window in which these two women let flow forth redneckness (yes, I made that word up cause there isn't one that I know that convey my feeling better) that shocked, awed and offended me (and Leggs) greatly.

They started off by telling me that I was laying the foundation for future mental instability.* I replied to this with "I certainly don't believe that to be true." The rebuttal from the teachers was that I must tell him there is no such things as unicorns. I replied that I would not and that even if I did he wouldn't believe me. one teacher then said to the other, "Well, that is a parenting problem."** And without allowing me time to answer the other teacher began telling me a little story. It stars my eldest child being picked on for believing in unicorns by the other nonbelievers in the class. And how she came to his rescue with this golden nugget..."So, I told them," she said, "that there were unicorns in the Bible, so they must have been real."***

At this point I explained that the son and I had discussed keeping his love of unicorns quiet at school in order to make more friends, but that he said he didn't want that kind of friend. I told them if they had an arguement that could beat that I would be happy to hear it....they only responded that it was very Montessori of me.**** I did not yell, because it is never a good idea to upset the people who spend more time with your child than you do. So, yet another eventful parent teacher conference, and by successful I mean that I don't think this school will ask me to be president of the PTA...thank the Valar!

And that is all the news that is fit to print. The news that is not fit to print can be found below. Give my best to the King.

Your affectionate friend,

Leggs' responses at Parent Teacher conferences.

*These women have clearly not done any research on what causes these mental issues. The New England Journal of Medicine clearly explains that mental illness is caused by many factors. Genetics play a large role as does the patients family life. If they do not feel safe around their family, a mental disorder could arise. I would think that being willing to openly admit to such an unpopular idea at such a young age proves that this child feels completely safe in his home environment. There are also psychological factors, such as trauma....(at this point I had to go back to listening to the teachers or they would have thought that there was a very good reason that my son was crazy!)

**There is a fell voice on the air! If I did not see them with my own eyes I would be sure they were Crebain from Dunland. How is it that they dare?!

***Crebain from Dunland are more intelligent than these women. She proves that the fantasy is not real with the proof that is real from another more fantastic and unbelievable fantasy than the first. The lack of logic in these people would make Spock's head spin!

****Montessori!!! Yes, when my father is finally in the Elven retirement home we will have enough gold to send both of the sons to a real school, like this woman says a Montessori school. I have had enough. Let us be done with these fools.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Movies with the King

My Dearest Kendrah,

I can’t believe it’s been a month since you last wrote! January fled like an Elf on a fast boat to the West! I guess it’s taken me a while to recover from all the holiday festivities and some kind of routine again. And the post-holiday funk was almost equal to the post-Pennsic funk, so I haven’t been in a communicating kind of mood.

Mostly, the King has been hanging out at my place. He has a soft spot for central heating and the electric blanket, so he was perfectly willing to lie around for a few weeks with me watching movies and eating leftover cookies, Hershey’s Miniatures and those funny Italian nougat candies you can only find at Christmas.

Anyway, the eating, as usual was pretty good, but apparently the King is far worse than we when it comes to making fun of...uh…discussing films.

Where to begin. Let’s start with 300. I thought he’d love it, all that manly camaraderie. He spent the whole movie loudly voicing his disapproval at the lack of Spartan armor and couldn’t understand why I was so…ummm…appreciative. “You make fun of me for not wearing a HELM, yet you approve of these muscle-heads going to die in their small clothes?!?!?!” (maybe Boromir was barking up the wrong tree after all!)

Then on to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. He couldn’t follow the plot, but you can’t blame him, there are few who could. He spent this movie blathering about how COOL Geoffrey Rush/Barbossa was. What a snappy dresser and oooh…look at his “sword play!” (I may have lost the ground I gained during 300!) At least we both got to make fun of Orlando’s relatively poor overall performance (I’m pretty sure he was talking about his acting….)

Eastern Promises was a fiasco. He can’t understand why Viggo would play such morally ambiguous character. Or why any of the people in the movie were allowed to live. (“If I were King of England, I’d put a stop to that behavior immediately!”). He remains impressed with Viggo’s fighting skills, but the steam room scene made him flinch! Boys are so sensitive about some things! I explained that Viggo received several award nominations for that role and he was appalled that anyone would reward that type of behavior. We had to have another little chat about the difference between actors and their roles. (Every time I think he gets it, I realize he doesn’t…quite.) I told him it was a very big deal for Viggo and he sent a congratulatory fruit basket to be supportive, even though he doesn’t approve. I think that’s very open-minded of him.

I’ve started watching season three of Dr. Who, but only after the King retires for the night. The love I feel for DTD remains strong, but will forever be unrequited.

I should go and watch some Torchwood. I wonder what the King will think of that!!!

Hope all is well and that I hear from you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,