My Dearest Kendrah,
I once again find myself apologizing for the tardy reply to your latest letter. I will say that it certainly explains why, shortly after your “gift” arrived, Celeborn came riding like the wind up to the White City, looking rather disheveled for an Elf, demanding wine and taking up residence in one of the ambassadorial suites. He claimed he had important research to do in the Library, but I thought it a rather lame excuse. However, the King and I felt it best to say nothing and simply extend our hospitality for the duration of his visit. Which continues, much like the proverbial road, ever on and on.
For nearly a month he’s been gliding around the City, holing up in the Library with Mithrandir during the day or worse taking very long lunches with the Wizard, slumming it in various taverns in the lower levels of the City. Let me assure you there is nothing quite so disturbing as the two of them staggering up flights of stairs while singing bawdy drinking songs. I am hoping he grows tired of us mere Mortals soon. I sympathize…no one wants to face the Wroth of Gladders, but he starting to scare me. Fortunately, he’s begun singing more laments, late at night, which leads me to believe he’s beginning to miss the Golden Wood. I wonder when he’ll consider it safe to return home?
The King and I are looking forward to War Practice. If Celeborn is still skulking around, I may invite him along as well. Picture it. Go on, close your eyes, and picture him knee deep in Bog mud, eating Cheerios out of a paper bowl! I hope the image amuses you as much as it does me. Does Leggs plan to join us this year? I’m trying to get the final head count for the food plan.
I spent most of the day cleaning the basement and locating the camping equipment. The King made himself useful carrying trash. I think he needed a break from our noble Elven guest as much as I did! I’m going to so a bit more laundry and settle in for a nice evening of Battlestar Galactica.
I hope you are enjoying your weekend in New York with the Loud One! The King and I look forward to seeing you and Sons next weekend!
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Someone else's Blessed Event
My Dearest Corwynne,
You know that I have been trying to facilitate some sort of less than hostile relationship between the elves in the West and myself, or anyone of lesser (ie human) birth. I think that I may have blown it. Yesterday I was in reality, surf the interwebs, when I saw a birth announcement and I thought that I had seen a golden opportunity....I immediately sent out a congratulatory basket with many gifts that a new mother should not be without, hoping that mine would be the best and the first to arrive.
Sadly, it was the only one to arrive, because it appears that I was the only one who didn't bother to continue reading....it was not Gladders who had a baby, but Cate Blachett....But seriously, with a name like Ignatius Martin how was I expected to know. I mean, yes, I know that Gladders is well past the age that anyone, even an elf should even consider having a child, but she has always gone against the grain, and I was just so excited that this was an opportunity to quell some of her hatred toward me.
So, my package was returned. It's contents were now nothing but ash. There was a note attached which simply read "Forward to Cate Blachett" So I think I have screwed this up past the point of rescue, and I must say, knowing that there is no chance has sort of made me feel better about everything.
I am very excited for the chance to work with the SCYSM. I would love to sit on the board. Please let me know when the first meeting will be.
Please thank the King for all of his concern over the education of the eldest son. It is very helpful to have royalty on your side.
I must go now and explain the basket in the shape of a baby carriage filled with ash to Leggs. I don't think he is going to be pleased.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
You know that I have been trying to facilitate some sort of less than hostile relationship between the elves in the West and myself, or anyone of lesser (ie human) birth. I think that I may have blown it. Yesterday I was in reality, surf the interwebs, when I saw a birth announcement and I thought that I had seen a golden opportunity....I immediately sent out a congratulatory basket with many gifts that a new mother should not be without, hoping that mine would be the best and the first to arrive.
Sadly, it was the only one to arrive, because it appears that I was the only one who didn't bother to continue reading....it was not Gladders who had a baby, but Cate Blachett....But seriously, with a name like Ignatius Martin how was I expected to know. I mean, yes, I know that Gladders is well past the age that anyone, even an elf should even consider having a child, but she has always gone against the grain, and I was just so excited that this was an opportunity to quell some of her hatred toward me.
So, my package was returned. It's contents were now nothing but ash. There was a note attached which simply read "Forward to Cate Blachett" So I think I have screwed this up past the point of rescue, and I must say, knowing that there is no chance has sort of made me feel better about everything.
I am very excited for the chance to work with the SCYSM. I would love to sit on the board. Please let me know when the first meeting will be.
Please thank the King for all of his concern over the education of the eldest son. It is very helpful to have royalty on your side.
I must go now and explain the basket in the shape of a baby carriage filled with ash to Leggs. I don't think he is going to be pleased.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
My Dearest Kendrah,
First of all, you, Leggs and the Sons should know that you have the full support of the King and I. We have always depended on you, along with your family, to Facilitate Ridiculous Fantasies. In fact we consider you a leader in the movement. Many look up to you, take you as an example of how to facilitate, and draw inspiration and courage from the way you boldly lay the foundations for future mental instability! The King has offered to send The Eldest Son a small honor guard of Gondorian Knights to help “facilitate” the smiting unbelievers. I suggested that it might not be best idea. If they have such an issue with a herd of harmless unicorns, imagine the reaction to a fully armoured guard. The king has agreed to simply monitor the situation for the time being. (Though I wouldn’t be surprised if a few unemployed Rangers from the North started lurking in bushes. Sometimes, the King’s "monitoring" techniques are less than subtle.)
In other news, I have received several communications from Rook concerning the future of Orthanc. As you know, once we got all the creepy stuff cleaned out, the King gave the Key of Orthanc into Rook’s keeping. He finally has a plan for converting the former Stronghold of Sauruman into an institution benefiting the whole of Arda. The King, Faramir and I are still sorting through the paperwork but with luck, “Rook's School and Home for Useless Yet Strapping Young Men and/or Elves” should be opening its doors in the next 18 months. That is of course, its informal name. It will be incorporated in Gondor as the Scholarly Council for Young Strapping Men (SCYSM).
He has asked that both you and I consent to sit on its Board of Directors. I have agreed (it’s very queenly to sit on charitable boards) and hope you will join me. He is also seeking other-world board members to act as advisors. Sir Ian McKellan and Professor Dumbledore have already been invited as art and education advisors. The courses will focus on the Classics, which in our opinion, don’t get enough focus these days. Greco-Roman wrestling will be a help in channeling YSM energies. The King suggested we add some military training as well. I’m thinking along the lines of 300 (with proper Spartan “uniforms”) to encourage team building. Classical figure drawing will nuture their artistic side and learning Latin and Quenya will lay a solid foundation for understanding and analysis of language and history. Singing, recitation of poetry, Elven harp, and other performance-oriented lessons will instill self-esteem and foster an appreciation for music and theater…or musical theater…
Of course this will all require money. I was hoping to dedicate income from the upcoming Hobbit film to this purpose, but with the latest Tolkien Estate lawsuit and the New Line merger, I am hesitant to count on becoming available in a timely manner. We hate to raise taxes again, so we are looking at alternative funding options. Several prominent Gondorian leaders including Prince Imrahil, Faramir, myself and the King, have already pledged private endowments. I plan to lean on Elrond to get an endowment from him. I don’t know if we’ll have much luck with donations from Lothlorien, but I suspect Haldir might be interested. I will leave soliciting Thranduil and his folk in the capable hands of you and Leggs. I think you and I should definitely host some charity balls, auctions and dinners. Perhaps we could recruit our reality friends to do their part as well. Maybe Orli would be willing to auction off another pair of smallclothes on Ebay. I’ll have the King mention it to Viggo(I think they’re having dinner together next week). Surely Sir Ian, and the other Sir Ian and Christopher Lee would lend their support to this worthy cause.
In any case, I should probably get back to work. I still have real work to do on top of the business of running a kingdom.. I don’t think anyone realizes the amount of time and effort that goes into proper governance of a “ridiculous fantasy.” Until next time…
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
First of all, you, Leggs and the Sons should know that you have the full support of the King and I. We have always depended on you, along with your family, to Facilitate Ridiculous Fantasies. In fact we consider you a leader in the movement. Many look up to you, take you as an example of how to facilitate, and draw inspiration and courage from the way you boldly lay the foundations for future mental instability! The King has offered to send The Eldest Son a small honor guard of Gondorian Knights to help “facilitate” the smiting unbelievers. I suggested that it might not be best idea. If they have such an issue with a herd of harmless unicorns, imagine the reaction to a fully armoured guard. The king has agreed to simply monitor the situation for the time being. (Though I wouldn’t be surprised if a few unemployed Rangers from the North started lurking in bushes. Sometimes, the King’s "monitoring" techniques are less than subtle.)
In other news, I have received several communications from Rook concerning the future of Orthanc. As you know, once we got all the creepy stuff cleaned out, the King gave the Key of Orthanc into Rook’s keeping. He finally has a plan for converting the former Stronghold of Sauruman into an institution benefiting the whole of Arda. The King, Faramir and I are still sorting through the paperwork but with luck, “Rook's School and Home for Useless Yet Strapping Young Men and/or Elves” should be opening its doors in the next 18 months. That is of course, its informal name. It will be incorporated in Gondor as the Scholarly Council for Young Strapping Men (SCYSM).
He has asked that both you and I consent to sit on its Board of Directors. I have agreed (it’s very queenly to sit on charitable boards) and hope you will join me. He is also seeking other-world board members to act as advisors. Sir Ian McKellan and Professor Dumbledore have already been invited as art and education advisors. The courses will focus on the Classics, which in our opinion, don’t get enough focus these days. Greco-Roman wrestling will be a help in channeling YSM energies. The King suggested we add some military training as well. I’m thinking along the lines of 300 (with proper Spartan “uniforms”) to encourage team building. Classical figure drawing will nuture their artistic side and learning Latin and Quenya will lay a solid foundation for understanding and analysis of language and history. Singing, recitation of poetry, Elven harp, and other performance-oriented lessons will instill self-esteem and foster an appreciation for music and theater…or musical theater…
Of course this will all require money. I was hoping to dedicate income from the upcoming Hobbit film to this purpose, but with the latest Tolkien Estate lawsuit and the New Line merger, I am hesitant to count on becoming available in a timely manner. We hate to raise taxes again, so we are looking at alternative funding options. Several prominent Gondorian leaders including Prince Imrahil, Faramir, myself and the King, have already pledged private endowments. I plan to lean on Elrond to get an endowment from him. I don’t know if we’ll have much luck with donations from Lothlorien, but I suspect Haldir might be interested. I will leave soliciting Thranduil and his folk in the capable hands of you and Leggs. I think you and I should definitely host some charity balls, auctions and dinners. Perhaps we could recruit our reality friends to do their part as well. Maybe Orli would be willing to auction off another pair of smallclothes on Ebay. I’ll have the King mention it to Viggo(I think they’re having dinner together next week). Surely Sir Ian, and the other Sir Ian and Christopher Lee would lend their support to this worthy cause.
In any case, I should probably get back to work. I still have real work to do on top of the business of running a kingdom.. I don’t think anyone realizes the amount of time and effort that goes into proper governance of a “ridiculous fantasy.” Until next time…
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Ridiculous Facilitation
My Dearest Corwynne,
I am so glad that you and the King got to spend some quality time together. I am a bit surprised by what movies he did and did not like, but they do say you can never really know someone. And I guess that is the case here.
News from this part of the world (middle earth and reality) is not terribly exciting. The most interesting thing happened in reality(at least I think it was in reality, but after you see how it went, you will understand my hesitation in commenting to that fully).
This evening I attended parent teacher conferences for the eldest of the sons. Nothing out of the ordinary with his school work, just as I expected. As I was about to leave however, one of his teachers said that there was a issue that they wanted to mention. I said okay and waited, expecting something like "He tends to yell "pickles" a lot." (Cause he does.) The two teachers look to each other and braced themselves and the one said, "We would like to discuss your ridiculous facilitation of his unicorn fantasies."
I figured this issue would come up eventually, but I didn't expect it right then. If I had know it was coming I never would have let Leggs tag along. I was distracted for a moment, because Leggs immediately stood up straighter, as sure sign of elf agitation. Since I was distracted, all I managed was "what about it?" And can I just say right now that this was not the right response, because it opened up a window in which these two women let flow forth redneckness (yes, I made that word up cause there isn't one that I know that convey my feeling better) that shocked, awed and offended me (and Leggs) greatly.
They started off by telling me that I was laying the foundation for future mental instability.* I replied to this with "I certainly don't believe that to be true." The rebuttal from the teachers was that I must tell him there is no such things as unicorns. I replied that I would not and that even if I did he wouldn't believe me. one teacher then said to the other, "Well, that is a parenting problem."** And without allowing me time to answer the other teacher began telling me a little story. It stars my eldest child being picked on for believing in unicorns by the other nonbelievers in the class. And how she came to his rescue with this golden nugget..."So, I told them," she said, "that there were unicorns in the Bible, so they must have been real."***
At this point I explained that the son and I had discussed keeping his love of unicorns quiet at school in order to make more friends, but that he said he didn't want that kind of friend. I told them if they had an arguement that could beat that I would be happy to hear it....they only responded that it was very Montessori of me.**** I did not yell, because it is never a good idea to upset the people who spend more time with your child than you do. So, yet another eventful parent teacher conference, and by successful I mean that I don't think this school will ask me to be president of the PTA...thank the Valar!
And that is all the news that is fit to print. The news that is not fit to print can be found below. Give my best to the King.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
Leggs' responses at Parent Teacher conferences.
*These women have clearly not done any research on what causes these mental issues. The New England Journal of Medicine clearly explains that mental illness is caused by many factors. Genetics play a large role as does the patients family life. If they do not feel safe around their family, a mental disorder could arise. I would think that being willing to openly admit to such an unpopular idea at such a young age proves that this child feels completely safe in his home environment. There are also psychological factors, such as trauma....(at this point I had to go back to listening to the teachers or they would have thought that there was a very good reason that my son was crazy!)
**There is a fell voice on the air! If I did not see them with my own eyes I would be sure they were Crebain from Dunland. How is it that they dare?!
***Crebain from Dunland are more intelligent than these women. She proves that the fantasy is not real with the proof that is real from another more fantastic and unbelievable fantasy than the first. The lack of logic in these people would make Spock's head spin!
****Montessori!!! Yes, when my father is finally in the Elven retirement home we will have enough gold to send both of the sons to a real school, like this woman says a Montessori school. I have had enough. Let us be done with these fools.
I am so glad that you and the King got to spend some quality time together. I am a bit surprised by what movies he did and did not like, but they do say you can never really know someone. And I guess that is the case here.
News from this part of the world (middle earth and reality) is not terribly exciting. The most interesting thing happened in reality(at least I think it was in reality, but after you see how it went, you will understand my hesitation in commenting to that fully).
This evening I attended parent teacher conferences for the eldest of the sons. Nothing out of the ordinary with his school work, just as I expected. As I was about to leave however, one of his teachers said that there was a issue that they wanted to mention. I said okay and waited, expecting something like "He tends to yell "pickles" a lot." (Cause he does.) The two teachers look to each other and braced themselves and the one said, "We would like to discuss your ridiculous facilitation of his unicorn fantasies."
I figured this issue would come up eventually, but I didn't expect it right then. If I had know it was coming I never would have let Leggs tag along. I was distracted for a moment, because Leggs immediately stood up straighter, as sure sign of elf agitation. Since I was distracted, all I managed was "what about it?" And can I just say right now that this was not the right response, because it opened up a window in which these two women let flow forth redneckness (yes, I made that word up cause there isn't one that I know that convey my feeling better) that shocked, awed and offended me (and Leggs) greatly.
They started off by telling me that I was laying the foundation for future mental instability.* I replied to this with "I certainly don't believe that to be true." The rebuttal from the teachers was that I must tell him there is no such things as unicorns. I replied that I would not and that even if I did he wouldn't believe me. one teacher then said to the other, "Well, that is a parenting problem."** And without allowing me time to answer the other teacher began telling me a little story. It stars my eldest child being picked on for believing in unicorns by the other nonbelievers in the class. And how she came to his rescue with this golden nugget..."So, I told them," she said, "that there were unicorns in the Bible, so they must have been real."***
At this point I explained that the son and I had discussed keeping his love of unicorns quiet at school in order to make more friends, but that he said he didn't want that kind of friend. I told them if they had an arguement that could beat that I would be happy to hear it....they only responded that it was very Montessori of me.**** I did not yell, because it is never a good idea to upset the people who spend more time with your child than you do. So, yet another eventful parent teacher conference, and by successful I mean that I don't think this school will ask me to be president of the PTA...thank the Valar!
And that is all the news that is fit to print. The news that is not fit to print can be found below. Give my best to the King.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
Leggs' responses at Parent Teacher conferences.
*These women have clearly not done any research on what causes these mental issues. The New England Journal of Medicine clearly explains that mental illness is caused by many factors. Genetics play a large role as does the patients family life. If they do not feel safe around their family, a mental disorder could arise. I would think that being willing to openly admit to such an unpopular idea at such a young age proves that this child feels completely safe in his home environment. There are also psychological factors, such as trauma....(at this point I had to go back to listening to the teachers or they would have thought that there was a very good reason that my son was crazy!)
**There is a fell voice on the air! If I did not see them with my own eyes I would be sure they were Crebain from Dunland. How is it that they dare?!
***Crebain from Dunland are more intelligent than these women. She proves that the fantasy is not real with the proof that is real from another more fantastic and unbelievable fantasy than the first. The lack of logic in these people would make Spock's head spin!
****Montessori!!! Yes, when my father is finally in the Elven retirement home we will have enough gold to send both of the sons to a real school, like this woman says a Montessori school. I have had enough. Let us be done with these fools.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Movies with the King
My Dearest Kendrah,
I can’t believe it’s been a month since you last wrote! January fled like an Elf on a fast boat to the West! I guess it’s taken me a while to recover from all the holiday festivities and some kind of routine again. And the post-holiday funk was almost equal to the post-Pennsic funk, so I haven’t been in a communicating kind of mood.
Mostly, the King has been hanging out at my place. He has a soft spot for central heating and the electric blanket, so he was perfectly willing to lie around for a few weeks with me watching movies and eating leftover cookies, Hershey’s Miniatures and those funny Italian nougat candies you can only find at Christmas.
Anyway, the eating, as usual was pretty good, but apparently the King is far worse than we when it comes to making fun of...uh…discussing films.
Where to begin. Let’s start with 300. I thought he’d love it, all that manly camaraderie. He spent the whole movie loudly voicing his disapproval at the lack of Spartan armor and couldn’t understand why I was so…ummm…appreciative. “You make fun of me for not wearing a HELM, yet you approve of these muscle-heads going to die in their small clothes?!?!?!” (maybe Boromir was barking up the wrong tree after all!)
Then on to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. He couldn’t follow the plot, but you can’t blame him, there are few who could. He spent this movie blathering about how COOL Geoffrey Rush/Barbossa was. What a snappy dresser and oooh…look at his “sword play!” (I may have lost the ground I gained during 300!) At least we both got to make fun of Orlando’s relatively poor overall performance (I’m pretty sure he was talking about his acting….)
Eastern Promises was a fiasco. He can’t understand why Viggo would play such morally ambiguous character. Or why any of the people in the movie were allowed to live. (“If I were King of England, I’d put a stop to that behavior immediately!”). He remains impressed with Viggo’s fighting skills, but the steam room scene made him flinch! Boys are so sensitive about some things! I explained that Viggo received several award nominations for that role and he was appalled that anyone would reward that type of behavior. We had to have another little chat about the difference between actors and their roles. (Every time I think he gets it, I realize he doesn’t…quite.) I told him it was a very big deal for Viggo and he sent a congratulatory fruit basket to be supportive, even though he doesn’t approve. I think that’s very open-minded of him.
I’ve started watching season three of Dr. Who, but only after the King retires for the night. The love I feel for DTD remains strong, but will forever be unrequited.
I should go and watch some Torchwood. I wonder what the King will think of that!!!
Hope all is well and that I hear from you soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
I can’t believe it’s been a month since you last wrote! January fled like an Elf on a fast boat to the West! I guess it’s taken me a while to recover from all the holiday festivities and some kind of routine again. And the post-holiday funk was almost equal to the post-Pennsic funk, so I haven’t been in a communicating kind of mood.
Mostly, the King has been hanging out at my place. He has a soft spot for central heating and the electric blanket, so he was perfectly willing to lie around for a few weeks with me watching movies and eating leftover cookies, Hershey’s Miniatures and those funny Italian nougat candies you can only find at Christmas.
Anyway, the eating, as usual was pretty good, but apparently the King is far worse than we when it comes to making fun of...uh…discussing films.
Where to begin. Let’s start with 300. I thought he’d love it, all that manly camaraderie. He spent the whole movie loudly voicing his disapproval at the lack of Spartan armor and couldn’t understand why I was so…ummm…appreciative. “You make fun of me for not wearing a HELM, yet you approve of these muscle-heads going to die in their small clothes?!?!?!” (maybe Boromir was barking up the wrong tree after all!)
Then on to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. He couldn’t follow the plot, but you can’t blame him, there are few who could. He spent this movie blathering about how COOL Geoffrey Rush/Barbossa was. What a snappy dresser and oooh…look at his “sword play!” (I may have lost the ground I gained during 300!) At least we both got to make fun of Orlando’s relatively poor overall performance (I’m pretty sure he was talking about his acting….)
Eastern Promises was a fiasco. He can’t understand why Viggo would play such morally ambiguous character. Or why any of the people in the movie were allowed to live. (“If I were King of England, I’d put a stop to that behavior immediately!”). He remains impressed with Viggo’s fighting skills, but the steam room scene made him flinch! Boys are so sensitive about some things! I explained that Viggo received several award nominations for that role and he was appalled that anyone would reward that type of behavior. We had to have another little chat about the difference between actors and their roles. (Every time I think he gets it, I realize he doesn’t…quite.) I told him it was a very big deal for Viggo and he sent a congratulatory fruit basket to be supportive, even though he doesn’t approve. I think that’s very open-minded of him.
I’ve started watching season three of Dr. Who, but only after the King retires for the night. The love I feel for DTD remains strong, but will forever be unrequited.
I should go and watch some Torchwood. I wonder what the King will think of that!!!
Hope all is well and that I hear from you soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
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