My Dearest Kendrah,
I’ve introduced the King to the joys of the electric blanket and he’s currently napping while pretending to read “Sigurd and Gudrun”. I’ve put a nice roast and some veggies in the crockpot. I’m sure he’ll be up for dinner!
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, the lawsuit.
Well, the Sons gave their warning and the King cursed quite a bit (mouth like a Corsair!) and Faramir became the voice of reason. He ordered some mutton and cheese, got everyone to calm down and have something to eat, and rushed back to the Library to research law codes.
Shortly thereafter, a Rider from Rivendell appeared to serve the papers. Seems Arwen is suing me for “Alienation of Affection” and the King for “Cruelty” and blaming me for the entire affair! She demands that he return to her immediately and that I pay a Dwarf’s ransom in restitution. WTF? Suddenly I'm in the middle of a bizarre Masterpiece Theatre period piece! Alienation of affection? Really? What's next? Running across a moor in a rainstorm? Threatening to throw oneself over a cliff? Falling in love with the taciturn butler? We are not amused (that is both the royal We and the first person plural we.)
In true Man fashion, the King suddenly “remembered” a roving band of Orcs harrowing sheep somewhere in the mountains, decided he had to attend to it at once and he and the Sons bolted form the city. Seriously? The guy who walked the Paths of the Dead and fought the Battle of Mt Doom without a helm running away from a piece of paper! Geesh!
Anyway, Faramir emerged from the Tower a few days later, trailed by a flock of pages bearing manuscripts. He had determined that by law and custom, the suit was entirely frivolous. First off, there is no court in Arda that’s going to touch this case. Elrond has decided to remove himself from the situation because his kid is involved (cop-out!), Gladders is named as a co-plaintiff (something a missing family heirloom ) and Thranduil isn’t taking sides. (Seriously, if you were in his position, would you want to get on the wrong side of either of those two?) According to Faramir, Elf courts have no jurisdiction in Gondor, and none of the courts of Men want to deal with Elf-relations. (Divine Right Monarchy does have some benefits)
So Faramir commenced his letter writing campaign to have the case dismissed claiming that since the King and Arwen were never actually married, or even legally betrothed, she should just get over herself and move on. (He was a bit more elegant that). In the mean time, the King is off Orc hunting, I spend weeks shouting “No Comment” to anyone who looks at me funny AND I still have to pack for Pennsic. Faramir assured me that he would handle the situation and that I should, perhaps, take a vacation in the Real World while he sorts it all out. (Fortunately the restraining order preventing Arwen from crossing into my reality is still in effect)
So off I go to Pennsic (which is only mostly the Real World) and proceed to drink a great deal of Hop Wallup. As you know, the King eventually returned from his Orc Hunt and joined me. He had a lovely time (Oh, blessed restraining order!). He really enjoyed the party in camp and the wine tasting, especially the drunken puppy pile of well dressed ladies ;-) We were disappointed that the Sons didn’t join us, but they hung out with Faramir and let Eowyn fawn on them.
He was really amused by Saints Brook and Cam as they “escorted” the drunken Eric around the lake (retarded monkeys painted that!). He hopes that they will be able to join him at the next Ranger Reunion for some “real” drinking. I don’t even want to think about it. (I doubt Deana does either.)
He was quite pleased at some of the plans we made for camp improvements. He has quite a few suggestions. He’s also looking forward to a new pavilion and to baking bread in the stone oven (who knew he’d go all domestic?) He was also impressed by your individually wrapped dinner packets. He’s planning to introduce aluminum foil to the Rangers (though it does smack a bit of “technology” and everyone’s still a bit shy of that since the Saruman incident). Oh, and he wanted me to ask you if he can stay with us in our big girl tent this coming year. I told him it would be fine as long as he didn’t leave his leathers lying all over the place, but he wanted to make sure you were ok with it.
Anyway, Pennsic was a welcome relief from the pressure of the lawsuit and the nagging of Elven females and we both enjoyed our vacation.
Argh! The King needs me to get the Roku working for him. He’s in the middle of watching Fraggle Rock and trying to determine if Fraggles are in anyway related to Hobbits. He thinks there might be a paper in it. Everyone needs a hobby!
Well, I’m going to deal with that. I’ll fill you in on the rest of story as soon as I can.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Breaking the Silence
My Dearest Kendrah,
Well, it has been a while since I’ve written. As you know, it is the policy of the Crown not to comment on pending legal actions, and so I have had to be quite circumspect in our conversations over the past few months. Now that everything is settled, my representatives have agreed that I can discuss the unfortunate events of the past summer freely. It won’t get me a guest spot on Jon Stewart like South Carolina First Lady Jenny Sanford and her new book, but believe me, the Gondorian tabloids are having a field day!
Let me back up a bit. In the weeks before Pennsic I was, as usual, busy dealing with the end of Pre-College, packing, and cooking, not to mention all those last minute items Faramir always comes up with right before the King and I are about to head off on vacation. I swear he does it deliberately! Anyway, there I am in the Tower Library with the Steward inspecting the new pipe smoking lounge we’ve constructed (far away from ancient, priceless and irreplaceable manuscripts), when we heard a terrible a ruckus in the yard. Up through gates come the Sons (Elladan and Elrohir, not your boys) riding like bats out of Angband!
We bolted down the stairs to find Elrond’s boys in a conversation with the King using some of the most “indelicate” Elven words I’ve ever heard. You haven’t heard swearing until you’ve heard a couple of High Elves cursing like sailors! The King gives us one of those imperial waves of his and Faramir and I follow the three of them into Elessar’s private study (Man-cave). The King calls for ale so I get everyone a drink, get the Son’s out of their cloaks and sitting down and they start in on the story. Now I love a good story and a good Elvish story is even better (Sometimes I have Bilbo moments) but they were talking really fast apparently forgetting that some of us in the room we not native speakers of Sindarin. Eventually, Faramir and I pieced together the saga and it’s not pretty.
It seems that Arwen (the King’s Elf-ex, not the child) had returned from her imposed “rest” in a secure, private facility, and decided to spend the summer with Grandma. Now, we know how Gladders feels about me, so you can imagine the conversations the two of them had. After a few months with the Elf-Witch, Arwen appears in Rivendell and spends several weeks loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that she won’t stand this treatment any longer. She followed the Sons around trying to get them tell her WHY the King broke up her, and when they wouldn’t cough up anything useful, she took whining to any Elf or random Ranger she could find. Rangers are really good at keeping secrets when it comes to Rings and Dark Lords and such, but they love good old-fashioned domestic gossip! You know how rumors get started. The Rivendell press corp has always been very good to me (Thanks to Elrond!), but that trashy rag the Eldar Anor picked up the story. Next thing you know, it’s worse than Brangelina and Jen. Splattered all over the front pages are stories about the poor Elven Princess and how badly she’s been treated by these horrid Men!
The Sons had had enough of her whining and were packing their bags to spend a few years in Mirkwood when they heard the news. It seems Arwen had decided to sue the King and I! Yes, that’s right, SUE! They hurriedly changed their plans and headed for the White City instead to warn us.
Drat! I have to go! The King is shouting something about Snowpocalypse and telling me I need to come and watch the storm warnings on the Palantir Box. Ugh! He probably just needs more coco. I promise to continue my tale soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corrwynne
Well, it has been a while since I’ve written. As you know, it is the policy of the Crown not to comment on pending legal actions, and so I have had to be quite circumspect in our conversations over the past few months. Now that everything is settled, my representatives have agreed that I can discuss the unfortunate events of the past summer freely. It won’t get me a guest spot on Jon Stewart like South Carolina First Lady Jenny Sanford and her new book, but believe me, the Gondorian tabloids are having a field day!
Let me back up a bit. In the weeks before Pennsic I was, as usual, busy dealing with the end of Pre-College, packing, and cooking, not to mention all those last minute items Faramir always comes up with right before the King and I are about to head off on vacation. I swear he does it deliberately! Anyway, there I am in the Tower Library with the Steward inspecting the new pipe smoking lounge we’ve constructed (far away from ancient, priceless and irreplaceable manuscripts), when we heard a terrible a ruckus in the yard. Up through gates come the Sons (Elladan and Elrohir, not your boys) riding like bats out of Angband!
We bolted down the stairs to find Elrond’s boys in a conversation with the King using some of the most “indelicate” Elven words I’ve ever heard. You haven’t heard swearing until you’ve heard a couple of High Elves cursing like sailors! The King gives us one of those imperial waves of his and Faramir and I follow the three of them into Elessar’s private study (Man-cave). The King calls for ale so I get everyone a drink, get the Son’s out of their cloaks and sitting down and they start in on the story. Now I love a good story and a good Elvish story is even better (Sometimes I have Bilbo moments) but they were talking really fast apparently forgetting that some of us in the room we not native speakers of Sindarin. Eventually, Faramir and I pieced together the saga and it’s not pretty.
It seems that Arwen (the King’s Elf-ex, not the child) had returned from her imposed “rest” in a secure, private facility, and decided to spend the summer with Grandma. Now, we know how Gladders feels about me, so you can imagine the conversations the two of them had. After a few months with the Elf-Witch, Arwen appears in Rivendell and spends several weeks loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that she won’t stand this treatment any longer. She followed the Sons around trying to get them tell her WHY the King broke up her, and when they wouldn’t cough up anything useful, she took whining to any Elf or random Ranger she could find. Rangers are really good at keeping secrets when it comes to Rings and Dark Lords and such, but they love good old-fashioned domestic gossip! You know how rumors get started. The Rivendell press corp has always been very good to me (Thanks to Elrond!), but that trashy rag the Eldar Anor picked up the story. Next thing you know, it’s worse than Brangelina and Jen. Splattered all over the front pages are stories about the poor Elven Princess and how badly she’s been treated by these horrid Men!
The Sons had had enough of her whining and were packing their bags to spend a few years in Mirkwood when they heard the news. It seems Arwen had decided to sue the King and I! Yes, that’s right, SUE! They hurriedly changed their plans and headed for the White City instead to warn us.
Drat! I have to go! The King is shouting something about Snowpocalypse and telling me I need to come and watch the storm warnings on the Palantir Box. Ugh! He probably just needs more coco. I promise to continue my tale soon.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corrwynne
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Readjusting
My Dearest Corwynne,
It has been so long since I have written, but I have a good excuse. Of course, it is all Leggs' fault, although he blames me. Let me explain.
Pennsic was going along, like it does. And we were having a lovely time, when suddenly and without explaination there was a party...IN OUR CAMP! Well, Leggs lost his mind. He knew that we were all saying the the unwritten camp rules no longer were in affect, but he figured that it was all just talk until there was a party...IN OUR CAMP!
In that moment, in Leggs' world up became down, black became white, day night, good bad...you get the idea. He spent the last few days of Pennsic living by no rules. He danced, he sang and acted a fool...and unlike in the past, I have no Legg's definition for these words, the regular definitions apply. It was lovely to see him let loose like that...
Then we came home....and he doesn't understand Vegas rules and thought that this behavior was appropriate here. For example, this morning he was cooking bacon in my kitchen assuming that I would now enjoy bacon, since there are no rules. Oh yeah, and he was naked.
So, as you can see, I have been very busy trying to get Leggs to behave a little better, especially in public. And it has become a full time job.
I hope that you and the King have had a more reasonable adjustment to regular life.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
It has been so long since I have written, but I have a good excuse. Of course, it is all Leggs' fault, although he blames me. Let me explain.
Pennsic was going along, like it does. And we were having a lovely time, when suddenly and without explaination there was a party...IN OUR CAMP! Well, Leggs lost his mind. He knew that we were all saying the the unwritten camp rules no longer were in affect, but he figured that it was all just talk until there was a party...IN OUR CAMP!
In that moment, in Leggs' world up became down, black became white, day night, good bad...you get the idea. He spent the last few days of Pennsic living by no rules. He danced, he sang and acted a fool...and unlike in the past, I have no Legg's definition for these words, the regular definitions apply. It was lovely to see him let loose like that...
Then we came home....and he doesn't understand Vegas rules and thought that this behavior was appropriate here. For example, this morning he was cooking bacon in my kitchen assuming that I would now enjoy bacon, since there are no rules. Oh yeah, and he was naked.
So, as you can see, I have been very busy trying to get Leggs to behave a little better, especially in public. And it has become a full time job.
I hope that you and the King have had a more reasonable adjustment to regular life.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Pennsic Preparations
My Dearest Kendrah,
Once again the summer has flown as swiftly as an eagle out of Mordor and I find Pennsic is only a few days away!
The King and I were sorry to hear that your fantasy was once again interrupted by unwelcome intruders from reality. Let us hope your little geek friend has learned his lesson this time and we will not be bothered by him in the future. In the meantime, The King is considering more stringent identity checks for folks visiting ME. What a pain! Like needing a passport to get into Canada! It's a shame that we must so closely guard the borders of imagination.
My summer so far has been relatively peaceful, the usual precollege fun (we just had Family Weekend)and I've been busily making the final audition schedules, revamping the schedule for next year, planning our faculty meeting.
Fortunately, this is the week where not much is happening at work and I'm in "hurry up and wait" mode until folks get me all the information they are supposed to be getting to me! We hates the waiting game! It's not a fun game at all! I'd rather be home sewing! I'm growing alarmed at the piles of cut out but not yet sewn toddler garb in my dining room. I think I'm going to take tomorrow off work and spend some quality time with my Bernina.
Meanwhile, the King has been busy gathering our camping equipment, repairing his SCA legal "weapons" and learning a few new drinking songs to share at the pub. He is really looking forward to War this year and hopes that he and Leggs can spend some quality fellowship time together. Faramir seems delighted that the King plans to be gone for a few weeks. Eowyn has been a bit too flirtatious for out liking recently.
Well, I should go and finish up my reports so I can home and start on the pile of sewing and maybe do some laundry! There's never a gay Orc around when you need one!
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
Once again the summer has flown as swiftly as an eagle out of Mordor and I find Pennsic is only a few days away!
The King and I were sorry to hear that your fantasy was once again interrupted by unwelcome intruders from reality. Let us hope your little geek friend has learned his lesson this time and we will not be bothered by him in the future. In the meantime, The King is considering more stringent identity checks for folks visiting ME. What a pain! Like needing a passport to get into Canada! It's a shame that we must so closely guard the borders of imagination.
My summer so far has been relatively peaceful, the usual precollege fun (we just had Family Weekend)and I've been busily making the final audition schedules, revamping the schedule for next year, planning our faculty meeting.
Fortunately, this is the week where not much is happening at work and I'm in "hurry up and wait" mode until folks get me all the information they are supposed to be getting to me! We hates the waiting game! It's not a fun game at all! I'd rather be home sewing! I'm growing alarmed at the piles of cut out but not yet sewn toddler garb in my dining room. I think I'm going to take tomorrow off work and spend some quality time with my Bernina.
Meanwhile, the King has been busy gathering our camping equipment, repairing his SCA legal "weapons" and learning a few new drinking songs to share at the pub. He is really looking forward to War this year and hopes that he and Leggs can spend some quality fellowship time together. Faramir seems delighted that the King plans to be gone for a few weeks. Eowyn has been a bit too flirtatious for out liking recently.
Well, I should go and finish up my reports so I can home and start on the pile of sewing and maybe do some laundry! There's never a gay Orc around when you need one!
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Interloper
My dearest Corwynne,
I am about to send off my monthly report to the Department of Middle Earth Secruity and I want to write to you at the same time as to avoid any alarm you might feel upon hearing rumors of the settlement coming out of those offices. Be assured that we are all safe and well. Now, on with the tale....
Shortly after returning from war practice I received a message telling me that it would behove me to head to the settlement. Obviously, a message like this peaked my curiosity and I headed on over. When I arrived at the home that Leggs and I share, I found it in great disarray. Of course, I share this home with an elf who can live in the woods for years on end without getting dirty, so when I say great dissarray, I mean the throw pillow on the couch was slightly off center. I immediatley began to search the settlement for Leggs.
After about twenty minutes I found several of the non separatist elvish elders who were willing to tell me what was going on. As I am sure you know already, there is a small faction of the elven leadership who are still hoping that Leggs will come to his senses and kick out all those of non elvish blood from the settlement. Apparently, they had found new energy in the shape of a new leader. Dalbit.
I had been hearing these rumors for a while, reported them, as I am required to do, to the DMES and laughed about them with Leggs. He and I are in no way conserned by these men and what they want because, when it comes right down to it, these lands which hold the settlement we part of the Grant of Arms that Leggs received for his part in the overthrow of the Dark Lord, and he has the right to have them removed whenever they become more dangerous than amusing.
Anyway, the elders told me that while we were away, Dalbit and some of his followers laid in wait at our home. When Leggs returned he was overpowered and was being held at one of the outlying building sites. They were under the impression that Leggs would be released unharmed, if I would go there and promise to remove myself and all non elves from the settlement.
Upon hearing this I headed off to the building site. There I found Leggs bound and gagged in a chair. He was, of course, impecably clean. Dalbit, as his captor, began to tell me the conditions for Leggs' release. It was very lucky that Leggs was paying very close attention to my facial expressions at this time, because at the very moment I began to laugh, he broke free of his bonds and knocked Dalbit unconsicous.
I continued to laugh for quite a while and Leggs dolled out one of his very rare smiles....this one had both sides of his mouth included! He told me that when he arrived home, he recognized Dalbit as Billingdalt aka Billy Dalton, even though he is much older now, and thought that it would be fun to let them take him prisioner until I arrived. I know it sounds like a strange thing to think of as fun, but he was right, it was.
Billy Billingdalt Dalbit Dalton has been banished once again, and the gate guards have new images of him to study so that maybe this time it will be for good. I have included the images in the DMES file so they can do the same in the White City. I don't believe that he is truly dangerous at this time, but they way Leggs keeps kicking his ass, he might get angry enough to become a serious problem.
So that ends that for now. In other news, I attended graduation ceremonies for both of the sons. Preschool and fifth grade are over. The youngest son is currently attending safety town and will graduate from it this weekend. Hopefully that will also be when he stops explaining to me the rules for driving up to a stop sign, because it is cute and also really annoying.
The sons are looking forward to the forbidden fishing trip and can't wait to see you in July, and I have to say that I am with them on that.
Give my best to the King
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
I am about to send off my monthly report to the Department of Middle Earth Secruity and I want to write to you at the same time as to avoid any alarm you might feel upon hearing rumors of the settlement coming out of those offices. Be assured that we are all safe and well. Now, on with the tale....
Shortly after returning from war practice I received a message telling me that it would behove me to head to the settlement. Obviously, a message like this peaked my curiosity and I headed on over. When I arrived at the home that Leggs and I share, I found it in great disarray. Of course, I share this home with an elf who can live in the woods for years on end without getting dirty, so when I say great dissarray, I mean the throw pillow on the couch was slightly off center. I immediatley began to search the settlement for Leggs.
After about twenty minutes I found several of the non separatist elvish elders who were willing to tell me what was going on. As I am sure you know already, there is a small faction of the elven leadership who are still hoping that Leggs will come to his senses and kick out all those of non elvish blood from the settlement. Apparently, they had found new energy in the shape of a new leader. Dalbit.
I had been hearing these rumors for a while, reported them, as I am required to do, to the DMES and laughed about them with Leggs. He and I are in no way conserned by these men and what they want because, when it comes right down to it, these lands which hold the settlement we part of the Grant of Arms that Leggs received for his part in the overthrow of the Dark Lord, and he has the right to have them removed whenever they become more dangerous than amusing.
Anyway, the elders told me that while we were away, Dalbit and some of his followers laid in wait at our home. When Leggs returned he was overpowered and was being held at one of the outlying building sites. They were under the impression that Leggs would be released unharmed, if I would go there and promise to remove myself and all non elves from the settlement.
Upon hearing this I headed off to the building site. There I found Leggs bound and gagged in a chair. He was, of course, impecably clean. Dalbit, as his captor, began to tell me the conditions for Leggs' release. It was very lucky that Leggs was paying very close attention to my facial expressions at this time, because at the very moment I began to laugh, he broke free of his bonds and knocked Dalbit unconsicous.
I continued to laugh for quite a while and Leggs dolled out one of his very rare smiles....this one had both sides of his mouth included! He told me that when he arrived home, he recognized Dalbit as Billingdalt aka Billy Dalton, even though he is much older now, and thought that it would be fun to let them take him prisioner until I arrived. I know it sounds like a strange thing to think of as fun, but he was right, it was.
Billy Billingdalt Dalbit Dalton has been banished once again, and the gate guards have new images of him to study so that maybe this time it will be for good. I have included the images in the DMES file so they can do the same in the White City. I don't believe that he is truly dangerous at this time, but they way Leggs keeps kicking his ass, he might get angry enough to become a serious problem.
So that ends that for now. In other news, I attended graduation ceremonies for both of the sons. Preschool and fifth grade are over. The youngest son is currently attending safety town and will graduate from it this weekend. Hopefully that will also be when he stops explaining to me the rules for driving up to a stop sign, because it is cute and also really annoying.
The sons are looking forward to the forbidden fishing trip and can't wait to see you in July, and I have to say that I am with them on that.
Give my best to the King
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah
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