My Dearest Kendrah,
Congratualtions on the new couch! I wish I could be there, but I alas, have other duties.
I continued my perusal of Aragorn's Diary and allI can say is I am shocked. I blame myself completely! Obviously he was deeply in need of comfort and companinship on Thursday and I simply not present for him. I regret that I was unable to assist him in his time of need and that I did not tidy up after him when he left his things lying uner the pavilion. A little tidiness may have saved a great eal of woe. I can only be grateful that he was not injured and that he has worked out for himself proper conclusion to his sordid affairs. I send this to you in strictest confidence and I warn you it is not pretty! Whatever you do, make sure your Sons and, frankly, anyone under 18 does not see this entry. It would be too shocking for them to bear.
I have not the heart to write more. Until later,
Your Affectionate Friend,
PS...I'm not certain that video clips, no matter how amusing, are appropriate for royal weddings. I will assume you were only joking, since you are indeed, the Funny One.
Dear Aragorn’s Diary
So yes, maybe I’ve been drinking and you know how I get after a few mead horns, but by the Ancient paths of My Fathers, I can’t believe you haven’t written about me! About us! I hear that slut, you’re would-be queen; C., I despise you! I hear her say that you have told her it was all “Hail fellow, well met” camaraderie on the battlefield. And she laughs! Or giggles rather. Unless that boorish Lord Geoffie is molesting her, making mock of you! But that night was not the only time was it? Have you told her about our special study time together, where you read the ancient scrolls of kingship while I knelt before you? Yes, I knelt before you offering obeisance and honor while I tasted all your ancient manhood!
Enough! I fear I am making a fool of myself. Go on and assume your mantle of greatness. I know what will become of me, another of your callous, casual, discards. One of the “Little People” you will thank along the way. Tee, hee, indeed! You’re revolting! No, I’m sorry, my strong, hard lover. Forgive me. I am forever, ‘til the hail of orc-arrows washes the passion from tear-stained armor, yours. Boromir
I can only say that being killed AND being drunk has Boromir saying these things. Don’t feel that I should justify my acceptance of fealty in any way.C. drank a lot today, to say the least. And she sang a lot. Folks seemed to find it amusing for the most part.
I, Aragorn (not Boromir), do swear that I will never speak to C. again, I am moved beyond measure by Boromir’s words. C. is a cheap, drunk, trollop. Gods, I have been a fool.
Boromir is spreading rumors about me again! We certainly did NOT shower together, as the full moon was rising in the twilight sky, bathing his firm buttocks in gossamer moonlight. And I did NOT soap his manly chest with scented oils, trembling as my hands approached ever closer to his throne of manhood. I did NOT, must NOT think of sweaty Boromir. Oh my darling Corwynne, forgive me! A man has needs and the moon held sway over my senses. Curse that shower stall! Never again! Sob!
Please, whatever you do, DO NOT mention this that pointy-eared, long-haired, beardless, arrow-waving Elf!
So I was at this orc bar last night when in walked... crawled... staggered this huge hunk of an Uruk. Maybe it was the cheap mead, maybe it was the swill, I just don’t know. Call me crazy, but something in his eyes caught my attention. C., you know I’m not attracted to his kind, you know of my feelings for you, but I just couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it we were doing shots of metheglin at the bar with a bartender who, let me tell you, sure knows how to pour! Then it was out the back door and off to his place. A few friends dropped by and before I could say “Holy Elbereth!” the birds were singing! I was mortified to say the least. When I finally came to my senses I crept out s quietly as I could and ran home. I feel cheapened. I feel tawdry. I feel...I feel MARVELOUS! Absolutely marvelous!
I arrived back at camp to find that I was, in fact, enjoying my first Walk of Shame. Luckily, Kendrah was the only one up and, hopefully, if she tells C., C. will think she is kidding since K. IS the funny one.
K. amused me greatly with the story of C.’s drunken sing, the “walk” to the porta-castle and putting her to bed. I wish I had seen it, but I’m sure, if I had been there, people would have expected me to assist her and I am sure I would have been laughing too hard.
Kendrah, you know diary, the funny one, told me all about the video she took and explained that we can project this on a large screen during our wedding ceremony. It will be a good way for the people of Gondor to get to know their new queen better. K. assures me that there is no need to mention this to C. ahead of time and we agreed it will make a nice surprise.
It will also help me deal with the guilt I feel about Boromir. I care deeply for both of them, but the choice is clear. Gondor is not ready for a King born of the Dunedain, to be shacked up with a man, and the rainbow flags of the gay pride parades would clash with the decor of the White City.
I have but one choice.