Reality is for People with No Imagination

Pennsic Prep

2010-07-25T19:36:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Once again reality has kept me from spending as much time as I would like visiting the White City and surrounding Settlements. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m so darn cranky. All reality and no imagination makes Corwynne a grumpy girl. The King seems to be taking it in stride. At least I’m still fulfilling all of my official duties, so Faramir has no complaints.

It has been a whirlwind of Pennsic preparations here and in Minas Tirith. Sam (my brother, not the Hobbit) just took a Jeep load of my gear home with him. Faramir and the King have been busy making sure all is ready for the King’s two week absence from the City. People get all tense when the King disappears for long periods of time. I think they’re still a bit sensitive after all those years without one. Not sure yet if the King is attending Land Grab or coming up later. He wanted to come up early, but he’s doesn’t think people will be drunk enough on set up day to interact with him and not sure if he’ll feel comfortable being invisible to, well, almost everyone but you. Has Leggs confided his Pennsic plans to you? If he’s there, I’m sure the King would feel better about it. The Sons (Elrond’s not yours) are planning to stop by for a bit, possibly for the wine tasting. They aren’t as snobby about their booze as their ada is, so I think they’d enjoy it.

Still have quite a bit of sewing to get done. I suppose I should pack it up and ship it off to the Royal Seamstresses, but that seems a bit like cheating. At least I don’t have to worry about garbing the King. I saw him furtively stuffing his old green shirt into a rucksack so expect to see that old rag make another appearance. He has all sorts of lovely court garb he could bring, but no, he digs out his old Ranger stuff and lets his beard get all scruffy. You can take the Ranger out of the Wilds but you can’t take the Wilds out of the Ranger. It’s probably for the better. The last thing we need is an Historical Accuracy Nazi accusing him of engaging in fantasy role playing!

Well, I’m off to sew and tidy up a bit. The King is stopping over later to watch the season finale of Doctor Who. He enjoys it much more without David Tennant. Sigh…sometimes I miss my TV boyfriend, but I will content myself with the King and my new podcast boyfriends.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

What ever happened to our Write Ethic

2010-05-15T22:25:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has, again, been so long. There is no reason for it other than lethargy. The winter weather led Leggs and me into a routine, which is a good and stable thing for the Sons, but leaves little to write about. We spent an equal amount of time here muddling through our daily lives and in the Settlement helping others do the same. Luckily, most of the winter was spring in the Settlement which I think has something to do with why my part of the real world managed to miss snowpocolyse but I have no scientific data to prove it.

Now that spring is slowly working it's way into our part of the world, Leggs is again taken with the tries and the groundhog in the backyard and we are spending more time here. We will both be in attendance at War Practice with no scheduled trips to the Settlement...so barring yet another stone vs tree debate in the Settlement, we should be fine.

Sadly, I have nothing else to report. Hopefully, War Practice will give us much to write about over the coming months.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

In Conclusion

2010-02-21T14:11:00.001-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Snowpocalypse has done its worst and after three days of cancelled classes, I had to return to my day job. Apologies for the delay in concluding my story.

Eventually the glory days of Pennsic ended and the King and I had to return to our duties in the White City. I never thought I’d say it, but Faramir deserves a promotion (or a new land grant or a nice war steed, or something!) By the time we returned he had managed to work everything out and things were returning to normal.

Faramir bravely overcame his superstitious dread and began a secret correspondence with Celeborn, putting forth our case.. In a rare moment of Book-Celeborn behavior, he put his foot down as head the household. He summoned Elrond, Thranduil and the “ladies” to a private Elf-Prince Counsel where “many matters of import” were discussed. From what I can tell it involved a stern lecture on the importance of proper behavior, a call for the return to more Novel-not Movie-like behavior, a reminder that Eldar are not Men and should not sink to their level (I think I’m a teensy bit insulted by that) and possibly a threat or two about white ships.

Once he saw which ways the gulls were flying, Thranduril sided with Celebron (suck-up). He’s a soft spot for the King ever since the whole Gollum affair. Elrond nodded a lot and said it was impossible to argue with the wisdom of Celeborn and wouldn’t it be better if we all just got along.

Celebron’s little family meeting worked. When they relised the three Elf-lords wouldn’t support their casue, Arwen and Gladders dropped the suit. Arwen slunk off to Imladris where I understand she’s been sulking in bowers embroidering unflattering tapestries depicting Celeborn’s side of the family. Elrond’s a bit ticked that Celeborn got all up on his high horse, but he seems pleased that his daughter is back where he can keep an eye on her. (he never really liked that she spent so much time with her grandmother) Rumor has it he’s trying to hook up Erestor and Arwen, but Erestor seems a bit resistant (can’t imagine why!)

Celeborn has been spending a great deal of time in the White City hanging out with the Sons (who want to be nowhere near Arwen at the moment) and bonding with Faramir. They became quite good friends during the affair. Faramir loves have a real live Elf King to discuss history with and Celeborn is delighted to spend time with someone who actually listens to him. Publically, Celeborn has declared that his visit is intended to increase Elf-Man understanding, but from the rumors I’ve heard he’s fled the Wood to avoid the wroth of Gladders. Doesn’t matter really, we’ve all been enjoying his company immensely.

So, things are back to normal. The servants are growing accustomed to the unusually large number of Elven nobility in the castle, the King is spending less time hunting (hiding!) in the mountains and even Eowyn and I are getting along. Once again the imaginary world is a comfortable escape from reality. Alas, this will pass as all things must, but for now I am enjoying the relative peace and quiet.

So that’s that. I do hope to hear from you soon. It’s been ages (not literally) since we’ve corresponded and I’ve missed our little letters!

Your Affectionate friend,
Corwynne

The Saga Continues

2010-02-10T13:42:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I’ve introduced the King to the joys of the electric blanket and he’s currently napping while pretending to read “Sigurd and Gudrun”. I’ve put a nice roast and some veggies in the crockpot. I’m sure he’ll be up for dinner!

Now, where was I?

Oh yes, the lawsuit.

Well, the Sons gave their warning and the King cursed quite a bit (mouth like a Corsair!) and Faramir became the voice of reason. He ordered some mutton and cheese, got everyone to calm down and have something to eat, and rushed back to the Library to research law codes.

Shortly thereafter, a Rider from Rivendell appeared to serve the papers. Seems Arwen is suing me for “Alienation of Affection” and the King for “Cruelty” and blaming me for the entire affair! She demands that he return to her immediately and that I pay a Dwarf’s ransom in restitution. WTF? Suddenly I'm in the middle of a bizarre Masterpiece Theatre period piece! Alienation of affection? Really? What's next? Running across a moor in a rainstorm? Threatening to throw oneself over a cliff? Falling in love with the taciturn butler? We are not amused (that is both the royal We and the first person plural we.)

In true Man fashion, the King suddenly “remembered” a roving band of Orcs harrowing sheep somewhere in the mountains, decided he had to attend to it at once and he and the Sons bolted form the city. Seriously? The guy who walked the Paths of the Dead and fought the Battle of Mt Doom without a helm running away from a piece of paper! Geesh!

Anyway, Faramir emerged from the Tower a few days later, trailed by a flock of pages bearing manuscripts. He had determined that by law and custom, the suit was entirely frivolous. First off, there is no court in Arda that’s going to touch this case. Elrond has decided to remove himself from the situation because his kid is involved (cop-out!), Gladders is named as a co-plaintiff (something a missing family heirloom ) and Thranduil isn’t taking sides. (Seriously, if you were in his position, would you want to get on the wrong side of either of those two?) According to Faramir, Elf courts have no jurisdiction in Gondor, and none of the courts of Men want to deal with Elf-relations. (Divine Right Monarchy does have some benefits)

So Faramir commenced his letter writing campaign to have the case dismissed claiming that since the King and Arwen were never actually married, or even legally betrothed, she should just get over herself and move on. (He was a bit more elegant that). In the mean time, the King is off Orc hunting, I spend weeks shouting “No Comment” to anyone who looks at me funny AND I still have to pack for Pennsic. Faramir assured me that he would handle the situation and that I should, perhaps, take a vacation in the Real World while he sorts it all out. (Fortunately the restraining order preventing Arwen from crossing into my reality is still in effect)

So off I go to Pennsic (which is only mostly the Real World) and proceed to drink a great deal of Hop Wallup. As you know, the King eventually returned from his Orc Hunt and joined me. He had a lovely time (Oh, blessed restraining order!). He really enjoyed the party in camp and the wine tasting, especially the drunken puppy pile of well dressed ladies ;-) We were disappointed that the Sons didn’t join us, but they hung out with Faramir and let Eowyn fawn on them.

He was really amused by Saints Brook and Cam as they “escorted” the drunken Eric around the lake (retarded monkeys painted that!). He hopes that they will be able to join him at the next Ranger Reunion for some “real” drinking. I don’t even want to think about it. (I doubt Deana does either.)

He was quite pleased at some of the plans we made for camp improvements. He has quite a few suggestions. He’s also looking forward to a new pavilion and to baking bread in the stone oven (who knew he’d go all domestic?) He was also impressed by your individually wrapped dinner packets. He’s planning to introduce aluminum foil to the Rangers (though it does smack a bit of “technology” and everyone’s still a bit shy of that since the Saruman incident). Oh, and he wanted me to ask you if he can stay with us in our big girl tent this coming year. I told him it would be fine as long as he didn’t leave his leathers lying all over the place, but he wanted to make sure you were ok with it.

Anyway, Pennsic was a welcome relief from the pressure of the lawsuit and the nagging of Elven females and we both enjoyed our vacation.

Argh! The King needs me to get the Roku working for him. He’s in the middle of watching Fraggle Rock and trying to determine if Fraggles are in anyway related to Hobbits. He thinks there might be a paper in it. Everyone needs a hobby!

Well, I’m going to deal with that. I’ll fill you in on the rest of story as soon as I can.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Breaking the Silence

2010-02-09T22:33:00.001-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, it has been a while since I’ve written. As you know, it is the policy of the Crown not to comment on pending legal actions, and so I have had to be quite circumspect in our conversations over the past few months. Now that everything is settled, my representatives have agreed that I can discuss the unfortunate events of the past summer freely. It won’t get me a guest spot on Jon Stewart like South Carolina First Lady Jenny Sanford and her new book, but believe me, the Gondorian tabloids are having a field day!

Let me back up a bit. In the weeks before Pennsic I was, as usual, busy dealing with the end of Pre-College, packing, and cooking, not to mention all those last minute items Faramir always comes up with right before the King and I are about to head off on vacation. I swear he does it deliberately! Anyway, there I am in the Tower Library with the Steward inspecting the new pipe smoking lounge we’ve constructed (far away from ancient, priceless and irreplaceable manuscripts), when we heard a terrible a ruckus in the yard. Up through gates come the Sons (Elladan and Elrohir, not your boys) riding like bats out of Angband!

We bolted down the stairs to find Elrond’s boys in a conversation with the King using some of the most “indelicate” Elven words I’ve ever heard. You haven’t heard swearing until you’ve heard a couple of High Elves cursing like sailors! The King gives us one of those imperial waves of his and Faramir and I follow the three of them into Elessar’s private study (Man-cave). The King calls for ale so I get everyone a drink, get the Son’s out of their cloaks and sitting down and they start in on the story. Now I love a good story and a good Elvish story is even better (Sometimes I have Bilbo moments) but they were talking really fast apparently forgetting that some of us in the room we not native speakers of Sindarin. Eventually, Faramir and I pieced together the saga and it’s not pretty.

It seems that Arwen (the King’s Elf-ex, not the child) had returned from her imposed “rest” in a secure, private facility, and decided to spend the summer with Grandma. Now, we know how Gladders feels about me, so you can imagine the conversations the two of them had. After a few months with the Elf-Witch, Arwen appears in Rivendell and spends several weeks loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that she won’t stand this treatment any longer. She followed the Sons around trying to get them tell her WHY the King broke up her, and when they wouldn’t cough up anything useful, she took whining to any Elf or random Ranger she could find. Rangers are really good at keeping secrets when it comes to Rings and Dark Lords and such, but they love good old-fashioned domestic gossip! You know how rumors get started. The Rivendell press corp has always been very good to me (Thanks to Elrond!), but that trashy rag the Eldar Anor picked up the story. Next thing you know, it’s worse than Brangelina and Jen. Splattered all over the front pages are stories about the poor Elven Princess and how badly she’s been treated by these horrid Men!

The Sons had had enough of her whining and were packing their bags to spend a few years in Mirkwood when they heard the news. It seems Arwen had decided to sue the King and I! Yes, that’s right, SUE! They hurriedly changed their plans and headed for the White City instead to warn us.

Drat! I have to go! The King is shouting something about Snowpocalypse and telling me I need to come and watch the storm warnings on the Palantir Box. Ugh! He probably just needs more coco. I promise to continue my tale soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corrwynne

Readjusting

2009-08-26T11:39:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been so long since I have written, but I have a good excuse. Of course, it is all Leggs' fault, although he blames me. Let me explain.
Pennsic was going along, like it does. And we were having a lovely time, when suddenly and without explaination there was a party...IN OUR CAMP! Well, Leggs lost his mind. He knew that we were all saying the the unwritten camp rules no longer were in affect, but he figured that it was all just talk until there was a party...IN OUR CAMP!
In that moment, in Leggs' world up became down, black became white, day night, good bad...you get the idea. He spent the last few days of Pennsic living by no rules. He danced, he sang and acted a fool...and unlike in the past, I have no Legg's definition for these words, the regular definitions apply. It was lovely to see him let loose like that...
Then we came home....and he doesn't understand Vegas rules and thought that this behavior was appropriate here. For example, this morning he was cooking bacon in my kitchen assuming that I would now enjoy bacon, since there are no rules. Oh yeah, and he was naked.
So, as you can see, I have been very busy trying to get Leggs to behave a little better, especially in public. And it has become a full time job.
I hope that you and the King have had a more reasonable adjustment to regular life.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Pennsic Preparations

2009-07-21T12:32:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Once again the summer has flown as swiftly as an eagle out of Mordor and I find Pennsic is only a few days away!

The King and I were sorry to hear that your fantasy was once again interrupted by unwelcome intruders from reality. Let us hope your little geek friend has learned his lesson this time and we will not be bothered by him in the future. In the meantime, The King is considering more stringent identity checks for folks visiting ME. What a pain! Like needing a passport to get into Canada! It's a shame that we must so closely guard the borders of imagination.

My summer so far has been relatively peaceful, the usual precollege fun (we just had Family Weekend)and I've been busily making the final audition schedules, revamping the schedule for next year, planning our faculty meeting.

Fortunately, this is the week where not much is happening at work and I'm in "hurry up and wait" mode until folks get me all the information they are supposed to be getting to me! We hates the waiting game! It's not a fun game at all! I'd rather be home sewing! I'm growing alarmed at the piles of cut out but not yet sewn toddler garb in my dining room. I think I'm going to take tomorrow off work and spend some quality time with my Bernina.

Meanwhile, the King has been busy gathering our camping equipment, repairing his SCA legal "weapons" and learning a few new drinking songs to share at the pub. He is really looking forward to War this year and hopes that he and Leggs can spend some quality fellowship time together. Faramir seems delighted that the King plans to be gone for a few weeks. Eowyn has been a bit too flirtatious for out liking recently.

Well, I should go and finish up my reports so I can home and start on the pile of sewing and maybe do some laundry! There's never a gay Orc around when you need one!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Interloper

2009-06-18T19:35:00.002-04:00

My dearest Corwynne,

I am about to send off my monthly report to the Department of Middle Earth Secruity and I want to write to you at the same time as to avoid any alarm you might feel upon hearing rumors of the settlement coming out of those offices. Be assured that we are all safe and well. Now, on with the tale....

Shortly after returning from war practice I received a message telling me that it would behove me to head to the settlement. Obviously, a message like this peaked my curiosity and I headed on over. When I arrived at the home that Leggs and I share, I found it in great disarray. Of course, I share this home with an elf who can live in the woods for years on end without getting dirty, so when I say great dissarray, I mean the throw pillow on the couch was slightly off center. I immediatley began to search the settlement for Leggs.

After about twenty minutes I found several of the non separatist elvish elders who were willing to tell me what was going on. As I am sure you know already, there is a small faction of the elven leadership who are still hoping that Leggs will come to his senses and kick out all those of non elvish blood from the settlement. Apparently, they had found new energy in the shape of a new leader. Dalbit.

I had been hearing these rumors for a while, reported them, as I am required to do, to the DMES and laughed about them with Leggs. He and I are in no way conserned by these men and what they want because, when it comes right down to it, these lands which hold the settlement we part of the Grant of Arms that Leggs received for his part in the overthrow of the Dark Lord, and he has the right to have them removed whenever they become more dangerous than amusing.

Anyway, the elders told me that while we were away, Dalbit and some of his followers laid in wait at our home. When Leggs returned he was overpowered and was being held at one of the outlying building sites. They were under the impression that Leggs would be released unharmed, if I would go there and promise to remove myself and all non elves from the settlement.

Upon hearing this I headed off to the building site. There I found Leggs bound and gagged in a chair. He was, of course, impecably clean. Dalbit, as his captor, began to tell me the conditions for Leggs' release. It was very lucky that Leggs was paying very close attention to my facial expressions at this time, because at the very moment I began to laugh, he broke free of his bonds and knocked Dalbit unconsicous.

I continued to laugh for quite a while and Leggs dolled out one of his very rare smiles....this one had both sides of his mouth included! He told me that when he arrived home, he recognized Dalbit as Billingdalt aka Billy Dalton, even though he is much older now, and thought that it would be fun to let them take him prisioner until I arrived. I know it sounds like a strange thing to think of as fun, but he was right, it was.

Billy Billingdalt Dalbit Dalton has been banished once again, and the gate guards have new images of him to study so that maybe this time it will be for good. I have included the images in the DMES file so they can do the same in the White City. I don't believe that he is truly dangerous at this time, but they way Leggs keeps kicking his ass, he might get angry enough to become a serious problem.

So that ends that for now. In other news, I attended graduation ceremonies for both of the sons. Preschool and fifth grade are over. The youngest son is currently attending safety town and will graduate from it this weekend. Hopefully that will also be when he stops explaining to me the rules for driving up to a stop sign, because it is cute and also really annoying.

The sons are looking forward to the forbidden fishing trip and can't wait to see you in July, and I have to say that I am with them on that.

Give my best to the King

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Catching Up

2009-05-28T20:22:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, it has been quite month! Please forgive my lack of correspondence. Real world events and travel have severely impacted the amount of time I can spend in Imagination Land (as it is known in South Park).

Let's see...
First there was Beltane, and like any good Senior Druid, I volunteered to organize our auction. That venture took up most of the last week of April. The King pouted, but stayed out of my way as I organized donations, for which I am extremely grateful.

The following week I traveled to Arizona for a festival and the King tagged along. He seemed a bit disappointed that he didn't have to rescue me from a scorpion lurking in my shoe, but he seemed to enjoy himself anyway. He was quite entertained by the various storytellers who presented and got all weepy over his pipe and beer about how sad it is when people forget to pass on the lore of their ancestors.

Fast forward to War Practice which was ever so much more pleasant this year. Best weather in my memory! We didn't have to frighten the children with stories about how we would all die if the fire went out! Good friends, good food, good music. Huzzah to Gardner and his hurdy-gurdy! The King had a great time! He fought a bit, drank a bit more and even stuck around to go fishing with Lassair and the Sons. He was delighted when they caught their fish and wanted to make sure to invite them to our next picnic at Henneth Annun, as the fishing in the Forbidden Pool isn't quite so forbidden since the fall of You Know Who. I think it will be years before I could eat a fish that came from water where Gollum once swam, but that's just me...

I'm glad our PennMoot was so successful. Looks like we all have lots to do in the next two months! EEK! Two months!

Last weekend I was off to Wellspring. The King declined to join me. I think he's still freaked out by topless dancers around the fire from a few years ago. I very cleverly gave the King a copy of the Professor's latest publication, Sigurd and Gudrun, and he holed himself up in the library comparing skaldic poetry forms to the ancient texts of Numenor. I knew a good book would keep him occupied and safely out of Eowyn's...err...harm's way while I was gone.

My journeys for the moment are now ended. I plan to stay at home, reading poetry with the King, sewing and running PreCollege until it's time for Pennsic. I hope all is well with you and yours.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Eons of Silence

2009-04-19T23:05:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so sorry for my long silence. The past few months have taken me by surprise in their length and their lack of interesting events. My Great Matter has been solved...sort of. I know that I understand it has ended, however the other part seems to be taking the same stance as the secondary party in the original great matter...I just hope that things do not have a similar ending to the original.

Anyway, on to far more important things...Your Birthday!!! I just came home from your surprise party at the settlement. I am so sorry we had to use a ruse of a crisis with the dwarfs and the new gates for the White City to get you there, but you schedule is very hard to work around. The dress you were wearing does however, lead me to believe that you had an inkling...unless that is the sort of thing the future queen must wear while riding through the countryside on official business, but it seemed to be more of a party dress than a riding dress to us simple folk in the settlement. :)

I hope that you were surprise at least that all the shire folk were able to attend. I was very surprised that Elijah, Dom, Billy, and Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian were there. There was much drama over whether or not they would be able to get the appropriate visa's needed by the Department of Middle Earth Security these days. They seem to be getting more and more strict as each age passes. I don't think the boats from the West could travel back now if they tried!

I am sure you noticed the lack of Orli. Things between him and Leggs are stressed again. And I must admit that I am partly to blame. Me and Ricky Gervais together. You see, I was watching Extras while I was stripping my kitchen floor while the sons were at their father's over Spring Break. Orli is the guest star in one episode and he is "acting" as if he is very self centered and can't believe it is possible for anyone to not find him attractive. He is also very hard on Johnny Depp. Well, Leggs was visiting at the time and he hit the roof.

Apparently, Orli and Leggs had an agreement that Leggs would tolerate him at official functions if he maintained an air of self respect in public. I explained that he was in fact acting in the show, simply doing his job. Leggs feels that just because he is an actor and it was a palantir box show doesn't mean he was acting at all. That Orli had broken their agreement by allowing the masses to see how he truly is. In the end, it was just best not to invite him, and no one seemed to be missing him.

One bit of reality news to share. My great grandfather has been mentioned in yet another book. This one is called In the Wake of the Butcher and amazingly has nothing what ever to do with the mafia! Apparently there was a serial killer in Cleveland in the 40's called the Cleveland Torso Murder and my great grandfather was the police sergeant who found severed head number four. So it looks like my love of the morbid could have been caused by some sort of genetic memory...probably not, but I'm gonna go with that anyway.

Well, with that, I hope you had a good time at the party and that you have a lovely birthday.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Christmas in Review

2009-02-27T18:18:00.003-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I was sitting here at work waiting for the show to start and remembering the lovely time we had at Christmas on Valentine's Day! I am so glad we were finally able to get together and share Yuletide joy and prezzies! It felt strange making pierogies in February, since they tend to be a December and July project, but I am quite pleased with how well they turned out. and our cake with cherry bits and pink icing was a joy! In fact the King has been pestering me for two weeks to make another one, but I've been so busy at work I just haven't had time. I promised I'd whip up another during spring break if he helps me clean the basement. We'll see how that goes.

I want to than you again for the prezzies. It's wonderful to have a bound collection of our correspondence. I'm sure our letters will quite helpful to historians in future years. I finally got my new little guys out of their boxes and into the china cabinet where they belong and they seem quite content in their new home. I have to remember to bring the giant bag of chocolate into work for the kiddies.

The King was quite impressed with your youngest Son's Orc slaying prowess. He has improved a great deal since the last time he was in my livingroom swinging a sword at the television. We were particularly pleased that has passed the Watcher in the Water level. I hear he has been practicing at home!

I've not see nmuch of the King since you left. He's spending a great deal of time pouting in the White City because I've been working so much. Fortunately, Eowyn is off visiting the Rohirric relatives so I don't have to worry any "comforting" going on! I've promised him that as soon as February ends, we can spend more time together. He's already making plans for War Practice!

Well, I should go balance my end of day reports or something. I hope all is well with you. We should plan to get together soon, maybe in an extra-reality location to avoid the issues of driving long distances!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Christmas on Valentine's Day

2009-02-11T08:14:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

The Sons are so excited at the prospect of spending Valentine's Day opening Christmas presents, that they can hardly contain themselves. And I must admit, that I, too, am looking forward to the trip. If I can just find a way to pick up the rental car....

You see, much has happened here as well. Some of it cannot be put into this letter, for it might fall into the wrong hands and I have not made up my mind completely yet. But Leggs is over the moon with hope and has begun the "dwell with me" chant again. Luckily it is a muttering type of chant this time so I tune it out along with The Imagination Movers and Dora the Explorer. Time will tell what will come of "My Great Matter" and I will fill you in, in full when I can.

In news that can be freely sent into the world, the Jeep has died. And I will explain it's fate as I did for Leggs. The Jeep has fallen. The grief is near, but far enough to discuss. It is like Gandalf the Grey in Mordor. It is possible with enough faith (for our discussion faith=money) it will return like Gandalf the White....so go sing a lament.

He accepted this and is now so busy, what with the chanting and lamenting that I have had several days of peace and quiet. He hopes that he will be recovered by the weekend because he is fascinated at how a celebration of a holy day can be randomly shifted by two months and can not wait to study it.

In still other news of my woe. On the day of the Jeep's death I also lost my dryer. Perhaps the dryer and the Jeep were having an affair and the one could not go on with out the other...perhaps not. Either way, I have no dryer and no car with which to get to one. Strange how clean socks can suddenly become so precious.

I wish I had things to write that were full of mirth, and perhaps one day I will, but this is not that day. But we are holding up admirably considering. One might even mistake us for British if they didn't listen to us talk. We shall overcome our woes and I am sure that this weekend will go a long way towards that goal.

See you soon,
You affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Catching Up

2009-01-26T20:45:00.004-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, time certainly has flown and much has transpired since last I wrote.

First off, the King and are were deeply disappointed that you and the Sons did not make in for New Year's RR (Reality Reckoning) this season. Curse the slippery roads that caused your accident and the fateful damage to your Jeep's under-carriage! The King muttered darkly about the storms at Caradhras and fell voices on the air, but I was able to assure him (I think, anyway) that not all ill-fortunes are are contrived by evil and unfriendly things and it that is was simply an accident. We were both relieved that you were not injured.

Sam (my brother, not the Hobbit) and I had a lovely time in North Carolina. Mostly I held little Vivian, changed diapers and fed her whenever possible. As you know, two week old babies are just fun to cuddle...it's those sneaky hormones!!! My sister in law and I had fun dressing her up in all of her "Baby's First Christmas" outfits. It was most enjoyable just sitting around watching movies, looking at old family photos and chatting. The King decided against joining us. He thought that Chris and Yvonne would have their full without the introduction of an imaginary boyfriend, so he spent the holidays with Eomer. The Rohirrim always throw the best Yule parties.

Since you were unable to join us for New Year's Eve, I went to my friend Alaric's for eating, drinking and watching the ball drop. It was a lovely time. Unfortunately I woke up the next morning with a sore throat and stuffy head. I thought all was well and it was a simple cold until two days later when it was determined I did indeed have a horrible case of the Plague (or at least a nasty, nasty, flu)

The King, having determined years ago that his "healing hands" are most effective on diseases caused by the fell breath of the Dark Lord, decided he would be better off returning to the White City and not risking his royal health with a Reality Plague. He was probably right. Eru knows what effect one of our plagues might have on the native populations of ME! Since I was sleeping about 20 hours a day, waking only to drink tea or have some soup, I didn't miss him too much. I am glad to say I am now mostly recovered, but this particular plague has quite the staying power!

Work has already been busy this semester, with an opera last weekend, Playground this weekend, and a pile of shows opening the week after.February is quite a busy month for me, but March will slow down a bit before the end of term craziness of April.

The King and I are looking forward to your visit in February. The unopened gifts in my living room look so sad and lonely! The King is planning to stop our bardic circle that Friday night, and hope you can make it too. Did you realize the weekend we chose for our late-Christmas was Valentine's Day? Maybe I'll make a pink or something to add to the festivities. The King doesn't much go in for Valentine's Day, but the Sons might enjoy a holiday theme.

Well, I must be off. Looking forward to seeing you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Christmas

2008-12-25T15:04:00.002-05:00

My dearest Corywnne,

Merry Christmas! It was quite a morning here. The ex was here for the festivities as he is each year, but this year Leggs was far more perturbed about it. He understands that it is best for the children that we do the "celebrate of the birth of the child that doesn't exist" together, or at least he says he does. His actions do not bare that out.

The ex goes into the kitchen to refill his coffee and Leggs is right there behind him, I opted to stay in the living room. So Leggs begins yelling out each thing he touches.

"He's opening the silverware drawer!"
"Now he is messing with the glasses!!"
"He's washing the french press, and you just know he won't empty the sink catch!!!"

He was right of course, but I hardly think it was worthy of a running commentary...unless it included Dom and Billy...cause then I am sure it would have been amusing.

Anyway, the children were very pleased with their gifts from "the red-suited pipe smoking man who doesn't exist", and are off to spend the weekend with their father. I am off for a nap before the settlements first annual (gods help me)red-suited man party. I wish the would consult me, even when they are trying to surprise me.

Hope you are enjoying North Carolina and the new baby.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Fa la la la la

2008-12-15T19:28:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

The King and were both terribly shocked and concerned to hear about Cam. I was glad to see his post on the Pennsic group. He seems to be in good spirits and we hope, well on his way to recovery. The King does not seem to have the same issues Leggs does when dealing with human illness. Quite the opposite. He usually launches into a melancholy speech about the frailty of Men and how much better things were in Numenor of Old. I tell him that's what happens when your mythic ancestors start worshippping the Dark Lord and then he gets kinda cranky. He consoles himself with a pipe (no egg or pickle), a glass of good scotch and some lament singing. Lament singing always cheers him up!!

In other news, you probably know by now that my brother's wife had her baby! The King feels we should consult a wizard on her destiny because of all the 11s and 7s at her birth, December 11, 11:07 am, 7 lbs, 7 oz. He finds it most strange that she is named for my mother and was born on my mother's birthday, 11 years after my mother passed away. He is certain this is an auspicious birth and is trying to get her on the waiting list for the famed Imladris PreSchool program. (apparently the list is VERY long.) He can't wait to meet her! Unfortunately, I don't know if my brother's wife is aware of our relationship. I suggested that he give me a day or two to get her comfortable with the idea of a non-reality brother-in-law before he pops in, arms laden with Yule gifts and siging Elvish lullabyes. He was a little miffed that I hadn't shared our relationship with my new sister-in-law, but I explained that they live in a far away land called North Carolina and that I have not met her yet myself. He agreed that informing one's family about an non-reality boyfriend (especially a royal one) is something that is best done face to face.

In other news, I'm busily shopping and preparing for the North Carolina trip. I think my shopping is finally complete, now all that's left is wrapping. I'm hoping the King will stick around and amuse the cats with bits of tinsel and jolly games of Trip the Ranger Down the basement stairs so I can rustle wrapping paper without fear, but you know how unhelpful he can be when there's work to be done. Still, it's shaping up to be a productive evening.

The Kings snuck off to do his Yule shopping on Saturday while Deana and I slaved away at cookie baking. Deana added a new treat to the cookie marathon this year...chocolate covered oreos! They are delightful! I let the King eat the broken ones, cuz that's the kind of sweetie I am :-)

We are very much looking forward to visiting with you and the Sons this holiday and hope to see Tom and Bill as well. We can make more concrete plans (as "concrete" as our "plans" ever are!) closer to your arrival.

Well, I must begin the wrapping...the sooner begun, the sooner done, or something like that. Perhaps I should get Bilbo to invent a new Old Saying for situations of this type. I do hope your cold is better and you are not too snowbound!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Call a Cambulance

2008-11-24T00:17:00.003-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am again flummoxed by the lack of understanding that Leggs has gained over the past six years. Six years!!!!! He was here when the great and powerful Amron was temporarily felled by a heart attack and yet, when Cam suffered the same malady on Thursday night he was still in complete shock. Don’t get me wrong, I too was shocked that yet another of our strong tent raising men would be victim to this, but we are but human, so I have to say he was far more shocked and not a little bit confused.

Leggs was here when my father came and told me how the events unfolded, the details I will now tell you as Leggs heard them in his head.

Amron, “Cam had a heart attack last night.”
Leggs’ head, “These humans make no sense, why is it one organ can have attacks and the others do not. I have watched many hours of the palantir box and never has any one arrived at hospital with a lung attack. Or a bone attack, or a spleen attack, or….(this went on for a while, I will spare you)

Amron, “The ambulance had trouble getting out of the driveway, because of all the snow.”
Leggs’ head, “What!? How is that snow can impede this Bulance of Cam? It should just ride upon the snow like I do.”

Amron, “They put a stint in one of his arteries and he should be fine.”
Leggs’ head, “Into his heart!? Fools, that is the one place you do not want to pierce above all others!” Moment of thought, “Unless this stint is like love, which may safely be placed in the heart….it must be this.”

Does the King still have this sort of difficulty? I realize that they are immortal or at least nearly immortal, but does it then follow that they can have no concept of the frailty of humans….they have fought with humans, they have drunk with humans, and now have both spent six years in close relationships with humans. Am I asking too much that when one of our number is ill, that I get a chance to think about what I can do to help them rather than trying to explain again and again about human anatomy and life expectancy, and that yes, even the Cam-Ron is, despite their Numenorian like strength, human?

Anyway, that is what I have been dealing with since the incident on Thursday. I hope that the King took the news better than Leggs and you got to spend you time sending out good vibes or something else equally druid-like.

I know that I shouldn't be complaining. Leggs is showing his concern in the only way he knows how, which is kind of sweet when it isn't really annoying. And most important of all, Cam is doing well. So, in the end, we will have to pretend that I am not complaining about anything, that I am, instead, simply sharing the story with you as it unfolded.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

PS. Grapes of Wrath---the opera---please tell me you are joking…and if you are not, that you have not gotten tickets for the King. His retelling and resigning of Animal Farm has just ended!

That Time of Year

2008-11-20T18:06:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

It's that time of year again....the BIG MUSICAL time of year. I've been swamped the past few weeks selling tickets to "Into the Woods." In fact, we sold out the entire run as of yesterday. Now it's dealing with the disappointment of the Sondheim-loving masses who can't get in to see it. In any case, it's a long show and I've been working like twelve hours a day and neglecting the King terribly. Fortunately, he and Faramir have departed for a long-weekend hunting and fishing trip that should keep him form moping about the citadel. He gets so crabby when I'm stuck at work and he can't figure out how to turn on the DVD player! The King has promised to be home on Sunday with fresh venison. Whee! Perhaps you and Leggs could join us for a barbecue...though poor Faramir is still a bit sensitive about bonfires.

I'm glad Leggs is taking an active interest in real-world politics. It's adorable! I love when he gets all excited about a project and just throws himself into it willy-nilly!! (I just described an Elf as willy-nilly! I'm gonna pay for that later) The King seems quite pleased with the way things turned out. He's thinks that a young, forward-thinking president who reads Harry Potter might be more willing to enter into trade agreements with imaginary worlds than the previous administrations. I told him not to get his hopes up.

Remember back when we did a musical production of "Animal Farm"? Apparently there is an opera version of "The Grapes of Wrath." I mean, ok, opera is bit different than musical theater, but really? Singing in the Dust Bowl? What are people thinking!

Let's see...what other news...I'm petting Diedre on a regular basis now. The King can't understand why this is such a big deal. Seems the two of them have quite the fantasy life without me, just like he and Robinson. Honestly...sometimes my pets get to spend more time with my imaginary boyfriend than I do!!

All righty, I need to get some work done. I hope all is well with you. If I can make it through this weekend I'll be great! I'm planning to take all of next week off work and spend quality time in the White City teaching Eowyn how to stuff a turkey!

You're Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

PS-the delighted to hear that David Tennant is vacating the TARDIS. There's been more than a little gloating. I try not to let him see my heart ache!

It sounds like the beginning of a joke...

2008-11-05T12:03:00.004-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Last night Leggs and I were watching the election coverage. Figuring there were hours left before it would be called I figured it would be safe to flip to Comedy Central, which is what we were watching when the announcement came. Luckily, for me, the comedy didn't end there.

Of course we were very happy with the outcome. Leggs had been re-reading the Handmaid's Tale in preparation for another republican win, so I am sure you can imagine our relief. Anyway, shortly after the announcement there was a bit about who would be running in 2012, at which point Leggs suggested that you and I should take a stab at it. Once I realized he wasn't joking, it just got funnier.

He began citing our foreign relations experience, with the taming of the orcs and the trade agreements with the Easterlings. Then on to our executive experience....your re-orginization of the White City, my experience in building an integrated community from the ground up. Then he got very serious and said that he hoped I would not be offended by the fact that he thought it would be best if you were the top of the ticket instead of me.

I assured him that I was not offended and that he would be correct. Your imaginary executive experience is far more extensive than mine. I couldn't help but laugh, he was so very sincere. But you know that my policy in dealing with imaginaries is to always tell them the truth in the hope that they could one day full intergrate into reality...a fruitless hope in Leggs case, I fear.

So I tried. I reminded him of the Obama/Aryes connection. That our connections, and in many ways, the fact that we are who we are would not be appealing to the voters. Not only is my best friend a druid, but also my running mate...not going to fly. I reminded him how Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain did lots of campaigning...I don't think many people would show up for campaign events where the speaker doesn't actually exsist.

Then I explained that even if we could get the voters to accept these things as normal, I doubted that these writing which, as it turns out, are very easy to find would be printed in newspapers as a testament to our deep seeded psychosis. I tried to explain, that even when people that I know discover these writings my heart pounds in terror that they will not see this as two women with healthy imaginations and extra time on there hands.

By the end of the night I thought I had gotten through to him. He went back to the settlement and I went to bed. This morning, however, I discovered that his plan will not be foiled by logic or facts. I came into my living room to discover that while in the settlement, he had gotten everyone together to start making campaign signs.

I think I will wait a few days before I tackle the point that "S&M in '12" is only going to appeal to a small portion of the voting public. I just don't have the strength today.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

PS. A druid and an atheist enter an election....

Election and Memory

2008-11-04T20:35:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, the King is not dealing very well with this election. First he was VERY confused that no one’s son was running. I thought I had managed to clarify all that for him eight years ago, but apparently he did not retain my careful explanation of the democratic process vs, divine right monarchy.

He’s been glued to CNN all evening trying to make sense of the projections and is eagerly counting down the poll closings, though he doesn’t quite have the hang of the whole multiple time zone thing. He’s not at all convinced that it is really technology and not evil sorcery that is getting the info to us so quickly. You know how he mistrusts the palantir boxes and the little people who live in them. I caught him trying to give McCain a beer earlier…fortunately I stopped him before he poured it on the TV!

I’ve been trying to distract him all evening with Pennsic memories. Like how adorable the kids looked all dressed up in their pirate gear. And how Elven and very serious Arwen was when she went shooting for the first time. He reminisced about the wine tasting and how it was the best one ever! No one got too drunk, there was lots of singing, good shopping afterwards…he even reminded me that I need to actually learn how the verses to “Barrett’s Privateers” go so I don’t have to fake it again. We talked about the food, the yogurt and granola mornings, the beneficent magic of the coffee pot, taco night, Rook smelling like onions after making the soup, the tasty Brussels sprouts. He laughed at the memory of Friar Sam, Rook and Gardner with axes making wood chips and how much fun he had with Amron and Cam commentating on their progress. We smiled at how much music was made and beer was drunk and how good the weather was and how many knights he killed in the field battle. I reminded him how much fun we all had at the Wolgemut concert when he did the Polar Bear Dance and how much your youngest son enjoyed the band.

Sadly, these happy memories distract him only briefly and then he is back to fretting about the election. He once again assured me that if things go badly I could take up permanent residence in the White City and we would never have to worry about reality again, though he would miss the indoor plumbing and central heating. Like Fangorn, we will not be hasty, as it would be a major life style change for both of us, but I’m keeping my options open.

I should go back to the living room. I hear him with the remote flipping back and forth rapidly between CNN, MSN and Fox. And the PA polls will have closed by now. I’d like to check in and see how we’re doing. If he gets too tense, maybe I can get him to help with some cleaning. Having our Samhain this late after all the other Samhains I’ve been through already is taking its toll on my desire to clean, cook or do anything other than drink beer and watch the palantir box. Somehow, I think the threat of housework will keep his nerves to the minimum.

Take care! I look forward to hearing about your trip.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Return of the Kinslayer

2008-10-29T08:58:00.003-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

My goodness, you have been busy lately. Mithrandir mentioned to me that he thought we were "dropping the palantir" a bit with our writings. But I think he was satisfied when I pointed out that the scholars who will be studying our writings have yet to be born, and therefore we would get it done when we could. Hopefully that will keep him off our backs for a while.

I have been wondering if you have managed to keep the upcoming elections out of the eye of the King this time around. I know how upset he gets when the "wrong" person wins, and even though that looks less likely this time, I was wondering if you were letting him have access to the process this time or if you were just going to fill him in after the fact.

I had hoped to keep the election coverage away from Leggs, but sadly I did not succeed. Even though he had not been born at the time of the kinslayings, he is quiet certain that a female vice presidential candidate I will not name is the leader of a small sect of kinslayers who disappeared into our reality when after the slayings received less than stellar reviews. I have asked him several times for more information on this sect of kinslayers, since I have never heard of them, but he just says that the grief is still too near and goes of to lament. You know, his usual cop out.

So I think it is safe to say that Leggs is not a fan of at least half of the republican ticket and I am sure he will be sharing his views with the King soon, so if you have been keeping him away from the election, you may want to also keep him away from Leggs...

In other news, I am off to visit the Loud One for the weekend. We will be attending their famous Samhain event and with the wickerman (will it have firecrackers or not?!?!) and the more famous pig head, I am sure to have much to report. Leggs has opted not to go with me, he is going to stalk the GOP ticket at their rallys this weekend....thank the Valar that they won't be able to see him with his arrows aimed directly at her...cause I don't think Elves fair to well in Gitmo.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Work, Witches and a Birthday

2008-10-20T20:31:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

It seems like forever since I have written. Things around here have gone crazy the past month...I don't know where the time goes. Maybe it’s another of those “as we get older” things.

Anyway…I don’t have much time. Viggo has decided to pop over to spend part of his 50th birthday with us and the Tower is in an uproar. Apparently he and the King worked it all out but no one bothered to pass the info along to me (typical Men)! So out of the blue this afternoon, the King wanted to know what we’d be serving for the birthday dinner and if the of Old Winyard Mayor Sam has shipped had arrived and being allowed to breathe! Here I was, looking forward a peaceful Monday night after my so-called weekend and BAM! VIP party!

Fortunately the staff in the Citadel is almost as good as the one on Upstairs/Downstairs at pulling off emergency dinner parties, so it looks like we won’t embarrass ourselves in the eyes of our favorite tough-guy-with-a heart-of-gold movie star. But Faramir is gonna freak when he sees what we’re paying in over-time for the kitchen staff! Fortunately, Viggo and the King wanted to keep it a fairly low-key affair, so there was no need to break the formal garb or be too fancy. Which is good…I‘m thinking I might need to retire after dinner and let the guys do some much needed-bonding. The weekend wiped me out!

Saturday, I got up made pierogies, talked to Rook (don’t tell the King, I’d hate for it to get back to Elrond since he’s been so useful to me lately), frieed the pirogies, took a shower, got all dressed up (make-up and everything) and went to my potluck. Sunday I spent like 12 hours at Pagan Pride Day sitting at the Druid table and being friendly and helpful. You how exhausting friendly and helpful can be!! On the plus side, I finished crocheting a dishrag and am halfway through another. There’s a lot of downtime sitting at the Druid table. You can only pass out so much propaganda!!!

Work is hell…we just can’t seem to get caught up! I can’t wait ‘til Thanksgiving break! I plan to spend a great deal of time lounging about the White City letting people wait on me. Of course I have to get through two weeks of a very popular musical first! If Sondheim doesn’t kill me, I now I will be a stronger person for having survived “Into the Woods”, but I think it will require much reflection on my part before I start to see the good in it.

Well, once again time flies. I have to pop over to White City and make sure everything is good to go for the party. Hope all is well with you. Heck, I might see you and Leggs there! I haven’t even glanced at the guest list yet!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Like Sweating Sickness

2008-09-21T22:21:00.003-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I decided to wait for the full outcome of your story before replying. I figure it is always good to get the whole story before saying anything in order to avoid needing seasoning for one's foot. My original feelings about the King's behavior about DT doctor would have been seen as unkind and could have made things awkward at our next meeting, and I am glad that I waited.

I am also glad, nay, overjoyed that the King has seen the error of his ways. Jealous is not a good quality in a movie boyfriend. Especially when that movie boyfriend understands from wence he came. If you were dating Garth from Wayne's World, I would not expect him to understand where he has come from. But the King has proven time and again that he understands the ins and outs of reality jumping and therefore should also understand the difficulties a woman in reality must face when dating someone from fantasy. It is good that his mind has won out over petty emotions.

That, and I love having DT doctor around. As you know, I am a big fan of his...not as big as you, of course, but from time to time there are moments when I regret not grabbing him up first. But it is truly better that he and I remain friends...I am much better in the Donna role as opposed to Rose or Martha, it just works better for us.

I know that the past few months will be difficult for the future historians of Middle Earth, but I think it will be a welcome one. Much like our long conversations debating what the sweating sickness really was, or whether or not Giaus Baltar is evil, I think they will enjoy the chance for debate amid all the facts. It will give new life to their studies, if fact I think we should consider having one of the Sons (mine, not Elrond's) damage some of the records here and there upon our deaths, just to throw some mystery out there. I am sure that Mithrandir would not approve, but I think we should jazz it up a bit.

Anyway, we have had a pretty quiet summer in the settlement. I have not found any writings of Leggs from Pennsic this year. I suspect he knows that I forwarded it on to you last year. I hope that the King had something to say.

We are looking forward to seeing you next month for Samhain...I have to make something for that....eeeks!

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

*all characters from alternate realities other than reality itself and the main fantasy world contained herein were used with the permission of the trans-reality agency.

The Saga continues

2008-09-17T20:07:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Apologies for taking so long to continue my story! I know you (and the eager bards and minstrels) are dying for the rest of the story. In the new-found spirit of reconciliation, I’ve been spending a great deal of time in Minis Tirith being a dutiful consort and haven't had much time to write.

As you can imagine, my outburst to the King did not go over well. Still muttering grimly about the Doctor’s lack of beard he stomped into the bedroom, dragged Anduril from its resting place under the bed (next to the exercise machine I STILL haven’t set up) and announced that he thought we should take a “break.” Well, that was just fine with me. I’m tired of his petty jealousies! Do I complain when he, Faramir and Eomer go off for weeks on one of their “boy’s hunting vacations”? Did I reprimand him when I found the naughty diary entries Boromir left in his journal? Did I complain when he found a way around the web filter and started Google image searching Liv Tyler? No! I did not! So it was decided that I spend my summer dealing with precollege and he would stay in the White City and we could both have “space” to decide where we wanted the relationship to go.

Now, we’ve spent time apart before and no one ever raised a carefully-groomed eyebrow, but apparently this time, the minions of the City knew something was up. Maybe it was lingering trauma over the recent Celeborn/Galadriel fallout but suddenly everyone and his sister-son in Middle Earth knew there was an ISSUE. Oddly enough, Eowyn appeared to be on my side and stayed in touch. (I guess she figured that she knew a thing or two about forbidden love!) Anyway, you may have seen what some of the gossip rags were insinuating! There was the rumor that I was pregnant and insisting on having the baby in a reality hospital. The midwives in the Housing of Healing were pissed about that one! There the theory that I had gone to live with the Elves. (Nice thought!) and my favorite…I was secretly an agent of the Dark Lord and had run off to the Easterlings carrying with me the defense secrets of all of Gondor! (Like they needed MY help to make a mess of the Gondor! We're still cleaning up after their last invasion!)

The King did nothing to dispel any of the rumors. Apparently royal pride wouldn’t allow him to tell any reputable reporter the truth, so it was easier to let folks speculate. Things turned around when word of the Break reached Rivendell. While I was busy trying to get precollege over with and packing for Pennsic, Eowyn sent a Rider to tell me that the King had been summoned by Lord Elrond and that he had departed for Imladris with all due haste. Most folks assumed it was new Orc colony in need of smiting or that Elrond had finally decided to make the King get all his crap out of his old bedroom. As it turns out, Elrond was most displeased to learn of our spat. Word that the King might once again be the most eligible bachelor in Arda set off quite a flurry of concern. Seems his lordship was sure that the King might try and get back together with his old girlfriend the She-elf Who Shall Not Be Named. This was not acceptable.

I don’t what Elrond said to him, but Aragorn showed up Sunday night at Pennsic with a bouquet of elanor and apologized! Privately, of course. No sense everyone knowing what had been going on. Our cover story that he came to Pennsic late because of pressing matters back home seemed to satisfy everyone at the time. Of course, most of them were drunk…Anyhoo…The King has promised to be less scornful of beardless Time Lords and I have promised to be less enthusiastic (at least around him) of the Doctor’s (many) virtues and all is well again. I think he finally understands that TV boyfriends may come and go, but movie boyfriends are forever. (And I showed him some Patrick Troughton and William Hartnell episodes and he felt much better about himself.)

So there it is…a simple lover’s quarrel that worked out okay in the end. I don’t think the King is used to happy endings!

More soon, but I promised Eowyn I’d show her a few David Tennant episode so she could see what all the fuss was about. Let’s hope Faramir takes it better than the King!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Infamous Summer of 2008

2008-08-19T20:13:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Years from now, our official biographers will sift through reams of journal entries and letters and wonder what happened during the Summer of 2008 RR (Reality Reckoning). Questions will that keep bards and storytellers busy for centuries pondering the mysteries of that time. Romantic tales will spring up concerning our trials and tribulations, made all the more horrible to bear because we did not have each other as faithful companions. What drove them apart, they wonder and why, after three months of silence, have they reconciled and, renewed in frith and friendship, begun again the glorious adventure of fellowship between the worlds.

Well, screw the biographers and bards!!! The truth is…I was busy!!! Between the Druids (reality) and the King’s jealousy (Fantasy), I’ve had my hands full!!! It is not and issue between us, oh bards, but an issue with the King. An issue that almost changed the course of history. I admit I am partly to blame and to protect his honor and the intimate details of our recent unpleasantness, (damn paparazzi) I have avoided committing to paper the events of the past few months. I know you are aware of some of the rumors and gossip that had spread throughout our realm and beyond, and I hope this letter will explain with a bit more truthiness the situation at hand.

As you know, War Practice went off beautifully! Celeborn was very polite, though he did drink lot, and seemed to enjoy himself, or at least, remain rather bemused by the entire situation. Shortly after our return from War practice though, his Elven Lordship decided it was time to retreat to Lothorien and sped some time contemplating the state of the reality and fate of Man. (He took with him a box of Fruity Cheerios). Huzzah! I thought finally, things would get back to normal around Minis Tirith.

Unfortunately, the new season of Dr. Who began.

I thought the King and I had worked through out issues with my current TV Boyfriend, but apparently I was sadly mistaken. When the season began, I invited the king to watch with me, thinking if we were together he would see that It was all over between me and the Doctor. That ploy backfired! I was not nearly as over the Doctor as I thought (and my added, creepy fascination with Capt. Jack didn’t help.) Maybe it was a seven year itch, maybe I was dreaming of greener pastures, I just don’t know.

I behaved fairly well in the beginning, hiding my forbidden love deep inside like Gwenevere (that twit! I hated myself!), but the King wasn’t enjoying himself. He kept watching, but I had to put up with all the snide comments. “The Doctor! What kind of name is that? And people made fun of ME when I called myself Strider” and “He doesn’t seem very fit. That’s what you get from sitting on your ass riding a blue box through space and time instead of hacking orcs like a real man” and “He’s so skinny. I could snap him like a twig…even Legolas could snap him like a twig, not that he would, I think he has a fondness for twigs, but you know what I’m saying” and “Why doesn’t the sissy boy grow a beard for Eru’s sake, he looks like Hobbit” and on and on.

That was all I could take. I wet on a rant about how the Doctor always has to save the world and if he wants to do it beardless and wearing sneakers that’s his right. And how The King should be lucky to have me…someone to come home to after the long orc hunts who cares about him and who he can actually have sex with from time to time. And he would just spend time with the Doctor he would understand what a wonderful guy he really is. And how the Doctor is doing his part to save the world too and the King should just shut up about it!!!!!

Well, that did not go over too well.

Unfortunately, I must sign off for now. Busy, busy with post Pennsic clean-up (still!) and assorted Gondorian harvest festivals to plan.

I will continue the saga as soon as I am able.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

I apologize

2008-05-15T13:19:00.002-04:00

My dearest Corwynne,

There is no need to apologize for not writing, especially since it appears to have been my fault. I am so sorry that my mistake has caused you and yours such hardship. Please extend my apologies to Celeborn also...I feel terrible about putting everyone in such situation.

War Practice is already under way, but I have seen the weather reports and I am glad we won't be going until tomorrow. Not that the weather will be any better, but there will be less of it for us to endure. Leggs has decided to head up early and left this morning. He feels the need to commune with the trees alone.

Since he is not here, reading over my shoulder, I can tell you that my trip to see The Loud One was very pleasant. We accomplished absolutely nothing and did even less. In other words...glorious. Then I returned home to battle a stomach flu, which I have hopefully conquered.

Well, since I will see you in about twenty-four hours I will keep this short. See you tomorrow.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

That Explains It!

2008-05-10T17:44:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I once again find myself apologizing for the tardy reply to your latest letter. I will say that it certainly explains why, shortly after your “gift” arrived, Celeborn came riding like the wind up to the White City, looking rather disheveled for an Elf, demanding wine and taking up residence in one of the ambassadorial suites. He claimed he had important research to do in the Library, but I thought it a rather lame excuse. However, the King and I felt it best to say nothing and simply extend our hospitality for the duration of his visit. Which continues, much like the proverbial road, ever on and on.

For nearly a month he’s been gliding around the City, holing up in the Library with Mithrandir during the day or worse taking very long lunches with the Wizard, slumming it in various taverns in the lower levels of the City. Let me assure you there is nothing quite so disturbing as the two of them staggering up flights of stairs while singing bawdy drinking songs. I am hoping he grows tired of us mere Mortals soon. I sympathize…no one wants to face the Wroth of Gladders, but he starting to scare me. Fortunately, he’s begun singing more laments, late at night, which leads me to believe he’s beginning to miss the Golden Wood. I wonder when he’ll consider it safe to return home?

The King and I are looking forward to War Practice. If Celeborn is still skulking around, I may invite him along as well. Picture it. Go on, close your eyes, and picture him knee deep in Bog mud, eating Cheerios out of a paper bowl! I hope the image amuses you as much as it does me. Does Leggs plan to join us this year? I’m trying to get the final head count for the food plan.

I spent most of the day cleaning the basement and locating the camping equipment. The King made himself useful carrying trash. I think he needed a break from our noble Elven guest as much as I did! I’m going to so a bit more laundry and settle in for a nice evening of Battlestar Galactica.

I hope you are enjoying your weekend in New York with the Loud One! The King and I look forward to seeing you and Sons next weekend!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Someone else's Blessed Event

2008-04-14T23:08:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

You know that I have been trying to facilitate some sort of less than hostile relationship between the elves in the West and myself, or anyone of lesser (ie human) birth. I think that I may have blown it. Yesterday I was in reality, surf the interwebs, when I saw a birth announcement and I thought that I had seen a golden opportunity....I immediately sent out a congratulatory basket with many gifts that a new mother should not be without, hoping that mine would be the best and the first to arrive.

Sadly, it was the only one to arrive, because it appears that I was the only one who didn't bother to continue reading....it was not Gladders who had a baby, but Cate Blachett....But seriously, with a name like Ignatius Martin how was I expected to know. I mean, yes, I know that Gladders is well past the age that anyone, even an elf should even consider having a child, but she has always gone against the grain, and I was just so excited that this was an opportunity to quell some of her hatred toward me.

So, my package was returned. It's contents were now nothing but ash. There was a note attached which simply read "Forward to Cate Blachett" So I think I have screwed this up past the point of rescue, and I must say, knowing that there is no chance has sort of made me feel better about everything.

I am very excited for the chance to work with the SCYSM. I would love to sit on the board. Please let me know when the first meeting will be.

Please thank the King for all of his concern over the education of the eldest son. It is very helpful to have royalty on your side.

I must go now and explain the basket in the shape of a baby carriage filled with ash to Leggs. I don't think he is going to be pleased.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

2008-03-11T12:34:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

First of all, you, Leggs and the Sons should know that you have the full support of the King and I. We have always depended on you, along with your family, to Facilitate Ridiculous Fantasies. In fact we consider you a leader in the movement. Many look up to you, take you as an example of how to facilitate, and draw inspiration and courage from the way you boldly lay the foundations for future mental instability! The King has offered to send The Eldest Son a small honor guard of Gondorian Knights to help “facilitate” the smiting unbelievers. I suggested that it might not be best idea. If they have such an issue with a herd of harmless unicorns, imagine the reaction to a fully armoured guard. The king has agreed to simply monitor the situation for the time being. (Though I wouldn’t be surprised if a few unemployed Rangers from the North started lurking in bushes. Sometimes, the King’s "monitoring" techniques are less than subtle.)

In other news, I have received several communications from Rook concerning the future of Orthanc. As you know, once we got all the creepy stuff cleaned out, the King gave the Key of Orthanc into Rook’s keeping. He finally has a plan for converting the former Stronghold of Sauruman into an institution benefiting the whole of Arda. The King, Faramir and I are still sorting through the paperwork but with luck, “Rook's School and Home for Useless Yet Strapping Young Men and/or Elves” should be opening its doors in the next 18 months. That is of course, its informal name. It will be incorporated in Gondor as the Scholarly Council for Young Strapping Men (SCYSM).

He has asked that both you and I consent to sit on its Board of Directors. I have agreed (it’s very queenly to sit on charitable boards) and hope you will join me. He is also seeking other-world board members to act as advisors. Sir Ian McKellan and Professor Dumbledore have already been invited as art and education advisors. The courses will focus on the Classics, which in our opinion, don’t get enough focus these days. Greco-Roman wrestling will be a help in channeling YSM energies. The King suggested we add some military training as well. I’m thinking along the lines of 300 (with proper Spartan “uniforms”) to encourage team building. Classical figure drawing will nuture their artistic side and learning Latin and Quenya will lay a solid foundation for understanding and analysis of language and history. Singing, recitation of poetry, Elven harp, and other performance-oriented lessons will instill self-esteem and foster an appreciation for music and theater…or musical theater…

Of course this will all require money. I was hoping to dedicate income from the upcoming Hobbit film to this purpose, but with the latest Tolkien Estate lawsuit and the New Line merger, I am hesitant to count on becoming available in a timely manner. We hate to raise taxes again, so we are looking at alternative funding options. Several prominent Gondorian leaders including Prince Imrahil, Faramir, myself and the King, have already pledged private endowments. I plan to lean on Elrond to get an endowment from him. I don’t know if we’ll have much luck with donations from Lothlorien, but I suspect Haldir might be interested. I will leave soliciting Thranduil and his folk in the capable hands of you and Leggs. I think you and I should definitely host some charity balls, auctions and dinners. Perhaps we could recruit our reality friends to do their part as well. Maybe Orli would be willing to auction off another pair of smallclothes on Ebay. I’ll have the King mention it to Viggo(I think they’re having dinner together next week). Surely Sir Ian, and the other Sir Ian and Christopher Lee would lend their support to this worthy cause.

In any case, I should probably get back to work. I still have real work to do on top of the business of running a kingdom.. I don’t think anyone realizes the amount of time and effort that goes into proper governance of a “ridiculous fantasy.” Until next time…

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Ridiculous Facilitation

2008-02-14T20:48:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so glad that you and the King got to spend some quality time together. I am a bit surprised by what movies he did and did not like, but they do say you can never really know someone. And I guess that is the case here.

News from this part of the world (middle earth and reality) is not terribly exciting. The most interesting thing happened in reality(at least I think it was in reality, but after you see how it went, you will understand my hesitation in commenting to that fully).

This evening I attended parent teacher conferences for the eldest of the sons. Nothing out of the ordinary with his school work, just as I expected. As I was about to leave however, one of his teachers said that there was a issue that they wanted to mention. I said okay and waited, expecting something like "He tends to yell "pickles" a lot." (Cause he does.) The two teachers look to each other and braced themselves and the one said, "We would like to discuss your ridiculous facilitation of his unicorn fantasies."

I figured this issue would come up eventually, but I didn't expect it right then. If I had know it was coming I never would have let Leggs tag along. I was distracted for a moment, because Leggs immediately stood up straighter, as sure sign of elf agitation. Since I was distracted, all I managed was "what about it?" And can I just say right now that this was not the right response, because it opened up a window in which these two women let flow forth redneckness (yes, I made that word up cause there isn't one that I know that convey my feeling better) that shocked, awed and offended me (and Leggs) greatly.

They started off by telling me that I was laying the foundation for future mental instability.* I replied to this with "I certainly don't believe that to be true." The rebuttal from the teachers was that I must tell him there is no such things as unicorns. I replied that I would not and that even if I did he wouldn't believe me. one teacher then said to the other, "Well, that is a parenting problem."** And without allowing me time to answer the other teacher began telling me a little story. It stars my eldest child being picked on for believing in unicorns by the other nonbelievers in the class. And how she came to his rescue with this golden nugget..."So, I told them," she said, "that there were unicorns in the Bible, so they must have been real."***

At this point I explained that the son and I had discussed keeping his love of unicorns quiet at school in order to make more friends, but that he said he didn't want that kind of friend. I told them if they had an arguement that could beat that I would be happy to hear it....they only responded that it was very Montessori of me.**** I did not yell, because it is never a good idea to upset the people who spend more time with your child than you do. So, yet another eventful parent teacher conference, and by successful I mean that I don't think this school will ask me to be president of the PTA...thank the Valar!

And that is all the news that is fit to print. The news that is not fit to print can be found below. Give my best to the King.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Leggs' responses at Parent Teacher conferences.

*These women have clearly not done any research on what causes these mental issues. The New England Journal of Medicine clearly explains that mental illness is caused by many factors. Genetics play a large role as does the patients family life. If they do not feel safe around their family, a mental disorder could arise. I would think that being willing to openly admit to such an unpopular idea at such a young age proves that this child feels completely safe in his home environment. There are also psychological factors, such as trauma....(at this point I had to go back to listening to the teachers or they would have thought that there was a very good reason that my son was crazy!)

**There is a fell voice on the air! If I did not see them with my own eyes I would be sure they were Crebain from Dunland. How is it that they dare?!

***Crebain from Dunland are more intelligent than these women. She proves that the fantasy is not real with the proof that is real from another more fantastic and unbelievable fantasy than the first. The lack of logic in these people would make Spock's head spin!

****Montessori!!! Yes, when my father is finally in the Elven retirement home we will have enough gold to send both of the sons to a real school, like this woman says a Montessori school. I have had enough. Let us be done with these fools.

Movies with the King

2008-02-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I can’t believe it’s been a month since you last wrote! January fled like an Elf on a fast boat to the West! I guess it’s taken me a while to recover from all the holiday festivities and some kind of routine again. And the post-holiday funk was almost equal to the post-Pennsic funk, so I haven’t been in a communicating kind of mood.

Mostly, the King has been hanging out at my place. He has a soft spot for central heating and the electric blanket, so he was perfectly willing to lie around for a few weeks with me watching movies and eating leftover cookies, Hershey’s Miniatures and those funny Italian nougat candies you can only find at Christmas.

Anyway, the eating, as usual was pretty good, but apparently the King is far worse than we when it comes to making fun of...uh…discussing films.

Where to begin. Let’s start with 300. I thought he’d love it, all that manly camaraderie. He spent the whole movie loudly voicing his disapproval at the lack of Spartan armor and couldn’t understand why I was so…ummm…appreciative. “You make fun of me for not wearing a HELM, yet you approve of these muscle-heads going to die in their small clothes?!?!?!” (maybe Boromir was barking up the wrong tree after all!)

Then on to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. He couldn’t follow the plot, but you can’t blame him, there are few who could. He spent this movie blathering about how COOL Geoffrey Rush/Barbossa was. What a snappy dresser and oooh…look at his “sword play!” (I may have lost the ground I gained during 300!) At least we both got to make fun of Orlando’s relatively poor overall performance (I’m pretty sure he was talking about his acting….)

Eastern Promises was a fiasco. He can’t understand why Viggo would play such morally ambiguous character. Or why any of the people in the movie were allowed to live. (“If I were King of England, I’d put a stop to that behavior immediately!”). He remains impressed with Viggo’s fighting skills, but the steam room scene made him flinch! Boys are so sensitive about some things! I explained that Viggo received several award nominations for that role and he was appalled that anyone would reward that type of behavior. We had to have another little chat about the difference between actors and their roles. (Every time I think he gets it, I realize he doesn’t…quite.) I told him it was a very big deal for Viggo and he sent a congratulatory fruit basket to be supportive, even though he doesn’t approve. I think that’s very open-minded of him.

I’ve started watching season three of Dr. Who, but only after the King retires for the night. The love I feel for DTD remains strong, but will forever be unrequited.

I should go and watch some Torchwood. I wonder what the King will think of that!!!

Hope all is well and that I hear from you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Another New Year Comes

2008-01-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I was so pleased to hear of the blessed event. I guess since the media in the real world only has the memory of a fruit fly, I had not heard anything about it. What a joy it will be to see the struggles of the people of Middle Earth recognized by the masses yet again.

Don't get me wrong...news of a royal birth would have been just as welcome. But you and the King have decided to take you time and we will all, most of us anyway, respect that.

I conveyed your warning to Leggs, and he is most distressed. He had hoped that with the success that Orli has seen over the past few years that his name would not be tarnished by association anymore, but he understands that he can't control every thing and that he is immortal, so he will out live the shame.

It was so lovely to see you over the holidays. I cannot believe that with five days scheduled for our visit that we ended up not having enough time to do everything we had planned. Soon it will be new year's month instead of new year's day, if we are to get everything done!

I enjoyed my time there so very much. I had forgotten what it is like to be around actual people. I am lucky enough to keep in touch with many of my friends via the "handheld palantir" but what a difference it is to talk to people and actually see their faces.

We were such social butterflies, which I know is not exactly a change for you, but my goodness, we sure saw a lot of people. Dinner at Gardner and Kathryn's followed by country music Karaoke was quite a surprise. I also really enjoy watching Mai as she plays with Arwen(the good one) and the Sons. I think it shows us how the next regime will run.

The only disappointment of the weekend was Sweeny Todd but at least we got to order our tickets with the flourish of a Roman town crier. Well, I also don't think I got enough use out of my eatin' dress this year, but there is always next year. I think it will be my goal to put on 40 pounds while I am there this time.

I hope that you had as much fun as I did. And be sure to thank the King for my Christmas gift. I have hung it in a place of honor befitting it's rarity and fineness. Best to those in the White City.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

The Blessed Event

2007-12-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

First off, I am NOT pregnant. Do you hear that Gladdders?! Not pregnant! Aragorn needs an heir, I need a ring on my finger, that's the way that goes. Maybe you should start harrassing HIM about a princeling, Little Miss Queen of the Golden Wood!

Whew! Sorry about that. Looks like I just unrepressed a bit of here-to-fore repressed anger!

Anyway, the blessed event to which I refer is the reconciliation between PJ and New Line that will allow the Hobbit movie to happen! I meant write sooner, but the paparazzi have begun pursuing us with renewed vigor, this time looking for our reactions to the news. Even poor Eowyn got swarmed by the pap menace. (fortunately we were able to settle the assault charges out of court. Never sneak up on a Shield Maiden of Rohan!) The King, Faramir and I have been busy dealing with the legalities of thing. Mayor Sam will of course need to be involved, especially if they want to do any on location filming. And the Dwarves! I shudder think what those contract negotiations will entail!

Rumor has it Orlando may be approached for a cameo, so Leggs should be prepared with a statement, just in case. Gandalf is fussing that he wants Sir Ian back and is threatening to withold permission to use his name and image if McKellan does not reprise his role. I hate it when wizards fuss...it's the "quick to anger" bit that always makes me tense when meddling in Maiar affairs. The King is quite pleased with the decision to make the film, and likes to think his intervention had something to do with it. He plans to pop over for a visit with PJ and New Line to aid in the selection of a director (whether they want his input or not!)

Otherwise, all is well. Yule (here and in the White City) and Christmas have all gone off with out a hitch. The king and I are looking forward to your upcoming visit with great anticipation.

I hope all is well with you and that the Sons received all they wanted from Santa, or Father Christmas, or Yule father or whatever we're calling him these days.

See you soon.
Your Affectionate friend,
Corwynne

Decorating and Babies

2007-12-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It seems that, I too, have been remiss in my correspondence. I have nothing like you excuses. Simple laziness is all I have to blame it on.

I am glad to hear that your time with the Elves was restful (mostly) and overjoyed that it has not yet become permanent. I am sorry that you had such trouble with the press. I saw some of their renderings and I do not think they did you justice. Of course, the one of Gladders leaving the restroom in the middle of the night is priceless. We framed our copy and it is above the mantle in our settlement house.

Speaking of the settlement, it has been a very long time since I updated you on the construction around here. The home that Leggs and I share is complete. We even added a room for the sons in case they ever manage the intricacies of reality jumping. It is quite cozy and I enjoy my time there very much. The settlement as a whole is also pretty much complete. I say pretty much because it was finished until Leggs jumped back to the settlement after watching HGTV at my house.

So now it is the decoration phase of the construction. And I have to say it is getting a bit strange. The current plan for our meeting hall is to make it look like an opium den. Words cannot express my disappointment at this. Oh well, elves will be elves and you know how they love the drama.

Leggs and I greatly enjoyed you Samhain party. It was so nice to see everyone again. I thought it was very amusing that people have thought that I could see the King in this reality. When Rhyannon arrived and asked if he was there and I had to ask you, she seemed to be even more confused by this than most people are about the whole reality jumping thing in the first place. Either way it was nice to have her there, except....well, Leggs is completely in love with her daughter, the benevolent dictator. He wants us to have a baby. Luckily, when I expressed consern that while pregnant the baby would only be with me in one reality or the other and how we did not know what effect this might have on a fetus he agreed that it probably isn't a good idea.

I kept having flashes of a womb hanging in mid air with a baby inside...just floating around the settlement. Highly amusing and very unsettling at the same time!

I believe that is all I have to report. Things are quite uneventful around here and in the settlement. I hope that with your shows driving you crazy that things in the White City are peaceful.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Spin City

2007-11-21T21:02:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Pleas forgive my lack of correspondence. Faramir and I have had our hands full dealing with the media fall-out from Elf-Fest and I've barely had time to focus on Reality at all in the past few weeks. (Which is a HUGE pain because I had to host the Samhain party, have a show opening at work and have to go to North Carolina to visit my brother for Thanksgiving!)

So let's begin at the beginning. The trip to Lothlorien was rather uneventful and actually quite pleasant. Viggo and the king kept each other entertained so I could focus on riding, and most importantly, not falling on my ample butt in front of Gondorian nobility.

We arrived at Lothlorien at twilight (I swear Galdders used some of that Elven sorcery. It seemed to be twilight far more often than is natural during our stay. I think she arranges it that way so we can all admire the beauty of last rays of the setting sun highlight her famously golden tresses.

The first few days weren't too bad. Viggo fit right in and he, the King and the Sons spent a lot of quality time together. Gladders spent a lot of time on official schmoozing, and I wasn't worth the effort. I was worried about meals, but SOMEHOW I always ended up at the Low end of the table. Gladders fluttered her eyelashes and promised to speak to her steward about the order of precedence and the king got all enamoured of the fluttering eyelashes and asked me to be gracious so as not to cause a scene, so I held my peace and actually rather enjoyed not having to be all polite with the big-wigs.

All of this would have been fine if it weren't for the paparazzi. Apparently, some rag newspaper in the White City sent spies after us. It's much harder to detect the paps in Middle Earth due to the lack of flashbulbs. Mostly they just sneak around, hide behind bushes and sketch frantically with pen and ink on parchment. So you don't know they've caught you, say, flashing an ankle to the steward to get a better seat at dinner, or passed out drunk on a tree root with Celeborn, or arguing with the King about how much time he's spending with Gladders or mysterious" until after the picture is printed. (I still haven't figured out when they invented the printing press!)

In any case, this caused quite a stir! Eowyn and Faramir were sending desperate messages daily reporting the latest reported scandal. Of course, papers fell into the hands of the Elves and we had to put up with their smug sniggering. There was even a picture featuring Aragorn and Viggo side by side. wondering which of them was the real king!

Then the news came about poor Thranduil's "accident". The papers had a field day with conspiracy theories! My favorite was that Gondor was secretly involved in the incident and plotting to put Leggs on the throne so we could have Mirkwood under our control. (and making some rather inappropriate speculations as the nature of the relationship between Leggs and the King!) Naturally, this did not go over too well with any of the Elves! Poor Celeborn! He tried to stand up for us, but Gladders just glared him down! Fortunately the Ons were able to calm everyone for the moment, but rumours spread like wildfire and we're still dealing with the diplomatic fall-out from Mirkwood, Lothlorien, Imladris, Edoras (apparently some of the Rohirrim suspect that we were trying to control Mirkwood so that we would be in a better position to control their trade routes, or something...) Anyway...the Elves thing it is a Man plot and the Men think it is an Elvish plot. We're getting it straightened out, I thing, but I think the papers are deliberately stirring the pot o' trouble. Perhaps this whole free press thing is over-rated.

Well, I have a Dwarf delegation waiting. Who knows what plots they've imagined in all of this. Hope all is well with you. It was lovely seeing you at Samhain, a brief reality respite from the troubles at home.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Tripping through Reality

2007-10-25T22:45:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have safely returned from my trip to The Big Apple. I feel a wee bit awful about this but I was very pleased when Leggs was unable to join me. I don't know if word has reached you yet but Leggs' father, Thranduil, had a bit of an accident last Thursday. Apparently, he was holding forth on how his ungrateful son has been shacked up for years with that lowly human, of all things and while doing so he was pacing...you know how he gets. He was in full tirade and therefore not paying attention to his surroundings, and you know those giant spiders in Mirkwood? Well there is a guild of Elves whose job it is to make sure all the walkways are clear of their webs, but somebody missed a spot. Thranduil got all tangled up and his continued ranting and thrashing drew the attention of one of these spiders. The ensuing battle left the spider dead and Thranduil with a broken hip.

The riders were sent to the settlement to fetch the ungrateful son to his father's side. He is still there, still hopeful that the idea of a retirement home in the West will eventually appeal to the old elf. I think it unlikely, but here's hopin'.

I went ahead with my trip, since my pressence in Mirkwood would have ended in one human joining the spider and Thranduil having two broken hips. I had a wonderful time. It was very nice to not have to worry how Leggs would react spending an entire weekend with the Loud One. But it would have been nice to have him with me for the plane trips, especially the one to NYC....dear lord it was a long delay. But in the end it was all worth it.

So, like I said I am back and I expect Leggs back in time for Samhain, but I forgot to add him to the RSVP, so please add him.

How were things at the Great Elf Extravaganza 2007?

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Worlds Colliding and Other News

2007-10-20T15:37:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I just wanted to dash off a short note before we leave (at Twilight, of course!!!) for the Elf-Fest 2007 (or whatever).

On the plus side, Viggo dropped by for a quick birthday drink and Aragorn convinced him to come along to Lothlorien with us. I can think of lots of other things to do on my birthday other than paying a visit to the Lothlorien, but Viggo seems really excited about it. I can tell he and Aragorn are itching to get into another poetry slam! I'm sure they'll have a blast! (and maybe Gladders will be so distracted by 21st century Man Poetry that Celeborn and I can slip off to enjoy our scotch and lamenting earlier than I had hoped!)

We got a Rider from Rohan today and it turned out to be Eomer. He's very concerned by reports that Karl Urban will be playing Dr. "Bones" McCoy in the upcoming Star Trek movie. He's not even sure what a movie IS, but he thinks "Bones " has an ominous ring to it. (But then again, what doesn't sound ominous to the Rohirrim?) I assured him that it had nothing whatever to do with the Paths of the Dead, and that I would be happy to show him re-runs when I return. He's not sure what a re-run is either, but he seemed comforted. We were unable to convince him to join our little party in the Golden Woods. He made up some excuse about over-seeing the fodder harvest for Winter and rode off muttering some charm to protect him from the Elf Witch. He's still so superstitious!

In other news that rocks our worlds, it seems Dumbledore is gay. JK announced at some reading or something. No word from Dumbleodre yet about he feels upon being outed. I hope he's ok with it. You know how cranky wizards can get when things don't go the way they planned. Mithrandir seems completely unsurprised by the revelation and, in fact, is looking more smug than usual and humming merry tunes under his breath. I wonder if he's been spending time with Sir Ian again?

Well, I hear a horn sounding, so that means the forces are gathering and I must get to my horse! I must say I look smashing in my new black and silver riding habit! I hope you are enjoying your weekend with the Loud One and I look forward to hearing about your adventures (If I make it back alive:-)

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Woman's Problems

2007-10-09T23:57:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been a long time since I was so amused by something that I read that I snorted food out of my nose, but the visual of the King trying to deal with what he thinks of as woman's problems did the trick. I am glad that you got as much enjoyment out of the kinslaying bitch's letter as I did. The war for the ring has been over for three years by reality's reckoning and she had to give up her ring of power, so I ask you, just who does she think she is.
I know who she is....she's the one that held on to that ring with all her might until she had no choice but to give it up. She's the one who stood around doing nothing to stop the kinslaying. And I know that Frodo swears she turned down his offer of the One Ring immediately, but Leggs said he saw the event and she got all green and glowy and really really wanted that ring....and then claimed she was going into the West. Go already! Claiming she had forgotten a valuable family heirloom while the boat took the others away....I'm just not buying what she's selling.
Anyway, I am sorry there was no way to get you out of "Elf-Fest 2007". I guess the life of a queen, present or future is never easy. But I am so glad that the King is enjoying his time with Buford. I wonder if they ever run into Robinson while they are out and about.
I hope all went well with the mathing. I know how you dislike it. All is well here. Leggs is still not looking forward to the upcoming trip, but that is to be expected.
Best to the King,
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Oh Dear!

2007-10-05T20:51:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Officially, I am shocked and appalled by your disparaging remarks concerning the Lady of the Galadhrim. It ill befits a lady of your breeding and position.

Unofficially, I giggle uncontrollably every time I think of it! The king thinks I'm having a "woman's problem" because of my unexpected and often inappropriate fits of mirth. At least he's being VERY nice to me. I guess he's afraid the mirth will fade and the violent outbreaks will begin. I need him to stop watching Lifetime! I know I will not be able to make eye contact with Gladders without wetting myself! I try not to make eye contact anyway. It's harder for her to read your mind if you don't look directly at her and those creepy, starry pupils freak me out!

Poor Celeborn! Just a footnote in her Noldor-snobby letter. I hope that Legolas will see this as a reason to step up and defend your love! Most Grey Elves hate it when she gets all uppity and superior, and I assume he is no different.

To distract myself from the terror of the upcoming Elf-Fest, I've started planning the Samhain Party. Invitations have been issued, and I'm working on the menu. Not much else is going on. The king is helping me out with Buford as an excuse to avoid Faramir and the yearly harvest tax reports. (apparently Buford chased a squirrel while I was at work) There he goes again, my king enjoying himself with the pets while I slave away selling tickets to Chekhov!

Well, I should probably run some reports or something! Math is hard!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Condolences

2007-10-01T22:21:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Please except my most sincere condolence on this your day of sorrow. OK, today isn't the day of sorrow, the day you got the invitation and the days you actually have to be there, then...you get the idea. The nerve of that woman referring to the king and the future queen as "Elessar and Guest" All I can say is I am amazed that she can keep the nice line of her gowns with big manly balls like that!

I am happy to report that we seemed to have dodged the invitation bullet. But don't think that I didn't get some Gladders slights of my own. The day after you got your invite a rider came to the settlement. I was devestated thinking we would have to come up with a really good excuse. But it was not an invitation, it was, like this, a letter of condolence for Leggs. I snuck it into reality and made a photocopy so that you can enjoy what that kinslaying bitch has to say for yourself. Enjoy. It is enclosed.

In other news, Leggs is bucking up well under the pressure of the forthcoming trip to the city of the Loud One. He only mentions it 20 or 30 times a day with the sad eyes....yes this is an improvement. When he isn't writing his laments things seem pretty much like they were pre36. I think it will all be fine in the end.

I hope all is well in the White City and that you find many drinking companions during you trip.

Your affectionate friend,

Kendrah

_____________________________________________________________________________________

To our beloved Prince of Mirkwood,
late of Mirkwood,
Currently of the Unnamed Settlement near Gondor,
renowned hero in the war for the ring,
Legolas,

Word of your recent hardships have reached our Elven ears in Lothlorien. We lament with you at the human behavior of she whom you have to attach yourself.

It is with hope in our hearts that we write to you to expess our concerns for your plight and our hopes for you human free future.

Know that a place for you will always be prepared in our wood.

We extend an invitation to you to the Autumn festival, but are certain you understand that your "lady" is not extended the same curtesy and therefore, in your time of lamenting we will, of course, understand if you are not in attendence.

May the blessing of the Valar be upon you,
Galadriel of the House of Finarfin
known in other times as
Artanis
Nerwen
Lady of Lórien
Lady of the Wood
Lady of Light
White Lady
The Lady of the Galadhrim

and Celeborn son of Galadhon, Lord of Lórien

Invitation

2007-09-20T11:22:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am so pleased Leggs is beginning to accept his role in our Primary World. The King has high hopes that with continued open communication and support of his friends, Leggs will continue to get a grip on our Reality.

And now for my bad news. We just received a formal invitation from Gladders inviting us to spend a week in Lothlorien to celebrate some obscure Elven autumn festival. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the Elves frown on leaves turning gold and brown and falling from the trees?! Not that leaves in Lothlorien EVER fall, not when the freaky Elf-Witch secretly uses her Ring of Power to keep time standing almost still in her domain!

Of course we have to go, but I can't imagine it's going to be pleasant. I knew I was in trouble when the invitation came addressed to "Elessar and Guest"! Honestly, she's not very subtle! And the King is insisting we have to wear our royal colors the whole time, so it's black and silver for me for a week. Not that I mind the black, it is slimming after all, but we'll look pretty boring and severe next to all that flouncy white silk they tend to wear. The King says that by wearing coordinating outfits, we'll make a statement of solidarity and commitment to each other and to the Realm, but it feels a little Grr-animal to me. I supposes he's right. I will choose to look on it as a confirmation of my status rather than some weird possessiveness on his part. In any case, I'm getting a brand new wardrobe out of the deal.

The worst part will be sitting around doing needle work and listening to laments with Gladders and the girls while the boys go off hunting, apple-picking and whatever else they do at theses things. I will must make a vow to be polite, demure and sweet-as-pie. (I also plan to bring a bottle of good scotch in hopes that Celeborn and I can escape the protocol and drink away our sorrows!)

At least Elladon and Elrohir plan to attend as well and they are always fun. I hope they like scotch too! I need to get back work and start organizing my marketing plan. I hope to talk with you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Once more with Drama

2007-09-06T14:52:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

The King's counsel of Leggs seems to be working. Leggs has not been happy about it, but does now see that this is less threatening than when I was married. Things had been going along pretty well for several days. He wasn't his normal "happy" (for Leggs this means brooding) self. He was a bit more down than usual, but that is to be expected.

Then, well, there was a problem...He popped in while I was reserving my flight for October and saw that I was only reserving one ticket. He thought that he would come with me and we could hang out in the city whenever the Loud One was busy with something else. I think I narrowly escaped a hearth-like moment by explaining that he doesn't really need a ticket and that if I have any time where the Loud One is otherwise occupied he is more than welcome to pop on in and we can go see the Empire State Building or something. He seems optimistic.

So, as you can see, everything is on track for the trip in October. Let's just hope that Leggs can handle it as well as he is pretending he can.

Hope all is well in the White City, give my thanks to the King for all his help.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Men

2007-09-03T20:27:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am afraid my last missive was a bit too high-handed. I do like the Loud One, very much so. And I do appreciate the odd notion that some people prefer their boyfriends to be visible and corporeal.

My main concern was not your "relationship" with the Loud One, more with Leggs's delusions. That's why I sent the King to him. Aragorn has a much better grasp of 21st century human social dynamics, and my hope is that he will find a way to explain these things to Leggs in a way that he can understand.

While I fully support your rights to a flesh and blood boyfriend, I still have some responsibility for the Fate of the Worlds, so it's my duty to point out dangers as I see them. (Living with a Ranger has that effect on a person). It is the hope of King, myself, and a couple of old guys with beards and pointy hats, that Leggs can learn to appreciate you for who you are and that if chooses to commit to you, it comes with Real World strings attached.

I am certain that with the King's counsel and our support, you two will work things out. (And I sincerely hope it is before your visit to the Loud One in October! I don't if I can bear a return to the "Time of the Hearth")

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Wow is right.

2007-08-29T19:30:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have to say that I found you last letter to be less than I expected from you. I understand the King's worries about holding these two worlds together, but I did expect you to be more understanding.

You know how the relationship between myself and Leggs came to pass, and that I find a long term relationship with a person that no one else can see a little less than fullfilling. And I thought you liked "the loud one".

I don't really see what all the fuss is about. I'm not going to marry him and I don't think that you can really label what is going on with us even dating...so what is the problem?

I guess that considering the situation that you found yourself in, with you affair with the Doctor, I thought you would be more understanding. At least my affair is with someone with qualities (ie. a physical presence) that Leggs doesn't have.

I will, of course, give what you have said some serious thought, but I can't garuntee anything.

Leggs is bucking up these days. We have spent entire minutes without him sulking, which believe me is a massive improvement.

I will let you know if anything changes.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Wow!

2007-08-28T11:11:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I hardly know what to say! This insight into Legolas's Elven psyche has made me realize just how little he understands the swiftly-moving World of Men (especially the world that is Pennsic.) It's shocking how completely he believes in his fantasy world to the exclusion of Reality. It makes my throat hurt thinking how contrary his desires are to yours, and that in all the years of your relationship, these things were never discussed!

You two will have to work this out! It is your doom and destiny to be together and the King and I are convinced that if you choose to separate, there will be serious consequences in all our Worlds. And I can say with surety that the King will be highly displeased if we end up in another World altering event so soon after the destruction of Mordor. He's already compiling charts and graphs comparing recent events to the Fall of Gondolin and the Drowning of Numenor. He is not unconvinced that the recent crazy weather events are unrelated to the disruption in the "Force" caused by this unfortunate turn of events.

The King plans to ride to the settlement today and see if he can talk some sense into the Elf. In the mean time, I have been instructed to light candles, burn incense and pray for the blessings of Elbereth and Manwe on your relationship. Which seems really out of character for the King...he's usually less about Divine Intervention and more about hitting it with sword. And why am I the one stuck making offerings to these foreign gods? Remember what happened to Earendil when he went pleading to the Valar? (If I get turned into a star, or a planet or some other heavenly body, I'm blaming the you!)

Inter-racial relationships often present difficulties and the two of you are operating from very different reality check points. Even the King and I have had this sort of misunderstanding from time to time. It is my sincere hope that you and Legolas can become more sensitive to each others needs. I pray you can move from love of the dream and shadow of who you think the other is, and come to an appreciation of each other for what and who you are.

I must go burn that incense now. Please let me know as soon as possible what the outcome is and if there is anything the King and I can do to help. The Fate of our Worlds depends upon it.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Legg's Lament Part III

2007-08-23T10:58:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I know that you are on your way to Summerland, but I just finished transcribing the last of Leggs' Pennsic writings and want it off my hands as soon as possible. This is the longest bit. So take your time and let me know what you think I should do when you get back.

I hope you are having a lovely time and that the event is the only place in Ohio that isn't raining!

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

August 4, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
1:15am
Success. I am sure that it worked. Although watching her from the road during the competition, I am sure that look of annoyance on her face was just because she was required to remain until the end instead of finding me and accepting my proposal immediately. By this time tomorrow I will be well rested and with K, who I will then be able to call my bride. We may even beat the King and future Queen to the vows!

7:15am
Imagine my shock when I went to K’s tent this morning only to find that Corwynne, who was caring for the sons, was asleep in her bed. I count my self blessed by the Valar that the King did not find me there, for I am certain that I would not have been given time to explain before I would have been more intimately introduced to the sword that was broken and has now been reforged! I got away quickly, however, and I must say that I am please to see that Kendrah’s desire to find me has now out lasted her desire to stay out late. She has always returned by this time in the morning, but while searching for me, she has not stopped, she will not rest until she finds me…..
10:35am
I was incorrect, but it matters little. It does not matter that she did not stay out later in her search for me than she does for her parties. She is, although an extraordinary example, still only a human, and must have her sleep. It appears that she returned around 6:45 and rather than wake the future Queen and risk waking the sons, she slipped into Corwynne’s tent and slept there. Corwynne, ever the saint and the only human who would make an acceptable Queen of Gondor, allowed my love to sleep for several hours before handing back the child care responsibilities. She is a wonder and Gondor will be all the better for it.
1:45 pm
The sons have been returned to the care of their father. I continue to rest and draw strength from the trees…
August 5, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
9 am
Today is the day…I know it. I will go down to the camp and Kendrah will have finally relented to my pleas.
3:27pm
I entered her tent to find her not alone. My initial thought was that it was the loud one, then I saw it was Charmaine. For a moment I was still concerned. "Valar help me, first the loud one and now a woman!" Once I realized it was Charmaine I remembered that K had told me that if Charmaine’s husband decided not to come that she had invited Charmaine to share her tent with us. Charmaine was awake and taking care of her morning tasks, while Kendrah struggled to sleep. I feel a bit guilty, for I am sure it is not knowing where I am that is making it difficult for her to get the sleep that she needs so very much. Perhaps in the future she will make better use of her time so that she can withstand these hardships when they come.
I was about to return so that she and I could have our touching reuniting scene for all of her friends and family to witness, when it started to rain. I feel no discomfort from the rain, or the snow, or any weather for that matter….but I decided it was better to wait. A love such as ours deserves better than some cheesy rain scene like in one of those movies I have seen in the palantir box. So I will wait.
11:57pm
I traveled down to the camp in search of Kendrah today. Apparently I underestimated her need to find me, for I discovered that shortly after she awoke this morning she left camp and she had not returned for many hours. Charmaine and the future Queen joked about the idea that she may have gone over to the camp of the Loud One for a nap, but I know better….she was searching for me. I was unable to resist the call of the trees while waiting for her and left. When I returned from a lovely conversation with an Oak I had not met before she had returned looking very well rested…the search for me must be invigorating. But she was sitting down to dinner, so I have decided to wait until tomorrow. It will be the perfect time for the vows that will bind the rest of her life, since it is the anniversary of her birth.
Despite being separated from me, she seems to be coping quiet well. This evening she left the camp again. Amazingly enough, she returned and stayed in camp for an extended period of time, to smoke a hookah with her friends. Yes, the loud one was there, but I know that she longs to be with me. Why else would any human ears be able to hear them bickering from miles away. "What do you want to argue about?" "Oh, I guess we will argue about what we always argue about….what ever you want to argue about!" I think that after all of this they won’t even be able to maintain a friendship. That is sad considering a life with out the light that is Kendrah is a dark one, but what can one do?
August 6, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
The most sacred of days, for it is the birthday of my love.
11:57am
I have had a moment with my love today. I managed to catch her alone in her tent. She seemed happy to see me but it was far less than I expected. Perhaps I waited too long and some of the overwhelming love that I am sure the music competition instilled in her has waned a bit. It matters not, for she has agreed to spend a bit of this evening with me…without the Loud One.
August 7, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
2:37am
Tonight did not go as expected. Kendrah was with the Loud One. They were at a party where she was not enjoying herself. The LO didn’t even notice….and on her birthday. So I suggested that we leave. To my shock, she agreed. We left together and I was certain, especially when she said Chalkman, that now was when she would make her vows. Instead, it was her suggested destination….
I am not sorry though. Kendrah and I spent several hours among her friends, of which not a one is romantically interested in her, There were toasts made to the birth that day of her friend’s baby, Chloe Jean. I will be sure to offer a song of praise to the Valar for her joyous entry into the world.
Kendrah has many friends from varying stations in life. She is not at all biased in one direction or another. She is friends with barkeeps, vikings, bellydancers and barbarians. And they all seem to have genuine affection for her. She laughed and joked with them for hours and I delighted in watching it.
Sadly, many of these friends do not seem to have her best interests at heart. It seems that they are not used to seeing her without the LO. They were concerned that they weren’t together. I was aghast to find her saying that they were meeting up later, but that she thought it best if she came to the Chalkman to do her thing and left him at the party to do his.
To steal a line from the Bard…"I was not angry since I came to Pennsic. Until this instant."
I left the Pub, left her there to escort herself back to him. I may return to the settlement in the morning. But tonight I will sleep in the trees.
August 8, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
I was prepared to leave. I had every intention of going to Silver Phoenix and telling her that I was going to the settlement and she could find me when she was ready to make amends. But then the rains came. It has been raining heavily, on and off, for several days. The amount of mud that these humans have been trodding through makes me worry for my clothing. But today, the most beloved belly kitchen flooded. The children played in the massive puddle that appeared and then disappeared when Kendrah’s father dug Eelditch. The future Queen’s tent was flooded until Amron(K’s father) dug Lileelditch. The laughter and work that was going on in that camp today was overwhelming. Bailing of water, splashing through puddles and mud.
Kendrah decided to take Brennan (her oldest) and Arwen for a walk in the rain. (Logan, her youngest thought he would enjoy the rain and discovered he was wrong) With in moments of stepping out from the shelter of the kitchen fly she was drenched. And I remembered why I love her all over again. I went with them on there walk which to Kendrah’s dismay did not only include mud and puddles. It included a camp full of naked people and a man with what she told me was an inflatable sex doll, simulating sex in a stream. Luckily the kids did not ask any questions. The just enjoyed the splashing.
During the walk I told Kendrah of my intentions to leave. She seemed honestly befuddled. It appears that the dwell with me chant did not work as I had intended. She only heard the contestants. In the end this a good thing, because, the King was right. She is not charmed by it. She hates it.
She said that if I wasn’t happy I should leave. That I should not base my entire existence, even if only during her lifetime, upon her. She had assumed that the allure of the trees had been too much for me and that is why she had not seen me. And as for the LO….well, she did not expect it would be a problem….after all she was married to a man in this reality when we first met, so she didn’t realize that dating someone would upset me so much. Dating!!!
I don’t know if my love for her is strong enough for me to put up with him on a regular basis. He’s just so loud. And I told her so. She said that when she said dating, she didn’t mean it in the traditional sense. They seem to be in some sort of odd relationship in which they are deeply committed to one another for two weeks each year. That she never expects that he will visit and that even though he has said he would like her to come to see him, she doubts if he really means it.
I found myself shocked. Do I even know this woman, that I have been so devoted to all these years? In the end, we decided that I should go back to the settlement and she would come to see me and see what we can do when Pennsic is over.
I won’t go however. I have tried to leave, but instead I find myself back in my corps of trees watching her. And that is what I will do until the end of Pennsic. I think the term Kendrah would use is stalker….I hope it isn’t considered a bad term. Legolas, stalker of Kendrah.
August 9, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
11:58 pm
Today saw the Annual Beer Tasting in the neighboring camp. I could see it well from my spot in the woods. Drunken louts. The loud one passed close to my spot after the drinking was over after a visit with Li Chang at Silver Phoenix. If I had had my bow…but Kendrah would never forgive that….
I watched her as she cared for the children and the children of some friends. That way she has of threatening them with dismemberment with a smile on her face that says both "I will do it, if I have to." And "I will do it with love." What a woman!
Then the rains came again. The flooding was less this time, and the frolicking less too. This time the simply watched as Eelditch and Lileelditch did their jobs, albeit slowly and Kendrah looked sadly at the belly kitchen, which while still serviceable as a kitchen, could no longer be said to be the place to be.
Of course she spent the evening, night and pre-dawn hours out. I did not follow, in case she would spot me. I saw her return as the sun rose. This time the LO even walked her to the gate…what a gentleman!
August 10, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
Kendrah arose mid morning today. She dressed and spoke with some of her camp mates and then she was gone. I think the theory of napping elsewhere may have some merit after all.
The King, who senses more than humans, knew that I had not left and today stopped by for a chat. I think that he misunderstood what the problem between K and myself was, because he was going on about how the poor man’s tent had flooded so of course K would let him stay with her….she was just being kind.
I had somehow missed a night when the Loud One stayed in Kendrah’s tent. And now she is gone with him all night and possibly all day. I cannot abide this, but what am I to do?
August 11, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
The glorious day has arrived. The loud one has left and Kendrah is sleeping. The spent very little time together today, as he had much work to do. K packed the inside of her tent as well and was in a very good mood as far as I could tell. When the time came she hugged him goodbye and went back to packing. I think it is possible that she has no actually feelings for him at all…either that or she is the finest actress the world has ever seen.
After dark, Kendrah actually stayed in camp, sitting around the camp fire with her camp mates and Valar be praised, went to bed before 11. Perhaps her behavior is simply caused by sleep deprivation and all will be well in the morning.. I know that I will rest better now that he is gone.
August 12, 2007 by reality’s reckoning.
The last day of my last Pennsic.
I will not return to this event again, no matter how things turn out with K. I cannot return here. The trees have even lost their allure.
The camp was up early again today with the reverse purpose…tearing camp down. The efficiency was much improved from previous years. I watched for a few hours and still am convinced that K’s not overwhelmed with emotion for the loud one, her mood even during this sad time is just too good. I feel confident that I will see her in the settlement with in the next few days…until then I will sing my lament.

The Leggs Lament Part II

2007-08-22T21:42:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Just in an attempt to get this sordid tale out in the open as quickly as possible, I am sending off the next installment of Leggs' Pennsic writings.

There will be more to come as soon as possible.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

July 30, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
1 pm
I am beginning to think that I am wrong about the stamina of these Pennsic folk. Kendrah returned from her evening out with Lysak and Reagan with very few stories of their adventures at 6 am. She seems to have run into "some other friends" on her way back from her time with the viking and the monk.
I am glad to say that she has gotten a little bit of sleep. She slept from 6 until 10:30, which here qualifies her as lazy. Since she got up she has been in the belly kitchen reading the latest Harry Potter book. It is so fun just to watch her. Every few pages her eyes open wide and her jaw drops. Then she will find her father, announce a page number and what number death can be found there. She has been most shocked by how quickly they started (the deaths) and how matter of fact they are dolled out. I told her that death is matter of fact….one moment it is not there and then it is, no matter what fanfare is placed before it. For this I received one of her trademark eyerolls. She does not like to be referred to as cute, but when she rolls her eyes there is no other word for it, in English or Elvish. Cute.
11:14pm
K is still reading. I have decided to take this time to spend tonight among the trees. I am certain that this is the night to do this. K could not possibly be planning to go out at this late stage. I am sure she will read for a few more hours and then stumble into bed. I plan to be back before she even notices I am gone. That way she will have no ammunition in her little game of "You were at Pennsic? I didn’t see you there."
July 31, 2007 by reality’s reckoning.
5:56am
I have just returned from communing with the trees and the small woodland animals, to discover both the tent and belly kitchen empty. On the chair where I left Kendrah last night, the Harry Potter book sits. I cannot believe that she went out again. She is going to kill herself with this lack of sleep. I can only hope that since she will be getting her children back in her care tomorrow that she plans an early night tonight. I may have to suggest it, since she seems to have lost all sense of propriety. If she stays away much longer he parents are sure to think that she is spending the nights in the company of another man and that will do little for her reputation….I think I sense her returning….More later.
7:21am
Kendrah’s return at 6am was amazingly followed by an hour more of reading Harry Potter. I could see her eyes drooping and yet she just kept reading. About twenty minutes ago, she succumbed to sleep, but only the Valar know how long she will allow that to continue.
12:47pm
Kendrah’s nap lasted for a few hours. Then she was once again awake and reading. The few breaks she took were to vow that the dishes would be done by tomorrow (luckily she knows the consequences of vow breaking) and to apply sunblock to the loincloth man. Having spent more time in the company of Kendrah’s camp mates this year, I have discovered that my uneasy about the attentions of the loincloth man towards my Kendrah is unwarranted. There is no other man at Cooper’s who could be less interested in stealing my love away….He, D’ner, is a kind and loving man and a wonderful influence on Kendrah. They should spend much more time together.
7:53pm
Having noticed that the vow to have the dishes done by tomorrow has gone unfulfilled, I took this opportunity to speak to Kendrah about her plans and activities over the past few days. Never being one to lie to me, she has admitted that the majority of her evening excursions have ended with her in the company of the Loud One. I do not understand why she would want to spend all her free time with such a man. He draws so much attention with his jokes, stories and songs that the attention of those in attendance is draw away from where it truly belongs…on her. When I asked what they do with all this time, she explained that they go from party to party and he does what she calls "the Momus show" and all the while she stands quietly behind him…occasionally feeding him a funny line to add. Then they move on until in the end, they fall asleep in the chairs around the fire in his camp. I think she might be fibbing a bit about where exactly they fall asleep, but I am willing to over look that for the moment.
The sons of my love will be returning to her care in the morning. I am sure this will cause her to temper her behavior and her late nights out will have to become far less late.
I am looking forward to our trip home in two days time. Kendrah needs to do laundry and more shopping for the belly kitchen larder. Usually this trip is made with the future Queen, but this year it will be just the two of us. It will be lovely.
August 1, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
9pm
I have, in my time, fought great battles at Helm’s Deep and the Black Gates. I have traveled the dreaded Mines of Moria and run for days on end in search of missing Hobbits. But I can not for the life of me keep track of this woman. I have no idea what time Kendrah returned last night, nor do I know when she left. I went for a stroll among the trees at dusk and when I returned, she was gone. I decided that waiting for her return was pointless so I went to the solace of the trees. When I returned this morning she was here, awake, showered and in the company of her children. Kathryn and Arwen (a lovely child, not the evil elf who stalks our King) had returned for the remainder of Pennsic. The children were playing and Kendrah was yet again reading….not doing the dishes!
I waited several hours and my horror continued to rise…. She knows the penalty for breaking a vow yet she sat there reading for several hours. Finally when I could stand it no longer, I made mention of it. She admitted her folly and immediately washed all the offending dishes. Valar be praised, the vow was not broken. Now if only I could get her to make to me a marriage vow, I know that she would never break it. Perhaps I should begin that chant again….I know how much she loves it.
Maggie, mother to my beloved, is an enabler. I am sure she knows how unhealthy it is for K to continue with this staying out all night behavior. I am also sure that even though she too enjoys the company of the loud one, she cannot approve of all the time K spends with him. Yet even with all that, she has told K that she can go out tonight and that she will act as caregiver to the children should they awaken in the night. Have they all lost their minds?!?
August 2, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
12:15pm
This is just too much. Today, K and I were to away to Conneaut to do laundry and shopping. I arrived back from my morning time in the woods to find that she had left without me. This is not the outrage that it could have been. I know that she has to actually travel in this reality and that time is important. I know that she knows that I can "catch her up" while she is enroute. This is what I did. I "popped" , as she calls it, into the van….I was a bit confused for a moment when I found myself in the back seat. Then I say why. There, in the front seat of the van, was the Loud One!!!! Also, the strangeness of the "Jesus radio" station they were listening to. I waited to see if she would notice me, but she was driving, listening to the radio and listening to the Loud One’s astonishment of the hate he was hearing from the radio (at least he knows hate-mongering when he hears it) and she did not notice me. I had no choice but to return to Pennsic. I will sit here, in the belly kitchen and formulate a plan to win back the affections of Kendrah…..
10:37pm
I sense that they are finally returning…although they are still a way off. I have yet to finish weighing all of my options, so I have enlisted the help of the King. He did not return to the world with Corwynne and instead has been making himself useful around the camp. He and the future Queen have been having relationship issues of late and I am sure that he will be able to advise me. His love returns on the morrow…most likely in the late afternoon or evening and has offered to help me prior to her return. Until then I am to stay out of site and the King will discover what he can of the trip my love took without me.
August 3, 2007 by reality’s reckoning.
4:35am
The King, always the early riser, has met with me in my favorite spot in the woods. It is a corps of trees near the camp. I can see the belly kitchen and keep an eye on the sons and Arwen while the track unicorns. It is a lovely spot, where if I were to loose my love and still feel drawn to this reality from time to time I would make my home.
The King, while always a true and loyal friend, seems to think that the fact that a man from this reality, with physical form and all that goes with it, went with Kendrah is a good thing. Apparently K has been remiss in her eating habits since arriving at Pennsic. When Kendrah and the Loud One had lunch yesterday afternoon, it did crazy things to her blood sugar. I do not know what this means, and I suspect poisoning. It appears that this problem with blood sugar cause K to become disorientated while in the store, and if it had only been me with her, I would not have been able to help. My knowledge of antidotes to poisons not being as acute as the possible poisoner’s….he suggested a "Snickers bar" and that seems to have cured her. Up until the point that she took the cure, however, she was terribly confused and easily distracted from her task…according to the King, K claims that she would still be wandering around the store if it had not been for the Loud One.
The rest of the story seems innocent enough. The reason they were so late in returning was that immediately upon entering her home, both she and the loud one fell asleep on the couch. Causing them to be several hours behind in the laundry. Then lunch took longer than anticipated due to the affection that the Loud One had for the restaurant to which Kendrah was kind enough to take him to. All of that coupled with the blood sugar poisoning incident, their trip was protracted.
I asked the King if my lady had asked about my whereabouts. He did not take any pleasure in telling me that she did not. But was quick to remind me that after so many Pennsics where she did not see me for days on end for my love of the trees, that it was wrong to assume that she did not care, that instead, she must have assumed that I could no longer resist their sirens call. I hope that he is right.
I watched the camp most of the night. Kendrah could be seen frequently. Her mother could not take over the care of the children, so K must have decided to go with her 30 minute plan. She stays close to camp, and returns every thirty minutes or so to check on the children. It seems a reasonable plan, considering neither of the children have awoken at Pennsic in several years. I would prefer that she stay in camp though, but I cannot lie and say it is for the children. She has yet to return for the night but I expect to see her soon.
5:57pm
I have spoken with the King some more today…although the future Queen and her brother have returned and I expect no more time will be given to this old elf and his problems. We discussed it and even though he feels that I am wrong about my lady’s love of the Dwell with Me chant, I have decided to institute it on a scale not yet seen.
Tonight it will begin. I know that Sam, brother of the future Queen is going to be accompanying the Loud One for the evening and that K will be keeping score at the Chalkman’s annual music competition. This is a perfect opportunity. I will summon all my telepathic strength and throughout the competition I will make it so, instead of hearing the contestant, which she doesn’t really enjoy anyway, she will only hear me, compelling her to Dwell With Me and only me.
I am sure that after her duties are completed at the competition, she will search me out. I also know that this endeavor will use a lot of my strength and I will need to rest. So I will retreat to my spot in the woods and let her search for me a bit longer than I might usually. This is not a punishment, but will help reinforce her love for me.

The Leggs Lament Part I

2007-08-22T14:07:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Yes, another Pennsic come and gone. I am not so much in the Post Pennsic Funk as last year, but it is still there. It was very bad last week because with the scheduling change, in my mind, we should have still been there. But now that we would have been home anyway, I am doing much better...or should I say I was doing much better. I was just cleaning out Leggs' rubbermaid and I came across his Pennsic writings. I just don't know what to say. I will post them here over the next few days...perhaps longer, because once he gets going he gets very longwinded. Perhaps you will have some advice on if I should try to make things better between us or if it is time to let go.

I know, not exactly the kind of letter to help ease the depression, but it's all I've got. Please find the first part of Leggs' Pennsic journal below, and tell me what to do!

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

July 27, 2007 by reality’s reckoning
Today, Kendrah and I are embarking on a new experience for me. Whereas I have attended several Pennsics in the past, this will be my first experience with the magical process called "Land Grab". Kendrah assures me that the night prior to this occurrence is very fun. That there are many tailgate-like (I am excited to find out what this means) parties, and that running into people unexpectedly is always entertaining. I do not doubt her, for she is always right. As we are driving towards Cooper’s Lake, my anticipation of the time we will be able to spend together grows.
9:30pm
We arrived about a half an hour ago and my hopes of time with my love have already been dashed a bit. We made it through Troll together and parked the car. But Kendrah’s father and a man who drove up in loincloth have monopolized all of her attention. She has expressed an interest in finding a group called the Chalkman. I have heard many stories of her friends within this group, but my past years at Pennsic have been spent in other pursuits. I can only hope that if they can sense my presence that they are open to it and that none of them have an interest in taking up more of K’s time than I feel is appropriate. I must stop writing now as it has started to rain and K, her father and the loincloth man (I have been told his name is D’ner) must be about to return to the van.
July 28, 2007 by reality’s reckoning.
2:41 am
The rains came. And the trio I awaited did in fact return, but only for a moment. K retrieved an umbrella and returned to her search. She said that I was welcome to come along, but I feel that I might be much better suited to the company of the trees. I will fight this, but for tonight I will simply await her return…which must be soon, as it is so very late.
4:46am
Finally, K has returned. I can only take solace in the knowledge, that as a human, there is no way she can keep up this pace for all of Pennsic. I am sure that tomorrow night we will retire early and fall neatly into a routine of time spent together, discussing trees and other living things.
7am
K had her cell phone alarm set so that she and her father would not be late for the land grab festivities. I was hoping that it would be a battle to the death for each parcel of land, but she has informed me that it is all done on paper. Perhaps Pennsic isn’t for me.
7:45 am
I am sure that as Pennsic goes on I will write less and less, but so many things keep coming up and shocking me. K has a friend who is heavy with child. So much so that the child is expected this week. This friend has just arrived here. This would not shock me in my world. Woman heavy with child work in the fields until the child actually emerges from her body, but in this reality that is frowned upon. I commend this woman and her bravery and fortitude. She knows what is most important to her…the health and well being of her child, but when it became clear to her that it was in no danger she fought through discomfort and unapproving stares to be with the people she loved.
9:11 am
The land grab process is a huge disappointment. About 200 people standing around waiting for the late arrivals. Much to my dismay, K has wandered off with a man. I believe he is the loud one who she spent so much time with last year. I must have faith though. I am sure she has gone off with him in order to spare him some embarrassment when she tells him that she is here with me and will be unable to accompany him on any outing this year. Yes, I am sure that is what it is.
11 am
Land Grab is complete and we have begun setting up the Silver Phoenix encampment. I must have been correct in my last entry. The loud one, who is called Momus, and my lady are in very close proximity to one another, but they aren’t speaking or even paying any attention to one another. I am sure she has told him where her heart truly lies. I feel badly for him. But he is standing up to the pain with a strength I don’t think I would have if I had lost her. I wish him all the best in his future life devoid of Kendrah.
July 29, 2007 by reality's reckoning

3:30am
Kendrah never ceases to amaze me. After the camp set up was finished for the day, I expected that we would have our evening meal and retire for the night. K had other ideas. She ate and then walked the half mile to the showers. When she returned, we went for a stroll around the lake. Considering that this is ¾ of a mile, I expected that this would do her in, but it did not. We walked up to the Chalkman Pub where she sat at the fire with a man named Geoff. I enjoyed this man greatly. He has genuine affection for Kendrah, but no romantic inclinations at all. This is the type of man that she should spend all of her time in reality with.
After some time, Geoff introduced K to a man named Furgel. This has turned out to be a bad thing. Furgel was excited to discover that K knows a woman he desired to see. K, never wanting to impose upon people, took Furgel to the Silver Phoenix camp and went to get this woman. When they returned they had two men with them….the loud one and a man who looks like the travelocity gnome from the palantir box. Furgel has proven to be a most unwelcome guest and now that he is gone, the loud one has take all the attention of those gathered. I am sitting waiting in the tent and everyone is laughing and talking and no one is screaming about how he should go home. These humans will forever confuse me!!

8:30 am
This pace cannot continue. They are just humans and it is not possible that they can continue with this much drinking and this small amount of sleep. Soon I am sure that the heat, drink, and lack of sleep will takes it’s toll and they all will slip into comas. Anyway, they all have been up and working on the completion of the camp for some time now. It does not seem to matter that most went to bed just 4 hours ago and that my own Kendrah did not return from her stroll around the lake until almost 530. They are all working cheerfully as if they have just awoken from a night full of rest. Sam, brother to the future Queen, is proving himself to be a wonderful help to all who need it. We certainly could have used him in the early days of the settlement. He has also declared himself to be some sort of unofficial score keeper. He declared Silver Phoenix the "winner" for both Saturday and Sunday. I don’t really know what he is talking about but I have always enjoyed being on the winning side of any fight. Go Silver Phoenix!!!!

11pm
A lot of work was done today. The camp and Kendrah’s beloved belly kitchen are mostly in order. Many of the members of camp have gone back to their homes to return throughout the week. I am sure that this will give Kendrah and myself more time together. I have been giving it much thought and I am certain that once the novelty of seeing her friends wears off, she will be happy to sit with me and discuss the things that are important. The trees here are so lovely and I have not yet seen any gypsy moth nests, so I am happy to say that I think they will continue to be so for many years to come.
Several hours ago, Kendrah wander off with two gentlemen. Lysak and Reagan. Lysak is a friend she has known for many years and she is good friends with his girlfriend Vendela. Reagan is a man of the cloth and therefore, there is no risk there. I feel good about her spending time with these men, and I am sure she will be in at a reasonable hour tonight.

The Post Pennsic Funk

2007-08-21T15:34:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, it's over. Another Pennsic come and gone and the funk has set in. I finished all the muddy laundry and thought "Aw! Now I have to put everything away and Pennsic is really, truly over!" That's not right, Mellon Nin! The end of laundry usually signals great rejoicing! I even washed all the mud off the leftover bottles of diet Pepsi! I have one gown that requires hand washing and I keep avoiding it, because it's the last piece of garb I haven't packed! I haven't mopped the kitchen floor because there's Cooper's mud and grass on it. Sure, I keep telling myself it's senseless to mop before Summerland this weekend because I'll just be tracking in more mud and grass, but I suspect that's just an excuse. Sigh...

In any case, Pennsic was fantastic. Sam ( the Smart-Ass Time-Keeping Friar, not the Hobbit) had a great time and it was fun to have him there! I guess making plans with Momus his first night on site helped ease him into the whole experience. And I learned that he is not a fop. No store-bought Ren-Faire garb for Sam! Which is cool. I can make monk robes and early period garb with no problem at all! Now we just have to get Chris! (Who will probably want to be a Samurai or something equally complicated!)

On a happier note, it the King and I are doing much better now. I think our week away from The Doctor and the temptation of DVDs helped immensely. You may have noticed how very attentive he was the whole time we were there. He even slept in my tent instead of roughing it under a picnic table wrapped in his sexy leather coat! Of course, I don't know what kind of mischief he got himself into that first week while I was stuck at precollege, but better not to know perhaps. Things are still good now that we're home. We've been spending a lot more time together, him hanging out while I pack away gear and me traipsing off to the White City when duty calls. He may even pop over to Summerland for a bit to see the band on Saturday night. That would be very sweet. You know how he doesn't usually go in for heathen displays!

Well, I must dash. I apologize for the relative incoherence of this note. On top of everything, I locked my keys in my house, so I have to hope Jan is around when I get home so I can get her keys! Arrgh!

I hope to fill you in on more details of Pennsic etc once I return from the fest this weekend. For now, the grief is still too near...

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Pre Pennsic Funk

2007-07-25T23:57:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Cowynne,

Here I sit, looking at the pennsic countdown clock on pennsic.net and for some reason I cannot get excited about the fact that there are only 34 hours and change left before the site opens. Two weeks ago, I was thrilled that time was passing so quickly, but shortly thereafter I suddenly jsut didn't care.

I am sure that you remember that this happens to me every year, but usually much earlier, giving me enough time for it to pass before the event is actually upon me. But this year is different for some reason. Oh well. I will still be there and I am certian that this will be a fabulous year, with all the wonderful changes we have to look forward to. I just can't get geared up for it...Oh well.

Leggs, on the other hand, can hardly contain himself. He returned from the long hunt rejuvinated and ready for some hardcore tree sitting. He has decided that just a personal study of the leaves of Pennsic will not be enough this year, and following the King's lead, will be keeping a journal. He says "No, it will not just be about trees..." but I guess we will have to see. He is so excited that he even helped my father put the belly kitchen cabinets into the truck...granted I had to make it look like I was helping, cause imagine trying to explain that to the neighbors!

Anyway, all that being said, I have a bit more pre pennsic work to do and should get to it. I will see you on Saturday, when I am certain to be in a much better mood.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

P.S. I am glad to hear that you have a plan of action for renewing your relationship with the king. The settlement wishes you all the luck in middle earth that everything can be put to rights.

Recovery

2007-07-19T10:53:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Thank you so much for your support in my time of need. I admit things have gotten better since the I watched the season finale. I've had a week or so to process my feelings and I realize that though I am currently infatuated, my deeper feelings for the King have not changed. I think I just got comfortable with the Doctor. I mean, he's been there for me, waiting for me when I got home from work or where ever, almost everyday since November. There were no worries, no trade agreements, no peasants, no Eowyn...just me and the Doctor and the disposable companions. It was comforting, I think, knowing that he cared, when the King seemed indifferent. But I can't blame Aragorn, he has bigger things on his mind than how the drain in my basement has backed up again.

That's the difference I think. No matter how small or insignificant the problem, the Doctor cares. And being a rogue Time Lord, he has more leisure to enjoy the little things in life. It's one of the drawbacks of royalty, we so busy with everyone else's problems, that we have little time to appreciate each other. The King and I started to to take each other for granted, and the Doctor whooshed in and filled the gap.

Aragorn and I are hoping to rekindle the romance at Pennsic this year. We hope that a more relaxed atmosphere will allow us o just be ourselves instead of stressing about appearances. We hope this time away from the White City, paparazzi and DVD players will help us rekindle the passion and romance of the old days.

In other news, the King and I are eagerly awaiting the release of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". We are both studiously avoiding spoilers of any kind. We did have a spot of bother with the publisher over the extrareality edition. Aragorn was trying to work out a deal so we could release the Gondorian edition at the same time as the US release, 12:01 tomorrow. Unfortunately, with the heightened security around the book, several of the GPS equipped delivery trucks were unable to cross the reality border ad seem to be held up in a tesseract somewhere. I hope that Faramir and the flock of government copyright attorneys we've assigned to case are able to sort this out in the next 36 hours or there will be some very unhappy kids in the White City.

Well, I must get back to work and sort out my pre college family weekend duties. I won't get home from work until after three on Saturday and have reserved the rest of the evening for HPDH reading. I will be in touch as soon as I can.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The TV Boyfriend Experience

2007-07-11T14:38:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am a little surprised that you have fallen under the spell of a TV boyfriend. It always seemed that you were steadfastly a Movie boyfriend kinda gal. It sort of makes me happy to see that I am not the only one that this can happen to.

I remember all to well the way Leggs reacted to my TV-B. (http://ourmovieboyfriends.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_archive.html) I won't lie to you and say that it was good for our relationship, but in the end I don't think it harmed it too much either. I am sure that when this infatuation with the Doctor passes the King will come around.

I am impressed with you choice of boyfriends. I know several people who are also in love with David Tennant Doctor. Luckily they don't have active imaginary worlds so we don't have to worry about him being called away from you to often. I have seen the actor in other shows and can definitly understand the physical appeal. As for the sanctaty of the Doctor, I am pretty sure that I would be in love with Tom Baker Doctor if I hadn't known him when I was a child. Now I simply love him in a fatherly way. I hope that when my Who-athon concludes I won't fall for your TV Boyfriend, cause that would just be weird...we never fall for the same guys.

Anyway, it is not cheap and dirty, (unless you want it to be) and I am sure it will pass. Every one knows that your heart truly lies with the King.

Give my best to those in the White City and keep some for yourself...

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

TV Boyfriend Traumas

2007-07-06T16:42:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Before any of those pompous Elves who spy on our correspondence start sniggering, by TV I mean TELEVISION, not TRANSVESTITE. I have not caught the king parading around the bedchamber wearing my unmentionables, claiming to be “Estel”. (Well, not recently anyway).

Anyway, to the problem at hand, I’m afraid I’m falling in love with the Doctor. Doctor who?, you ask? THE Doctor. Drives a TARDIS, Time Lord, regenerates occasionally. You are astounded I know. Shocked even. How can I fall for the Doctor? A character once played by Patrick Troughton! A guy with a mechanical dog! A playboy who jets through space and time with countless female “companions” dumping them randomly when he gets bored! The man who schlepped through seven years wearing a ridiculous floppy hat and oversized scarf! It’s wrong, it’s unnatural, I feel cheap and dirty, but there it is. I love the Doctor!!! (To be fair, I think it has a lot to do with David Tennant. Even when he isn’t being the Doctor he’s charming and has that sexy Scottish accent!)

It makes no difference to the King, however. He is most certainly not amused. He has made it know that actor or Doctor, I’m taking this crush way to far. I suggested that perhaps we invite David Tennant Doctor over for the weekend, just to meet him and get to know him a bit better. The King replied with disparaging remarks about the trouble Jon Pertwee Doctor had with alternate dimensions and brooded darkly on the possibility that the aged TARDIS would have issues making an Inter-Realty jump, because Eru forbid, what if they got STUCK in our reality! He finds this newest Doctor too lax in his duties, more interested in snogging than protecting the space/time continuum. “He’s no Tom Baker Doctor,” the King snorts derisively. He never fails to take the opportunity to remind me of all of the previous Doctors’ quirks and faults.

I just three new disks from Netflix and the King has decided to take a long hunting trip. (perhaps he’ll catch up with Legolas and they can sulk together!) For the time being, I suppose I must continue my unrequited adoration of David Tennant and trust that all will work out for the best.

Well, enough of my rambling. I should stop mooning over a man I can never have and make a precollege schedule or something. Sigh…

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

PS-it would be wrong to change my name to Romana, wouldn’t it?

PPS-Season three begins on SciFi tonight! Why, oh why do I have the crappy cable?!?!?!

Offical Homeowner

2007-06-20T22:55:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been so very long since I have been able to write, I hardly know where to begin.

I am very glad to hear that the King enjoyed Wellspring. He really does need to get out among the common people more often, it seems to please him. I am sure he is looking forward to what should be a fabulous Pennsic this year, and at least there he doesn't have pull his punches. It is also great that he was able to be there when you were sworn in...nice to have a bit of imaginary emotional support.

I hope that your dinner goes beautifully and I can't wait to see you on Saturday for the Great Day of Table Making. It should be fun. If the King decides to come with you you should let him know that Leggs will probably not be there. He is sort of mad at me at the moment and has decided to go on a long hunt until Pennsic.

See, in preparation for the move I got a dumpster. And I was sort of in love with it. Seriously, I want one all the time. And when I wrote about it in my live journal (http://robins1stwife.livejournal.com/) and referred to it as my new love, he was angry. Not angry enough to say anything, but then a few days ago I wrote again about Matt and Dan. Matt and Dan were the lovely gentlemen who came to the house to install the cable and the internet. I wrote about how they were helping to ease the pain of the loss of the dumpster. It appears that that was the last straw.

As it turns out, Leggs had shown my live journal to several of his more computer savvy elf friends and they had been teasing him about it. And when the cable men had taken what he felt was his place in my life he couldn't take it anymore. So this morning he packed his quiver and he was off. I can't say that I am sad about it. With all the unpacking that is left to do his moodiness was gonna get him smacked. (Have you ever smacked an elf? It isn't a smart thing to do.) As always, it will be fine in the end. He will be back in time to be no help with the Pennsic packing and once there he will be off communing with nature whenever it is time to take out the trash or lift something heavy....in other words everything will be back to normal.

Any way, there is still much unpacking to do, and I would like to get as much done as I can before you get here on Saturday, so I will have to sign off. Give my best to the King.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Painting and Cleaning

2007-06-10T20:48:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I hope this letter finds you well. I realize you will be occupied most of this weekend getting you and the Sons moved into your new home, but it's been a while since I've written. Read whenever you get a chance!

I too survived War Practice. It was pleasant, too bad about the rain Saturday night. The next weekend was Wellspring. Aragorn decided to come along this time. Apparently he's gotten over his initial dislike of my "heathen displays" and thought he'd join in. And it was another excuse to go camping and avoid paperwork! As usual, he spent most of the time drinking beer, hiking and writing poetry. He joined in the warrior games too, but really pulled his punches. He thought that since he wasn't a real ADF member, or for that matter, real at all, it would be better to let someone win. It was nice that he was there when i got sworn onto the board of directors. He can be very supportive at times!

I'm in cleaning mode. I have to get the house ready for my Midsummer's Eve Faerie Dinner. You wouldn't believe the dust on everything! (Well, yes you would...you've cleaned my house before). Anyway, I got most of the dusting done and tidied up the back room a bit. I still need to mop all the floors and clean the kitchen, but there's time. My project yesterday was painting the bathroom. I have to say, the King was more helpful than usual. He even scrubbed the mildew off the ceiling! I guess with all his Elven experience, he understands how much the Fair Folk appreciate a clean bathroom. I was so excited to put up my new shower curtain and finally set out my new rug and trash can! I've had my old shower curtain since 1991! I hardly recognize the place!

BTW, Faramir and Eowyn plan to join us for table-making. I'm not sure how useful they'll be, but they seem to think a day in Conneaut would be splendid fun! I can't wait 'til they see power tools!! Kathryn and I bought 12 or so napkins at the Highland Park Yard Sale last weekend. I'll get those all washed and ironed. I plan to sew up the tablecloths and bring them when we make the tables. That way all the linens will be together. (We also looked for wooden folding chairs but has no luck. Very disappointing.)

I'm anxious to start making some garb for Sam. Aragorn offered to loan him some stuff, but I think Sam would prefer his own garb. He's fussy! If I get the rest of the house cleaned this week, I'll start in on some basics. Sam plans to come over next weekend so I'd like to have something for him to see!

Well, I should get going. It's garbage night and there's a lot to haul. I still can't get the king to take out the trash. Best of luck with your move. I look forward to hearing from you!

Your affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Recent Unpleasentness

2007-05-21T11:28:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so glad that we have a written record of your birthday festivities. It will be a wonderful guide for the children of Gondor to use in the future when your birthday becomes a Gondorian National Holiday, as I am sure it will. They won't really understand why they are giving each other televisions, but I am sure they will find something to do with them.

I hope that you have recovered from War Practice, and have finally gotten warm. That WP weather is always a pitfall. But the company, especially this year, is always worth it. Leggs was half tempted to stay home to avoid some of the company, but we really luck out with their eventual absence. And he is thrilled to have partaken in the "fantasy" cheese spread and thought that it seemed very realistic...(like he would know!)

Another excellent part of WP was meeting with other groups that have heard independently of our current situation and feel, as we do, that we have been treated in a very unchivalrous manner. Of course we knew this, but it always nice to have independent confirmation. We do have such lovely friends.

Well, it is time to unpack the bags and carry on with the laundry. I hope you found the White City was able to carry on with out you for the weekend.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Final Post Party Post

2007-05-08T23:02:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

The Show from Hell is finally over and the semester will be soon, so I can catch up on my correspondence.

Back to reliving the glory days of my party...ah yes, those were good times...

I was very glad my Aunt Vista and Uncle Paul made it in and was delighted that Uncle Paul and Felicia hit it off so well. Just when I was convinced my family and friends would have nothing in common, surprise! Bonding over motorcycles!

Rating a ballroom (even a junior one) was pretty impressive. The massive Italian cookie trays that Deana arranged provided plenty of leftovers for folks to wrap in napkins and smuggle out of the hall in their purses. The cake was delicious. Actually, all of the food was really good, not just "good for hotel food." And the buffet was lovely...beef, chicken and tortellini along with salad and veggies. Yummy! And whatever the pink sparkling wine was that we had for toasts was terrific! I wish we had remembered to ask that super nice bartender what it was.

It was fun opening presents there. Logan and Mai were very helpful with tearing paper off of boxes and Brennan and Arwen were great at picking up the wrapping scraps. Brennan and Arwen were very helpful all night, setting the favors around, picking up trash...

I think it was the heels more than the exhaustion that made the polka more difficult than it should have been. Doing the Chicken dance with Mai, Logan and Eric and Kathryn was a lot of fun. Three year olds love dancing in a circle!

It was a challenge to get all my loot home again, but we prevailed. You were correct. The TV snapped the King right out of his funk. He even helped me get it all set up, but I think it was more so he could get to Dr Who on the bigger screen faster than it was to be helpful. (Since I STILL can't get him to knock down the cobwebs that are too high for me to reach!)

The after party was lovely...beer was drunk, cheese was eaten...I've only seen my neighbor briefly since that night, so I know he's still alive. And I've seen his girlfriend, so she's alive too. Maybe I don't actually want to know what was going on!

I made my thank you notes today...now I need to get them written and addressed. I need to email Kathryn and remind her to send me the loot list! I'll make sure to have them in the mail this weekend.

The King and I are both hoping to attend War Practice. If we figure out how and when I can get there, I may ask Lassair if she wants to camp with us.

Well, I must be off. I promised the King we'd watch the rest of the Dr. Who special features disk tonight.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Large Body of Water

2007-04-25T22:51:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

You may want to stop the soldiers of the white city from seeing the magic contained with in this letter, you know how touchy they get when I send you "magic".

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

So enjoy some Great Big Sea, playing just for your birthday!

Entering Spinsterhood

2007-04-25T16:00:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,
I was pleased to hear from you so soon after the party. You are not wrong about the Old Maid festivities. Although parts of it were rushed due to your unrelenting work schedule, the time that you did have was put to the best possible use.

Thursday’s Great Big Sea concert was quite possibly the best concert I have ever been to, and we definitely had the best seats I have ever had. I ordered the cable that I need to transfer the pictures from my phone to the computer, once it arrives I will post them off to you. There is also the possibility that I will post the video as well, if I can figure out the intricacies of the palantir box.

It would have been wonderful if Deana could have made it, but she deserved her rest. I would have loved to spend more time with Kathryn and Andrew, but I now understand the difficulties of working around babysitters and I was glad to see them. Your brothers were quite a treat. I have always enjoyed Sam, and this has not changed….even after the "spilling" out of my car. Your other brother Chris, was less known to me, and I didn’t know what to expect of him. Even with his overly excited clapping which ended in my being knock over, I find that I still have not met a member of your family that I do not enjoy greatly.

Friday was a gorgeous day. Sam and Chris left shortly after feeding the boys pudding and we went off to Bethal Park in search of party attire. It was extremely lucky to find matching outfits for them. There was a bit of an argument with Leggs about it though. We walked into the store and Leggs saw that they had tuxes and I swear he swooned!

"The sons must have these. They must show their regard for Corwynne by the manner of their dress."

I tried to get him to understand that it was a matter of cost. In the end I just left him to drool over the tuxes so I could find something more suitable.

With that done we headed to the zoo, or the kazoo as Logan calls it. The sons enjoyed all the animals immensely and as always, the playground was a big hit. Leggs was predictable distracted by the trees that surrounded the animal enclosures and we didn’t see him again until the kazoo closed. Finally, with the boys in bed and you returned home from the day with the blue hairs, it was time for the party favor prep. It turned out to be pretty fun….filling sachets, sticking stickers on candle holders and watching chain reaction…good times.

At the risk of being even more long winded than normal, I will continue with my impressions of the party proper while it is still fresh in my mind.

To begin with, your dress was faboooo! Your hair and makeup added to your ability to belie your true age….you looked 20 tops. And even in this reality you rated a ballroom, junior ballroom, but still, and it was lovely. I very much enjoyed watching the present table get more and more full as the guests arrived. Kathryn did a wonderful job arranging the music, with just the right amount of Great Big Sea…in other words…lots.

Dinner was very good and the toasts were very funny and touching. As was the empty seat for the old maids of the past. That seat even got it’s own piece of cake! Between dinner and cake, Deana and I developed a bit of a bond.

I am glad that in the end you decided to open the gifts during the party. It seemed to amuse everyone and I was dying to see all your loot. I am sure that some of the loot, especially the flat screen TV will go a long way to lessen the King’s grumpiness.

Gifts followed by more drinking and dancing always make a good time. I enjoyed watching the dancing very much, but fretted for your well being during the polka with Chris….it looked to be a bit too taxing after such a long and full day…but you rose to the challenge. Brennan, Arwen, Logan and Mai running around and dancing was a great sight. They had such a good time. Then to the after party.

What a lovely laid back gathering…until your crazy upstairs neighbor started with the bowling ball juggling practice….I still think it was being done to distract us from the sound of the chainsaw he was using to cut up the dead body, but since I haven’t seen him wearing the rubber suit I can’t be 100% sure.

I can’t remember a more enjoyable party. I had a wonderful time, as did the sons. Thank you so much for including us.

Your affectionate friend (who is now alone in her 30’s),
Kendrah

Post Party Wrap-up

2007-04-24T19:55:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well, we did it. The Old Maid Party came and went and I think it was a smashing success!

The weekend of birthday festivities began on an excellent note with the fabulous Great Big Sea concert on Thursday. I'm glad you were able to switch weekends with RG and bring the Sons and that I was able to secure a babysitter. Who would have thought I'd be looking for a babysitter? I AM the babysitter! But Julie and the Sons seemed to hit it off and aside from Sam "spilling" at a stoplight in the Hill, the evening was great! I look forward to their new album and a new tour! Huzzah! It was disappointing that Deana wasn't able to go, but Aragorn used the ticket and seemed to enjoy himself immensely. He was hardly sulky at all about the OMP!

I hated to dump you and boys all day on Friday while I worked, but at least my brothers were around for a bit to entertain them and feed them pudding for breakfast. I look forward to hearing more about your adventures at the zoo! The folks at work took me to Fuel and Fuddle for lunch where I tasted the Great Lakes Commodore Perry. I keep meaning to mention it to your father. I was so glad to get home that night so I could help with the favors, especially since the King went into a sulk about the party again and was not at all helpful. I thought the guests were suitably pleased with their personalized "Maria's Old Party" votive holders and lavender sachets. Kudos to Kathryn for thinking of using the real lavender! It was beautiful!

Saturday was a bit of a rush...cleaning, shopping, getting to work on time! It was great that you were able to pick me up. And the Sons were so adorable, all freshly washed and wearing their little matching shirts! We looked pretty darn good ourselves, I must say. Sarina did a lovely job on my hair and make-up even with Aragorn "accidentally" jiggling her elbow while she was trying to do my eyeliner!

My show is almost over so I must post this letter and get on with the cleaning and removal of patrons. I look forward to hearing your impressions of the party prep and to writing the remainder of my memories from the party itself.

Your Affectionate friend,
Corwynne

As long as there is no painting involved!

2007-04-15T20:05:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

The painting stage of the house fix up is complete... I can hardly believe it. I kept track (just for fun) and the grand total is 115 hours in 8 days....almost all of it painting...except for the joyous hours I got to spend peeling wallpaper off the bedroom ceiling, there is no joy to compare with that, let me tell ya. All that is left is the removal of the carpet and the cleaning of the floors. Then it will be time to actually move. The fun just keeps on comin'

That being said I bet it will come as no surprise that I am very much looking forward to the party this weekend and am happy to help out in any way that I can as long as there is no painting involved...I am quite sure that you would not ask such a thing of me in light of current events. It will be good to be around people again. Leggs hung out while I was painting, but refused to help because he didn't want to get to close to the evil yellow color...and felt the need to practice his speech for an upcoming Tree Summit. People without paint and with a more varied pool of conversation will be an excellent change.

I hope that the blue hairs haven't driven you too crazy. I will be adding pictures from the weeks work onto the totally geeky website I have made for the house tomorrow, and you can see them there. (http://theyellowmonster.250free.com/house.html) Tell the King I look forward to his assistance on Friday.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

party planning

2007-04-14T16:35:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I know you have been embroiled in house painting and other moving preparations over the past two weeks, so I wanted to give you a quick update on the birthday plans.

First, concert-wise, Kathryn is calling the Rex to confirm when the doors open and the seating arrangement. I still have an extra ticket. I'm waiting to see if Deana can come. I could give the ticket to Aragorn, but it's so much easier when he just sneaks in. Chris is flying in early Thursday afternoon and I'm working 'til 5. Once get conformation on when the doors open we can arrange a meet-up.

Deana has everything set at the hotel for the shindig Saturday night. The final count is 39 including Mai and Arwen. I'm putting Kathryn on arranging music. Your project for Friday will be assembling the votive holders and filling the little bags with lavendar. Kahtryn hopes to pick that up at the co-op on Thursday. If the king wants to help, please let him. He may not be very good at arts and crafts, but I think he's feeling a bit left out of the whole planning thing.

I still need to order cookies and flowers and print out the manifesto. BTW-I talked to Stan for an hour this morning. I have to rememeber to send him directions. He knows a lot about goats.

The matinee performance of the show-from-hell is about to end, so I will post this missive and get back to my blue-hairs. I look forward to seeing pictures of you're newly painted house. It will be difficult to recognize without all the yellow!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Spring is here...or not!

2007-04-04T14:57:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am certain Leggs will come around in time. The Eldar are very set in their ways sometimes and it will be a big adjustment for us all. I am confident all is for the best. Aragorn is very excited at the prospect of spending a weekend with the Honourable Lord Amron collaborating on carpentry projects. Let me know what's being planned and I'll be sure to get it on the king's calendar.

Our spring celebration went very well. In addition to the Oestre Egg hunts (one for kids, one for adults), I taught folks how to make egg rattles and led a sing a-long of spring themed songs. A good time was had by all!

I'm starting to get a few RSVPs back for the party. I'm still a little panicked but not too much. I fixed that glitch on my registry, so it's good to go. We need to start working mathoms. My hell show opens April 11 but at least the shows aren't very long. I will probably have to go into work on party afternoon, but I'll make sure there is someone to cover so I can leave when the show starts at 3:30. That should still give us plenty of time to get dressed and get to the hotel.

I just got some beautiful light purple wool from Ebay and I'm dying to get sewing with it. I'm planning to make a Viking Apron dress for the Artisans Competition at Wellspring in May. It makes me twitchy staring at the fabric and not having time to work on it! Speaking of Wellspring, just one more month until I find out if I got elected to the Board of Directors. I'm trying not to be twitchy about that too. ARRG! We hates the waiting!

Well, I should go...I want a cookie...I should look into the possibility of obtaining one.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Not as much with the Doom

2007-03-25T20:38:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Please do not fret about the tardiness of your reply, I have been so busy working on the new house that I hardly had the time to notice. Paint, paint and more paint…that is my life.

The definition of doom must be different to elves, or perhaps I am just selfish, because I don’t see it as a bad thing. The only unfortunate part I can see is not having Melanie in our camp. When Leggs realized that she wouldn’t be close by for the hair braiding in the afternoons, the grief became to near again and he didn’t speak for days. Maybe he can sneak next door unnoticed and they can spend some time together.

I should have realized what was going on sooner, but I was preoccupied with the whole house thing. Leggs had been muttering his "pet" name for his least favorite member of the camp for weeks with more contempt than normal. All in all, I think it is a wonderful development, but I realize that there are others who would prefer to keep things the same. Leggs and I are in agreement on one thing…the way they chose to go about the separation is unforgivable. As if we were children unable to comprehend the intricacies of the camp split. "I am more than 3000 years old, and they treat me like a child." has been muttered more than once.

I have tried to explain to him how fabulous it will be now, but as with much of my explanations to him, it seems to have gone unheard…he will see for himself soon enough.

I received a communication today from the transreality licensing board. You will be happy to know that once I explained the injustice that we had suffered at the hand of the splinter group we have trusted for decades they decided ignore your last letter entirely. They seem to be a reasonable group, and they even have a sense of humor. The man in charge of the department that handles inter-reality mailings seems to be very afraid of upsetting the King and Leggs so I think as long as we don’t go overboard, we can actually write anything we want and ignore any official warning we might receive.

With those bits of ugliness out of the way we can move onto more joyous things. Like your upcoming party. I received my invitation and it is lovely. I can’t wait. I think we will have a grand time. Please consider this as my "will attend" response.

I hope your Spring Celebration was a success and left no one scarred. I am beyond exhausted…I managed to paint four rooms this weekend. They only need a wee bit of touch up next weekend. I took pictures and will post them to you as soon as my father, The Honourable Lord Amron, emails them to me.

Please give my best to the King and tell him that Pennsic 36 will be the best yet, I promise.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Doom

2007-03-19T15:29:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I must first apologize for the lateness of my reply. It has been an incredibly hectic month for both me and the king. But I finally have some answers!

Yeastrday afternoon I was finally able to spend a bit of time with the king as he needed to give me his guest list for my birthday party. Politics!

Anyway, while we sitting around hand-addressing envelopes (because labels are tacky!), I casually mentioned I needed some assistance with Elvish translation. He agreed to assist. I warned him it probably wouldn't be pleasant and gave him the list:
gothrim - my foes
wethrinaer - deceitful ones
olwince - stick
awarth - abandonment
dagnir - bane

He looked at me sadly "Where did you encounter these ill-omened words?" I told him Leggs is having nightmares and talking in his sleep. (I then had to explain that it was YOU not I awakened by his cries in the night. The king is so cute, and slightly dangerous, when he's jealous!) I mentioned you had tried your best to get the information from Leggs but..."Don't tell me!" the king replied. "He pulled that "The grief is still too near crap again, didn't he?" I confirmed that yes, that was was indeed the crap he pulled (and when did the king start saying 'crap'?!), and if this is related to the DOOM the two of the have been going on about for months he'd better just cowboy up and let me in on their little secret because I've had just about enough of his moping!.

So, he makes me sit down, takes my hand and give me the sad wizard eyes Gandalf gave Frodo when he found out Bilbo's old ring was THE ring. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we will not be camping with quite a few of our Pennsic camp mates this year." He started to give be detailed explanation worthy of the Professor himself, but here's the Indigo "sum up" version. Most of Eastmar and a few of the folks we considered Silver Phoenix decided they wanted a smaller, more intimate camp. So they worked out a plan, talked to Pennsic officials and sent a "done deal" sort of email to Lady Maggie and Lord Amron. Emails went back and forth to the land autocrat and it appears the issue has at last been settled. Ask Leggs for more details when the grief is further away.

"And everybody is ok with this?" I asked.

"Well, people's feelings are hurt and people are angry and I'm pretty sure some relationsips have been irrevocably damaged" (look at him using big words!). "What REALLY pisses me off" (back to being crass again), "is how much more pleasant the whole thing could have been had we been involved from the beginning. I know I've only been around for a few years, but I would have liked to have been in on the discussion, maybe offer an opinion, share MY feelings. Heck, I actually think splitting up the camp is good idea, maybe even something you all should have done years ago, but, by Elbereth, I resent people treating me like an unreasonable child or presuming to know my thoughts on a subject without asking me!!"

Now, that's quite a long speech from my usually reticent Ranger. And for once, he and I are pretty much in agreement. I know just how he feels. He claims he didn't tell me sooner because I was having so much Primary Reality stress, he didn't want to add to it. Well, now that I know, and everything is settled, I look forward to planning our new campwhich will, I hope will contain far fewer stresses than dwelling in the old one! Aragorn already has some rather good suggestions...

Well, must dash. I'm in charge of children's activities for the Grove's Spring Celebration this Saturday. And no solution to my invitation printing issues! Argh! Hope all is well with you and work on the new house is progressing.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Riddles in the Dark

2007-03-04T00:02:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have had a very stressful day. I had just fallen asleep after returning very late from a Kevin Smith Q and A, when I was awakened by Legolas yelling in his sleep. Whenever he talks in his sleep it is in his mother tongue and I usually pay it no mind, but last night he called out with such vehemence that I grabbed pen and paper. The words that I caught are listed below. When the day offically started, I asked Leggs to tell me what the words meant he only defined one before he fell back on his old reliable excuse "For me the grief is too near." and would not continue.

So I am hoping that you could preveil upon the king to translate, for I suspect this has something to do with the "doom" of which they have been muttering.

I have not heard from you recently and look forward to your reply.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Nadorhuanrim-cowardly dogs
untranslated:
gothrim
wethrinaer
olwince
awarth
dagnir

"Who are these People?!"

2007-02-17T22:51:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

You have, in fact, out done every geek I have ever met, and since we are in the SCA, that is really saying something. I did a little looking around on Mr. Bagby’s site and the section on how his harp was modeled after one found in a grave reminded me of the class we always said we were going to teach. I am sure you remember, the "Who are these People" class. Who would make a harp out of a breastbone of a body they found lying on the road? Who would do that? At least it was a harp based on a harp found in a grave, not made from the leg bone of the nobleman entombed there….I guess there is something to be said for the passage of time. What was so much an accepted behavior it managed to be put in several period songs, is now frowned upon, probably.

Anyway, in other news, I closed on the Yellow Monster yesterday. I should get the keys next week. I am a homeowner now. I feel like I should become boring and adult-like with this new endeavor, but so far it doesn’t seem to be sticking. Every time I try to be serious, I find myself giggling. I am sure, however, that the seriousness need to be an owner of property will come in time. Probably right around the time I have to pay the tax bill or something. I guess we shall see.

It has been a big week for me. Not only did I buy a house, but today I put my old cell phone out to pasture after nine years of faithful service. I thought of calling in the fellmonger, like they do on All Creatures Great and Small, but in the end, decided that it had been a good and loyal phone and deserved to carry on in what ever way it wanted to spend the rest of it’s life. The children are pleased that it seems to have decided to become a toy for them. I think they all will be happy together.

My new phone is a lovely Razr 3v. The benefits of this phone is that it is very slim and can slide into my pocket without the unsightly bulge the old one let. I think I can take it to the settlement with me without risking anyone noticing it. It has a camera as well, so if all goes well, I may be able to send some photos to you of the settlement and all the progress that has been made in it’s construction, since it has been a while since we have had you visit.

Well, I think that is all I have to report. Hope all is well with you and give my best to the King.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

I Enjoy Beng a Nerd

2007-02-12T20:13:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Just when I thought I had reached the zenith of Geekdom, I outdid myself once again.
Saturday night, Kathryn, Andrew, Sam (my brother, not the Hobbit) and I went to see Ben Bagby’s performance of the first thousand or so lines Beowulf. In Old English. With harp accompaniment.

I’ve been trying to see this guy for three years. He’s been in town twice before and I kept missing him. (Stupid theater job making me work on Saturday nights!). I bought my tickets in September and checked on them every few weeks to make sure they were still there (safe in my wooden mirror box.). Sam and Aragorn were having a few beers before the show and the king decided he wanted to tag along. Even though he didn’t have a ticket. He and Sam reminded me that he can remain unseen when he chooses and that no one would notice if he stood quietly in the back. Now it makes me wonder how many invisible people are sneaking into MY theater without tickets, but I digress. Sam and the King picked me up after I worked the matinee and we met K&A at the theater. Of course we went early to hear the professor of Medieval Literature lecture on the poem!

The performance was everything I hoped it would be and more. Dr. Bagby is amazing! I kept getting distracted by his performance and forgetting to read the supertitles. Every once in a while I’d realize I’d lost track of the narrative thread and have to remind myself to read where we were. My OE verbal comprehension skills still suck (even with Eowyn tutoring me), but I was able to recognize the proper names and assorted nouns. And I made a point to listen for the alliterative patterns in the lines even if I didn’t understand the words and I’m getting better at that. A good time was had by all. My brother was chanting “Bagby, Bagby” during the standing ovation. Aragorn kept calling for an encore, but I told him Dr. Bagby probably didn’t know “Lament for Theoden”. Andrew and I are hoping Bagby’s DVD becomes available soon. Check him out at http://www.bagbybeowulf.com/index.html

So, there you have it. I’ve out-geeked myself yet again. My one consolation-I did not arrive at the theater in garb. The same could not be said for others in the audience. At least it was GOOD garb...

Well, I’m off to watch more Dr. Who. Stones of Blood arrived today…there are druids in it!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

PS-I would gladly lend you my OED book, but I think we might be too busy dealing with Harry Potter in July for you to read it!

Death of a Word-smith

2007-02-08T21:49:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,
Don’t ever let Leggs know that I said this, but it really does appear that some things were better before the Dark Lord Sauron was vanquished. It was warmer and those riders never knew if the letters they carried were related to the evil he brought fourth, so they never balked at a winter ride. But I guess you have to give some things up to have peace. I am sure that "W" would agree with me on that one.
Luckily , it seems to be warming up without an additional evil lurking around the corner. We got all the way up to 12 degrees today. It’s put me in mind of Pennsic and the unruly heat we sometimes get while there. Which reminded me that this Sunday will mark the halfway point between The. Best. Pennsic. Eva! And the even better one yet to come.
So it looks like it is time to bust out the packing lists and make sure the garb still fits. It is too bad one can not put extra sleep in reserve for times of need. Six months from now I plan to be very awake and yet very sleepy. Perhaps I could borrow that OED book and read it in the weeks just before Pennsic, I am sure that would allow me to get tons of extra sleep.
In sadder news, with the death of Anna Nicole Smith earlier today, we will need to get a new presenter for the MEMAs (Middle Earth Music Awards)(not to be confused with MEEMA) next month. I am very sad about this because I was totally looking forward to her always new and exciting ways of destroying the English language. And since Enya is the only artist nominated (again) for any awards I was hoping she would mispronounce it differently over and over again. Oh, well, maybe now that "W" and I see eye to eye on an issue he might be willing to pop over and butcher a few words for us.
I guess we will have to wait and see how it turns out. Hope to hear from you soon.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Weather sucks

2007-02-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I have made several attempts to write to you over the past several days, but it seems my missives have gone amiss. My riders are terribly unamused by the weather conditions and keep finding reasons not to…well…ride! You should hear the talk in the Tower Guard locker room

“Remember when Sauron dwelt on our Southern border. It was MUCH warmer then”
“Yeah…Mithrandir says that the noxious fumes of Orodruin caused some weird atmospheric condition that raised the temperature of Gondor significantly. “
“Right! Arda-warming! Radagast has been muttering about the environmental toll for years...Denethor thought it was a bunch of New Age hippie nonsense”
“But it WAS warmer then...”
“Well, yes. But darker…more oppressive…and evil of course.”
“Of course…evil…but you can’t have everything…and it was warmer…”

In any case I hope my letter finds you warm and reasonably well.

I think it would be entirely appropriate to teach the Hobbits the “Hi Ho, Hi Ho” song. They’d love it! I can see them now, little lunch pails in one hand, paint brushes in the other, trotting along, singing merrily! And when work has ended for the day, down the hill they come, silhouetted by the sun as she sinks into the West, tired but happy, singing the “Ho Ho Ho to the bottle I Go” song as they head for the pub. (I don’t know if there IS a hill for them to come down, but I needed it for the whole silhouette thing to work in my head…)

And yes, the awful, awful rumors you’ve heard about Screwtape appear to be true. Apparently the rights have been obtained by Walden Media, the folks who brought us “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” and the latest “Bridge to Terabithia”. I’ve raised my concerns to the king, but he’s too deeply embroiled in the whole “Hobbit” affair at the moment to take on another film studio. Maybe it will all work itself out, and the powers that be will realize that it’s just a bad idea. We’ll see (or not, as the case may be!) CS is probably spinning in his grave! I’d hate to think that JRR and CS are spending their afterlife bemoaning the fact that they sold off film rights to their books…

Well, I have to brave the basement chill and get my laundry out of the washer. Stay warm!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

PS-The Geekiest Book Ever is amazing! I can't wait to get to work tomorrow and start looking up some new words in the OED!

Doom solved, only not so much.

2007-02-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so excited to be considered for the Habitat for Hobbits program. Just the thought of all the wee folk from the Shire work to and fro in my house like the seven dwarves makes me giddy. Do you think it would be wrong for me to teach them the Hi Ho song?

I have to agree that you are reading what could be the geekiest book ever. I had hoped that along with being the funny one I could also be the geekier one, but alas you have bested me. I weep for my loss, but am jubilant at your success….either that or I am bi-polar.

In other news, I just returned from parent teacher conferences. The unveiling of the report card was a bit traumatic for me. All of his grades were perfectly acceptable if they did not have the last grading period’s grades right next to them. He has drop a letter grade in several subjects and only raise one grade up a letter. He has had a long discussion with his teacher and agreed that he is simply being lazy and has promised that he will work harder in future. Once the initial shock of the grades had worn off I was actually relieved. I thought that this certainly must be the doom of which Leggs has been muttering. On the ride home I asked him and he simply and sadly shook his head. At that point I was at my wits end and demanded that he tell me what was going on but he pulled out his “for me the grief is still too near” schtick and popped away.
I can only imagine that whatever it is is going to turn out to be a much bigger deal than Brennan dropping from an A to a B in math. And I find my self wishing that what ever it is would have already happened and I will only be filled in when it has come to a conclusion, but again I fear that that may be too much to hope for.
Other than that, all is well here. The house buying should be concluded soon and the painting will commence shortly thereafter. With the whining about the painting to run concurrently. Hope all is well in the Steel City and the White City and I look forward to hearing more about the geekiest book ever written.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

PS. Did I hear something about The Screwtape Letters being made into a movie….that can’t be right can it?

Geekiest Book Ever

2007-01-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Wow. You were right. It is yellow! And not a nice spring day sunny kind of yellow either. More of an “evil Yellow Face, it burns us!” kind of yellow. Nothing a little paint can’t solve. The king has offered to try and get some of the folks from Habitat for Hobbits to come by and give you a hand with painting. You’ll need to do all the high parts though…or get lots of ladders…

As mentioned above, I am reading what could possibly be the geekiest book ever written. Geekier than Tom Shippey’s “Road to Middle Earth”. Geekier than “The Tolkien Quiz Book” from 1979. Yes, even geekier than all ten volumes of “The History of Middle Earth”. The title of this jewel: “The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary” written by editors of the OED.

Now, you know how much I love the OED. And you must be aware of the many lunch breaks where I’ve sat in my office eating a tuna salad sandwich and reading the online version. But this may be going too far. A book ABOUT the OED? If that weren’t geeky enough, let’s add a little Tolkien. Throw in a 20-sided die and a bootleg VHS copy of the Star Wars holiday special and I might as well be living in my parents’ basement! (I mean, if I had parents…).

Geekier or not, it’s a fascinating read, if you enjoy that sort of thing. And it would be fascinating even without the Tolkien connection (but I bet it wouldn’t sell as well!). I would never have thought that the history of a dictionary could be so interesting. And I guess merely reading it is not as geeky as writing it? Right?

Well, I need to go and finish my chapter before bedtime. It was good to see you this weekend, even for such a brief time. (By the way, you forgot the tape and trucks!) I hope to talk to you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Yellow Monster

2007-01-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear that the King is still enjoying The Doctor. At least when he isn’t muttering. Leggs continues to mutter as well…and doom has also slipped out from time to time as well. Do you think they know something we don’t? Nah…

Anyway, the yellow monster is pretty much mine. My offer was countered. Their counter was very acceptable and I jumped all over it. The deed is being drawn up and since I am paying cash, I can’t think of a way it can go bad. So I am adjusting to the idea that I will be a homeowner. Not nearly as frightening as it would be if I had a mortgage, but still a wee bit daunting. It’s probably all the yellow.

I have chosen paint colors of which Leggs approves and am ready to begin the process of packing, painting and cleaning. Then I will move on to the joys of roofing. I think in the end it will be quite nice, but for now it will remain the Yellow Monster. I think when you see the enclosed renderings you will understand Leggs’ consern….it is really yellow….

Well, I am off, the ex is coming over to visit with the sons.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

View from the street

Part of the yellow kitchen

The rest of the yellow kitchen

Have I mentioned that everything is yellow....Anyway, I think you get the idea.

Color Codes

2007-01-22T17:39:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Fluorescent yellow, huh? The king and I wish you best of luck with your bid anyway. I few cans of paint and all will be well, right?

I am fascinated by Legolas's skill with color divination. It makes sense that the Eldar would seek guidance from natural omens (red sky at night, sailors’ delight and whatnot), but I’m fascinated by his use of Man-made objects and coloring. I guess there just aren’t that many natural places in our world to seek omens any more and we must take them where we can get them. Let us hope his concern is nothing more than Elvish superstition.

The king has been in a restive mood recently, often muttering about Doom and Fate and the like. Maybe he just spent too much time with the Rohirrim over the Yule season. Eomer and friends can be real downers when not engaged in orc-slaughter or drinking contests.

We spent most of weekend sitting on the couch with Buford wrapped in blankets watching Dr. Who. There was a gas leak outside my house on Friday so no heat or stove. Whatever the issue was, it took forever to fix. The nice neighbor brought me an extra space heater. It was a very kind thing to do. We didn’t get the gas turned back on until 6:30 Saturday night. I was so happy to take a hot shower! Aragorn tells me I’m getting soft and spoiled. “You don’t need a hot shower every day. You don’t even need a shower every day!” Believe me, after 24 hours of cuddling with a Ranger and a beagle, I needed a shower!

When he’s not muttering, the king is very much enjoying the Who-athon. This weekend we watched our first Tom Baker adventure…and there were Daleks! Who could ask for more? (Well, HEAT would have been nice, but I digress). Glad you’re enjoying ACGAS. Thinking of Leggs as vet in Yorkshire makes me giggle…a lot…at inappropriate moments.

Well, I must sign off for now. I want to finish this last chapter of Mircea Eliade’s “Myth of the Eternal Return” Nothing like a little comparative mythology to get your evening started right! Then I’m off to do a talk on traditional rites and rituals of St. Brigid. I should probably get some coffee too…

Hope all is well with you.
Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Yellow Portents of Evil

2007-01-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Something strange is going on with Leggs. I took him to see the house I am putting in an offer on yesterday and he was in the strangest mood. It is usually the King who mutters when in an odd mood, but yesterday it was Leggs. The house is painted fluorescent yellow, inside and out, including the ceiling. I could hear Leggs talking behind me. I didn't catch everything he said. But I did hear him saying that yellow is the color of cowards and is a portent of evil. On the way home he was in a lather, exclaiming that the first thing to be done was painting. That he could not allow me to live in a house of that color. I thought it disheartening that he thought I could live in a house with a bright yellow ceiling, but whatever...
He was much calmer by the time we came home and were watching his favorite show, "All Creatures Great and Small"

I am enjoying the show as well, but I don't think the title is right. I am certain that the original title must have been "All Creatures Great and Small, I am sorry but there is nothing I can do. We should put it to sleep. Don't you think that would be for the Best?" But that must have been too long to fit in the TVGuide of the 1970's. Anyway, Leggs is a big fan of the countryside the good doctor works in and thinks that if he was mortal and not independently wealthy, being a vet would be an ideal job for him. It makes me snicker to think of Leggs performing the internal exams that Mr. Harriot seems so fond of, but I try to keep it to myself so that I don't upset the delicate balance between pleasant mood and confused rantings that have been the way of things with him the past few days.

I hope that you and the King are still enjoying your Who-athon. I plan to have one of those myself, but it is still a way off. I don't think that Leggs will be a fan so I will need to find something to keep him occupied before I start.

Anyway, that is all the news that is fit to print.
Take Care,
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Now we know

2007-01-11T15:08:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

You are right. Now we know. I understand Gimli's dismay at being beaten by Gandalf, but to be honest, movie Gandalf kicked a lot more butt than book Gandalf, so it stands to reason that game Gandalf would be even better at butt-kicking. Apparently his butt-kicking capabilites increase with sophistication of the media in which he is presented. We should probably keep an eye on that.

It was kind of Leggs to at least try and participate in your holiday festivities. I know disconcerting large groups of humans at revel can be to him. I'm not sorry that he spent some of his time keeping an eye on Eowyn and the goings on in the White City. It is comforting to know that my concerns about the Steward's Wife are shared by others and not merely my personal paranoid flights of fancy. As long as Aragorn remains oblivious, all will be well.

All in all, I think the holiday festivities were successful on both sides of reality. Saturday night was my very last holiday event of the 2006-2007 season-Kathryn and Andrew's Epiphany Party. Unfortunately, drinking of the Church Brew Works "Sleigh Wrecker Ale" and the spirited singing of Christmas carols (all the verses...loudly)on top of the headcold I was just gettting over made me lose my voice for several days. I'm mostly better now, just a lingering cough and stuffiness. Robitussin is my friend. Aragorn discovered the convenience of Lipton soup packets and has been keeping my spirits up by preparing bowls of high sodium chicken soup.

The king has been hanging around a lot recently "to nurse me back to health." Personally, I think he's gotten hooked on Doctor Who and doesn't want to miss any of the Who-athon. We STILL haven't gotten to the Tom Baker years! There are quite a few Jon Pertwee's to go (and one Patrick Troughton that somehow got out of order on my queue)BTW...Pertwee's first adventure..."Spearhead from Space"...DOLLS! That's all I will say on the matter...DOLLS. I think the Doctor is scarier than we remembered!

Well, I must be off. I should try to get some work done today. The workstudies have gone on an adventure to buy stamps and make gift certificates. Let's hope there journey is successful!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Long Awaited Results

2007-01-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been many years since I first wondered who won the killing contest between Leggs and Gimli. Now, thanks to the wonders of modern technology and the fact that I have no life, the results are in.
I got the computer game “The Battle for Middle Earth” for Christmas and I have been enjoying playing it ever since. I just completed my first campaign and the program actually keeps track of your kills for each character. (Leggs hates it when I call him a character.)

Drumroll please…..Legolas is the clear winner with 3,530 kills. This information does not surprise me. What does surprise me is the second place winner….Gandalf with 3,200. Gimli is a distant third with 1,423. Needless to say, Gimli is not amused. He is not terribly upset by losing to Leggs, I think he kind of expected that, but to lose to the wizard who he has heard me complain about so often (remember the days of my "I want a better wizard.” Chant?) has him clamoring for a rematch.

My plan is to play the campaign again on the next difficulty level. I will also try and put Gimli into the fray a bit more. I think the programers don’t know him the way I do and would allow him to stand by when others fight, which is not the Gimli I know.

In other computer LOTR news, I was playing the other day while on the phone with He Who is Hated By Elves aka Rook. He was very amused by my attempts to get Merry and Theoden to level ten prior to their arrival at the Black Gate. He suggested that I let them reach the level when they got there. In the end I tried that with Theoden, but Merry had to be at level 10 ahead of time because I had a feeling the things were going to go badly for the hobbits at the Black Gate. I was right. In the end I had to hide Merry and Pippin (the hobbit not the dog) in a corner and hope that the Oliphonts didn’t trample them. They seemed ok with that. They just stood there saying “I never should have come here.” (Merry) and asking “Can I have some bacon?” (Pippin)

In the end, Middle Earth was saved and all the hero survived...including Boromir and Theoden. Sadly, Theoden never reached level ten. When he finally goes to the Halls of His Fathers, I am sure they will pick on him for it.

So it seems that I have successfully brought the fantasy people into reality with me and tormenting them in both realms….

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Do you want me to put the food out on the tub?

2006-12-26T16:26:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear that the King is taking the wait and see approach to this PJ business. Not because I think it will work, but because the holidays are already so very busy that it is nice not to have to worry about hobbit-lord kidnapping and the like.

I knew that you would be away during the holidays and sent Leggs to the white city to keep an eye on Eowyn. He has always felt that her motivations for marrying the Steward were a bit suss. He has reported that she did try some flirting with the king, he was too wassailing to take notice.

I spent some time with my own family this past week. We had a nice gathering at my parent's house which included dinner and many pressies. It also included a interesting moment for Leggs. He was having difficulty dealing with so many children gathered in one place when my father called out to my mother saying "Do you want me to put the food out on the tub?" Leggs' eyes widened, then he squinted, shook his head in dismay and then he was gone. In the long run, it was probably for the best that he left before we brought out the Christmas wheelchair. He did not return to my parent's house that night and the next day would only say that the settlement had many things needing his attention, so would I mind attending my remaining "jesusmas" festivities alone. Well, at least he tried...

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Logan and the Christmas Wheelchair

Fascinating

2006-12-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Well. That certainly explains a great deal. I think we need to cut off Leggs's "Law and Order:Criminal Intent" viewing. I KNOW elves are cunning and all, but this is starting to get a teensy bit scary!

The king is still playing te wait and see game with the studios, but he is confident all will work out for the best in the end. I reminded him that sitting around waiting to see what happened may not have been the best course of action while dealing with the Necromancer, but he just sighed at me and went back to reading. That's the trouble with people with a a "Destiny"...they think it will always work out for the best. But sometimes the best for Middle Earth is NOT what one would desire for himself (or for PJ). Just ask Frodo! In any case, we are in a holding pattern until further notice.

All is going well for our Yule preparations. We begin our Twelve Nights on the solstice, rather than on Christmas (Our world being much less allegorical than say NARNIA!) And it helps to incorporate The Rohirrim tradtions as well. We've put Eowyn in charge of the Yule Log and so far she's doing a bang-up job. Since I'm spending tonight and tomorrow with my brothers and won't be available for drinking and singing in the Great Hall of the White City, I wanted to make sure the Steward's Wife had something to keep her busy. Sometimes, if I'm gone for too long, she starts putting the moves on the king again! Honestly! After all these years you'd think she'd get the point.

Well, I need to run and bake bread for dinner at my brothers and get a fesh batch of wassail in the pot for Aragorn's shindig. Hope all is well with you and the Sons. Enjoy your holiday!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Return of....

2006-12-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I have had a very productive few weeks since I last wrote and I think I have everything figured out. In between Christmas shopping and taking care of the sons, I have spent as much time in the settlement as possible playing detective. I would set up my loom, for making replacement trim and listen to all the conversations around me. Once I had a good idea what had happened I confronted Leggs to get confirmation and to have him fill in the details. Once he saw that I had figured everything out, he was quite forthcoming.

So what ha-happened was this. A small group of elders got together and concocted this plan. I like to call them the elder-elders (along the line of Mrs. Mrs. Cooper, but I digress). In short, their plan was to kidnap the short of the Ians and make the switch with Bilbo. They sent word to Bilbo and set the plan in motion. Leggs decided that there shouldn’t be an obvious settlement hand in this, so he contacted someone from reality to do the deed. It is the Return of the King, no that not it, the Return of the Jedi? Nope. The Return of Billindalt! Remember him? Apparently, the E-E (not to be confused with the EE or the ESSF) felt that he was perfect for the job. 1. He is now 17 and has a car. 2. He is still very interested in securing a place for himself in the settlement. And 3. He is young enough that he can be manipulated and if caught might escape adult punishment from the legal establishment.

Leggs struck a deal with our boy Billy. If he were to kidnap Sir Ian and hold him until the switch could be made with Bilbo, he could accompany Sir Ian to the settlement. Once there he would be given the position of Younger Elder. In this position he would replace the first Elder to die on the counsel. (Obviously, Billy boy doesn’t know much about the life span of an elf.) He accepted and put his own plan into action.

His plan was simple and as most simple plans it worked. Mostly. He managed to sneak onto his property and into his home. Apparently his home is not overly guarded. He got in quietly while Ian was sleeping and just rolled him up in a carpet, just like a three stooge’s movie and hauled him back to his mother’s house. This is where things went wrong for Billindalt. His mother is a fastidious woman who would tidy his room each day while he was at school. So on the Monday following the kidnapping she discovered a tiny British man in his closet.

Sir Ian, in spite of his ordeal, was an understanding man. He explained that he had actually been expecting something of this sort to happen to himself or another member of the cast. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. In return for his promise not press charges against her son, Mrs. Dalton released the hobbit like man. And so far he has kept his promise.

As for Billindalt, Leggs has explained that the deal that they had was only good on completion of the task and that Billy is still not welcome in the settlement. Little does he know that even if he had not failed, the plan was doomed to fail. Leggs received word from Bilbo, refusing his request to take part in this scheme. He said that the tale of this tale must be told in it’s own way….

So, there you have it. The E-E’s failed plan. They now think that perhaps this should be handled through official channels and await word from the King. Ahhh, elves.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

I'm Still Alive

2006-12-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am FINALLY catching up on all of my correspondance and realize I have been quite tardy in replying to you latest letter.

Let's see...what's been going on...

Aragorn is becoming quite concerned Legg's response to the Hobbit situation. Now the king is trying to concoct a counterplot to whatever plot Legg's and Co. may or may not have contrived to resolve the issue. If we're lucky, they'll just brood at each other and leave the rest of us out of it!

I was so happy to see Mithtrandir when he finally arrived. Fortunately, he still has Faramir's ear, together the counseled patience to the king. This seems to be where we stand now. Aragorn has assured the varous delegations that he would personally speak with PJ and send delegations to New Line and MGM. I worry that there isn't whimsy or imagination left in Hollywood, and that the film execs will be unable to see our invisible ambassadors, but at least the Dwarves seem satisfied that the Crown is taking steps to defend their interests (and profit shares) in any upcoming film. And I am pleased to say that the Dwarven delegates (all those who weren't passed out drunk with Gimli, anyway)have returned to their various caves and mountains to await word. Thranduil is still a bit of an issue and is threatening to take some sort of legal action, but I don't think the claims of an Elven king have much of chance in a court of Men. And now we wait and see what happens.

In real-world news, my week of hell has ended and work is eerily quiet. I plan to take off next week. Will you and the Sons be able to join us over the holidays? Faramir is trying to get the king's appointment calendar arranged and keeps bugging me about our plans. Tom and Bill will be around the week after Christmas, so maybe we can coordinate visits.

I put my tree up over the weekend and got ornaments up last night. We'll see how many are still on the tree when I get home. I caught Leo with a stuffed Santa in his mouth when I got up this morning. I'm going to babysit Buford this weekend while Kathryn and Andrew are out of town. I think we'll have fun. I don't have "Fight Club on DVD, so I hope he's ok with watching "A Christmas Carol" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" after our naps on the couch.

Well, I have to dash. I still have a pile of Yule cards to get out to the Shire and Rohan. Hope all is well with you!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Uh-Oh is right!

2006-12-01T12:29:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It seems that since my little "vacation" from the settlement, the elves have gotten out of the habbit of keeping me informed of their plans. When I recieved you latest letter I contacted Leggs immediately to let him know that their plan had been stolen. All he did was smirk and say "No, it hasn't." And then he popped away. I am afraid it might have been them.

Since many websites don't allow access to certain pages forever, I decided to copy the evidence and forward it on to you. I figure we might need it to mount some sort of defense if they are caught. Thank goodness no one reads our letters, or else the secret might get out.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Uh-Oh

2006-12-01T11:28:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Apparently someone was thinking along the same lines as Leggs and Company!

http://www.theonering.net/scrapbook/group/1929/view/18214

Perhaps they should consider a rescue mission instead! Poor old Bilbo!

In any case, I have to meet a Hobbit delegation in a few minutes. Who would have guessed that Merry would be the ringleader of the Hobbit protests. OK, I suppose book Merry is a more likely ringleader than movie Merry. Drat! Once again I was seduced by the carefree, not-so-bright Movie Merry and underestimated the formidable Brandybuck line!

I'm starting to think Movie Merry was a deliberate plot initiated by old Saradoc (and possibly PJ) to lure us into thinking Merry was a simple provincial dolt. He's cute, funny, mostly harmless and then BAM! Book Merry makes an appearance, cunning plans are revealed and Gondor is caught with its pants down!

At least Pippin is still under contract with the Tower Guard so we have a Took in our corner!

Ugh...Faramir is knocking on door, apparently the Halflings have arrived. Wish me luck. More later...

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Chenille Musings

2006-11-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am glad to hear that you enjoyed your holiday, even with the controversy over the Hobbit. Leggs has organized a committee to try and work out solutions to the problem. Sadly, as always, the "solutions" being discussed are not quite what we are looking for. The current favorite is that we send the stealthiest warriors to Hollywood to kidnap the stars of the film and replace them with the "real" elf, hobbit, dwarf, or what have you. When they have successfully taken over their lives they will simply refuse to participate in the film until PJ is back in the fold. The other scenario is just kidnapping and ransom them for PJ. I have tried to explain that this would be a terrorist action and that the people they would be dealing with would frown on that, but they are busy naming the operation and trying to get me to get them walky talkys.

In other news, my holiday was uneventful. I spent it at a friends house. I ate well and did not have to do any of the cleaning. Now that is what I call a holiday.

Yesterday, my mother stopped by. We were in the yard discussing the pros and cons of chenille socks. Pro: soft and comfy. Con: obscenely slippery. Right after this conversation I saw a squirrel fall out of the neighbors really tall tree. Leggs saw it fall too, and his response was to simply say that the squirrel must have been wearing chenille socks. This image, burned into my brain, had me laughing for hours.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T00:34:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I hope your Thanksgiving was pleasant and relatively stress free. I'm reporting in from Raleigh NC. where the beer count has come in at about 5.33 bottles of beer per day per person, not counting five litres of some German beer that came in a big can and a bottle of wine. My brothers caught occasional glimpses of Aragorn, but he was in and out a lot the past few days. Apparently the PJ-Hobbit-New Line news is causing quite an uproar in Middle Earth and when there's trouble in ME, there's trouble in the White City.

I'm not sure how much Leggs has told you (or for that matter how much he knows) but apparently PJ and New Line are not seeing eye to eye and it looks like the studio now plans to make the Hobbit without PJ. I don't want to go into details, but pop on over to theonering.net and read the letter from PJ and Fran as well as some of the fan reaction. Needless to say there is a great deal of concern. Representatives from the Middle Earth Travel and Tourism board are camped out in our Great Hall demanding that the king "take steps." Apparently there is some concern that a new director may not accurately represent the culture and peoples of the various kingdoms (Borat syndrome!).

Someone must have slipped Thranduil a bootleg copy of the old Rankin and Bass cartoon and he is far from pleased. Riders from Mirkwood are arriving almost hourly. Let's hope he doesn't plan to make the trip himself! And Durin's Folk! There are dwarves everywhere trying to get a royal audience! So far Faramir's been able to keep them in line, but you know how stubborn dwarves can be. I've asked Gimli to come over to try to keep the situation under control. I've no doubt that representatives of the Shire will be arriving any day now. (Note to self--air out the Hobbit-sized beds!)

Honestly, I don't think there is much we can do from Middle Earth to influence PJ or the studio. Aragorn is putting together a committee to study the issue, but we don't have enough information yet to know what "steps" to take. For the moment the Crown is urging patience. I wish Gandalf would pop in. I'd love to get his reaction, since this affects him directly. Perhaps we'll have news of him soon.

Well, I should finish my last beer and get to bed. It's been stressful dealing with the holiday and "The Hobbit" issue. I will contact you and representatives from the settlement as soon as I have more information.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Settling for a Mess

2006-11-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,
I find my self looking back fondly on my self imposed exile from the settlement. Since my return I have spent my time cleaning up bits of the trim of nightmares and trying to come up with a pattern for the new trim. This use of my time has Leggs in a lather again. He thought that we would just go on picnics or something. I suppose this would have been possible if he had made sure that the settlement stayed tidy in my absence. Considering how fastidious they all are about there personal appearances you would think that they might have picked up after themselves every once in a while, but alas they did not.
Leggs is also upset that I spend time with other people in the real world. I guess that he didn't notice when I was visiting the settlement, but when I was not there he began to ask what I was doing with my time. He found out that I went to Maryland for a wedding and that there were men there, and he was not amused. His jealous streak is really starting to wear me out. I have had to agree to spending most of Thanksgiving in the settlement to get him to stop annoying me. I would hate to have to return to the time of the hearth, but he might just push me there.
In other news, a friend of mine has a friend who writes LOTR fanfic.(Imagine spending all that time writing about things that aren't real.) Anyway, she has some great icons and this is one that I knew you and the king would enjoy.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Kendrah

Trim Terror

2006-11-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I admit that the memory of the Orc-woven trim has haunted me this past week. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined it! (and I have have some pretty odd dreams!) It was bit like "The Emperor's New Clothes". We could all see the horror, but none of us could say it out loud! Including the models! Even the King managed to hold his tongue while we were there. I noticed he drank an awful lot of black lager when we got back to the Samhain party though. Alas, drowning the memory in beer worked better for him than it did for me.

I've spent all weekend here trying to clean my house. What started out as a simple "redding up" turned into a cleaning frenzy that is still not complete... one of those nightmare projects where I suddenly started rearranging rooms, spending hours filing paperwork and dusting my little guys. (By the way, I moved them into a cabinet with glass doors so they won't get so dusty in the future. They seem pleased with the arrangement.) I hauled FOUR BAGS of trash out of the basement! Once again the king made himself scarce when it came time to move furniture! But he brought me a chicken to cook up for dinner tonight (already plucked even!), so it's not all bad. I just have to get the place into some kind of order before Friday when my brother gets here.

We're going to North Carolina again for Thanksgiving. I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off so we can leave next Saturday and spend the week. It should be fun. Aragorn is planning to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I wonder how much beer my brothers will have to drink before they can see him. They always look askance when I set an "extra" place at the table.

Well, I should go get the chicken out of the oven. I hope all is well with you. Keep me updated on the trim progress!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

The Samhain/Fashion Show Extravaganza

2006-11-05T22:43:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Corwynne,
It was so wonderful to see you and the King at the party. The beer, the gifts, and the company was all lovely. I absolutely adore my new pot holders and napkins. The kids love them too.
I'm glad that we didn't miss much when we left for the disastrous fashion show. I can't believe that they thought using orc designed trim was a good idea. The work that the orcs put into it was amazing and quite accurate, but I don't think epic bloody battle scenes is a good theme for an outfit, or twenty outfits. And I am certain that the fabric blood droplets that were left on the runway were just wrong.
In short I think I will have to give in and do some sewing work in the settlement. I will have to break out the loom and make some replacement trim. I think the elves will be disappointed that the only patterns I know how to do are Viking in nature, but really it can't be worse. I don't know if I will be able to do anything about the awful colors that they chose to dye the silks. Road construction orange on pasty elves....Not pleasing to the eye. And the idea of 40 elves milling around the settlement in those colors is the making of nightmares.
Leggs will be pleased when I tell him that I will be spending the more time in the settlement. He is concerned about all the time I have been spending elsewhere with other people. He has even been hinting about the whole dwelling thing again. That way he would be more comfortable with my time elsewhere. I think the next few months will be trying....Sewing and the dwell with me chant. What joy.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Halloween Festivities

2006-11-02T11:08:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

Congratulations on your newest discovery concerning the complexities of reality jumping. As I think back, I tend to pop directly to the White City and move out from there. When questioned, Aragorn admits he ususally jumps to my place then wanders off on his real world adventures. It appears neither of us have tried to jump to another location, or wondered if it were possible. Your experience makes us rethink once again the nature of fantasy. The king thinks we should create some some of controlled experiment to see exactly how this works. I've asked him to wait until January, as the Gondorian Academy plans to open up aditional funding after Yule. I'm afraid this fundng is being secretly provided by the military as a way to track possible entry points of enemy combatants. Rumours of the havoc the White Witch is wreaking in Narnia surface every year around Christmas and those pesky pirates from Neverland are always a threat...though the according to the latest treaty, they're Umbar's poblem now, not Gondor's...

Anyway, the king and I have been quite occupied the past few weeks with Halloween fun. Two weeks ago, we spent the weekend with the Druids honoring our Ancestors. He enjoyed the pot luck where we all brough are traditional family food to share. He roasted a haunch of venison for the occasion. Last weekend, we went to Deana and Eric's Halloween party. Aragorn had a blast! He dressed as Saruman and I must say his costume looked great! I went as a faculty member from Hogwarts (Special Guest Lecturer-Muggle Studies) After numerous drinks, many of the guests were actually able to see him! (But since we were together, quite a few of them mistook him for Dumbledore!) All in all, it was a lovely time. On Sunday we went to Sarina's where I won second place in a pumpkin carving contest. I opted to go with something non-traditional - dragons. Unfortunately, Aragorn left early to watch the Steeler game, so he missed the carving part. I brought him some roasted pumpkin seeds and he seemed content.

We are really looking forward to this weekend-Samhain and and the fashion show. He's hoping to drink a lot of beer with Amron and Michael. And he's relieved that he can just wear his regular clothes and not have to get all gussied up in a costume. I did ask that he wear something nice...something casual from his Court collection rather than the smelly old Ranger gear...since we had to put in an appearance at the fashion show. He might even wear a crown, jut to look official!

Well, I must be off. Lots of things to get done today! We'll see you soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Reality Bites!

2006-10-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,
I haven't written in a while, because I have very little to say. As I said in my last letter, I have decided to stay clear of the settlement until the sewing is over. This has left me with very little to focus my thoughts on...or at least very little that is fun.
I thought I would take you advise and visit Minas Tirith, but sadly that didn't quite work out. I had never tried to jump directly to the White City before. In the past I always started in the settlement and took a more conventional method of transport from there. It turns out that I can't just jump anywhere else, or things aren't right. It was a lot like a Salvador Dali painting. So I jumped back. Luckily, that didn't seem to be a problem.
So it looks like I am stuck in reality until November. It is my bed. I made it. I will lie in it. Sigh

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Catching up

2006-10-21T00:06:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written! Apparently time flies just as quickly when you’re NOT having fun! Our first show closed last Saturday, and just as I thought things would settle down a bit at work, tragedy struck in the form of a particular insidious virus that forces my work computer to provide me with pop-ups every five minutes or so. We’ve been trying to solve this issue for three days now. I am happy to say we are getting close, but, alas, we may need to resort to a total mind sweep to alleviate the problem. At least we should be able to rescue all my files. I don’t understand it! I practice safe computing! I don’t click when it says “Click here to win a free IPod”! I report spoof email to eBay! I don’t download the file that claims it will save my marriage and career by erasing the all the adult sites I visit! It’s not fair!!! Granted it could be worse. My favorite uncle (Joe, not Dick) never left me a magic ring that sent me on a quest to save the World That Is while he sat smoking pipeweed in Dwarf-town, but all the same, it’s quite frustrating!

Almost as frustrating as Rick Santorum and his Mordor quote. My mailbox has been flooded for days with folks filling me in. Today I even got an email from RS’s opponent, Bob Casey. I suspect it wasn’t from Bob personally, but it was still pretty amusing. As my brother says, we should rejoice at any mention of LotR in the media. He’s probably right. And I truly enjoyed Stephen Colbert’s attempt to explain the situation using his little guys. Check it out on YouTube if you get a chance.

Speaking of Aragorn, today is Viggo’s birth and Aragorn decided we should pop in for a surprise visit. Viggo took it all in stride. We sat around for a bit, drank some beer and he and Aragorn exchanged war stories. It was fairly entertaining, a peaceful laid-back couple of hours with old friends. They promised each other they would each take some time to get back to writing poetry, sang a few songs in Sindarin, and Aragorn and I went on our way. He even helped me carry in my groceries! (Aragorn, that is). He offered to help me make cheese cake and chop vegetables for the dinner I’m going to on Sunday. I think he can tell I’ve been stressed out recently so he being extra attentive. And I just got X-Men 3 from Netflix and if he sticks around long enough he’ll get a chance to watch it…if Faramir doesn’t have some crisis that requires the royal presence in the White City.

At least you’re exile from the Settlement will be ending in couple of weeks. If you’re bored at home, feel free to pop over to Minis Tirith. You can check out the new Easterling exhibit in the museum. It’s fascinating!

Well, I think I’m off to bed, or to watch X-Men….I’ll see what kind of mood the king is in. Hope all is well and you haven’t flooded out! Take care!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corywnne

Bored to Tears

2006-10-11T15:33:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am currently only receiving reports from Leggs about the bustle of activity in the settlement. You see, the other day, the elves realized that I know how to sew and tried to convince me to join them. I high tailed it back to reality in a millisecond.
A few days later they sent Leggs to try and convince me that I would enjoy the social atmosphere that is created when many beings get together and sew. He even tried to compare their sewing group to the belly kitchen. After that I booted him back to the settlement and told him that if he ever dared to besmirch the belly kitchen this way again we would have a problem.
I think he may finally understand that I would rather be flayed slowly while giving birth than put another needle to cloth again.
Of course, now I can't go back to the settlement until the night of the show. This has left me with nothing of interest to do, cleaning and taking care of children have left me quite bored, but it is a small price to pay. And at least the house will be very clean for the foreseeable future.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Busy, Busy, Busy...

2006-10-06T22:02:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

It seems that the Settlement is bustling with activity in the aftermath of the flooding. I'm so pleased we were able to overcome this crisis as it bodes well for our futures in fantasy.

Our first main show of the season opened tonight and it does not seem to be an audience favorite. When you lose a fifth to a quarter of your audience after act one, something must be going wrong. Oh well, at least the lines at box office aren't too long! Last night was quite an adventure, suffice it to say I was overjoyed to find a bottle of wine waiting for me when I got home. I found out at noon that we were adding 11 seats to the theater for a show that previewed that night at 8 pm. It took me until after 8 to figure out how to make the computer accept this turn of events...support was not being very supportive. But I figured it out all by myself! Look how smart I am.

Then, about 4:30, we discovered the center page of the program was stapled backards so we spent the next several hours unstapling, flipping the page and re-stapling. "What did you do in college? I stapled programs!" Anyway, the students were good sports about it and I've promised them pizza tomorrow. Saturdays are pizza days here in the box office! it's a time-honored tradition dating back to last January. It's a fairly reasonable substitution for "Box Office Movie Fridays",

At least the king realized that I was having a no good, terrible, very bad day and surprised me with the thoughful gift of alcohol. He even stuck around to watch the last episode of Battlestar Galactica, season two, with me. He's not a huge Sci-Fi fan, but he doesn't mind an occasional BG episode. I think he has a TV crush on Starbuck, but it seems to be fleeting and not very serious. I don't I need to worry about any reality jumping to New Caprica in the near future.

I will be happy to pop over to the fashion show with you, but I'm wondering if we'll be able to drag the king away from the party to attend with us. I suppose I could tell him it's an official sort of thing...or get him drunk early. But I don't suppose the Elves would react well to a drunken Man heckling their new garb. I guess we'll play it by ear.

Well, the show is about to let out, so I should go before the audience comes flying out of the theater. Hope all is well.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Orc Sewing

2006-10-03T11:15:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It has been a while since I last wrote. What with all the flood clean up and now the flurry of sewing that is being undertaken, the settlement is bustling with activity.

There is no stranger sight in all of Middle Earth than an elf standing upon a chair calmly having his inseam measured by an orc. Orcs and sewing. They seem to go together like elephants and ice skating, but they do seem to be catching on. I think once they have finished all the clothes that the settlement has ordered they might have the hang of it. It probably would have been wise to have them practice on something before we gave them the silks, but elves and their clothes, you know.

The planned fashion show is still in the works, despite the fact that many of the outfits my leave their wearer's nude before they reach the end of the run way, or maybe that is why the plans have become more elaborate in the past few days. At the current rate of production, we are expecting to hold the show on the same weekend as the Samhain party. I figure we can skip over to it together. The invitations are being printed now, a bit late, and you should receive yours soon.

With all the sewing, everyone seems to have forgotten their woes about the floods and the settlement has become as pleasant as it gets.

I am glad you finally found the time to take our camping trip. It is good that I was right about your having a good time, all that build up over the years and all.

In closing I would just like you to take a moment and imagine Orcs draped in silks while trying to hand sew leggings. It is the most amusing sight!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Kendrah

Hard Times Come Again No More

2006-09-26T17:02:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I am delighted that the crisis has been averted! I was sure that some fancy over-priced imports would placate the masses and now all is once again right with the world. Let me know how the orc tailors work out. I may have a job for them come Pennsic!

The seemed King enjoyed his weeks slumming in the ranks, and has been awfully cranky these past few dealing with all the paper work that accumulated during his adventure. When he's not being grumpy, he;s wandering around reciting bits f poetry to himself. I'm afraid he's trying to compose an epic about the flooded settlement:

Hems were muddied. Harried heroes
In sodden shoes sought dry refuge
'midst thunder's peal and storm's thoughtless
Destruction of dearly bought garments...

He stopped reciting when I snickered. I mean really! It's not the fall of Numenor we're talking about here! At least he's taking a more Rohirric approach to composition. I shudder to think what it would sound like in one of those complex Elven rhyme schemes! Still, I hate to mock his creative impulses. Writing poetry is surely a safer hobby than huntng orc!

Well, I must be off. I still need to print tickets for tonight's show.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

PS-You were right! I DID have a lovely time on my camping trip!

Relief

2006-09-22T16:31:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Your latest letter was greeted with more jubilation than the one announcing the royal wedding. The elves celebrated by smiling, and I am certain I heard someone laugh, but it might have been Gimli. We have been informed that our first shipment of silks should arrive in the next few days and the elves are busy getting the Ork workers into sewing shape. They have had to spend more time than they expected teaching them to thread a needle, but after that it seems to be going well.
Also, plans are now under way for a fashion show. You and the King will be receiving your invitations soon. The elves wanted to get them out by next week, but the MEEMA people were setting up in the building we use to house the printing press, so it will take a while to get that set up again. Speaking of MEEMA. It is such a good thing that we didn't really have an emergency here, because there offerings of second hand clothes and bottled water were taken as an insult and almost caused a completely different riot. Luckily your letter arrived before it could start and the MEEMA people took that as permission to pack up and leave.
All in all, the settlement has suddenly become an almost pleasent place to be. It is nice to take a moment and enjoy the lack of problems on the horizon.

Moment over, time to cook dinner for the boys.
Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Emergency Response

2006-09-20T18:31:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

I apologize for not writing sooner but events of recent weeks have kept me busier than a hungry huorn at an orc convention!

First, I am pleased to report that, thanks to our efforts at the Middle Earth Peace Conference, trade routes are again opening to the East and South. (As long as I can keep Celeborn from quoting that 7000 year old dead Elf emperor’s line about how the East brings things only “evil and inelven” we should be fine.)

I regret that MEEMA’s actions during your current crisis were less than could be desired. I hope you and others in the settlement can take comfort in knowing, that although many in the King’s Council felt he did a heck of a job, Amrothos has resigned as MEEMA director. That’s the last time we give a cushy government appointment to Imrahil’s youngest son! He can wander off in errantry like youngest sons did in the good old days and make his own way without government support. (Though I suspect the prince of Dol Amroth has a trust fund set up for the kids somewhere.) While we are currently searching for a suitable replacement, the King has taken matters into his own hands and is managing Settlement relief himself. If you want something done right, get a dunadan to do it! I think he’s enjoying the chance to get his nails dirty and argue with snooty Elves again!

Please assure your residents that silk is on the way! I know that nothing makes an elf grumpier than a sodden hem or a ragged seam! Give them the pep talk about how much the Crown appreciates the work they do, their (fairly) peaceful collaborations with Dwarves and Men, they will not be forgotten, blah, blah, blah...the usual.

Now, I must go sell tickets to our graduate-directed one acts. As soon as that show starts, I plan to take my newly acquired silk thread and tapestry needles and FINALLY go on that camping trip we took almost a year ago. I think I deserve the break, and as you have assured me I will have a good time, I am looking forward to it!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Floods and Riots

2006-09-14T16:17:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

It seems that it falls to me to tell you and the King of the recent occurrences here in the settlement. One of the elder elves had wanted to be the one to tell you of our "woes" but I thought that he might over dramatize the situation because he is one of those who is the most upset.

I will try to start at the beginning. It actually starts back in July. You know that in July my real town flooded and a bit of the excess rain waters seeped into the settlement. I figured, what the heck, it's been dry in Middle Earth this year. Well, two days ago it started raining again, (that would be in the real world again) and I let a bit more seep into Middle Earth. Well, I haven't been sleeping well and I guess I got distracted and sort of let the settlement flood.

Ok, flood might be a bit strong a word for it. But it has turned it to a bit of a bog. Kind of like the bog was that one year at War Practice. Anyway, it isn't a problem except for the clothes. I wrote to you recently about the lack of silks with which to make new clothes and now the hems and tights are getting muddy and the elves are loosing their minds. The insist that the King call in the Middle Earth Emergency Management Agency (MEEMA). I tried to explain that any problems that we have could only be multiplied by their involvement if they are anything like their real world sister agency, but they have insisted that it is either MEEMA, new silks or a full scale elven riot at the mithril gates of the White City.

I think if we could promise silks within a fortnight, they would calm down and neither the riots or MEEMA involvement would be necessary. In fact, I over heard two key members of the leadership here thanking the Valar for sending the floods if it will get them new clothes....They are all so very vain.

So, if you could get some sort of word on the trade negotiations to us soon, I sure it would go a long way to elevating some of the tension.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

P.S. The plus side to all of this is that with all the excitement Leggs has stopped mumbling about his expedition to someplace to do something important. There is always something to be greatful for.

A Much Needed Expedition

2006-09-05T20:26:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

Who would ever have guessed that our guys were so aware of their surroundings. Everytime I see them when we are out in public they always seem to have an unbelieving glaze over their eyes. As if this is just a dream and soon they will wake up in Middle Earth and everything will be normal again. I never would have guess that that is what they look like when they are concentrating. It is really fascinating.

Anyway, the actual reason I am writing is that we have been hearing rumors in the settlement that the Middle Earth Peace Summit is reaping positive results. I have warned those here who are hoping for silks from the Easterlings, waters from Fangorn and "spices" from Hobbiton, not to get their hopes up, but you know how elves can be when they have gone a long time without new clothes. They have petitioned me to write to you to ascertain if these rumors are true. I hope that they are cause I think they might riot. Of course they don't know that it would take me very little effort to re-imagine the settlement pre-riot, cause what would be the fun in that.
So if you could let us now how the trade negotiations are going it would be very helpful.

Leggs is getting a bit antsy. It seems that two and a half weeks of post pennsic blues are taking their toll and he thinks that he should mount an expedition. He hasn't really been terribly clear on what the expedition would be for or where it might be, just that it needs to be done. You may want to intercept the King's mail from Leggs for a while, just in case he wants him to join him on some fool's errand.

I hope your post pennsic plague is improving. We need you health so that the plans for the royal wedding can begin.

Your affectionate friend,
Kendrah

Notes II

2006-09-04T22:33:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Kendrah,

It sounds like your golf experience was quite an adventure. There is probably some lesson about patience involved…there’s usually a lesson about something!

I am pleased to report that I have located another set Aragorn’s Pennsic notes. This latest discovery illustrates my assertion that no one is safe…we are all Blog Fodder! The content of the note is found below.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend. We’ll chat soon!

Your Affectionate Friend,
Corwynne

Note #2 (found rolled up in the bottom of a small pipeweed pouch)

I have noticed over the past several years that a fair amount of lore is shared among the folk of Estmar/Siver Phoenix. Below I have listed a number of seemingly meaningful and/or important stories, questions, reminiscences etc that are oft repeated…actually, repeated every year for as long as I (or the ladies) can remember. I mean to ask Corwynne for explanations of some of this lore, if I can find a way to do it without raising suspicion. I’d hate for her and K to discover what close attention we pay to their “vacation”. We should encourage our folk to write these stories down. Poor Bilbo had to learn the hard way that there is no end of trouble once people start forgetting their stories…

1.”Remember that bag piper at Pennsic III? He was standing on the knoll with the mist rising…?” (repeated by everyone who attended Pennsic III)

2. “What do we do with the camp fund beside buy firewood? We should really talk about it this year" (Keeli)

3. “Those firewood people make their living off of Pennsic…Fair prices though…?” (Lord Amron)

4. “We’ve got eight, maybe nine more tents to get in here…”( Everybody!!)

5. ”Your not just a mother, you’re a MOM!” (C. to K in memory of the creepy sqatting man who was fascinated by Brennan in a Basket)

6. “Let’s watch for falling stars and make fun of Maggie for not seeing them!” (Everyone around the fire)

7. “It’s going to be tight…how many more tents do we need to get in here?” (Everybody)

8. I swear, next year, we taking all our land!” (Lord Michael)

9. “When is Robyn getting in?” (Everybody at some point. Must ascertain just who this 'Robyn' is)

10. "Kate is 18, but this is her 19th Pennsic!"

11."Does that PortaJohn smell like grape Hubba Bubba juice?" (This statement made Elder turn an interesting shade of green. Must research further)

12. “You know, this used to be the archery field”

13. “We’ve got six, maybe seven more tents to fit in here”

14. "Remember when the tornado came and picked up the tent full of beer and my mom and Gregor almost got crushed to death when the pavilion collapsed?” (Kendrah)

15. “There weren’t enough potatoes in that song!” (Torin)

16. “Good morning to YOU!!!”

17. "This is a stupid hobby"

Anyone Wanna Play Golf?

2006-08-31T22:23:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Corwynne,

I am so pleased that you found some of the writings of Leggs and the King. I was starting to think they might have managed to keep them hidden from us. I know it is highly unlikely, but sometimes I worry needlessly. Who knew they actually paid attention to the things we say. I suppose we may need to be more careful in the future.

In other news, today was the longest day of my life. I believe it lasted 67.4 years. My father and I marshaled a local golf tournament, complete with all the edge of your seat standing and holding of the "quiet please" signs. It was a rollercoaster ride of excitement. I say this sarcastically, of course. However things did get interesting around the fourth hour of standing when who should arrive but Leggs. He watched quietly for a while, but after some time I began to notice he had that look on his face that he used to get when my ex-husband held fighter practice at our house. I am sure you know the one I mean. The cross between confusion and exasperation.

Well, after a while he decided that even though the players where performing poorly that the game was too easy and that it was up to him to add a bit of difficultly to it. He climbed a nearby tree (of course) with his bow in hand. For the next several hours whenever anyone was about to land a putt, he deftly shot an arrow at it causing the ball to miss by the narrowest of margins. I think his enjoyment of his addition to the sport was greatly heightened by the fact that professional golfers are big babies when ever they miss an easy shot. They threw balls, clubs and insults. This made my enjoyment of the day skyrocket also. So I guess all was well in the end.

The only thing that would have made my day even better would have been if I could have been forced to do some sewing at the same time. Cause you know how much I love to sew.

Anyway, hope all is well in the White City. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Your Affectionate Friend,
Kendrah