Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Infamous Summer of 2008

My Dearest Kendrah,

Years from now, our official biographers will sift through reams of journal entries and letters and wonder what happened during the Summer of 2008 RR (Reality Reckoning). Questions will that keep bards and storytellers busy for centuries pondering the mysteries of that time. Romantic tales will spring up concerning our trials and tribulations, made all the more horrible to bear because we did not have each other as faithful companions. What drove them apart, they wonder and why, after three months of silence, have they reconciled and, renewed in frith and friendship, begun again the glorious adventure of fellowship between the worlds.

Well, screw the biographers and bards!!! The truth is…I was busy!!! Between the Druids (reality) and the King’s jealousy (Fantasy), I’ve had my hands full!!! It is not and issue between us, oh bards, but an issue with the King. An issue that almost changed the course of history. I admit I am partly to blame and to protect his honor and the intimate details of our recent unpleasantness, (damn paparazzi) I have avoided committing to paper the events of the past few months. I know you are aware of some of the rumors and gossip that had spread throughout our realm and beyond, and I hope this letter will explain with a bit more truthiness the situation at hand.

As you know, War Practice went off beautifully! Celeborn was very polite, though he did drink lot, and seemed to enjoy himself, or at least, remain rather bemused by the entire situation. Shortly after our return from War practice though, his Elven Lordship decided it was time to retreat to Lothorien and sped some time contemplating the state of the reality and fate of Man. (He took with him a box of Fruity Cheerios). Huzzah! I thought finally, things would get back to normal around Minis Tirith.

Unfortunately, the new season of Dr. Who began.

I thought the King and I had worked through out issues with my current TV Boyfriend, but apparently I was sadly mistaken. When the season began, I invited the king to watch with me, thinking if we were together he would see that It was all over between me and the Doctor. That ploy backfired! I was not nearly as over the Doctor as I thought (and my added, creepy fascination with Capt. Jack didn’t help.) Maybe it was a seven year itch, maybe I was dreaming of greener pastures, I just don’t know.

I behaved fairly well in the beginning, hiding my forbidden love deep inside like Gwenevere (that twit! I hated myself!), but the King wasn’t enjoying himself. He kept watching, but I had to put up with all the snide comments. “The Doctor! What kind of name is that? And people made fun of ME when I called myself Strider” and “He doesn’t seem very fit. That’s what you get from sitting on your ass riding a blue box through space and time instead of hacking orcs like a real man” and “He’s so skinny. I could snap him like a twig…even Legolas could snap him like a twig, not that he would, I think he has a fondness for twigs, but you know what I’m saying” and “Why doesn’t the sissy boy grow a beard for Eru’s sake, he looks like Hobbit” and on and on.

That was all I could take. I wet on a rant about how the Doctor always has to save the world and if he wants to do it beardless and wearing sneakers that’s his right. And how The King should be lucky to have me…someone to come home to after the long orc hunts who cares about him and who he can actually have sex with from time to time. And he would just spend time with the Doctor he would understand what a wonderful guy he really is. And how the Doctor is doing his part to save the world too and the King should just shut up about it!!!!!

Well, that did not go over too well.

Unfortunately, I must sign off for now. Busy, busy with post Pennsic clean-up (still!) and assorted Gondorian harvest festivals to plan.

I will continue the saga as soon as I am able.

Your Affectionate Friend,