My Dearest Kendrah,
I’ve introduced the King to the joys of the electric blanket and he’s currently napping while pretending to read “Sigurd and Gudrun”. I’ve put a nice roast and some veggies in the crockpot. I’m sure he’ll be up for dinner!
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, the lawsuit.
Well, the Sons gave their warning and the King cursed quite a bit (mouth like a Corsair!) and Faramir became the voice of reason. He ordered some mutton and cheese, got everyone to calm down and have something to eat, and rushed back to the Library to research law codes.
Shortly thereafter, a Rider from Rivendell appeared to serve the papers. Seems Arwen is suing me for “Alienation of Affection” and the King for “Cruelty” and blaming me for the entire affair! She demands that he return to her immediately and that I pay a Dwarf’s ransom in restitution. WTF? Suddenly I'm in the middle of a bizarre Masterpiece Theatre period piece! Alienation of affection? Really? What's next? Running across a moor in a rainstorm? Threatening to throw oneself over a cliff? Falling in love with the taciturn butler? We are not amused (that is both the royal We and the first person plural we.)
In true Man fashion, the King suddenly “remembered” a roving band of Orcs harrowing sheep somewhere in the mountains, decided he had to attend to it at once and he and the Sons bolted form the city. Seriously? The guy who walked the Paths of the Dead and fought the Battle of Mt Doom without a helm running away from a piece of paper! Geesh!
Anyway, Faramir emerged from the Tower a few days later, trailed by a flock of pages bearing manuscripts. He had determined that by law and custom, the suit was entirely frivolous. First off, there is no court in Arda that’s going to touch this case. Elrond has decided to remove himself from the situation because his kid is involved (cop-out!), Gladders is named as a co-plaintiff (something a missing family heirloom ) and Thranduil isn’t taking sides. (Seriously, if you were in his position, would you want to get on the wrong side of either of those two?) According to Faramir, Elf courts have no jurisdiction in Gondor, and none of the courts of Men want to deal with Elf-relations. (Divine Right Monarchy does have some benefits)
So Faramir commenced his letter writing campaign to have the case dismissed claiming that since the King and Arwen were never actually married, or even legally betrothed, she should just get over herself and move on. (He was a bit more elegant that). In the mean time, the King is off Orc hunting, I spend weeks shouting “No Comment” to anyone who looks at me funny AND I still have to pack for Pennsic. Faramir assured me that he would handle the situation and that I should, perhaps, take a vacation in the Real World while he sorts it all out. (Fortunately the restraining order preventing Arwen from crossing into my reality is still in effect)
So off I go to Pennsic (which is only mostly the Real World) and proceed to drink a great deal of Hop Wallup. As you know, the King eventually returned from his Orc Hunt and joined me. He had a lovely time (Oh, blessed restraining order!). He really enjoyed the party in camp and the wine tasting, especially the drunken puppy pile of well dressed ladies ;-) We were disappointed that the Sons didn’t join us, but they hung out with Faramir and let Eowyn fawn on them.
He was really amused by Saints Brook and Cam as they “escorted” the drunken Eric around the lake (retarded monkeys painted that!). He hopes that they will be able to join him at the next Ranger Reunion for some “real” drinking. I don’t even want to think about it. (I doubt Deana does either.)
He was quite pleased at some of the plans we made for camp improvements. He has quite a few suggestions. He’s also looking forward to a new pavilion and to baking bread in the stone oven (who knew he’d go all domestic?) He was also impressed by your individually wrapped dinner packets. He’s planning to introduce aluminum foil to the Rangers (though it does smack a bit of “technology” and everyone’s still a bit shy of that since the Saruman incident). Oh, and he wanted me to ask you if he can stay with us in our big girl tent this coming year. I told him it would be fine as long as he didn’t leave his leathers lying all over the place, but he wanted to make sure you were ok with it.
Anyway, Pennsic was a welcome relief from the pressure of the lawsuit and the nagging of Elven females and we both enjoyed our vacation.
Argh! The King needs me to get the Roku working for him. He’s in the middle of watching Fraggle Rock and trying to determine if Fraggles are in anyway related to Hobbits. He thinks there might be a paper in it. Everyone needs a hobby!
Well, I’m going to deal with that. I’ll fill you in on the rest of story as soon as I can.
Your Affectionate Friend,