My Dearest Kendrah,
I have made several attempts to write to you over the past several days, but it seems my missives have gone amiss. My riders are terribly unamused by the weather conditions and keep finding reasons not to…well…ride! You should hear the talk in the Tower Guard locker room
“Remember when Sauron dwelt on our Southern border. It was MUCH warmer then”
“Yeah…Mithrandir says that the noxious fumes of Orodruin caused some weird atmospheric condition that raised the temperature of Gondor significantly. “
“Right! Arda-warming! Radagast has been muttering about the environmental toll for years...Denethor thought it was a bunch of New Age hippie nonsense”
“But it WAS warmer then...”
“Well, yes. But darker…more oppressive…and evil of course.”
“Of course…evil…but you can’t have everything…and it was warmer…”
In any case I hope my letter finds you warm and reasonably well.
I think it would be entirely appropriate to teach the Hobbits the “Hi Ho, Hi Ho” song. They’d love it! I can see them now, little lunch pails in one hand, paint brushes in the other, trotting along, singing merrily! And when work has ended for the day, down the hill they come, silhouetted by the sun as she sinks into the West, tired but happy, singing the “Ho Ho Ho to the bottle I Go” song as they head for the pub. (I don’t know if there IS a hill for them to come down, but I needed it for the whole silhouette thing to work in my head…)
And yes, the awful, awful rumors you’ve heard about Screwtape appear to be true. Apparently the rights have been obtained by Walden Media, the folks who brought us “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” and the latest “Bridge to Terabithia”. I’ve raised my concerns to the king, but he’s too deeply embroiled in the whole “Hobbit” affair at the moment to take on another film studio. Maybe it will all work itself out, and the powers that be will realize that it’s just a bad idea. We’ll see (or not, as the case may be!) CS is probably spinning in his grave! I’d hate to think that JRR and CS are spending their afterlife bemoaning the fact that they sold off film rights to their books…
Well, I have to brave the basement chill and get my laundry out of the washer. Stay warm!
Your Affectionate Friend,
PS-The Geekiest Book Ever is amazing! I can't wait to get to work tomorrow and start looking up some new words in the OED!