Thursday, December 30, 2004

Things We've Learned

My Dearest Kendrah,

In honor of the coming New Year, I thought now would be a good time to reflect on all we've learned from Middle Earth so far. I believe the top 10 are your thoughts, followed by a few of my own.

1. People can be made out of song.

2. If you wish for a better wizard, be prepared for him to lose any sense of humor he might have had to begin with.

3. When an Elf and a Dwarf appear to be friends, don't be fooled...know that they don't actually speak to each other. (Example: Gimli-"There is some good stone work here...blah blah stone blah." Legolas-"They need more gardens...blah blah, birds, flowers, blah.")

4. If you want to live, NEVER accept the fealty of a hobbit.

5. If you are under attack and need some construction done quickly and without discussion, you would be better off calling the union than asking the Dwarf for help. (I don't know if I can work under these conditions!)

6. If you happen across the body of a fallen comrade, do not assume he/she is dead. Even if you see them fall into a bottomless pit, chances are good that they are still alive. Therefore, do NOT light the funeral pyre until decomposition commences.

7. Nine fighters against 500 orcs will win. 500 fighters against 1000 orcs will not. Therefore, the smaller army is the better army.

8. If you are being sucked into the roots of a tree and all attempts to save you have failed...sing.

9. You can't tig on a tog.

10. If daddy loves your bother better than you, and your brother dies...enter therapy BEFORE dad tries to burn you alive.

11. Strawberries do occur in Middle Earth in reference to bathing. It’s a short stretch from strawberries and cream to strawberry bubble bath.

12. Sending your elderly uncle to “live with the Elves” is NOT the same as sending your elderly dog to “live on a farm.”

13. Smeagol lied. Smeagols always lie. Save your pity.

14. Trying to frighten a suiciadal sibling away from a battle will only encourage him/her. A little reverse psychology goes a long way.

15. "... in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach."

Your Affectionate Friend,

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