Monday, December 19, 2005

The Horse and Rider...Finally!

My Dearest Corwynne,
I was surprised early this morning by the sound of an approaching horse and rider, (Now Theoden can stop wondering as to their whereabouts.) The rider brought word from Leggs and the orc hunting party. They have come across a group of uruk-hai which should serve our purposes nicely.
Apparently there was a process for the assignment of Uruk-hai jobs consisting of two tests. When born(hatched) if you(an Uruk-hai) immediately killed the nearby orc, you were sent into the army: if you began life by trying to clean the nearby orc and extolled the virtues of flossing, you were sent into Orthanc to the Cleaning Squad. The second test was to take a newly hatched Uruk-hai and tell him that "he would soon taste manflesh". If he responded with a war cry, he was sent to the army. If he responded by jumping up and down clapping his hands like Rudy Galindo....You guessed it....Cleaning Squad.
It seems that several of the Cleaning Uruk-hai were still living in what remains of the forest of Fangorn waiting for someone to bring them their promised "manflesh".
I have been told to not be fooled by the title "Cleaning Squad." They can tend to any manner of household tasks, from cleaning to sewing to lifting heavy objects, and they have no objection to cleaning the litter box. Sarumon's tailor is among them...Invented that fabric of many colors we have heard so much about. I think their services will be in high demand once word of their existence gets out.
The boys found about twenty in their forest home which sounded much like the Ewok village in Star Wars. They will be bring four here and four to the White City before Christmas. The others are being guarded by the extras until we have need of them.
I keep seeing a picture of an Amish barn raising in my head with the only difference being the substitution of Uruk-hai for Amish farmers and it makes me snicker.
So that seems to be all the news from the settlement. Hope all is well in the White City and that your Holiday goes well.

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

And They're Off!

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am so pleased the quest idea worked! Aragorn was so exciting to have the opportunity to hunt Orcs again with Legolas and Gimli. We had one bad moment when he went looking for that ratty old green Fellowship shirt and found it stuffed in the bottom of my rag-bag. He dug it out, had it mended and insisted on wearing it. I made sure he wore a nice warm tunic over it. It's cold in the mountains! I also taught him about the miracles of CampDry, so hopefully he won't go through so many socks this quest.

Things are quiet here in the White City, which is good, since work is crazy. Nothing like a Tony-nominated musical to bring Pittsburgh to the theatre. Faramir and Eowyn left this morning with a wain and some more extras to gather Yule greens for decorating the Great Hall. Unfortunately, that leaves Imrahil in charge. He's not too keen on the notion of a Christmas tree...afraid it might steal some significance or honour or something from the White Tree. Or worse, attempt to impose some sort of Christian metaphor onto a simple fairy story. I think he's just bitter because he can't have twinkle lights. So, to avoid Imrahil and the hordes of bluehairs howling for tickets, I plan to spend a lot of time in the settlement. Mabe we can finalize our holiday plans.

Any idea when the boys might be back? I'm hoping Aragorn will be able to help me haul my Christmas decorations out of the basement. And I think your father is planning to bring me my couch on the the 17th. I know Aragorn would like to see him, since he missed Samhain.

I'm working nights all this week, but perhaps we can chat late, or Sunday...we'll see. Hope all is well!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Quest.

My Dearest Corwynne,
Your suggestion of a Nobel and heroic quest worked! I began by discussing it with Gimli in front of the comatose Leggs. I noticed his ears perk up a bit as we discussed how Gimli, the Sons, and various extras would be going off into the wild lands to find any remnants of Saurman's orc army and either destroy it or bring them back as laborers. Well, at that he could sit still no longer, there would be a chance to kill more orcs and if he let Gimli go without him his count might begin to narrow the gap with his own. He also had many arguments against the use of orc servants.
He began spewing out his reasons against their use before he realized he was supposed to be in a coma on the hearth. He looked around and saw that Gimli had left the room and I was handing him some tea. He was then very angry that we had tricked him in such a cruel manner. Promising the opportunity to kill orcs and then taking it away...cruel. He was much better when I told him that the quest was real and everyone was counting on him to go.
Then of course, being a slightly obsessed elf, he asked if we would marry before or after the quest. I thought I was going to scream. Luckily for me he remembered himself and apologized. He then asked if we could go back to the way things were before "The Time of the Hearth" (yes, that is what he called it.) I told him to go on his quest, not to send me any telepathic messages and return acting like his old self and I would consider returning to our pre-hearth relationship.
He has sent out dispatches to the Sons and to the King, in the hope that he can join them. He plans to leave on the 1st of the month. The settlement will be mostly empty until there return since most of the extras live here. If you would like to make an unofficial visit, those of us who remain would very much enjoy it. Do let me know.
Your affectionate friend,

P.S. If the King's duties do not allow him to go orc hunting and you would like a servant or two, send me the specifics and I will have Leggs pick some up for you.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Trials and Tribulations

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am so sorry to hear about this latest turn of events! Aragorn and I are both heartbroken! I cannot say it was a surprise though. Leggs behavior over the past two months has been wearing on all of us, and you bore the brunt of it. Elves get like that sometimes...all obsessive and all goes back to Feanor and those cursed Silmarils. You'd think a Wood Elf would have a bit more sense though.

If Leggs doesn't uncurl soon, perhaps we could ask Celeborn to pay him a visit. He can be very sensible (and sensitive) in these matters. I think we should try to keep the news from Mirkwood as long as possible. Varda knows what mischief Thranduil would cook up if he found out precious son was dumped by a mortal.

The Sons suggested dropping hints about a great quest...some feat of devotion and prowess that would a) get Leggs out of his stupor b) get him off your hearth and c) make him work to get you back. Nothing as drastic as fetching a Silmaril from the crown of Morgoth, but some adventure that would give him time to think about the situation. If you could get Gimli to go, I know he could talk some sense into Leggs, and the Sons are itching for an heroic outlet! As long as it starts after Thanksgiving. E & E promised to help with the cooking before settling in to watch football and drink beer with Aragorn and my brother.

All is well and rather peaceful here. We'll keep you both in our thoughts through this trying time.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, November 18, 2005

Another Break up.....

My Dearest Corwynne,
It is my sad duty to tell you that Leggs and I have broken up. I know that normally it would be his duty to inform the King's family of his change of address and such, but since he has spent the past week and a half curled up in the fetal position on the hearth, I don't think he is going to get around to it.

I truly don't think that anyone would blame me if they had to put up with the dwell with me chant for more than an hour, and I put up with it for days.....Nonstop. You know that telepathy trick that Elrond and Gladders do, yeah Leggs figured out how to do it to me....And I can't make it stop. So after the third night of having the chant in my head, I told him it was over.

We have had this issue before as I am sure you remember. So there is a chance we can work things out as we did then. But I don't see it happening anytime soon since he has become catatonic. I swear, I think he is getting a little dirty. Maybe he is trying to make some kind of statement, that is what Gimli thinks.

Oh lord, Gimli is furious with both of us. "Just wed him,Lass." "Stand up and take it like a dwarf, Elf!"

Needless to say, things aren't as pleasant as they could be in the settlement. How's the white city treatin' ya?

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


My Dearest Kendrah,

I am sure the signing of the Papers was bittersweet in many ways. The old days are over...a New Age begins...blah, blah... I can certainly understand why Leggs is getting on your nerves. You'd think an Elf, of all beings, would understand a grieving process, for Eru's sake! If he gets too annoying with the popping in and out, maybe Aragorn can arrange to send him on a mission to Imladris for a few weeks. You know how Elrond frowns on reality jumping in his domain.

Halloween passed vary uneventfully for us this year. Since I had to work all weekend, I sent Aragorn to Deana's party without me. He kindly invited Imrahil to join him, since the Prince so enjoyed the strawberry daquiris I brought him from last year's event. There was some argument over what costumes they would wear, but in the end, Aragorn raided Mithrandir's trunk for some old clothes, picked up some grey hair spray and went as Dumbledore. Imrahil decided to give his golden-boy persona a rest and went as Snape. (I hope that isn't a sign of things to come! I shall have to keep my eye on the Prince of Dol Amroth!) They were having a grand time pointing their plastic wands and casting made up spells at each other (or they were cursing each other in Sindarin...hard to say). They got in well after I did Saturday night, but judging by Imrahil's pink daquiri mustache and the amount of snoring that occurred, they seem to have enjoyed themselves.

I had planned to hide from the trick-or-treaters this year, but Aragorn wouldn't hear of it. He took it upon himself to buy all the candy and pass out the treats. He wore his Dumbledore costume and was, once again, a hit with the kids. I did hear him muttering "they are only children in masks, not orcs, not orcs" to himself every once in while. Just to be safe, I made him leave his sword with me. He wasn't happy, but when I reminded him that Dumbledore doesn't wear a sword and it would spoil the overall look of the costume, he surrendered.

We are both looking forward to visiting with you and your parents this coming weekend. I'm excited that he and I will actually be able to attend a party together for a change!

Take care, and let me know if there is anything we can do. I'll see you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Signing

My Dearest Corwynne,

I shall repeat my apology for the lack of writing yet again and I hope that it will be the last time. I am certain that Leggs is going to give me much to lament in the next few months. Leggs, as you know, has been quite pleased since my husband left me in the spring. The Great Spring Blessing as he calls it. Since his joy has gotten a bit annoying lately, I decided not to share the information that I was signing the divorce papers today. I figured I would tell him when he could take it like the 3000 year old elf that he is instead of a teenaged boy who just got a sports car for his birthday.

Well, my plan failed. There I was signing the papers in the office of Greg's creepy lawyer and when I looked up there was Leggs behind the lawyer.......Dancing. Yes dancing. It was a little jig and very distracting. I am sure that the lawyer was thinking that Greg was well rid of me simply for the fact that I was giving dirty looks to empty space.

Leggs finally realized that I was not amused and he left. He has even been smart enough to keep his distance today....Kind of. What he is doing now is a new variation on the "dwell with me" chant. Instead of a constant repetition of the phrase, every 15 minutes or so I will hear "dwell with me" said very fast in the next room. By the time I get there he is gone. And the only reason I don't set up a boobie trap of some sort to kill him is that I am certain he has no idea how annoying he is being.

I am certain that his excitement will tone itself down in time, but with an immortal he could take longer than I would like. I would hate to have to dump him again. We shall see,

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Weekends and Parties

My Dearest Kendrah,

It has been a while since I've heard from you. I do hope all is well in the Settlement. I'm guessing that since Leggs' return, you've both been very busy catching up on meetings, greeting emissaries and enjoying candle-lit dinners. (not that you have much of a choice when it comes to lighting instruments!)

I've still been pretty busy at work, but at least "Lysistrata" closed on Saturday. Now I'm trying to get caught up on everything else. My weekends are going to be absolutely packed for the next month or so! This weekend I have an Ancestor Dinner on Friday, plan to sew all day Saturday and I'm going to Earrach and Diana's Sunday to help put together furniture and unpack. I was thinking of spending the day hibernating, but Andrew wooed me with promises of good beer and Anglo-Saxon poetry. Next weekend is "Playground" our independent student project week, so I'll be here for that Friday through Sunday. And then there is the wedding rehearsal on the 28th, the wedding itself on the 29th and the Samhain party that Saturday night. I haven't even thought about what to make! I think Aragorn and I need another quiet get-away to Henneth Annun before it gets too cold!

I do plan to be home this evening so perhaps we can talk then. Today is Viggo's birthday and Aragorn is planning to spend the evening partying with him, so I'll be home alone, waiting for Isildur's Heir to stumble in during the wee hours. I know, I know, he can take care of himeself, but I worry that he isn't used to swiftly moving know how I am about getting hit by a bus! I can always comfort myself with another episode of Horatio Hornblower. (Capt. Pellew would NEVER be caught stumbling home drunk, but I digress!)

Hope all is well. I'll talk to you soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, October 13, 2005

My Dearest Kendrah,

I felt I had to write immediately to warn you of the grave danger we face.

The kitties and I went to the vet this morning. Horror of horrors...we found a flea!!! Just one. On Donald of course. But it explains the scratching. I wanted to warn you because Pippin may be infested as well. Your dog, Pippin, not the Hobbit. Of course, the Hobbit may be infested as well, but there’s probably very little you can do about Pheriannath parasites. (Then again, Pippin the Hobbit, not your dog, does seem to enjoys baths, so he may have escaped infestation altogether...which is fortunate)

Well, I just wanted to pass on the information. No sense pretending the problem doesn’t exist. I must be off to print tickets for tonight. I’ll give you a call this evening.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Names for the weekend

My dearest Corwynne,

I again must apologize for my lack of writing, but I was hoping my mother would mention the list of names before I wrote again. She is still have internet difficulties and apparently she has yet to see them. I plan to share the with her this weekend. I will let you know what she says.

Leggs and Gimli have finally returned from their long hunt. I was pleased to report that there was no need for his security precautions. He seemed perturbed. Oh well. Oh did I mention that they returned empty handed? It appears that apart from what they caught and ate each day, they forgot to hunt. Too busy telling stories about the war for the ring I suppose. Luckily, we have plenty of stored food here and can make it through several winters so their trip down Hero Memory Lane won't cause any problem.

Well, I am off to play with the baby.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


My Dearest Kendrah,

It was so good to hear from you! Things have been pretty busy here...Our first show opens tomorrow night and the usual insanity has erupted. I mentioned the naming issue to Aragorn and he went to work to find what he considered "appropriate" names. He's very concerned about the appropriateness of names. Below is his list. He's given the meanings for many of them (Though they look suspiciously like the meanings given in the Encyclopedia of Arda Most of them appear to be First or Second Age Elves and Edain, but a few are more modern. We hope your moher is able to find something acceptable.

Must run off to a staff meeting. I will talk to you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Aragorn's Kitty Name List
Finwë 'skilled one'
Feänor 'spirit of fire'
Maedhros 'Glitter of Metal'
Maglor 'cleaver of gold'
Celegorm 'Swift to act'
Amras 'russet top'
Amroth 'up-climber' ?
Felegund ‘Hewer of Caves’
Finrod 'Mighty descendant of Finwë'
Turgon 'valiant lord'?
Maeglin 'Sharp Glance'
Aulë 'Invention'
Ulmo 'He who Pours'
Oromë ‘loud trumpeter’
Manwë 'Blessed One'
Telperion Silver tree of Valinor
Lorien '(god of dreams'
Glofindel 'Golden-haired Elf’
Earendil 'Sea-lover'
Estel ‘hope’

Aredhel 'Noble Elf'
Idril 'sparkling brilliance'
Elwing ‘star-spray’
Earwen 'Sea-maiden'
Elbereth 'star-lady'
Elentari 'Star-queen'
Varda 'sublime'
Yavanna 'Giver of Fruits'
Nienna 'She Who Weeps'
Kementari 'Queen of the Earth'.
Tintallë ‘the kindler’
Gilrain 'star-wanderer'
Melian ‘dear gift'
Laurelin the golden tree of Valinor
Celebrian 'silver queen'
Hirilorn (Tree of the Lady)
Hithlum (Land of Mist)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Woe is me, woe is us, just woe.

My Dearest Corwynne,

I know, I have been awful about writing lately and I wish I had an excuse. I don't know if it is writer's block (real or imaginary), or general melancholy, or the fact that I quit smoking that has caused my lack of correspondence. I just don't know. One thing I do know is that my mother has many cats. Several of these cats, what with one thing and another, do not yet have names. So I was thinking that perhaps what I needed to get back into the swing of writing again was a project. So I thought we could come up with some names for the cats and she could see if she likes them. We could even name the project. Something like Titles for Felines. Again, I don't know.

I have no news from the settlement. The long hunt continues although we expect to end any day now. I am sure once everyone gets back there will be more to write about. Until then,

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Too Much TV

My Dearest Kendrah,

It is good to hear from you! I was out of town last weekend at our annual retreat. I am glad to say this was the last one. I had a good time, but I'm tired and happy that we have reached a "closure", as they say. I still had quite a cold and napped a lot. The plus side of camping in those cabins is that when the windows are closed, it's really dark inside which facilitates napping. And the nap gave me an excuse not to attend the "Expressing Your Spirituality through Collage" workshop. Please! OK, so I'm much oriented toward words than pictures, bu surely a group of adults could find something more meaningful to do with two hours than to cut pictures out of magazines and rubber cement them to poster board! But I guess it works for some people.

Perhaps you should direct Legolas AWAY from the History Channel in his adventures with the Palantir Box. Or at least away from the Hitler bits. I think Aragorn would be a bit concerned about guns of any sort in Gondor. He's been very anti-gunpowder since the Helm's Deep incident. It is sweet of Leggs to express such concern for you in his absence. I think Aragorn just assumes I'll stay safely in a tower embroidering tapestries while the city falls to ruin around me. You'd think he would have at least looked at the Emergency Evacuation and City Defense Plan Imrahil, Faramir and I worked out. Minis Tirith isn't what it used to be and if we need women on the walls scavenging arrows, bandaging knights and putting out fires, by Elbereth we'll have them! Imrahil's wife has come up with what I consider a very reasonable evacuation plan (which of course, I cannot share in a letter due to national securities concerns). Suffice it to say, women in post-Ring War Gondor are going to have to play a more active roll. Ugh! Eowyn was mutterng something about women's sufferage the other day until I pointed out that NO ONE has a vote! I suggested she redirect her attentions to Faramir and use him to further her political goals. She's thinking about it...

Well I must be off. I need to do some more work on the Lysistrata program and type up some staff meeting notes.

Hope all is well.
Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, September 17, 2005

The Long Hunt

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am sorry it has been so long since I have written. I have no excuse except forgetfulness and having absolutely nothing to report. Leggs and Gimli have gone on a long hunt in the south with several of the elves of the settlement. Those who chose not to go on the hunt have either taken to puttering around the settlement with nothing to do, or they have taken the opportunity to visit relatives in the West. The result is that the settlement currently consists of myself, four elves whose family would prefer not to see them, and an anti aircraft gun.

You see Leggs is always been big on security, especially when he is away. He also has a theory that the return of the Dark Lord will be heralded by the return of the flying Nazgul. After watching some war movies, because if we must watch the palantir box then we should at least watch things that will be educational, he chose to steal a anti aircraft gun.

"This is the best way to defend the settlement from the Nazgul in my absence." he said

I actually think that he means to continue with the arrows as the main defense when he is here and the gun is just temporary. Talk about confidence.

So that is all that is happening here. Hope your cold has improved and you are enjoying your trip.

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Trials and Tribulations

My Dearest Kendrah,

It was lovely to see you and your youngest son this weekend! Aragorn was sorry to have missed you, but affairs of state beckoned. I still have my cold, but seem to be coping with it rather well. I’m living on Day and Ni-quil but this too shall pass. I hope I recover by the weekend. Days in the woods, even if we do have cabins, is not at all fun when you’re sniffling!

The good news is, my computer has a brand new hard drive and is home safely. I hope this will make our communications more regular. It’s so much easier to write the details of one’s life from the privacy of ones own home.

Not much new on the work trauma front. I think we’re just coasting along. We’ll see what happens as the semester progresses. I’m going to be at the retreat this weekend, so I’m hoping time in the woods, even if I am sniffling, will help calm things down. I’m not sure if Aragorn is going to come with me or not. He wasn’t as interested once I told him there would be no beer.

I should go and put my pierogies in the freezer, take some more Nyquil and go to bed. I hope all is well on your end and look forward to talking with you again soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Waiting for the Weekend

My Dearest Kendrah,

It is amazing how much Aragorn got accomplished at Pennsic. And with all the beer drinking too! Well, he is a man of action...gets bored sittting around too long, I guess. It's the Ranger in him.

I'm glad to see Legolas is being more sensitive to your needs. it's good to have Man/Elf about the house to help with the heavy lifting. And he didn't even do anything embarassing that he has to suck up to you for, like SOME people we could mention.

Anyway, I can hardly wait for the weekend! Only one more day of tedium here at work then off to a weekend of DVD watching and pierogie making. Aragorn plans to come by and help with the boiling.

I must be off to the grocery store for potatoes, cheese and flour!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

What a Relief

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am relieved to see from his last entries that the King sees the errors of his ways and aims to rectify the situation. I was concerned for you and the White City to have such a husband and King, but I see now that my fears were, well not unfounded, but unnecessary and I am glad for it.

On a lighter note, I am still shocked at how much he did at Pennsic. I never even managed to get my tent properly organized. If Leggs had ever come out the tree I could have had him do it. He is a whiz at organization. Oh well, maybe next year.

He has, however, been very helpful with the rearranging of the new furniture. It is almost like he is trying to make up for Pennsic and the Council of Trees. But I have not mentioned my complaints about either event. One would think that he was reading my letter to you. But we know of his fear of the palantir box, so I know that cannot be it. Elvish intuition, I guess.

Your affectionate friend,

Moving on

My Dearest Kendrah,
Thank you for your kind words of support. It think it is quite obvious that both Aragorn and I made some very poor choices on Thursday. I can only blame the giddiness of the Pennsic, the over-indulgence in alcohol and the lack of self control that follows in their wake.

Have no fear, his behavior (and mine for that matter) has been exemplary since that day. Perhaps we just needed to get one last fling out of our systems. I think we both have taken responsibility for our actions and are able to move on, having learned valuable lessons along the way.

For now, I will simply post the last two entries of his diary.

I hope to see you soon!
Your Affectionate Friend,

Dear Diary
I am completely horrified by my behavior yesterday! What was I thinking! I have to find some way to explain this all to C. What will she think of me? Will she ever forgive me? I must do the honorable thing and confess my betrayal. She, Kathryn and Arwen (the kid, not the crazy Elf-chick who keeps stalking me) are just getting back from shopping. I’ll have to face the music. I’ll see if C. will have lunch with me.

That went better than I expected. C. agreed to meet me for lunch and we wandered up to the food court. I bought some stir fry and diet Pepsi and we found a mostly empty picnic in the shade. I told her we had to talk. I could tell she was expecting a lord Geoffie-like confrontation about HER behavior on Thursday. But really...what could I say after all I had done. Anyway...I confessed...not details...that would have been too much to bear, but I told her enough. I also apologized...over and over and over. Fortunately for me, she actually pays attention to Gandalf when he’s rambling about fate and justice and she forgave me! The dear girl even tried to blame herself for not being “present” for me when I needed her! I knew it! She’s a keeper!!! She did gently suggest that we move to the part of our fantasy world where Boromir is still dead. I couldn’t agree more. We also agreed that we should just put Thursday behind us. What happens at Pennsic, stays at Pennsic. Whew! What a relief.

On the way back to camp we bought root beer floats. They are quite good. Got to camp, took a nap (she even let me sleep in her pavilion!), and then drank some beer. I even help her fry left-over pierogies...I figure I owe her at least that. Spent a lovely quiet evening sitting by the fire with K. I smoked my pipe a bit...we drank more beer.

Dear Diary
Today was not a good day! I got up at dawn to check on Leggs and his latest leaf study. Apparently, when C. awoke at 8:30, Elder informed her that they were leaving today! This came as quite a shock as we had all planned to stay until Sunday. When I got back from the woods, C. was in a tizzy trying to get everything packed. Needless to say, Maggie and Amron were quite upset, as was K. I mean, how would you feel if your vacation was cut short a day! Honestly, I think it was completely discourteous, especially after all she’d been through the past few days! I just don’t think he appreciates her full worth! She even cried a bit! I hate it when she cries, even when it isn’t my fault. I wanted to kick his ass, but she talked me out of it. No sense causing a scene, she says. I’ve told her I want her to be done with the whole situation and I’m pretty sure she agrees. I will talk to K. about making some sort of kitchen arrangement between the two of them for next year. I’m sure we can work something out. I felt so bad when we got back to her apartment I even helped her carry things into the house and down to the basement. I hung out there for the rest of the day so she wouldn’t have to be alone. We drank some beer and watched Henry VIII. Pretty armor!

And so, Dear Diary, here ends the record of my Pennsic adventure. I would have chosen a happier one but I suppose we must do what we can with the time we are given.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

At a Loss

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am at a loss for words. I am shocked at his behavior and that you are trying to take the blame for it. I hope that his further diary entries explain himself better and that his behavior towards you since warrant your forgiveness......This is all so shocking.

I am sure you know what you are doing. I cant wait to see what surprises are in store in the next installment of the diary of the King.

Your affectionate friend,


My Dearest Kendrah,

Congratualtions on the new couch! I wish I could be there, but I alas, have other duties.

I continued my perusal of Aragorn's Diary and allI can say is I am shocked. I blame myself completely! Obviously he was deeply in need of comfort and companinship on Thursday and I simply not present for him. I regret that I was unable to assist him in his time of need and that I did not tidy up after him when he left his things lying uner the pavilion. A little tidiness may have saved a great eal of woe. I can only be grateful that he was not injured and that he has worked out for himself proper conclusion to his sordid affairs. I send this to you in strictest confidence and I warn you it is not pretty! Whatever you do, make sure your Sons and, frankly, anyone under 18 does not see this entry. It would be too shocking for them to bear.

I have not the heart to write more. Until later,
Your Affectionate Friend,

PS...I'm not certain that video clips, no matter how amusing, are appropriate for royal weddings. I will assume you were only joking, since you are indeed, the Funny One.

Dear Aragorn’s Diary
So yes, maybe I’ve been drinking and you know how I get after a few mead horns, but by the Ancient paths of My Fathers, I can’t believe you haven’t written about me! About us! I hear that slut, you’re would-be queen; C., I despise you! I hear her say that you have told her it was all “Hail fellow, well met” camaraderie on the battlefield. And she laughs! Or giggles rather. Unless that boorish Lord Geoffie is molesting her, making mock of you! But that night was not the only time was it? Have you told her about our special study time together, where you read the ancient scrolls of kingship while I knelt before you? Yes, I knelt before you offering obeisance and honor while I tasted all your ancient manhood!
Enough! I fear I am making a fool of myself. Go on and assume your mantle of greatness. I know what will become of me, another of your callous, casual, discards. One of the “Little People” you will thank along the way. Tee, hee, indeed! You’re revolting! No, I’m sorry, my strong, hard lover. Forgive me. I am forever, ‘til the hail of orc-arrows washes the passion from tear-stained armor, yours. Boromir

Dear Diary
I can only say that being killed AND being drunk has Boromir saying these things. Don’t feel that I should justify my acceptance of fealty in any way.C. drank a lot today, to say the least. And she sang a lot. Folks seemed to find it amusing for the most part.

Dear Diary
I, Aragorn (not Boromir), do swear that I will never speak to C. again, I am moved beyond measure by Boromir’s words. C. is a cheap, drunk, trollop. Gods, I have been a fool.
--Aragorn, really!

Dear Diary
Boromir is spreading rumors about me again! We certainly did NOT shower together, as the full moon was rising in the twilight sky, bathing his firm buttocks in gossamer moonlight. And I did NOT soap his manly chest with scented oils, trembling as my hands approached ever closer to his throne of manhood. I did NOT, must NOT think of sweaty Boromir. Oh my darling Corwynne, forgive me! A man has needs and the moon held sway over my senses. Curse that shower stall! Never again! Sob!

Dear Diary
Please, whatever you do, DO NOT mention this that pointy-eared, long-haired, beardless, arrow-waving Elf!
So I was at this orc bar last night when in walked... crawled... staggered this huge hunk of an Uruk. Maybe it was the cheap mead, maybe it was the swill, I just don’t know. Call me crazy, but something in his eyes caught my attention. C., you know I’m not attracted to his kind, you know of my feelings for you, but I just couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it we were doing shots of metheglin at the bar with a bartender who, let me tell you, sure knows how to pour! Then it was out the back door and off to his place. A few friends dropped by and before I could say “Holy Elbereth!” the birds were singing! I was mortified to say the least. When I finally came to my senses I crept out s quietly as I could and ran home. I feel cheapened. I feel tawdry. I feel...I feel MARVELOUS! Absolutely marvelous!

Dear Diary
Still Thursday
I arrived back at camp to find that I was, in fact, enjoying my first Walk of Shame. Luckily, Kendrah was the only one up and, hopefully, if she tells C., C. will think she is kidding since K. IS the funny one.
K. amused me greatly with the story of C.’s drunken sing, the “walk” to the porta-castle and putting her to bed. I wish I had seen it, but I’m sure, if I had been there, people would have expected me to assist her and I am sure I would have been laughing too hard.
Kendrah, you know diary, the funny one, told me all about the video she took and explained that we can project this on a large screen during our wedding ceremony. It will be a good way for the people of Gondor to get to know their new queen better. K. assures me that there is no need to mention this to C. ahead of time and we agreed it will make a nice surprise.
It will also help me deal with the guilt I feel about Boromir. I care deeply for both of them, but the choice is clear. Gondor is not ready for a King born of the Dunedain, to be shacked up with a man, and the rainbow flags of the gay pride parades would clash with the decor of the White City.
I have but one choice.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Fullest use of Time

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have been enjoying the Kings diary entries very much. He seemed to accomplish so much. I do not think that I did that much in the entire two weeks. I look forward to his take on your activities on Thursday. I am sure he will have seen them in an interesting light.

Sorry to be so short but my new couch is arriving tomorrow which requires much cleaning of unidentifiable trash from the spot where the old one was. No, no, you may not help, this joy is all mine....It is my precious.

Your affectionate friend,

On and on and on...

My Dearest Kendrah,

It always amazes me how long it takes the Elves to reach a decision about anything. You'd think with thousands of years of life experience they would have seen it all before anyway! But I suppose immortality gives one a unique sense of time that we mere mortals cannot possibly comprehend. Sigh. Anyway, I'm sending along a few more entries from His majesty's diaries. Hope you find it more entertaining than Elven Councils. I'm expecting a flock of new students to come in for training today. I hate the first few weeks of school!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Dear Diary
Second Monday
Li Chang cooked breakfast for everyone this morning. Made to order crepes and omelets. V. tasty. Tried to get Legolas to come out of his tree and have a blackberry crepe but he too busy contemplating an oddly-coloured leaf.
C. and K. went shopping. C. bought a belt pouch and a new tea mug. We looked at some drinking horns. Found a few she liked. We plan to stop back and look at them again sometime. We might be able to find a nice one as a gift for Eomer. I think he’d like that. C. and Andrew plan to take a class on Old English poetry. Eomer would like that too. Right now we’re waiting for the previous class to let out. K. went back to camp. I had a good day on the field. Sucked up to some “king”. May go to his party later. Hope he has beer. PS. C. says the poetry was really cool. We all plan to write some.

Dear Diary
Second Tuesday
Today was Norse Day. Went with C. and Andrew to a Skaldic poetry class. Wow! Much more complicated than the Anglo-Saxon. Plan to go home and borrow C.’s copy of Snorri’s Edda. Hope my knowledge of Sindarin will allow me to puzzle out the Old Icelandic.
Also took a class on Judicial Systems of Saga Period Iceland. Am a bit appalled bt their lack of king, but I guess it worked out ok for them...
Decided to follow Torin and Li Chang into the Woods battle. A pole-arm is HELL in the spruce line! It was fun though. Killed lots of people. Came back to camp and drank beer.

Dear Diary
Second Wednesday
Found some more knights to fight with and went shopping. It was Feast Night and I knew C. would be frying pierogies all day. I try to avoid cooking unless it involves a deer on a spit. C. wore the dress she made for the Artisan’s Competition at Wellspring. It’s one of my favorites. She wears it to royal functions from time to time. C. didn’t go to the big Midnight Madness sale, but I went to look around. Saw some good performers. I don’t think I care for the fire eaters. I know there is trick involved, but it just doesn’t seem natural...and sometimes I still have Balrog flashbacks. Drank beer with Andrew to forget the trauma.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

The Council of Trees

My Dearest Corwynne,

There is nothing quite like the excitement of a committee of elves gathered together in a circle, much like the Council of Elrond, to discuss a problem. Sixteen hours of laborious discussion of trees in the real world verus the trees of middle earth. Sixteen hours it took them to agree that the trees of middle earth are superior. Sixteen hours. Sixteen seconds would be all it would take for me to come to that conclusion and it would only take that long because I would have to wait for my turn to talk. And they say Ents are longwinded.

The brightest part of my day was reading of the King and his adventures at Pennsic. It really does sound like he enjoyed himself. It is good to see him having a good time with all the stress he must be under. I look forward to reading more. I will not, however, post any of Leggs journal writings.....sixteen hours of it was long enough for me and I would not subject any one else to even a second of it.

Your affectionate friend,

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Saga Continues

My Dearest Kendrah,

Leave it to Aragorn to record his experiences. It's that ingrained Gondorian love of history. I'm afraid our exploits will be sung, in epic manner, in Sindarin, before too long. I still long for my days of beer drinking and napping, but I am keeping busy now trying to get all my performances ready for internet sales. Keep me posted on the Elf visitation issue. I'm sending along a few more diary entries to amuse you.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Dear Diary
Had Amron spar a bit with me. He says I DO hit too hard. Practiced tapping him gently with pole-arm. Much better. Took Amron to authorization with me so he could glare at the Marshall. It worked. I passed! Huzzah! Amron and I drank lots of beer to celebrate. Took “nap” in woods. Guys camped behind us stepped on me. Plan to short-sheet their cots at dusk.
C. said I can sleep in her pavilion. Cam will let me store sexy leather coat in his tent. I’d better not catch him trying it on! It will be too long for him anyway. Bad night last night. Legolas kept waking me up to look at leaves. I thought he’d said “greaves” at first. That would have been cool! But was “leaves”. Apparently he was tracking the changes of a particular birch leaf over the course of the night. Was not all that interesting to me, but he felt it would help reconnect me to my Elvish roots. Whatever! Wonder if C. will let me share that double high air mattress of hers...

Dear Diary
It was hot again. We went shopping for a bit. Had to leave sexy leather coat in camp. C. was wearing a v. fetching little turban. We bought her hat. She wanted me to get one too, for shade, but heck, if I don’t wear a helm while battling the Forces of Evil, I’m not gonna wear a little straw hat! Faramir would laugh at me and it wouldn’t do much for my tough-guy persona. Geoff spent the evening in camp. Kept telling v. amusing stories. Finally everyone went to bed and he and C. had to “talk”. He kept saying he knew it couldn’t be between them. Damn straight! I almost had to start something, but he staggered away up the hill before it got too weird. Besides Legolas was keeping an eye on things from his perch in the tree on the road where he was mumbling something about effects of exhaust fumes. Going to try and sleep under the picnic table tonight. Hope it’s less damp. Wonder if Cam is trying on my coat?

Dear Diary
C. worked Troll for two hours in the afternoon. I found a few more knights to “play” with. Met C. for a class on Anglo-Saxon Food Preparation and Storage. Eowyn should have been there! Maybe C. and I will make her and Faramir an authentic Anglo-Saxon dinner some day. Of course, I’ll have to hunt and skin everything myself. C. hates that part. Sometimes she’s not v. helpful in the kitchen. Got really drunk on Siobhan’s Key Lime Martinis. Greatly appreciated Ri’s corset. Giggled more than is appropriate for a Man in my position. Passed out pretty early...something about jumping a moose...or something...

Dear Diary
C. and K. went to Pgh. to do laundry. Woo-hoo! Bachelor Day Out! Unfortunately Faramir called (maybe that cell phone wasn’t such a good idea after all) and I had to pop back to Minis Tirith. Still having issues with customs. Apparently someone is smuggling barware into reality! I looked as innocent as possible. By the time I got back, C. and K. had returned. Fortunately they had unloaded all the heavy stuff before I got there. C. brought more beer, which was good because I drank her last bottle. Put more in the cooler while she and K. went to park the car. I’m so considerate sometimes! It was still hot. It tried to rain a bit, but didn’t succeed. Was a bit miffed that the girls didn’t bring me any left-over pizza. I hear it was the best pizza ever. Oh well. I’ll grab some up top. Drank more beer once C. got back from the parking lot. Gregor played the RotK soundtrack. That white gull song always makes me weepy.

Dear Diary
C. and Melanie took me up to see the opening ceremonies. It was quite touching...reminded me of home with all the banners and music and heraldry and tales of noble deeds. I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. Had C. go over the process of becoming royalty. Not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it makes sense to have your strongest fighter in charge, but what if he’s not a good administrator? And without a long family tradition of opposing evil, how can you be sure the king isn’t in the service of the Enemy? OK, so the noble bloodline thing didn’t work out so well for Numenor, I admit the system is flawed, but these people get a new king every year! How can you maintain any sort of consistency? I plan to look into this further...and consider entering a Crown Tourney.
It finally rained. Unfortunately it was during dinner and the pavilion was a bit leaky. C. and her people cooked. Cam was wearing a raincoat v. reminiscent of my sexy leather coat. Considered kicking his ass, but decided to let it go. It’s kinda cute when real people dress up like Dunadain and pretend to be Rangers. Even Viggo had some trouble pulling it off at times, and he had me there to coach him! I paid a visit to Legolas in his new tree after dinner to get out of doing dishes. I took him some leftovers and beer.

What fun!

My Dearest Corwynne,

It is so nice to see the King kept a diary of his Pennsic experience. So often first times do not bother with a journal and when they get home they can not remember what happened....mostly due to the drunken haze which can sometime last for weeks afterwards.

Speaking of drunken are you fairing with you withdrawl from alcohol?

All is quiet in the settlement. The elves are busy studying and debating the pollution study. Let us hope that Leggs is successful at keeping them at home.

Looking forward to reading more of the diary.

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Look What I Found!

My Dearest Kendrah,

I wondered why Leggs was so difficult to track down! At least we know he dedicated his vacation to a good cause.

BTW...Look what I found while searching Aragorn’s rucksack for dirty clothes! I probably shouldn’t even be reading this, let alone sending it to you, but if a Man leaves his Pennsic diary just laying around while his beloved is doing all his laundry...

Dear Diary,
Saturday, Land Grab

Watched C. put up tents. Didn’t help. Knew she would get hot and change into that sleazy booby shirt. As Geoff would say “God Damn!” Also, did not want it to look too easy for her to put up tents. Was more fun watching her, Simon and Catherine do it. Drank beer. That’s why there was none in her cooler when she went looking for it. Tee hee! Slept under picnic table (like Geoff does) and re-lived good old Ranger days. Drank more beer.

Dear Diary

It was hot. Had to remove sexy leather coat. Mended spare shirt that Eomer lent me. Had C. explain meaning of “Bard Simpson”. Ha, ha! Must sneak more Simpsons series disks onto her Netflix queue. Drank some beer. Gave Kate her shot glasses. I had to smuggle them past customs. Hope C. and Faramir get those trade agreements worked out. Kings shouldn’t smuggle. No activity on battlefield. Bummer! Considering entering Historic Combat series events. Could be interesting...

Dear Diary

It’s still hot. We all sat under the pavilion and didn’t move. C. made lots of coffee until we all switched to beer. The girls kept picking on Amron for wearing his old green shirt with all the rips in it. They should knock it off. Old fighting shirts are like old friends! C. keeps trying to throw away my old Fellowship shirt, but I won’t let her. Maybe I’ll donate it to a museum one day. We’ll see...
I found some knights to fight with. That was fun. Glad I had fake ID made so I could get my authorizations. Had to lie about my age. Did not get pole-arm authorization :-( Will try again tomorrow.

Dear Diary

C. got up early and made coffee again. I might ask her if I can sleep in her tent. The dew was so heavy this morning there were puddles on all the furniture and it was dripping off the pavilion like rain! I tried for my pole-arm authorization again but to no avail. The Marshall said I hit too hard and made a snide remark about my style being old-fashioned!. Will try tomorrow one more time. Will look for a different Marshal. The girls played Yahtzee for quite some time this afternoon. K. kept winning. Well, C., you know what they say...unlucky at cards, lucky in love. Wink, wink! Maybe I will get C. a beer to show my affection...

I must be off for now. There is certainly more of dear king’s diary to come.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The Pennsic Research Project

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear the you have returned safely. I was surprised to discover that our vacation was not a vacation, but a research project. It seems that the elves in the settlement have been discussing visiting reality and Leggs decided that this needed to be stopped. I was curious as to why he was so quick to agree to coming along.

It turns out that he used the trip to study the effects of the modern day pollutants on the object that has the most importance to the elves....the trees. I knew that he was studying them but I had no idea that this was a project for the settlement. Don't get me wrong, anything that will stop the elves from popping in and out is a good thing, but I could have arranged the study so that he didn't have spend our entire vacation on it.

So now, much like the king, Leggs is not helping with the fallout from the trip. He is busy compiling the reports for the elves. Hopefully it will convince them.

Hope you laundry is coming along.

Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Well, We're back.

My Dearest Kendrah,

Just a quick note to let you know that Aragorn and I arrived safely home from our journey to Pennsic. It was lovely seeing you there, but I still wish Leggs had been able to spend a bit more time wih us.

I've been in the throes of post-Pennsic cleanup..laundry, dishes, cleaning coolers. Aragorn left all his stuff at my place so looks like I'll be washing his smallclothes and mending his shirts again! The least he could do is sort colours from whites! I find it interesting that Gondor is always facing some crisis that calls hime away when there is work to do around the house!

I do plan to write more soon. I'm back at work today trying to fix everything that went wrong while I was gone and wondering why I'm still sober when it's already after 4 pm!

Hope your post Pennsic clean-up is on track!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Friday, August 05, 2005

Works of Fiction

My Dearest Corwynne,

Thank you so much for coming to the party. It is so nice to have some one who knows that when you invite them to a party they know that when they accept they are also agreeing to help clean before hand.I think it went very well and Brennan was thrilled with all of it.

I am in awe of the fact that the King is reading the Harry Potter books. It must be because I can not let Leggs near anything like that. I am sure that he would not be able to grasp the idea of fiction, which is strange since he is a work of fiction himself. I am certain he would be immediatley searching for the forbidden forest on the middle earth maps so that he could go and fight the servent of Sauron called Lord Voldemort. The very idea of two Dark Lords int the world would probably make his head explode. He would also be trying to visit the Ministry of Magic to get himself appointed as body guard to Harry, since he did help protect the ringbearer after all. It would be a mess.

There is not much to report around here. Life has been dull since you departed and completely consumed with Pennsic packing. I am sure we will have much to write about when we return for I am sure our boys will be busy in our absence. See you soon.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Aragorn and the Half Blood Prince

My Dearest Kendrah,

Than you so much for the lovely weekend! I think the pirate party was a smashing success and the cake was amazing! I look forward to many more enjoyable parties with your lovely children in the future. BTW...has your youngest managed to say “Elbereth” again? I was so touched to here Her name bubbling out of his sweet little mouth! Aragorn is very disappointed that he missed it!

And speaking of our Elessar, when I finally got home from work Monday, there he was, curled up on my couch reading rapidly through a large stack of bound parchment with a worried look on his face. I’ve seen that look before. “Uh-oh,” I said, “What’s wrong?” “What’s wrong?” he replied, CHAPTER TWO is what’s wrong!!!”
“Um...are you reading Harry Potter and the HBP?”
“Obviously! Amazon just shipped its extra-realty copies on Saturday...a whole week after YOU people got yours!!! “
“There’s no need to be grumpy with me, I’ve been working on the import/export issues with customs for months! Besides, you could have borrowed my copy!”
“And how would that look, the king getting his copy before the rest of his country. It would set a bad example exploiting class distinctions and perpetuating royal prerogative!”
I refrain from mentioning that Gondor is Divine Right Monarchy “So are you enjoying it?”
“I would be if you’d let me get back to reading...the kids are spending Yule at the Burrow and you KNOW Phlegm will be there!”

So, I go about my business, unpacking, cleaning, petting the kitties, etc. As I watched him get closer and closer to the DEATH, I started to get a sinking feeling in my stomach...I was in the basement when I heard the shout. “I do not believe it! It cannot be!” I ran back up the stairs to find the book on the floor and Aragorn pacing nervously in circles, reaching for his sword which of course he isn’t wearing, and looking like he wants to hit something. . “I will not believe it! It cannot be true! It’s a ruse...a trick...I have to see what happens next!” He ceases to pace, flops back onto the couch, grabs the book and continues on in silence until the bitter end. Finally, he closes the book. He’s got that look...the one he got when he thought the Army of the Dead had refused his offer and he sees the Corsair ships sailing up the Anduin and his heart breaks. I hate that look. It makes my throat sad. “How are you doing?” I ask quietly. He just stands there all quiet, looking dejected. “Sweetie, do you need a hug?” Which, of course he did.

He finally pulled himself together, put on his determined face and announced that he must return to Middle Earth immediately. “Pippin will not take this well,” he explained, “nor will Frodo. I cannot abandon Merry and Sam! They should not have to be brave all alone.” “Maybe you should get the old gang together, hang out with Faramir, and toast fallen comrades, Fellowshippy stuff. He agreed and set off to the Shire to bring the Halflings to Minis Tirith. I promised to be along in a bit and to cheer them with our UUTs about how things could still work out. “Remember what you told me a few weeks ago...the Shadow cannot conquer forever!” He didn’t looked convinced but promised not to despair, which is about all we can hope for after Book Six..Alas, I must be off to teach my workshop now. I hope all is well with you!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The New House

My Dearest Corwynne,

Today my soon to be ex husband decided to take the kids to the Great Lakes Medieval Faire. I had thought of taking them myself but the expense is so high and the pure exhaustion of trying to explain the whole thing to Leggs made me think better of it.

So Leggs and I spent the day at the house my parents just bought. It is a beautiful house with an extensive yard....Once you climb down the cliff that is. My father and Cam decide to scale the cliff face, and Leggs, never one to turn down climbing something went with them.

When they returned Leggs had a look of horror on his face....horror on Leggs is when his eyes are opened slightly wider than normal. He drew me aside and whispered, (so my parents wouldn't hear him, as if they could!) and said "Your parents have made a terrible mistake, this house was built upon a grave yard, just like in that palantir box play you had me watch Poltergist. Soon the palantir will turn to snow and steal your youngest child. We must flee!"

I must admit that I was a bit shocked, but I knew there must be a logical explanation. So I told Leggs to listen and I would get to the bottom of it. So I went to my father and Cam and asked if they found anything of interest. "Yup, lots of headstones." was the the reply. "Headstones!?" "Yeah didn't we tell you about that? The people who owned this house before worked at a funeral home, and whenever they messed something up on a headstone they would toss it over the side. There is like a hundred of them down there."

I went back to leggs to see is the explanation sat well with him. His only response was "Real people are just strange. I am going back to the settlement."

I think he might have been a little freaked out. Any way, I hope all is well with you, in the real world and elsewhere.

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, July 07, 2005

More Thoughts

My Dearest Kendrah,

I read your last letter with great interest. I think you are correct...we're just too realistic for our own good. It must be nice to have a fantasy world to visit where nothing ever goes wrong and all is sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and unicorns. I envy those who can escape the Troubles of this world without creating new New Troubles in a fantasy one. On the other hand, to quote the mysterious, not-left-handed Man in Black "Life is Pain." I think I'd be bored if there weren't occasional difficulties. Sure, planning a week long New Year Celebration and Royal Birthday Party was a logistical pain in the rear, but it was a much more interesting pain in the rear than say, selling subscription tickets to prudish blue-hairs or facing internal audits.

As much as I enjoy sitting around embroidering tapestries, sipping wine and listening to Aragorn sing ancient Numenorian laments, it gets a bit tedious after a while. Let's face it...we're problem solvers...we need something to fix or we're not happy.

To quote the Professor "A safe fairy tale is untrue in all worlds."

On that note, I suppose I should get back to my end of day report. I want to make sure I get home on time today. Aragorn has promised to dress up in his Strider garb so we can play a naughty little game of "The Princess and the Ranger." He's so sweet sometimes!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, July 02, 2005


My Dearest Corwynne,

So I have been thinking, and I am sure that in reference to having this fantasy world and writing about, we are truly fine. I am certain that many people have fantasy worlds which they visit regularly. I realize that most don't write about them, but I think they are just afraid that doing so would make them crazy.

I am, however, becoming slightly concerned about the events we allow to occur in our fantasy worlds. I would think that most people who have fantasy worlds make them into happy places where they go to have fun. But the two of us have created worlds that are, if not more work, at least as much work as our real lives.

Now in recent days I have noticed that on top of the troubles we invent for ourselves in the White City and the settlement, we have also created fantasy boyfriends who make fun of us for inventing them in first place. It make you wonder if Frankenstien's monster made fun of him for bringing him back to life and if things will end as badly for us.

I think that what it comes down to is that we might just be too realistic for our own good.

Anyway, all is well here and in the settlement. Things have been very quiet. Hope that the same can be said for both of your worlds.

Your affectionate friend,

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Out of Touch

My Dearest Kendrah,

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written! These past two weeks have been so busy with Pre-College, I've barely had time to visit the White City and the work there is piling up. My In-tray is over-flowing with unread scrolls, the city's road repair project has gone horribly over-budget and I caught Eowyn trying on some of my heirloom jewelry! I think she thinks she can make a move on the King while I'm busy comforting 140 homesick 16 year-olds! She'd better behave herself...Faramir's family doesn't have a reputation for acting in a reasonable manner when confronted with emotional upset!

Speaking of emotional upset, my real-world supervisor is making the staff take all sorts of "learning and development" classes this summer. I just finished one that was supposed to help me determine my leadership style. It seems I'm an introvert who doesn't like to work on teams unless a) I choose the team b) I tell the team what to do c) they go away and do it and d) bring me back results. Perhaps this is why Lord Elrond and I get along so well...birds of a feather and all that.

Anyway, the next class is called "Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence." I had to go online and fill out one of those ridiculous "assessment tools" where you have to respond to there statements with multiple choice answers like "Never true of me, sometimes true of me or always true of me." You're supposed to take the test in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted, but since it was one of the few days I had time to spend with Aragorn, he was hanging around while I was filling it out, reading over my shoulder.

“So what does ‘emotional intelligence’ mean?” he asked. I started to explain a bit about how it’s the way we react to certain situations blah, blah, blah. He looked at be in disbelief for a moment, then said “That’s easy! “Just suck it up! The Shadow cannot conquer forever!” “OK,” I say, “I agree, but the boss wants us to go to the class, and until I’m queen and can quit my day job, I need to pretend to be interested in her opinions!” He looked suitably abashed and I moved on with my assessment.

Now, I’m not sure how much these people KNOW, but I began to get suspicious when some of the questions read: “I see things other people don’t” Aragorn chortled. “Like Elves and Hobbits you mean!” I ignored him and moved on. “Other people think I’m strange.” Aragorn can hardly contain himself! “No one thinks you’re strange dear! Well, Celeborn looks at you funny sometimes, and Eowyn is freaked out by your mediocre riding skills and Imrahil thinks...” That’s enough!” I cut him off. “I have to finish this.” Next question: “I find it difficult to focus on reality because I’m so involved in my fantasy world.”

That was it. Aragorn was on the floor laughing uncontrollably, tears running down his face as he giggled! I finished the rest of the test as quickly as possible after that while he tried to regain his composure. When he finally calmed down, he brought me a beer, kissed me on the forehead and whispered sweetly, “Don’t worry dear, you fine. You’re perfectly fine.”

Enough for now. I need to get home and do some laundry. I’m glad your classes are going well. Let’s hope you can prevent Leggs from causing any permanent damage to your professors at least until after the finals!

I’ll talk to you soon and promise to be more diligent in my letter writing.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, June 18, 2005


My dearest Corwynne,

Finally, I have a working keyboard. We have something like fifteen in the house and this is the only one that works.
Well, at least Logan has lots to play with.

So I have been taking some classes at the community college. And the man who teaches one of the classes and I have developed a competitive relationship.....who is funnier....of course you and I know that I am funnier, but he hasn't realized yet. His humor includes quite a bit of glaring at me, which is pretty funny. Well, Leggs showed up in class one day, while he was doing the glaring routine. To Leggs' credit he waited to talk to me before defending my "honor".

So I explained to him that he was just being funny. He seemed confused but agreed that he would be allowed to live. So I thought all was well until the next time I had class and the teacher started glaring. Leggs suddenly appeared behind him bow drawn and let fly. I came very close to reacting. Luckily I noticed just in time that it was a suction cup arrow. And like that Leggs was gone. Later that night, when I was at home working on some school work, I heard his voice behind me......"Now, that is funny." He was gone before I turned around, but I must say I agree with him.

That is really all there is to report. The settlement seems to have settled into a routine as has my real world home. Hope all is well with you,
Your affectionate friend,

Friday, June 17, 2005

Just checking in

My Dearest Kendrah,

I was sorry to hear about the state of your numerous keyboards. I hope your palantir box will become fully functional again very soon.

Not much has happened here in past week. Last weekend my brother and I painted the living and dining rooms. Unfortunately Aragorn was conveniently called back to the White City for some apparent "emergency," so he wasn't available to help. I think he was pouting because I wouldn't take his decorating advice. He thought, instead of painting, I hould cover the rooms in tapestries depicting heroic deeds of the Fellowship during the War of the Ring. He also suggested we ask Gregor in to design and install some fake beams for the ceiling to give the place a more Meduseld-like look. I gave the notion serious consideration, but after realizing how long it would be before I had enough tapestries to cover all the walls and how expensive that was going to be, I opted for a five gallon tub of white paint. (I think we should go ahead with the tapestry project anyway...if it works into Gregor's design, we can use them in the throne room).

I must be off! Pre-College calls.

Your Affectionate Friend,

PS. Deana and Eric have returned safely with Mai and she is adorable!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Cell phone

My Dearest Kendrah,

I'm so pleased the impact study is working out in our favor! I can't wait to start importing!

It;s been a busy week or so here with pre-college and subscriptions. And I was gone memorial Day weekend at Wellspring, our big Druid festival and National Meeting. Which is when I decided Aragorn needs a cell phone.

Picture it...there I am, drinking, sitting around the fire and gossiping. People are drumming and dancing. I notice that suddenly people are dancing naked. No big deal right...not my thing but I'm not paying too much attention. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder. Image my horror at turning around and seeing Aragorn, glaring at the naked women with a look of profound disgust and saying "We need to talk." Since the people I was with aren't familiar with my alternate reality, I mumbled something about needing more wine and excused myself.

"What sort of obscene heathen display is this?" he demanded. So I began to explain exactly what sort of heathen display it was, when I realized I had no idea WHY he was there. "What are you doing here, anyway?" I ask. It seems he had a question about the cat's feeding schedule and wanted to check in about it. He says he wouldn't have bothered me, but he wasn't sure how else to contact me. He apologized for being gruff and said he understood that we do have different interests (he for example enjoys orc hunting, which I do not) and he should be more understanding when I'm off performing obscene heathen rites. Of course I forgave him, and we decided to invest in a cell phone family plan. This way, he can simply call if he's worried and not have to go through the trouble of bending space and time. We've decided to include Faramir in plan as well, making it easier for him to get in touch if need arises. Fortunately, Aragorn is all about using technology while he's in this reality so I don't have to deal with any superstitious nonsense or call the phone a "far-speaker" (or its Elvish equivalent).

Well, must get back to subscription orders.

Hope to talk with you tonight
Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday, May 28, 2005

War Practice?!

My Dearest Corwynne,
I too enjoyed our weekend near the sun as well. Probably the best weather for a war practice in years. Leggs enjoyed himself as well, but his enjoyment was different from that of the King. He enjoyed the idea of practicing for war very much. He laughed and laughed....He even asked if we need to practice breathing. War is not something you practice for you either fight and live or fight and die, what is there to practice? I decided not to mention that the fighters even practice dying. I think that would be too much for him.

The one thing he enjoyed without maing fun of it was the clothing. He is always worried that someone will see him while he is visiting and they will make fun of his clothes. If that were to happen, he would have to kill them and then he would be stuck in jail. (He has been watching some TV, and really doesn't like the idea of jail.) Luckily, I don't think anyone saw him at war practice either, because he has not mentioned anyone saying "Look at that loser, he thinks he is Legolas"

I have almost finished the Environmental Impact Study. It looks as though the sheep will have very little effect on the ecosystem and I will be able to recommend starting the Minas Tirith Transreality Import Export Program (MTTIEP) on a trail basis. I am sure it will be a great success as long as it is carefully monitored.
Anyway, you should have the paper work in a few days.

Your affectionate friend,

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Work and Play

My Dearest Kendrah,

It was wonderful to see you and The Sons this weekend. Aragorn quite enjoyed himself, though he was terribly disappointed that Gregor didn't make it. I guess drinking beer with me just isn't the same. Aragorn was excited at the notion of War Practice in general...never hurts to stay in shapeand alert (he misses orc-slaying so!)He did better than I thought, though he was a bit confused when a well-dressed Tudor women commented that his coat was too "late" for the rest of his ensemble. He's now considering joining up and getting his authorizations to fight. He figures it's better than nothing. I'm not so sure that this is a good idea. I suppose we'll wait and see. He's been looking up SCA info on the internet non-stop for the past few days. Louis from work finally created and installed the filter that will block any references to Liv Tyler, so I decided it was safe.

Faramir would be delighted if you would take over the Environmental Impact Study. He looked kinda blank when I tried to describe what was needed. Budget-wise, we can put you on salary for six months and provide a graduate student assistant. Faramir is working on the contract should arrive in the next few days.

We'd also be thrilled if yor mom would help out with the census and perhaps re-structuring of the the tax system. It seems the princes and other nobles got used to the kingless state of the land and are concerned about where their fiefdoms' taxes are now going and how they will be used. We wouldn't have gotten this far without Faramir, but gets a bit cowed by nobility sometimes, so it might be good to bring in an outside auditor. I'll have Faramir contact her sometime this week to discuss details.

OH! How are classes going?

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Exporting Out of Reality

My dearest Corwynne,

Who ever would have thought that running a fantasy world would be so complicated? I was thinking about all the things that you need done to get MT up and running and I thought I could give you a hand. I could easily do the environment impact statement about the imported sheep for you. I know that Faramir has his hands more than full with the census.

Speaking of the census, I know that Faramir has been having some trouble with it and I was wondering if we should send him to talk to my mother about it. She has several years experience in the field and if you were so inclined she might be able to help implement a tax system as well. I am sure she would be happy to help out....going from imaginary door to imaginary door and counting imaginary people....seems right up her alley to me.

Well, let me know if you want me to start on the EIS.
Your affectionate friend,

Friday, May 13, 2005

More fun

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am relieved to hear that I will have fun when I take our trip to Henneth Annun. I am looking forward to it even more now. If I got a lot of tapestry work done, it must mean that I will have enough silk thread, which means our trade agreements with the Easterlings are working out! How exciting! Trade negotiations are always so complex, as we learned from Star Wars episodes 1 and 2. We also learned that trade negotiations are not very interesting so I will move on...

A reception, huh? Legolas had better be careful about the rumors he spreads. Tick off enough elves, the next thing you know, kin-slaying ensues.

Last weekend I went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. I bought a new spindle (very domestic of a Gondorian house-wifey way) and scouted some sheep. I found several breeds that I think could be introduced into into ME without too much of a problem. My favorite was the Soay, a hair sheep and one of the oldest breeds in the world. Very cute. I also enjoyed the Icelandic sheep...very big with long wool. I think they would be quite picturesque wandering the swards and posing for the Noldor tourists. I considered purchasing a few, but the veternarian looked at me funny when I asked what medical clearance I would need to export them out of reality, so I backed off. I got cards from some breeders though, so I'm still thinking about it. I should have Faramir do an environmental impact study first though...don't want to do anything to imbalance the ecosystem...

Well, I must be off. Hope all is well!
Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Fun in Henneth Annun

My Dearest Corwynne,

I don't know if you have gone on our trip with the boys yet, but we went this weekend and had a lovely time. The weather was perfect and the boys were very amusing. They spent their time being manly. They made a lovely camp and then went hunting...All the while being sure to keep an eye out for orcs and other servants of the dark one. It really is kind of sad that there are none left for them to chase for days on end. Who knew that they would end up so desperate for something to do when their enemies were all destroyed? You got a lot of tapestry work done while we were there, so if you haven't gone yet, rest assured that you had a pleasant and productive time when ever you choose to go.

We got back to the settlement yesterday to find a wedding reception was in progress. It was complete with congratulatory banners and cakes....They even threw rice when we arrived. It took quite sometime to convince them that no one had gotten married, and once convinced they were not amused. They were especially upset with Leggs, as though he had some how lead them to believe there was going to be a wedding......What fun.

Any way, that is all the news from the settlement. Hope the white city is fairing well.
Your affectionate friend,

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Rumors Indeed!!

My Dearest Kendrah,

It is amazing how quickly gossip spreads in certain circles. I am beginning to hear similar rumors whispered in the streets of the White City. Personally, I think Gondor could use a nice royal wedding, and the folks are so pleased with their new king, they'd be thrilled if he settled down and started producing heirs. I suspect the rumors will grow because people want it to be true. If wishes were horses...
I'm being a bit rebellious after my last Gladders encounter, so I'm perfectly willing to remain living in fantasy sin just to spite her! I'm willing to believe Legolas started the rumors, or at least encourages them. It amuses me that he pulled the old "thrift" line. It barely worked for Gertrude and Claudius, why does he think it would work for him??

According to the calendar, as best as I can tell, we'll be leaving any day now. Make sure you're packed and ready, you know how cranky the boys get when they're ready to go off on some adventure and the rest of the gang is lagging behind in hopes of second breakfast. And the latest weather report from Henneth Annun is warm and sunny, with mild, floral-scented winds,so it looks like it will be pleasant get-away.

I've not really accomplished anything use today and I have to go to a wine tasting tonight, so I'm gonna go run a report or something and pretend much was accomplished.

Take care. I'll see you soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, April 28, 2005


My Dearest Corwynne,

The entire settlement has become obsessed with the particulars of our little vacation. The rumor going around now is that t is actually going to be a double honeymoon. They think that you and Aragorn and Leggs and I are planning to marry secretly before we go. Leggs is doing nothing to stop the rumors either and I have to admit that I am not 100% sure he didn't start it himself. He keeps saying "Well, you have to admit, it's quite a good time saving idea. And very thrifty too." Just shows his desperation when he tries using my love of being thrift as inducement to marry.

Well, I guess everyone will be disappointed when we return from the trip still living in fantasy sin. But I am looking forward to the trip anyway. It will e nice to get away and camp somewhere where it is guaranteed to be warm and pleasant.

There is little else going on here or in the settlement. The day to day stuff seems to be working itself out, but sadly does not do the actual work itself so I am off to do some more cleaning.

Your affectionate friend,

P.S. Of course he did the dance.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


My Dearest Kendrah,

I'm glad Legolas is so pleased with himself. I'm certain the image I have in my head of him playing with the baby is nothing compared to the reality of that situation. Did he do that little dance of his? Please tell me he did that little dance! I LOVE that little dance!

Work has been totally stressful this past week. Not only are we swamped with people who want buy tickets, we seem to have an extraordinary number of people who call simple to waste my time! And the marketing has begun on the new season and I'm trying to work out a budget for it, and you know how I can't add when I'm busy and stressed!

Aragorn has decided that he has had enough and as soon as this show ends he and Legolas are taking us on a nice quiet vacation. He's even put a calendar on the refrigerator where he's marking off the days until we go. (I think he's using Shire reckoning though, so not exactly sure when we're leaving.)

And get this...they plan to take us camping! I did try to gently suggest that maybe we go to a nice quiet bed and breakfast on the shore for a few days, but no, camping it must be. It seems he weasled the location of Henneth Annun out of Faramir during a game of truth or dare (I don't want to know!)and we get to spend several glorious days far, far away from everyone and everything! He's even arranged for a few rangers to hang out on the perimeter to scare off any unlucky passerby!

Don't worry! Aragorn assures me he and Legs will take care of everything. We won't have to set up bedding, or cook or do dishes! He suggests we bring along some books and we can read to each other while he and Legs hunt and fish for dinner. (Apparently the whole "Forbidden Pool" thing doesn't apply to the king.) He thought maybe we could try and play a few a rounds of Lord of the Rings trivia. He may the only person who can beat us! But it wouldn't be so embarassing to lose to him, I suppose. Maybe we should handicap him somehow...make him give all his answers in Quenyan or something.

I hear the weather is lovely too! No freak blizzards and freezing rosebuds! I guess in a land that has defeaed its Shadow, spring actually shows up and stays instead of taking a brief look around and running off with its tale between its legs.

So, pack some garb and be prepared. If this works out, maybe we should invite the boys to War Practice. Gregor hasn't seen them in a while and it might me fun to listen to them making fun of the battles and the sports bras.

The show is about to end so I must be off to do deposits before the lobby gets too noisy for me to count straight. I'll talk to you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Joy of Legolas continues

My Dearest Corwynne,

It is alright that you were unable to write. Things have been busy around here too. I am starting to get a grip on my added responsibilities and may have time to write more often now. I hope that your fantasy injury is healing.
Legolas's joy continues unabated. I know that normally I would have to tell you what joy on Leggs manifested itself as but not in this case. He has lost all elfen reserve. In fact, the other day while he was playing with the baby, (yes, playing with the baby) he was acting so silly that I suggested he get himself a jester's costume. A few minutes later, there he was dressed in a harlequin suit, complete with hat and shoes. I don't think he understands that his reserve is a large part of his appeal. But we all need time to adjust to out new situation, and I am hoping that he will calm down in time.
I did suggest that he take a trip. Hunting always seems to set him mind straight. So keep your fingers crossed, that is if it will not disrupt you humors.
Take care,
Your Affectionate Friend,

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Long Expected Post

My Dearest Kendrah,

Please, please, forgive me for not writing sooner in your time of distress! I hope Aragorn has passed on to you my deep sadness and disbelief at this most unfortunate occurrence. It is a difficult situation, on the one hand delighted for you and Legolas and on the other, saddened by the turmoil and unrest caused by this breach of vows and the real world. I’m certain Mithrandir would have something wise and comforting to say, but I am speechless.

A great deal has happened since the end of the New Year’s festivities. I finally got all of those noble guests to go home! They trickled out of the City a few at a time over the whole week following the closing party. Now I understand why Eowyn was so aggravated about being left behind all the time. After a week of standing on the City wall waving goodbye by shoulder was killing me! That, combined with all the needlework I had to do while entertaining Gladders and behaving in a suitably lady-like manner, led to some sort of repetitive stress disorder and made me all numb and sore at the same time. Ioreth, that old bat from the Houses of Healing, diagnosed it as an imbalance in some humour...blah, blah, blah, too much bile or something! She ordered me to apply warm cloths to draw out the evil humour, avoid activities that caused the imbalance for at least a fortnight and drink a tea of willow bark three times a day. I took this to mean get a heating pad, stop waving and crocheting and take some aspirin.

It also meant I couldn’t type, hence the lack of writing, or almost worse, balance the books from the month long party! It’s difficult enough to do spreadsheets on parchment with a quill, and as you know from scrap-booking experience, almost impossible to write legibly with a fancy pen when you hand hurts! I’ll be sorting out that accounting mess for weeks! Faramir has been sending heralds around trying to collect receipts from everyone, but you know how the royals are...the rules don’t apply to them. Now Imrahil wants travel expenses reimbursed! I told him we would cover either room and board for his horses OR mileage, but not both! He doesn’t seem to get it. And does he have receipts? NO! He claims it is because most of the innkeepers were illiterate and couldn’t make one out. But did he a log of his expenses? No! Faramir is not pleased either, he knows how much Dol Amroth collects in taxes per year and thinks it’s petty for Imrahil to want money back in the first place! What happened to the good old days when your princes just did stuff because you were their liege!

All right, enough venting. Now that I am recovered from my “humour imbalance” I promise to write more regularly. If Leggs keeps getting on your nerves, Faramir has offered to take him hunting to get him out of your hair for a while. At this point, Faramir is looking for any excuse to escape the bookkeeping!

Take care. I hope to see you soon!
Your Affectionate Friend,

Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Joy of Legolas

My dearest Corwynne,

The new years festivities are such a blur in my mind that it may be a while before I can relive them in letter form. But my overall sense is that they were a great success.

In other news, Leggs can hardly contain himself. On Easter Sunday, my real world husband decided that this marriage thing had been real fun and all, but it is time for him to move on. As if this weren't enough to keep Leggs happy, the fact that he choose to break this news on Easter which falls just 6 days after our wedding anniversary has him convinced that there is no chance that I can forgive him when he comes to his senses and wants to come home. He is now certain that I will accept his dwelling offer. Therefore the dwell with me, dwell with me chant has begun again.

We shall have to wait and see how things turn out. In the meantime, my added real world responsibilities may limit the time I have to spend in the settlement and in these writings. So I may go a while without writing, but eventually I will get everything worked out and things can begin again as usual.

I am off to clean the kitchen and find some duct tape to put on Leggs' mouth. I will write again when I can.

Your affectionate friend,

Friday, March 25, 2005

Weekend Event Update

My Dearest Kendrah,

I hope you don't mind that I sent Pippin with the updated schedule. I had planned to run it over to your suite myself, but we had FIVE shows at work and I was running around between worlds all day! And I had to make sure I was at the final fitting of Aragorn's formal garb. If I'm not there, he'd bully the poor tailor into letting him wear leather instead of the lovely velvet we had selected! I'll see you at dinner!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Saturday Morning
Throne Room, Citadel

Royal Court
King Elessar will preside at his first official court of the New Year. New programs and alliances will be presented, petitions will be heard and awards granted. Among those being honored with an Award of Arms will be Gimli, Son of Gloin, for his work on restoring the city main gate and sewage systems, and Gregor de Mere for his efforts redesigning and beatifying the Gondorian Royal Residence and the Ithilian Public Library. Billy Boyd will be dubbed an honorary Guard of the Citadel (mostly because I’m tired of him whining about how cool Pippin’s armour is. At least Man-sized livery will fit him!) Luncheon will be served in the Main Hall following court.

Saturday Afternoon
Queen’s Solar, Citadel

Reality: Take it or Leave It
Corwynne and Kendrah will host a discussion on the mechanics of creating and maintaining a fantasy world. Topics will include: selecting a fantasy world, establishing a system of checks and balances to ensure you don’t go too far, how to adjust to time changes, and what to do when Imaginaries start getting independent. If time allows, we will address way to cope when the voices in your head actually become audible.

Saturday Evening
Main Hall, Citadel

Steward’s Dinner
Prince Faramir of Ithilian, Steward of Gondor and his wife will host tonight’s main feast. Please no smoking in Hall, as it gives His Highness the willies. Dancing will follow.

Sunday Morning
Society for Creative Anachronism Demo

Pelennor Field
The Incipient Metropolis of West Peoria will present demos, workshops and classes concerning life in the Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Ages. The event is free and open to the public. Donations will be accepted to benefit the Habitat for Hobbits fund. Since the SCA is an historical education society, participants in the demo are discouraged from wearing fantasy garb, including, but not limited to Jedi Knight, Minbari, Vulcan and Liberal Republican.

Sunday Afternoon
City Tours, Main Gate, First Level
Guided tours of the City’s historic seven levels will begin at noon and leave the Main Gate every half-hour until dusk. Colorful villagers will be on hand to relate touching and amusing tales of their contributions to the defense of the city during the last siege. Refreshments are available in the Garden of the White Tree.

Sunday Evening
Main Hall, Citadel

Closing Feast
King Elessar and Corwynne will preside over a farewell feast. Dishes from around the Realm will be served. Following the feast, please join us on the seventh level for a fireworks display and refreshing frozen margaritas. (Thanks Mithrandir!)
No formal ball is scheduled, but dancing will occur in the main hall following the fireworks. If dancing isn’t your style, join us in the throne room for an evening of stories, poems and the obligatory lament-singing.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Schedule of Events

My Dearest Kendrah,

Sorry I don’t have time to write more, but I’m in a tizzy with the festivities! Below is an outline of upcoming events over the next few days. Faramir asks that you let him know if you will not be attending any of the functions so he can adjust the order of precedence. Must run now! See you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

Wednesday Morning
Tour of the new Elven Settlement
Legolas Greenleaf and Kendrah will conduct a tour of the settlement that will include newly constructed ground-level buildings, flets, orchards and gardens.
A reception will follow in the town square where Legolas and Kendrah will discuss plans for future development and improvement. The tour will meet at the Lamppost on the Western edge of the city. Please wear comfortable shoes.

Wednesday Afternoon
Elven Settlement, Main Smithy
The Sword that was Broken: Blacksmithing Demonstration
The Chief Smith of Imladris will demonstrate techniques used to reforge Narsil into “Flame of the West”. Topics to be covered include use of runes, proper tempering of ancient Elvish blades and the dangers inherent in tampering with magical weapons.

Wednesday Evening
Main Hall, Citadel, Minas Tirith

Diplomatic Dinner
King Elessar and Corwynne welcome their cousins of Erebor with a formal reception and dinner. Halfling Thane and Guard of the Citadel Peregrine Took will serve the High Table. Dinner music will be provided by Enya. Dancing will follow the feast.

Thursday Morning
Garden of the White Tree, Seventh Level, Minis Tirith
Dedication of War Memorials
King Elessar, and King Eomer will dedicate memorials to those who fell defending Men from Shadow during the War of the Ring. Mithrandir will give the keynote address, “A Far Green Country.” Meriadoc Brandybuck will read a special dedication to Ringbearers Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, and a Lebethron tree will be planted by Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel in their honor. Lady Eowyn of Rohan will sing.

Thursday Afternoon
Throne Room, Citadel, Minas Tirith

“Royalty Roundtable: The Role of Sovereignty in a Post Ring World”
Scheduled to attend are King Elessar Telcontar of Gondor, King Eomer of Rohan, King Bard II of the Dale and Thorin III Stonehelm, Son of Dain, King under the Mountain.
The newest monarchs of Middle Earth discuss the challenges and rewards of their first year as sovereigns, and consider what lies ahead for Men in the Fourth Age. This event is free and open to the public. Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth will moderate. (Following this event, the public is invited to join the monarchs in the Garden of the White Tree for refreshments and an autograph session)

Thursday Evening
New Year Vigil
King Elessar will begin a solemn vigil at dusk in the Garden of the White Tree
Corwynne will host dinner that evening in the main hall.
Guests are invited to join King Elessar in vigil at anytime during the night. We only request that silence be maintained in the garden. Food and drink will be served throughout the night in the main hall. Readings from the Red Book of Westmarch will begin after dinner and continue all night. Included among the readers will be Lords Eladan and Elrohir, Billy Boyd, Lord Celebron, Lady Galadriel, Lord Faramir, Peter Jackson, members of the Fellowship, Corwynne, and Christopher Lee.

Friday Dawn
Garden of the White Tree, Seventh Level, Minis Tirith

Remembering Eucastrophe
At sunrise, heralds of the assembled kings, princes, lords etc. will sound their horns to greet the Light’s triumph over Shadow.
The Lothlorien choir will sing 30 minute selection of Maglor’s hymns, newly arranged by Howard Shore.
King Elessar will renew his coronation vows
Gwahir and Manwe’s Blue Eagle squad will perform an aerial stunt exhibition.
Following the Eagle’s performance, all will return to the great hall for coffee, donuts and a nap.

Friday Afternoon
Pelennar Feields

Picnic on Pelennor
Elessar and Corwynne invite all citizens of Gondor and noble guests to join them for a picnic on Pellenor Field. Let us bring life back to the scene of the nation’s most dreadful battle. Musicians from Rohan will provide music in memory of their late King Theoden. King Eomer and Gimli will lead toasts in memory of the honored dead. Exhibitions of arms will be presented.

Friday Evening
Main Hall, Citadel, Minas Tirith

Royal Ball
Formal attire required. Invitation will be required for admittance. A light supper buffet will be available all evening. No formal feast is scheduled.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Fun in Gondor Never Ends

My Dearest Kendrah,

I’m so glad you enjoyed the party and do hope you can return for the New Year festivities. There is quite a bit planned...dedication of the war memorial to honor our Glorious Dead, the official unveiling of Gimli’s new gate, the ribbon cutting on the recently renovated White Tower Archives, various diplomatic dinners and, of course, the dusk to dawn New Year’s party complete with Lament Singing competitions and drinking games.

Legolas has been no trouble at all. He and Gimli have been going on and on about stonework and gardens again so I asked them to draw up some plans incorporating both part of my Greening of Minis Tirith Initiative. Aragorn and Legolas have taken a large party out hunting for a few days so they are out of my hair for a while.

It’s unfortunate you are still having problems with Billingdalt. Perhaps the Rangers Aragorn sent to talk with him didn’t feel quite foul enough. Please let us know if more effective threats are needed. As for your workers, perhaps Gimli can have a chat with them. They all seem to like him...even if he is a dwarf.

I envy you your relatively peaceful settlement at the moment. Much to my dismay, Gladders decided she wanted to stay in the city and not go hunting with the rest of the gang. Imagine my horror! Every afternoon all the noble females sit around on the balcony doing needlework and being terrified of Her! Gimli didn’t help matters. He stayed home from the hunt to swoon at her feet and keeps writing badly rhymed poetry about her hair! One poor Rohirrim woman fled in tears because her hair, though a lovely wheaten blonde, wasn’t golden enough. If only they could have seen the Lady of the Golden Wood sneaking out to the privy late one night, bunny slippers poking their noses out from her silken robe and her flawless face covered in greenish cold cream. We nodded politely as we passed in the hall, but she knows I know she’s not all that pretty at 4 am!

To make matters worse, she has started dropping not so subtle hints that Aragorn and I need to stop living together like mere Men and get married...and the sooner the better. Then she had the nerve to mention I was gaining weight...asked if I had “an heir in the oven.” When I told her no, I was stress eating (and please, does she have any idea how difficult it is to manage a REAL life and maintain a fantasy world day in and day out? Look how much weight PJ put on working on the movies!), she smiled sadly and said not everyone can have an Elvish metabolism and patted me on the head. Maybe we should move up the wedding...surely she wouldn’t pat a QUEEN on the head! Okay, maybe she would...

Well, Imrahil’s sister is hosting a tea party and I must attend. Take care! I hope to see you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,