Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Fun in Gondor Never Ends

My Dearest Kendrah,

I’m so glad you enjoyed the party and do hope you can return for the New Year festivities. There is quite a bit planned...dedication of the war memorial to honor our Glorious Dead, the official unveiling of Gimli’s new gate, the ribbon cutting on the recently renovated White Tower Archives, various diplomatic dinners and, of course, the dusk to dawn New Year’s party complete with Lament Singing competitions and drinking games.

Legolas has been no trouble at all. He and Gimli have been going on and on about stonework and gardens again so I asked them to draw up some plans incorporating both part of my Greening of Minis Tirith Initiative. Aragorn and Legolas have taken a large party out hunting for a few days so they are out of my hair for a while.

It’s unfortunate you are still having problems with Billingdalt. Perhaps the Rangers Aragorn sent to talk with him didn’t feel quite foul enough. Please let us know if more effective threats are needed. As for your workers, perhaps Gimli can have a chat with them. They all seem to like him...even if he is a dwarf.

I envy you your relatively peaceful settlement at the moment. Much to my dismay, Gladders decided she wanted to stay in the city and not go hunting with the rest of the gang. Imagine my horror! Every afternoon all the noble females sit around on the balcony doing needlework and being terrified of Her! Gimli didn’t help matters. He stayed home from the hunt to swoon at her feet and keeps writing badly rhymed poetry about her hair! One poor Rohirrim woman fled in tears because her hair, though a lovely wheaten blonde, wasn’t golden enough. If only they could have seen the Lady of the Golden Wood sneaking out to the privy late one night, bunny slippers poking their noses out from her silken robe and her flawless face covered in greenish cold cream. We nodded politely as we passed in the hall, but she knows I know she’s not all that pretty at 4 am!

To make matters worse, she has started dropping not so subtle hints that Aragorn and I need to stop living together like mere Men and get married...and the sooner the better. Then she had the nerve to mention I was gaining weight...asked if I had “an heir in the oven.” When I told her no, I was stress eating (and please, does she have any idea how difficult it is to manage a REAL life and maintain a fantasy world day in and day out? Look how much weight PJ put on working on the movies!), she smiled sadly and said not everyone can have an Elvish metabolism and patted me on the head. Maybe we should move up the wedding...surely she wouldn’t pat a QUEEN on the head! Okay, maybe she would...

Well, Imrahil’s sister is hosting a tea party and I must attend. Take care! I hope to see you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,

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