My Dearest Kendrah,
Leave it to Aragorn to record his experiences. It's that ingrained Gondorian love of history. I'm afraid our exploits will be sung, in epic manner, in Sindarin, before too long. I still long for my days of beer drinking and napping, but I am keeping busy now trying to get all my performances ready for internet sales. Keep me posted on the Elf visitation issue. I'm sending along a few more diary entries to amuse you.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Had Amron spar a bit with me. He says I DO hit too hard. Practiced tapping him gently with pole-arm. Much better. Took Amron to authorization with me so he could glare at the Marshall. It worked. I passed! Huzzah! Amron and I drank lots of beer to celebrate. Took “nap” in woods. Guys camped behind us stepped on me. Plan to short-sheet their cots at dusk.
C. said I can sleep in her pavilion. Cam will let me store sexy leather coat in his tent. I’d better not catch him trying it on! It will be too long for him anyway. Bad night last night. Legolas kept waking me up to look at leaves. I thought he’d said “greaves” at first. That would have been cool! But no...it was “leaves”. Apparently he was tracking the changes of a particular birch leaf over the course of the night. Was not all that interesting to me, but he felt it would help reconnect me to my Elvish roots. Whatever! Wonder if C. will let me share that double high air mattress of hers...
It was hot again. We went shopping for a bit. Had to leave sexy leather coat in camp. C. was wearing a v. fetching little turban. We bought her hat. She wanted me to get one too, for shade, but heck, if I don’t wear a helm while battling the Forces of Evil, I’m not gonna wear a little straw hat! Faramir would laugh at me and it wouldn’t do much for my tough-guy persona. Geoff spent the evening in camp. Kept telling v. amusing stories. Finally everyone went to bed and he and C. had to “talk”. He kept saying he knew it couldn’t be between them. Damn straight! I almost had to start something, but he staggered away up the hill before it got too weird. Besides Legolas was keeping an eye on things from his perch in the tree on the road where he was mumbling something about effects of exhaust fumes. Going to try and sleep under the picnic table tonight. Hope it’s less damp. Wonder if Cam is trying on my coat?
C. worked Troll for two hours in the afternoon. I found a few more knights to “play” with. Met C. for a class on Anglo-Saxon Food Preparation and Storage. Eowyn should have been there! Maybe C. and I will make her and Faramir an authentic Anglo-Saxon dinner some day. Of course, I’ll have to hunt and skin everything myself. C. hates that part. Sometimes she’s not v. helpful in the kitchen. Got really drunk on Siobhan’s Key Lime Martinis. Greatly appreciated Ri’s corset. Giggled more than is appropriate for a Man in my position. Passed out pretty early...something about jumping a moose...or something...
C. and K. went to Pgh. to do laundry. Woo-hoo! Bachelor Day Out! Unfortunately Faramir called (maybe that cell phone wasn’t such a good idea after all) and I had to pop back to Minis Tirith. Still having issues with customs. Apparently someone is smuggling barware into reality! I looked as innocent as possible. By the time I got back, C. and K. had returned. Fortunately they had unloaded all the heavy stuff before I got there. C. brought more beer, which was good because I drank her last bottle. Put more in the cooler while she and K. went to park the car. I’m so considerate sometimes! It was still hot. It tried to rain a bit, but didn’t succeed. Was a bit miffed that the girls didn’t bring me any left-over pizza. I hear it was the best pizza ever. Oh well. I’ll grab some up top. Drank more beer once C. got back from the parking lot. Gregor played the RotK soundtrack. That white gull song always makes me weepy.
C. and Melanie took me up to see the opening ceremonies. It was quite touching...reminded me of home with all the banners and music and heraldry and tales of noble deeds. I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. Had C. go over the process of becoming royalty. Not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it makes sense to have your strongest fighter in charge, but what if he’s not a good administrator? And without a long family tradition of opposing evil, how can you be sure the king isn’t in the service of the Enemy? OK, so the noble bloodline thing didn’t work out so well for Numenor, I admit the system is flawed, but these people get a new king every year! How can you maintain any sort of consistency? I plan to look into this further...and consider entering a Crown Tourney.
It finally rained. Unfortunately it was during dinner and the pavilion was a bit leaky. C. and her people cooked. Cam was wearing a raincoat v. reminiscent of my sexy leather coat. Considered kicking his ass, but decided to let it go. It’s kinda cute when real people dress up like Dunadain and pretend to be Rangers. Even Viggo had some trouble pulling it off at times, and he had me there to coach him! I paid a visit to Legolas in his new tree after dinner to get out of doing dishes. I took him some leftovers and beer.